The next time Yixing comes over is when Joonmyun proposes they attempt giving movie-watching another try. This time, Joonmyun hopes to be able to actually watch the movie without falling asleep halfway through and making a complete fool out of himself. It will probably help a lot that he's not wrecked by stress today. Not like last time.

It's a Friday night and Yixing shows up a little after nine, coming over empty-handed for once. He steps into the apartment and before he has even taken off his shoes or anything, his arms are around Joonmyun's body and he's kissing the smile right off of Joonmyun's face. He kisses him so deeply it has Joonmyun gasping for breath once they part, and Yixing looks a little sheepish as he takes in Joonmyun's dazed expression. “Sorry,” he mumbles.

Currently still unable to form words, Joonmyun simply puts a hand on the back of Yixing's neck and pulls him in so he can press their lips together again. He doesn't think he's ever going to grow tired of kissing Yixing, and he would like to do it forever, if he could, but alas. In the end he has to pull away. “You didn't bring a mountain of candy this time?” Joonmyun jokes.

“Oh, I think we have a little bit left from our last movie night,” Yixing says in a similar joking fashion, and Joonmyun knows they do. The leftover snacks had taken up almost an entire cupboard on their own when he stowed them away, but it wasn't that big of a deal. His kitchen is empty for the most part, anyway.

With no further ado, they go to the living room. “You can choose for us, if you'd like,” Joonmyun offers, making a casual gesture towards his collection of DVDs. “Since I picked last time and all.” Yixing walks over to look at the movies right away, and he looks so excited Joonmyun can't help from smiling to himself as he goes to the kitchen to get the snacks ready.

When Joonmyun returns, Yixing is sitting on the couch, and he has already set up everything, the screen of the TV displaying the start menu. “I really hope you like this,” Yixing says with a bright smile. “It's one of my favorite movies.” The eagerness showing on his face makes Joonmyun's heart throb with adoration.

That fond ache in his chest also makes Joonmyun think of something else, something he's been thinking about a lot these past few days: He wants to overcome his fears and he wants to let Yixing know that it's okay for him to touch Joonmyun. It's not a fear that comes from the dislike of being touched. Rather than that, it's the fear of opening up too much, of making himself vulnerable to others and getting hurt in the process. Joonmyun has learned several years ago that it's better not to wear your heart on your sleeve, and he has trouble shaking that belief. But he wants Yixing to touch him. He really wants that.

Slowly, Joonmyun sets down the bowls he's holding. This is it. He's going to do this. He's shaking with nervousness as he turns to look at Yixing, and Yixing seems to sense it too because his smile fades to give way for concern. Joonmyun doesn't answer the question printed on Yixing's face, though. Without saying anything, he covers the few steps that separates them until he's standing right in front of Yixing, looking down at Yixing as he looks back up.

Deciding not to put too much thought into things lest he manage to unintentionally talk himself out of doing this, Joonmyun just does what he's been fantasizing about doing for the past few days (perhaps even longer than that, if he has to be perfectly honest with himself): he places a knee on the couch on either side of Yixing's thighs and straddles his lap.

This probably shouldn't be a big deal, but to Joonmyun it is. There's a rush of white noise in his ears that drowns out every sound other than his heavily pounding heart and his troubled breathing. Yixing looks like he can't believe this is really happening either, staring at Joonmyun with wide eyes now. His arms are laying limply by his sides, his fingers twitching like he wants to touch but isn't sure if it's okay. Joonmyun gulps. He's already come this far, he thinks to himself. He might as well take it a step further.

Grabbing one of Yixing's hands, Joonmyun lifts it and places it on his body. He does the same with the other hand as well until both of Yixing's arms wrapped around him, warm even through the layers of fabric that separate their skin. “You can touch me,” Joonmyun says, looking Yixing right in the eye. The way his voice trembles betrays his anxiety, but he goes on nonetheless: “You can touch me whenever you want. I want you to.” He's unsure of where this sudden burst of courage is even coming from. It's exhilarating, though, and he's determined to ride it out.

Experimentally, Yixing runs his palms up Joonmyun's spine, then back down again. He's looking at Joonmyun the whole time to read his reaction. When there isn't one (not a negative one, at least), Yixing continues. With his hands flat against the small of Joonmyun's back, he pushes gently, and Joonmyun, as if following orders, moves closer, so close their chests are nearly pressing together. He's sure Yixing must be able to feel how fast his heart is beating, even at that distance.

Yixing drags his bottom lip through his teeth. It comes out bitten red and glistening with spit, and when Joonmyun gives in to the urge, swooping in to Yixing's lip in between both of his, Yixing inhales sharply through his nose. “Joonmyun...” he mutters.

“It's okay,” Joonmyun assures him with far more certainty than he actually feels. The words have barely been allowed to leave the tip of his tongue before Yixing's lips are on Joonmyun's again, firmer, this time, to kiss him properly.

As Yixing slides his tongue into Joonmyun's mouth, he also lets his fingertips dip under the hem of Joonmyun's shirt to press against his waist. Joonmyun tenses up at the feeling of skin on skin, a reaction that is completely involuntary, and the moment he senses it, Yixing instantly halts. “Is this really okay?” he asks. He sounds so worried, like Joonmyun's going to startle at any second and run away if he goes too far.

“Yes,” Joonmyun says, bold despite his body's hesitance.

Yixing doesn't seem nearly as confident. “Are you sure?”

Joonmyun nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. I'll tell you if I need you to stop.” He kisses Yixing again as a final means of reassurance and that seems to do the trick.

Still tentative, Yixing ghosts a touch over the skin of Joonmyun's back. As a result, Joonmyun shudders. Yixing trails his hands to the front to splay his fingers out over Joonmyun's stomach, and Joonmyun lets out a satisfied sigh, pressing into the touch almost instinctively. Every single or brush or caress provokes some kind of reaction from Joonmyun, and he feels a little shy about the way his body responds against his will. He lets his eyes slide shut as if that's going to magically make the embarrassment fade away.

Even without looking, he can sense the weight of Yixing's gaze lingering on his features. Compared to how Joonmyun's skin burns, though, that heaviness feels like practically nothing. He thinks it's somewhat of a miracle that Yixing isn't getting burned too, that's how hot he feels, and the majority of that heat seems to be gathering around Joonmyun's midriff, swirling in his belly, and somewhere a little south of that.

When it suddenly hits him what's causing it, mortification causes his heart to skip a beat. Arousal. It's been so long since he felt it that it has taken a while for him to actually recognize it, but it's undeniable. He's , and realizing it just makes Joonmyun's face burn hotter with a flush that is spreading swiftly down his neck and chest as well.

It gets even worse when Yixing decides to kiss him again, fitting his lips over Joonmyun's and into Joonmyun's mouth to slide their tongues together, and when his fingers press into the dips located at the base of Joonmyun's spine, the moan that has been building in Joonmyun's throat spills out embarrassingly. And now Yixing is the one to tense up. Joonmyun wills the ground to open and swallow him.

In an attempt to conceal his problem and, most importantly, make sure Yixing doesn't notice it, Joonmyun shifts in Yixing's lap. He really doesn't want Yixing to find out. The movement startles a groan out of Yixing, though, and within seconds, his hands have moved from Joonmyun's back to Joonmyun's hips, clutching them to hold him still. “Stop,” he hisses.

At first Joonmyun frowns in confusion, but he's quick to understand He averts his gaze shyly, looking away from Yixing's face that's just as red as Joonmyun's by now. “Oh.” Because it turns out Yixing is in a similar predicament. His half-lidded eyes and ragged breathing are both things that are familiar to Joonmyun somehow, particularly the combination of the two, but more revealing than that is the way his pants bulge out at the front. Yixing is too.

A tense silence falls over them, broken only by the music from the start menu playing on a loop in the background. Joonmyun wants to do something, he wants to touch Yixing and even more than that he wants Yixing to touch him. Either way, he's too scared to make it happen. This is all new to him. This is uncharted territory. He doesn't know what to do.

“I'm sorry,” Yixing mutters. “I didn't mean to... well, that. I just can't help it.” His voice is strained, but he also sounds genuinely apologetic, like he's asking for forgiveness or like he's afraid Joonmyun will be angry or disgusted with him.

Joonmyun swallows something. If he was a braver man he'd tell Yixing that he wants this just as much as him or maybe even show it. But Joonmyun is a coward. “M-maybe I should...” When Joonmyun motions to get off Yixing's lap, Yixing promptly lets go of him, and Joonmyun moves away to sit down next to Yixing on the couch instead. For a while they sit there without speaking and without looking at each other.

“I really am sorry,” Yixing then says.

“Don't worry about it,” Joonmyun says. It seems like that's all he's even capable of saying these days. It makes him feel stupid. He clears his throat and tries to keep his tone light when he suggests: “So how about watching that movie now, huh?”

“Sure.” Yixing's tone is just as light as Joonmyun's (and just as forced). He manages a grin. “You know, if you should feel the need to, you have my permission to fall asleep on me again.”

Joonmyun rolls his eyes, grabbing the remote from the coffee table. “You wish,” he scoffs. “If you're so eager for me to sleep on you, you should just stay the night so I can get to do it in an actual bed this time.” Yixing goes unnaturally quiet at this and when Joonmyun glances at him, he finds Yixing staring right back with a wide-eyed but serious expression. And just like that, the implications of the words hit Joonmyun. He recoils, flushing all over again. “I...”

“Joonmyun,” Yixing says slowly. “If you want me to stay, I'll be more than happy to.”

Joonmyun regards him for a few long moments, conflicting thoughts warring in his head. On one hand he really wants Yixing to stay, to share a bed with him and cuddle with him and wake up next to him in the morning. On the other hand, those exact same things are what makes Joonmyun terrified of agreeing to let him stay: Yixing is potentially going to experience Joonmyun snoring, drooling, talking, kicking in his sleep, and Joonmyun isn't sure if he's ready for–

“Yes,” he hears himself say before he has even made his mind up. “I want you to stay.” The brilliant smile that appears on Yixing's face right before he leans in to kiss the air out of Joonmyun's lungs successfully eradicates any last trace of doubt that may have remained. It doesn't get rid of the suffocating anxiety, though.

~*~

A/N: you know, for a moment I considered whether I should mark this chapter as rated or not, but I feared you guys would yell at me in the comments for getting your hopes up with the little red M (come to think of it, you'll probably yell at me anyway for being a ing tease and introducing all this ... oh welp). but yeeeeeeaaah, look at joonmyun opening up even more. :D look at him initiating skinship all by himself. :DDD look at him go!! :DDDDD and then they both sprung a simultaneous and everything was awkward. the end.

I don't know what else to say, but I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter. \o/
oh, and remember: you guys are wonderful. ♥

ps. hey, check this out.