For a while, things are great. Everything is great. Joonmyun and Yixing carry on with their normal lives: they go on dates whenever both of their schedules allow it, they share intimate moments, they spend the majority of their time together, and though the relationship has taken on somewhat of a fixed pattern, Joonmyun doesn't mind the routine, and he doesn't find it boring in the least. He just likes being with Yixing. That's all he really needs.

Joonmyun loves staying up late into the night to talk to Yixing for hours on end, he still feels butterflies fluttering in his stomach when he wakes up to Yixing wrapping his arms around him in his sleep. He has even started actually enjoying going out on dates and barely feels anxious about it anymore even though he used to be terrified at the mere thought of it. Joonmyun feels like he has grown as a person and as a boyfriend. Everything is just great.

But of course the joy is only temporary. Of course all good things must come to an end, Joonmyun should never have expected any different. He shouldn't have thought that he would be allowed to actually have something nice in his life for once. He should have known it would come to this.

It happens on a Sunday. Joonmyun wakes up happy with Yixing by his side, and he doesn't feel like anything is wrong. Yixing talks him into staying in bed longer than Joonmyun had originally planned (read: he bribes him with kisses and unlimited s) until Joonmyun eventually decides that enough is enough (read: he can't come any more than he already has in the past twenty-four hours), and that he needs to be productive. “I need to get something to eat,” he says once he has managed to successfully extricate himself from Yixing's koala-like hold. “We also have to go grocery shopping today. We're almost out of, well, everything.”

“But... but bed,” Yixing reasons with a devastating pout, and though he makes a good argument, so does Joonmyun's roaring stomach. He's too hungry to give in.

“But food,” Joonmyun counters.

Yixing squints at him to show his discontent, but then his stomach growls too, and he lets out a heavy sigh, his expression softening. “Okay, maybe you do have a point.”

So they take a shower and get dressed and go to the nearby supermarket. It's the first time they've been out shopping together, and it doesn't take very long for Joonmyun discover that buying things when he's here on his own and buying things with Yixing as company are two completely different experiences. Usually, Joonmyun just buys the bare necessities for himself, enough to last him a couple of days. It's not that he can't afford it, quite the contrary, but he lives alone, so buying things in bulk is rarely worth it and it would be a waste of good ingredients. Besides, he's far from a culinary genius, which is why he tends to just stock up on instant foods and microwave meals.

With Yixing it's not like that at all. Joonmyun usually gets in and out quickly, but Yixing seems perfectly content casually perusing the aisles, and he loads their shopping cart with all sorts of items Joonmyun can't see the point of, though Yixing has an explanation for every single one of them when he's questioned about it. “When am I ever going to use fifty sheets of dried seaweed?” Joonmyun asks, prodding precariously at the package, the latest addition to the steadily growing pile of groceries in their cart.

“What if you want to make kimbap?” Yixing says with a shrug.

Joonmyun scoffs. “I haven't made kimbap since I was in high school. Also, I seriously doubt I'd make enough to use up fifty sheets of dried seaweed.”

“This stuff can last for years, though!” Yixing says. “There's no reason not to buy it.”

Sighing, Joonmyun admits defeat. Yixing is stubborn, and Joonmyun already knows he can't win in this discussion, so he moves on to yet another seemingly useless item: “What about all of this flour? Do we really need five whole packs of it?”

“You can use flour for many things,” Yixing says sagely.

“Yeah, I know, but... five packs? That's ten kilos, which is, you know, a lot.”

Yixing sends him a weird look. “You can use flour for many things,” he repeats, slower, as if he believes Joonmyun didn't hear him the first time around and that that would be the only plausible reason for ever doubting the decision. Joonmyun makes a decision of his own and decides it's probably better to let this go as well.

“Okay, what about...” He looks through the pile and picks up another item. “What about this family sized package of shrimp chips, then? Why are we getting this?”

Yixing grabs the bag from his hand. “Because I want it,” he says, grinning cheekily as he puts it back in the cart, and he walks away before Joonmyun has the chance to question any more of his choices. Joonmyun sighs and shakes his head fondly. Yixing is impossible. That doesn't make Joonmyun like him any less, though.

Joonmyun is about to follow Yixing, who has disappeared down another aisle with their shopping cart, when he suddenly hears someone calling out his name from somewhere behind him. “Joonmyunnie!” He turns around in search of the owner of the voice, and the surprise he initially felt from meeting someone he knows in this supermarket of all places melts away and is immediately replaced by dread when he sees her walking towards him. Oh no.

“M-Mrs. Lee.” She smiles as he makes her way over to where he's standing. He bows deeply in greeting and hopes it hides the obvious fear in his eyes at the same time. “Hello.”

“I thought that was you,” she says, patting his cheek. “Still as handsome as ever, I see. How are you? Your mother doesn't tell us much about you these days, not like she used to.”

“I'm afraid that's all my fault,” Joonmyun says as calmly as he can manage when his eyes are darting around uneasily and his heart is pounding harder than ever before. “I'm so busy I barely have a chance to talk to her.” Busy fooling around with another man.

“Babe, why did you...? Oh, hello.” Joonmyun thinks he might either pass out or throw up or maybe both from the overwhelming anxiety welling up inside him. His vision is already turning dark around the edges, his stomach roiling. This is a nightmare. A complete and utter nightmare. Here is Yixing, his boyfriend, bowing to Mrs. Lee, one of his mother's closest friends, who won't hesitate to tell Joonmyun's mother about this meeting. There's no way this can end well for him. No way.

“Oh?” Mrs. Lee says. “Who is this?”

“My name is Yixing,” Yixing says with yet another bow. “Zhang Yixing. I'm Joonmyun's–”

“Friend,” Joonmyun is quick cut him off. “He's my friend.”

Yixing shoots him a long glance. “Yeah,” he then says slowly. “I'm his... friend.”

“Ah, I see.” Mrs. Lee looks at Yixing with sudden interest, and Joonmyun remembers that she has an unmarried daughter a couple of years older than them (he would know, he has been set up on dates with her several times before arranged by their mothers). “Yixing. You're very handsome too. Such a good-looking guy like you surely has a girlfriend, right?”

“Sorry, I'm spoken for,” Yixing says with an easy smile. “At least I'd like to believe I am.” He adds the last part while sending Joonmyun another indecipherable look. Joonmyun averts his gaze.

“That's a shame. I'm sure my daughter would have loved to meet you.” Yixing just smiles and apologizes again, though his smile is a little stiffer than what Joonmyun is used to. Mrs. Lee turns her attention to Joonmyun next. “What about you, Joonmyunnie? Are you off the market yet?”

Joonmyun can feel a drop of cold sweat slowly making its way down the back of his neck. He can also feel Yixing's eyes resting on him like a heavy weight. He ignores both of those things. “I'm too busy to date,” he says. “You know, work and... stuff.” The laugh that escapes him is tense. He hopes he's the only one who notices.

Mrs. Lee waves a hand at him, dismissing his excuse. “Nonsense, you're never too busy to date. Why don't you try going out with my Soonkyu again? I know she really enjoyed herself the last time you kids went out.” Joonmyun knows that's not true. They had both felt very awkward and uncomfortable that night and agreed to part as just friends, but he doesn't say that out loud.

Instead he just attempts a polite smile. “I'll give her a call,” he promises, even though that most likely won't happen. It's been a while so he's not even sure if he has Soonkyu's phone number anymore, he's mostly just saying it to appease Mrs. Lee. He wants her to go away before she discovers something he didn't want her to find out – namely the fact that he's dating another man. If Mrs. Lee knows, Joonmyun's mother is going to find out sooner or later, and if Joonmyun's mother finds out... he doesn't even want to think about what would happen, then.

Fortunately, Mrs. Lee soon excuses herself due to her busy schedule – Joonmyun thinks he hears her mentioning something about some sort of dinner party, but he's too jittery to pay much attention at that point – and she walks off to finish her shopping. She leaves a pressing atmosphere in her wake. It's suffocating, and Joonmyun finds it difficult to catch his breath. His mind is racing. This is all his fault. He's been too careless, he should've been more cautious, he shouldn't have let something like this happen. This is so bad.

Yixing clears his throat. “Joonmyun, I...” he begins, but he's cut off:

“Are you done here?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Joonmyun sees Yixing nodding. “Y-yeah. Just about.”

“Good,” Joonmyun says, still without looking at him. “We're leaving.”

The tension lingers. It looms over them like an upcoming storm as they grab the last few things they, apparently, need and head to the checkout section. They unload their cart onto the counter, and Joonmyun pays for it all while Yixing bags it so they can take it home. They both stay silent the entire time, even as they leave the supermarket and start walking back to Joonmyun's place, and Joonmyun senses Yixing looking at him once in a while like he's dying to say something, but isn't sure how to initiate his sentence. Joonmyun doesn't return the glances.

Everything is awful now. The day started out so promising. Now that's all ruined. Now, Joonmyun feels like . It's like their first public date all over again, when they had gone to see a movie and Joonmyun had felt as if every single person around them was constantly staring at him, judging him for the choices he has made. It's the same terrible clench in his gut, the same paranoia, and it feels awful, absolutely awful. Joonmyun wants it to stop. He needs it to stop.

He can't take this anymore.

~*~

A/N: calm before the storm. a lot of you got it right so there's that.

I am fighting a war with this story right now and I am on the losing side.

I'm sorry I'm such a ing failure. I'll try to do better.

bye.