Thursday morning when Joonmyun gets to work, he finds Jongdae waiting for him in the break room. Joonmyun ignores him to the best of his ability and walks straight towards the coffee maker to get himself a cup, but apparently Jongdae doesn't give up so easily. Because when Joonmyun looks back up, Jongdae is standing right next to him, now with a big smile on his face. “Well?” he says, drawing the word out longer than necessary.

“Well what?” Joonmyun counters evasively, avoiding eye contact by taking a sip of his coffee. Jongdae continues to leer without saying anything. Joonmyun is slowly growing uneasy, and in the end he clears his throat and decides to change the subject. “So, did anything happen between you and that pretty bartender after I left last night?”

“Who, Liyin-noona?” Jongdae asks, and he speaks fast and in a dismissing tone when he goes on to say: “Yeah yeah, we talked for a while and it went pretty well, I guess. Finally managed to get her phone number after weeks of trying, she's a great girl, I'd totally like to take her on a date some time, all that jazz, but that's not really the top priority here at the moment.” He points a finger at Joonmyun, far too close to his face for comfort. “There are far more pressing matters we need to discuss. Such as the question of whether or not you finally managed to grow some balls so you could tell Yixing how sorry you are for being so stupid.”

Glaring, Joonmyun pushes Jongdae's hand away. “Yes, we talked, if that's what you mean.”

“Praise the Lord, miracles do happen. And...?”

“And we're both very sorry and agreed to forget about it and start over from scratch.”

“So...?”

“Why are you so interested in what I do with my life?” Joonmyun says with a frown rather than actually giving in to Jongdae's prying. Jongdae doesn't answer, simply stares Joonmyun down until Joonmyun sighs and averts his gaze, muttering: “We're going out to eat together after work today.”

Jongdae grins and pats him on the shoulder. “Good job, man. I hope you guys have a good time.”

“I hope so too,” Joonmyun says quietly.

As happy as he is that things worked out between him and Yixing and that they have agreed to go back to normal, he can't help but feel like something's still not quite right. The conversations they've had after their strangely anticlimactic reconciliation have all seemed lackluster, like there's this weird tension between them now that wasn't there before, and Joonmyun really wants to do something to make that tension go away. He just doesn't know what.

Joonmyun and Yixing had decided to meet in front of Yixing's work place again, but this time Yixing is already waiting by the restaurant once Joonmyun gets there. He greets Joonmyun with a smile that's tight around the edges, and once more the tension leaves a weird kind of burning sensation simmering right under Joonmyun's skin.

The way Yixing goes rigid when Joonmyun wraps his arms around him in a hug makes Joonmyun feel like he's crossing some kind of invisible boundary that didn't exist between them until recently. Before this whole stupid situation, Yixing would definitely not have shied away from Joonmyun's touch. Joonmyun recalls how Yixing had hugged him after their movie night, and again the night after the concert, and he also recalls how nice it had felt to be held that tightly, but now Yixing seems to be rejecting him, even if he does return the hug. Joonmyun doesn't like it.

Yixing's expression is apologetic when Joonmyun pulls away, and he mutters: “I'm sorry, I...” He leaves the sentence hanging in the air, awkwardly unfinished.

“What?” Joonmyun says with a frown he can't manage to keep off his face. It hurts, this newly formed gap between them. He really doesn't like it.

“This is so frustrating,” Yixing mutters under his breath, which only makes Joonmyun feel even more confused and even more miserable.

“Frustrating? What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” Yixing says with a sigh, shaking his head. “It's nothing. Don't worry about it.” Joonmyun does worry, but he chooses to stay silent. “So where do you wanna go?”

Upon Joonmyun's hesitant request they pick the same place as last time they had dinner together: the street food stall run by the nice elderly lady. The subway ride to get there consists mostly of silence, and Yixing barely even looks at Joonmyun the entire time. Joonmyun is almost beginning to regret that he said yes to meeting up in the first place. All of this is just making him feel bad, about himself and about this entire situation.

The lady seems happy to see them once they get there, though. They both receive multiple pats on the face and on the , but most important of all (at least if you ask Joonmyun) is the fact that she actually manages to bring out Yixing's smile, the proper, dimply one that doesn't smell like 'fake' from half a mile away.

“Aigoo, you two are so cute together,” she coos mid-face squeeze. “You make such a lovely couple.” Joonmyun can practically feel his heart skid to a halt. There's a tight, ice cold ball of dread in his stomach and he's sure that dread shows on his face as well. It's near impossible for him to hide it. He doesn't even want to look at Yixing for fear of what kind of expression he's going to see.

“We're not... we're not like that, halmeonim,” Yixing quickly says. Despite the original jab of fear Joonmyun had felt in his gut at the suggestion of them being together, it still makes him dejected to hear Yixing denying it so fast. So easily. Joonmyun wasn't aware that the idea was so repulsive to Yixing. But when Joonmyun thinks about it, he doesn't really understand why it makes him so upset. It's not like he actually wants him and Yixing to be together... right?

“Don't be silly, Xing,” the lady says with a laugh, effectively derailing Joonmyun's train of thought. “I may be old, but recognize chemistry when I see it.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Yixing says quickly. Joonmyun thinks he looks nervous, but that doesn't make much sense so he's probably wrong about that. “We're just friends.”

For a moment the lady looks confused that Yixing keeps refusing so firmly, but then she grins as if she suddenly realized something. “Ah.” She sends them an exaggerated wink. “Don't worry, I understand. You can tell me when you're ready.”

“There's nothing to tell, though,” Yixing insists, but the lady keeps smiling like she knows a great secret as she goes back behind the grills to continue cooking.

“Sure sure,” she chuckles, winking at them again. It's more than obvious that she's not susceptible to any kind of reasoning, so Yixing sighs and gives up trying altogether.

Instead he turns to Joonmyun with an anxious look. “I'm sorry about that,” he mutters. Joonmyun just shakes his head. Momentarily he considers apologizing for being so undesirable, but the situation doesn't seem fit for a joke so he keeps quiet. He doesn't really feel like joking, anyway.

They order almost the same amount of food as they did the last time they were here and carry it to one of the tables. Joonmyun is eating the same kind of food in the same setting with the same person to keep him company, but it still doesn't feel like it did the last time, not at all. Instead of smalltalk, there's silence. Instead of shared smiles and laughter, there are awkward moments of accidental eye contact where one person looks away as fast as possible when the other catches them staring. And Joonmyun really can't seem to grasp why a problem as insignificant and easily resolved as theirs can result in this kind of uncomfortableness.

“How's the band?” he eventually asks in a desperate attempt to start conversation.

“Good,” Yixing says between bites of kimbap. But that is literally all he says.

Joonmyun had been hoping for something more than a one word response. He doesn't want to give up so easily, though, so he tries again: “When's your next gig?”

“The day after tomorrow, actually,” Yixing replies. “Saturday, in our regular place. You can come watch us play, if you want to. I'm sure the band would really like that.” Joonmyun takes some time to consider it. If it's going to be yet another night of this, then he's not sure he wants to. He does want to see Yixing again, but not when he's not sure whether or not Yixing actually wants to see him, and right now it really doesn't seem like he does. But then Yixing lifts his head, consciously holding Joonmyun's gaze for the first time that night. “I would really like that.”

Joonmyun gulps. Yixing is looking at him that way again, the way that causes Joonmyun's heart to speed up to an unhealthy pace. “I'll think about it,” Joonmyun promises.

“You can bring your friend, too. Jongdae, is it?”

Maybe things will be less awkward if there's someone else with them. Joonmyun can always talk to Jongdae if things don't work out the way he hopes. “I'll ask him if he wants to go.”

Yixing nods. He stuffs a mandu into his mouth, chews slowly, swallows. Then, with a sigh, he puts down his chopsticks. Joonmyun feels concerned. Now Yixing looks like a person who's about to breech a subject that's difficult to talk about, and it worries Joonmyun. He prepares himself for the worst. “So,” Yixing begins. “About the... the tattoo...” It takes some time for Joonmyun to realize what he's referring to. It doesn't hit him fully until Yixing adds: “The one on my hip.”

“Oh,” Joonmyun says. He can feel his face heating up at the recollection of the last time he saw that tattoo: at Yixing's apartment when Joonmyun was practically sitting in Yixing's lap with a hand halfway down his pants. Not one of his finest moments, admittedly. “Yes. Wh-what about it?”

Yixing speaks a row of Chinese words, his tongue curling around each syllable with carefulness as he pronounces them slowly, and like before, Joonmyun doesn't understand. Fortunately, Yixing goes on to translate: “It means 'you exist, deep in my mind, in my dreams, in my heart, and in my song'. Something like that, at least.”

“What is it?” Joonmyun asks. “I mean, is it a quote or something?”

“They're lyrics,” Yixing explains. “From one of my favorite songs. I really like it, so...”

“So you had it immortalized on your body,” Joonmyun finishes for him, and Yixing nods.

“I know this came kind of out of nowhere, but... but that one time, you asked about it, and I thought I'd just...” He trails off, shrugging.

Joonmyun feels slow, but it hasn't occurred to him until just now that Yixing has been looking right at him the entire time he spoke. Somehow he completely forgot how hot the feeling of Yixing's eyes resting heavy on his face tends to make him feel. His skin is heating up. “No, it's alright,” he manages to say. “Thank you for explaining, I was curious about it.” Yixing smiles a tiny smile and lowers his gaze again.

You exist, deep in my mind, in my dreams, in my heart, and in my song. Joonmyun goes over the words in his head again, trying to memorize them. A fleeting thought of Yixing reciting those lyrics with Joonmyun sitting in his lap flutters at the edge of Joonmyun's mind. He quickly shoves it away before it can get an actual foothold.

~*~

A/N: greetings, my pretties! (^ 3 ^)ノ*:・ﾟ♥

yes, it has become that time of the week again. the time where I bore you with yet another action-less update. snarky jongdae is snarky (and totally getting it on with zhang liyin because have you seen them together they are so in shippable ok). the awkward tweens are even more awkward than ever but good old halmeonim sees right through their . she knows what's up. ;))))) we got an explanation for yixing's hip tattoo, which also, totally coincidentally (or something), is the explanation for the title of this story. \o/ it's from a song called "you exist in my song" by wanting. I stumbled upon the song one time while writing this and the lyrics seemed to fit really well so it has become like the unofficial theme song for this story. :D ~the more you know~

also, spoiler alert: next chapter is going to be great!! 8D

as always, thank you so much for supporting this story. you guys are amazing~~~~~ ♥

ps. go to the foreword and check out the awesome poster Iamshe made for me!!!!!!!!!!