Haerin

I ran.

I kept running and running until I could get back to their apartment. I need to get there soon and let him know soon. I’m not over him. I never got over him and I probably never will. I have to stop lying to myself. I have to stop making myself believe that I don’t love him anymore when I actually do. I love Oh Sehun. I know what I’m going to do takes a lot of courage and I don’t know if I have a lot of that, but I do know that I have enough to actually go there and tell him.

Taemin’s right, Sehun deserves to know. I’m not sure exactly how it’s going to work out from there but right now all that matters is to let him know that I love him and I never loved him any less since I left. I may have hated him but even that hate did not beat the love I feel for him. Leaving only made me realize that it was more painful to go than stay. Maybe I didn’t really have to leave for good, maybe I just needed space. And that space made me realize that I am deeply in love with him and no matter what his mistake was, I can still love him.

It may sound stupid and crazy. But it’s love. People do stupid and crazy things for love, right? And right now, I’m about to do the stupidest and craziest thing for love by going to his place and confessing my feelings. He deserves to know.

My heartbeat raced as I finally stopped in front of the building. Looking up on the second floor, I gulped. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. You can do it, Haerin. I stepped inside the building and nervously faced the stairs. Taking one step made me want to run back but there’s no turning now. You need to do this. I mentally reprimanded myself. I can feel my heart beating so fast like it wants to beat out of my chest.

Taking another deep breath, I closed my eyes once more. Just think of good thoughts. And then all the good memories came running back. The first meeting, the first conversation, the first smile, the first laugh, the first date, the first hug, the first kiss and so many firsts for the both of us. All that came flashing in my head like a pile of nothing but good memories. I felt like I can breathe again. Just keep thinking about the good memories.

Walking up, I mentally cheered on for myself. I can do this, right? Sehun deserves to know this, right? I need to tell him this. My walk became slower the moment I set foot on the second floor. I stared at the hall, eyeing at the second to the last door at the end of the hall. I clenched my fist and felt my palm sweating. This is more nerve wrecking than I thought. I can’t turn back now. I’ve gone this far to tell him what I need to say. You can do this, Haerin. As I got closer, my heart raced faster.

I stood in front of the door and hesitated to knock. Taking another deep breath, I then knocked on the door. There was no response. Could they be resting? I checked my wristwatch and it was only 9. I don’t think they could be sleeping by now. Maybe they went out? I was about to knock again when I heard someone talking—more like crying—from inside. I furrowed my eyebrows and listened.

“No,” It was Hyeri, pleading as she cried, “Sehun please,” My eyes widened for a moment as I listened to her quivering voice. From the sound of it, she was struggling from something. I hesitated to grab the doorknob. And then I heard Hyeri plead once more. I then grabbed the doorknob and twisted it as I pushed the door open.

I froze at the sight. Hyeri’s lips locked on Sehun’s, their bodies incredibly close to each other. She cried as she kissed him while Sehun was totally frozen on his spot. No matter how much I wanted to drag my gaze away from them, I can’t seem to find the strength to. I heard a door open behind me.

“Haerin?” It was Kris. I looked behind me and saw him and Tao getting out of the door as their eyes landed on the inside of K’s apartment. They gaped as I looked down and then averted my gaze back to Sehun and Hyeri who now stands in a distance from each other. The two of them looked at me and I immediately stepped back.

“S-sorry,” I muttered and bowed before I ran off.

“Haerin!” I heard Sehun yell and then I heard Hyeri’s voice yell his name, followed by the voice of his other hyungs, yelling his name too. I quickly ran down the stairs, not minding if my tears were blurring my vision. I felt like choking. The image of the two of them kissing made me want to cry so hard. I didn’t know it was that painful to actually see them do the act. Getting out of the building, I continued to run as I pushed past the front door of the building.

I wiped my tears as I joined a group of people who were waiting to cross the street. I then felt my phone vibrate in the pocket of my coat. It was Taemin calling. Just when I pressed the answer button, the group of people started to cross the street. I lifted the phone to my ears, “Yeobse-” I was cut off when a man from the other side bumped onto me, causing me to drop my phone.

I grunted, “Seriously,” I sighed as I was about to reach my phone but someone’s feet had kicked it. Sighing heavily, I tried to reach out for my phone. I finally reached it. A loud honk caught me off guard that got me to jump up quickly. My eyes widened at the sight of a car approaching, headlights flashed on me.

“Haerin!” I heard a yell and the next thing I knew, everything was black.

Everything faded off.

I heard voices, many voices, yelling, muttering, and calling for help. I couldn’t feel a thing. Everything was black. Trying to get it together, I forced to open my eyes only to find blurred visions of everyone. There were so many people. I saw the dark sky. A man wearing a blue uniform was strapping me onto what seemed to be a stretcher he eyed at me. He was saying things, something like how things were going to be okay but I can’t contemplate on anything he was saying. He dragged the stretcher forward and saw another stretcher from my peripheral. There was blood, too many blood. I couldn’t turn my head to see who it was because of the neck brace attached around my neck. And then I saw a lifeless, bloody hand from the stretcher. That hand was so familiar. Very familiar.

No. It couldn’t be him.

I gathered all the strength I had left to confirm whether the person on the other stretcher is who I think it is. Just when I was about to get a good look, a group of men gathered around me as tears pooled in my eyes. The man blocking my view then moved a bit, giving me a good view of the person lying on the other stretcher.

Sehun.

It’s Sehun.

Sehun’s lying lifeless on the stretcher, his eyes shut and there was blood covering almost half of his face. What? How? He did not get hit! He did not get hit! He did not save me!

My heart clenched as I let tears roll down my cheeks. I wanted to yell my name but I could feel myself fainting any moment now. No.

And once again, everything was black.

Still, my visions are blurry. I can see endless white ceilings are they dragged the stretcher inside. Where’s Sehun? I want to see Sehun? My head ached so much, nurses yelled for doctors, calling out an emergency operation. I want to see Sehun. I want to see if he’s okay, if he’s breathing, if he’s okay, if he’s alive. I want to see him. Where’s Sehun?

Nurses moved around me as I watched them with half closed eyelids. I’m sore all over but all I’m concerned is Sehun’s state. Where is he? I then saw a group of nurses drag another stretcher and settled it beside mine. It was Sehun’s. A few of his hyungs were there. I can see Suho oppa and Kris oppa being pushed out of the room by the nurses. And then I turned to look at Sehun, unconscious on his stretcher. My eyes pooled with tears as I saw the amount of blood that covered his body.

I moved my fingers, though it ached. I lifted my hands, I stretched them out, I stretched them as far as I could. I want to reach his hand. I want to hold his hand. Sehun, baby wake up. Hold my hand. I cried, reaching out. I heard a crack when I moved and I felt more aching in my arm as I continued to cry. Sehun, hold my hand. Wake up. Frustrated, I winced in pain as I saw how my fingers were almost close to his but I couldn’t reach out more.

I then felt the tip of my finger brushed on his hand briefly and I felt a little rejoice that I could touch him. But then nurses started to drag him away. No! Sehun! Just when I cried, a nurse gently took my hand back to my side. No. Let me hold him. Where are you taking him?! Sehun please be okay. The nurse was saying something slowly to me. She lifted an injection and I felt the needle sting as she gently pushed it through my skin.

She was telling me it was going to be okay. I suddenly felt so light headed. I was fighting against it. No. I don’t want to pass out. I want to know if Sehun’s okay. I want to know if Sehun’s going to live. I want to be there for him. Sehun. Please be okay.

Sehun. Sehun. Sehun…

Waking up, I saw the ceiling fan rotate as I felt a huge pang in my head. . I said I shut my eyes and winced. I suddenly saw two sleeping figures at the couch by the end of my bed. I struggled to recognize them but when one of them moved, I saw that it was Luhan oppa and Xiumin oppa. I looked around, still feeling a little pain in my neck. I saw my hand, casted in white. I touched my forehead as I winced with the touch of the bandage on the right side of my head. My body feels sore all over.

And then it hit me.

“Sehun!” I gasped as I tried to sit up only causing more pain for myself. The two guys suddenly sat up in surprise as they heard me almost yell in my dry voice. I struggled to get myself to sit up and Luhan oppa and Xiumin oppa quickly ran to me, holding me down.

“Haerin you can’t get up yet. You need to rest,” Luhan said as he holds me down.

“Where’s Sehun? I need to know if he’s okay.” I said, struggling against them as I felt the ache in my whole s