Self Distrust And Identity Disposal

Doppelgänger

"Young Master, Young Miss, your Umma has summoned you, she is expecting you two in her room as soon as possible..." Yeon-Chan said with glassy eyes to Ji Yong and Yoona who were sitting on the table, eating their dinner. Then she left without a word, covering with her hand while running towards the kitchen, both Ji Yong and Yoona had their confused look on their face, they glanced at each other, sharing 'what's with her?' features. They hurried their dinner, they couldn't wait to see their mother, if she has summoned them, then it means she's strong and concious enough. Then Yoona figured out what could've happened to the crying Yeon-Chan.

 

"Oppa, do you think Umma already told her about Appa and Yuri Unnie? If she didn't, I see no reason why she has to left us with tears like that." Yoona guessed, she tried her best not to be a know-it-all, the same guess stayed in Ji Yong's mind, but when she exposed her thoughts, Ji Yong was even more confident that before.

 

"I was thinking the exact same thing. If you say so, then I guess it's true that Umma has informed her concerning Appa and Yuri. See? I told you that she'll come crying, sooner or later, that would happen." Ji Yong said proudly while finishing his meal, it is the truth that Ji Yong imagined this situation to occur, but the way Ji Yong being so proud of his guess irritated Yoona

 

"Yes, yes, you're so smart, Oppa, is that what you want to hear?" Yoona stood up after finishing her meal, she washed the plate she has used, her spoon and fork, her face and hands on the nearest sink. Suddenly, Ji Yong showed up from her back and offered help to her.

 

"Here, let me help. You're tired enough of crying today, save your energy for Umma's lectures, I'll do this for you." Ji Yong snatched Yoona's plate and all her stuffs, Yoona pouted for being treated like a kid by her brother and kept pushing her brother that's standing in front of the sink side, but Ji Yong refused to give in even when Yoona wanted to show her independence.

 

"Oppa, that's enough, I want to do this alone and I don't take no as an answer, do you always have to meddle with my matters?" Ji Yong  ignored her words and kept washing the plates, as if his ears were closed at the moment, Yoona's temper raised again and prepared for a shout.

 

"YOU BETTER LISTEN TO ME KWON JI YONG!" Ji Yong was taken aback by her shout, that time, Yoona's words resembled Mr. Kwon very much, thankfully Ji Yong took hold of the plates with a firm grip, if he didn't, a sound of crashing plates can be heard right this minute. Yoona panting hardly right after she released her anger to Ji Yong, meanwhile her brother that shocked look at her.

 

"I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to--" Ji Yong tried to apologized but Yoona interrupted him by stealing back what's hers, she washed in frustation, she put all her power into that washing, Ji Yong straightly became sad-faced.

 

"I just want to be a good Oppa to you, can't you understand?" Ji-Yong put his hands on Yoona's shoulder, he can felt that she was trembling, deep down, he noticed that Yoona didn't want to get upset with him, but his stubborn action managed to do so.

 

"How do you wish for me to understand you, while you didn't even understand me a bit? I want to be a good Dongsaeng* to you too, I don't want to continue to bother you all the time, I...want to be valuable for you..I want to be honorable, at least in your heart..Oppa..Mianhe*  I want to fill the gap that Yuri unnie left, but it seems every deed I made only upsets you. I want to change that image of the girl who always call Ji Yong Oppa whenever she's in trouble." Yoona's tears fell down once she's done putting the last plate which must be cleaned. Ji Yong saw the trembling Yoona from her back, he turned her around and gave her a warm hug

 

"Pabo..I never asked you to be Yuri or anybody else, please be yourself, I like you the way you are. You've never been a bother to me, nor a trouble. I'm the one who should apologize for not protecting you from any harm, I've never been good example to both of my sisters. Honestly speaking, I feel bad about myself, I didn't prove how valuable you are to me, you're a good dongsaeng for me, and don't ever change. Yoona, mianhe. jeongmal* mianhe." Ji Yong assured while closing his eyes.

 

"Let's see Umma, you are done eating, right? Don't be hasty again this time, I'll do the talking, you stay put behind my back. Arraso?" Ji-Yong broke the hug and looked at Yoona's teary eyes, the one who was more injured was Ji Yong, he wanted to prove how Yoona meant to him badly, but he never got the chance. Sometimes he has, but he left it behind on purpose. He was not as brave as he seems, he's simply talk but no walk, Ji Yong thought.

 

"Ne*, you don't need to apologize, I feel secured enough by standing beside you, you did your job excellently, Oppa. Thank you for comforting me again and again, maybe because I have you, I was spoiled by your presence, I found that I have someone to lean on when I'm feeling down." Yoona took Ji Yong's hand and put it on Yoona's chest, she wanted to feel Ji Yong's warm hand that always soothe her.

 

"Always happy to be at your service. I wonder if I go somewhere faraway like Yuri and Appa did, I bet you can't even stand a minute without me in this house." He cracked a joke, Yoona pouted over his words earlier.

 

"At least I still have Yeon Chan-shi to keep me company, it's not like I'm all alone here. But...you're not going anywhere, right, Oppa?" Yoona worried, a smirk came to Ji Yong's face hearing Yoona's fears of being all alone.

 

"See? Talking highly almighty at first, but shrinked at the end. Now I'm convinced even more, why do you have to be such a silly sister?" Ji Yong said confidently.

 

"Ugh, go away! I don't want to see the cocky Oppa, I'm off to see Umma, don't you dare to follow me." Yoona stucked her tounge out at Ji Yong and turned her back on him, she giggled playfully when her brother can't see her face. Then, Ji Yong took hold of Yoona's hand, both of them smiled to each other in happiness. They made their way to Mrs. Kwon room, where they will hear a shocking announcement.


 

"So you're here" Mrs. Kwon closed the magazine she was reading on the bed, her face looked better than before she went berserk on Ji Yong, but an element of exhaustion was still there. Ji Yong stood stiffly, although he boasted in front of Yoona that he will take all his mother's fury by himself, he was still afraid of it. Yoona, prepared her ears lest if her mother say something that may annoy Ji Yong's heart and hers.

 

"Let's make this quick, I've called you here because I feel like to settle your father's testament. You better listen carefully because you know I hate repeating." Mrs. Kwon said chilly, it was no longer the old Mrs. Kwon, it's not the Umma that Ji-Yong and Yoona recognized, they believed this change took place by reason of Mr. Kwon and Yuri's loss, with firm patriach gone, she has to take his place as the head of the family. 

 

"Umma, don't you think you owe some words to Ji Yong oppa in the first place?" Yoona said irritably, Ji Yong rolled her eyes of what he heard, not a minute ago Ji Yong warned Yoona to close , now she lit another fire in the room. Basically, Mrs. Kwon and Yoona are most similiar to each other, when they're at good mood, they're as good as an angel, but when they're irritated, it won't be impossible they could tear down the people they wish to vanish. The worst thing was if they're put in the same space.

 

"And if I may ask, what are those words, my daughter Yoona? I passed out last night, I don't even remember that I talked to Ji Yong. Would you mind to repeat what should I say to Ji Yong?" both Ji Yong and Yoona were taken aback, she didn't remember about the event that happened this noon, bad words she threw at Ji Yong, her expulsion to her won children, she didn't have any memory about it as if it never happened. Ji Yong dragged Yoona so that Yoona didn't do anything again. Ji Yong squezzed Yoona's shoulder, telling that he's not happy. 

 

"Annyeo, You didn't owe me a thing, Umma. Yoona was just..daydreaming! That's all" Ji Yong lied, Yoona's mouth opened widely and stared at Ji Yong, she let out a small whisper "Oppa! What did you say?!" to her brother, Ji Yong put his index finger in front of his mouth to shush Yoona. 

 

"That's good to hear, now, I shall proceed to the settlement. First of all, Ji Yong, your Appa wrote out that he handed his precious company to you, fine, let's give him what he wanted, Ji Yong, I hereby to announce that I give you the approval to run the company, use this chance as best possible. Since we heard nothing about Chung-Hee yet, whether he's alive or not, I'll grant that Hoon-Joon's position to become your trusted right hand, ask him if you wish to know anything about our company. Sooner or later, your Appa has foreseen this to happen, he waited the right moment to give you this position so it can't be helped. You'll be the leader, the reference of your subordinates so don't play around just because you want it. I'll be watching your progress." Mrs. Kwon explained, Ji Yong nearly collapsed the moment he heard he became the chairman of Kwon Company, it wasn't the moment of happiness, but more to horror. Ji Yong planned this to happen, but he told himself he wasn't ready one hundred percent. 

 

"Yes, I sincerely thank for your approval Umma." he bowed respectfully, there was one thing Ji Yong has to underline from his mother's words. She approved him to be the chairman, but, her words were more to forced tone because she has no other option, she showed no sign of sincerity at all. Now, all he has to do is to prove he is worthy, to become the eldest and only son of Kwon Yu Jin, his last predecessor.

 

"Good, I hope you'll do better in the future. Now, will you please leave me and Yoona alone? We have a private talk to do." Yoona looked up at his brother, gave him a wondering look, Ji Yong replied with 'I have no idea' look. The two siblings nodded at each other, it's best to do what they mother wished for. Ji Yong bowed and left the room quietly, but he didn't leave the scene just yet, he still wanted to know more about his mother's willingness. He placed his ears on the door outside, their voices can be heard crystal clear.

 

"Yoona, what I will ask may sounds crazy, but I desperately need your help. Come here." Yoona followed her Umma's request and sat on the bed where Mrs. Kwon was sitting. She can't help but wondered, what kind of demands crazy enough for Mrs. Kwon? She can get anything she wants with her fortune, what's so desperate enough about that? She asked herself.

 

"Umma, I will try to fulfill any wish you want, say your piece." Yoona said. 

 

"Good girl. That's what I like." Mrs. Kwon showed her gratitude, she combed Yoona's hair and straighten it up. Yoona watched her Umma who was pausing while continously combing her hair.

 

"Now, hear this, what I want you to do...is..to become a singer." Mrs. Kwon spoke haltingly. She supposed Yoona would react unusually. Ji Yong who eavesdropped their conversation let his ear went off the door in shock.

 

"Ne? I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch what you said. A singer, you say?" actually Yoona heard everything perfectly, she wanted to make sure that she heard wrong, her mother requested her who has no experience to sing at all to become a singer out of nowhere. 

 

"Yes, I will not repeat again, Yoona. Become a singer, just like your twin sister Yuri, did. Replace her as a singer, don't worry, I'll talk to her manager regarding this matter. Your stage name will be 'Kwon Yuri', remember--" Ji Yong stormed into the room and interrupted her before she could finish what she had to said.

 

"Ji Yong?! I thought I dismissed you while ago, where is your manner? Barging in without a knock and slammed the door like that, I can't believe I approved you just now, you disappoint me already. You're gonna need lessons of ethics if you want to be a real deal in the company, you'll need it for sure." Mrs. Kwon lectured, Ji Yong ignored her words and slapped her bed.

 

"Umma! What's the meaning of this?! Are you kidding me? You're asking your own daughter to replace her older sister, have you lost your mind?!" Ji Yong yelled in front of his Umma's face. Yoona who was between their argumentation couldn't let out a word. Deep in her mind, she imagined she was composing them, but it was a mere imagination that Yoona couldn't pull into a reality.

 

"Lower your voice in front of your Umma, young man! Geez, I was trying to save the company from collapsing, I was trying to help you! And this is how you thank me?! Let's see if you still have that guts to defy me when you know how hard it is to manage an International Class Company." Mrs. Kwon countered.

 

"Save the company from collapsing? Trying to help me? What do you mean by that?! I don't any kind of help! Especially...especially from you! Why do you need to help, anyway?" Ji Yong almost blurted out Yoona's name but pointed at Mrs Kwon instead in the end, but he avoided to say so. He didn't want to get Yoona upset for the third time today.  Yoona was aware that Ji Yong was about to refuse any assistance she'll give. Outside she didn't show it, but the anger within her was increasing.

 

"You better shut that sassy mouth of yours before you listen all I have to say. Let me explain this one by one, so, I plan to make Yoona a substitute of Yuri, that way, she can stand where she stood before, on top of her fame, known throughout South Korea. Half of her profits goes to Kwon Company, in case something happen in the future. I have faith in Yoona, all she needs is to polish her skills a little bit on the stage, it's not like she's a total amateur on this case, she attended her vocal lessons frequently, and her teacher said she got talent. What about Ji Yong? Don't you have faith on your own dongsaeng?" Mrs. Kwon interrogated, Ji Yong's looked at Yoona with a face of guilt. He completely trusted her, but if she has to go through this, he didn't have that lot of guts, to make his burden hers.

 

"Like I care if she attended vocal lessons three hundred and sixty-five days a year! How dare you stole your own daughter's youth for your personal gain! Is this what she wanted? Have you ask her about what she wants?! What's worse, your behavior ensure me that you never really entrust me on this assignment that Appa pointed for me, what's with all 'in case something happen in the future'?! Just tell me the truth, you distrust me and believe that I will do nothing but trouble, Umma, for your information, I haven't even started! How come you expect me to do good if you yourself did something unforgivable like this?!" Ji-Yong yelled, his features of fighting his mother wasn't very different away from his fight with his Appa long time ago.

 

"Trust an immature punk like you? You wish. You never even listen to your Appa once he's alive, and now, I don't see why I should, you even dare to resist your mother's order. Whatever you say, my decision is final and irreversible, listen to what I say, and you'll be thankful for following it." Mrs. Kwon stated, Both of them shouted and yelled, they've forgotten that Yoona was present. The little one was like a mountain that's about to erupt its lava, she wanted to say tons of things, but they didn't give her a chance to speak, not even a bit.

 

"As if! You wanna know what I'll do? I will ruin the company like you imagined, and then--"

 

"STOP! BOTH OF YOU, OPPA, UMMA, I SAID STOP!" Yoona screamed, she panted after released the all-powerful scream that managed to discontinue Kwon Ji Yong's fight with Mrs. Kwon Seo. The very scene she had in mind became true, but in a very unexpected way.

 

"I've been listening your nonsense argument and yet, the both of you have forgotten the most important thing, you were talking about me and my future alone! Now you listen, Oppa, I want to do this, after all, what's so bad about being famous? Many people wanted this but they don't have the chance. I'll take my chances, this isn't only about helping you,. I'll be a singer, so that my efforts of singing will pay. For that, I'll entrust all my bussiness to you, Umma." Yoona lied in her words, she wasn't the against the idea of becoming a singer, but, it wasn't becoming that singer she wish for, but to show and prove her brother that she can help him, not only be helped.

 

"Yoona! Don't tell me you're onto this idea! Ask yourself, do you really, really want to live in her order? Is that kind of life you want?" Ji Yong asked in confusion while putting his hands on Yoona's shoulder, he was sure that Yoona will oppose Mrs. Kwon's suggestion, but the way she act was like she supported Mrs. Kwon one hundred percent.

 

"What if I say I do? Since when you have to question how to live my life?" Yoona threw her brother's arms aside, Ji Yong's furious face turned gloomy, he rushed to the door and left without a word. Who knew that his sister would turn her back on him, although Yoona didn't mean that way, but he thought that his little sister wanted to be free from his arms. Mrs. Kwon smirked upon her win against her son.

 

"Oppa.."

 

"I must say I'm impressed, Yoona. I never thought you would agree to my method right away, I'm proud of you and your wise decision. I will not fail you, I'll make you as good as Yuri was. That brat know nothing about chances like you said, soon he'll ask for forgiveness to me and you." Yoona pouted when her mother said as if she won because of her, then she reminded her with cold words.

 

"Take a note, Umma. I'm not doing this for your favor. If I did this for someone, that it will be for Ji Yong Oppa. I'll be anything you wish me to be, but on one condition, all my profits goes to Ji Yong Oppa's account, that'll be all I would ask.  Now if you excuse me." Yoona left the room and chased Ji Yong to clear misunderstandings between them. 

 

"Ji Yong Oppa! Wait for me!" Yoona shouted her brother's name, Ji Yong pretended didn't hear anything, he was broken-hearted by his little sister's confession. He was fallen in frustration, his Umma hated him for what he did, on top of it, his sweet little sister, for the first time refuse to listen to him.

 

"Omo*! Oppa, don't tell me you're crying?! Mianhe, jeongmal mianhe Oppa! I didn't mean it when I said those rough stuffs at you, come on, stop your tears. It's the first time I see you desperate like this." Yoona offered a handkerchief that she brought all the time in her pocket, Ji Yong hand reached the handkerchief and used it to wipe his tears. 

 

"Why you never listen to me? Is Umma means that precious to you? What do I have to earn your respect?" Ji Yong mumbled and attacked Yoona with three questions at once. Yoona smiled because she knew her brother took things the wrong way. She took a deep breath before she explain.

 

"Oppa, both Umma and Oppa are precious to me, one gave me birth, one gave me security for a lifetime. I should be thankful to you two, but if I have to choose, I choose you, Oppa. You want to know the reason why I accepted Umma's offer of becoming a singer?" Ji Yong nodded, she better have a good excuse for accepting such nonsense. 

 

"Because, I want to prove to you how worthy you are to me, and show you my gratittude, Oppa, like I said before, you;re always there when I need a helping hand, while you have to struggle alone fighting problems. This time, I want to be like you, forget about my youth, from the beginning, I didn't have many friends and no one will miss me, so what's the point of youth anyway. I'll do better to become a worthy dongsaeng to you, I'll surpass Yuri unnie if I have to." 

 

Yoona's touching words instantly moved Ji Yong to hug her, he thought he failed to stop Yoona's anger towards him, but it was the other way, she was upset for him, for her eldest brother, Kwon Ji-Yong. 

 

"How many times I have to remind you about how precious you are to me? It doesn't have to be this way..." Ji Yong pleaded Yoona to change her mind, but Yoona smiled, she knew what she decided was one of the best decision she made throughout her life. She can save her family, she can be recognizable, she can fill the shortage that Yuri left, and most of all, be honorable to make her deceased father happy in the afterlife.

 

"Oppa, no one would be sad even if I'm gone, I'm a nobody in this family, remember? This way, l can be honorable and make Appa and Yuri Unnie think of me someone worth cherish for. From now on, no more Yoona, the nobody of Kwon family, there are only Umma, Kwon Ji Yong Oppa, and Kwon Yuri. That's it."

 

"Don't say that! You're not a nobody, you're my precious little dongsaeng and will always be. You sound like you're erasing your own existence, it's up to the others what they want to call you. But to me, you're still the Kwon Im Yoona, the quiet one that I'm proud of. That'll never change for the rest of my life, ever."

 

"Aish, arraso arraso, I'll grant you your wish, you can call me Yoona like before, you're the only one who'll remind me of who I am in the past. Thank you for all the support, Oppa. Saranghaeyo*."

 

"Ne-do* Saranghaeyo, Im Yoona."

 

Starting tonight, Yoona has disposed her identity, she threw it away from her mind that she was someone who was quiet, it will be a long way for her to become a real superstar like her Unnie did, but she swore to herself that she'll do better than her best. 

 

There is no longer Kwon Im Yoona..that name no longer means anything to me, I'm sorry to take your place, dear Unnie, but I hope you understand so I'll be your replacement as best I can. 

From now on, my name is Kwon Yuri, it's as simple as that.

 

 

Translations : 

 

Dongsaeng : Little sister/little brother.

 

Mianhe : Sorry

 

Jeongmal : Really

 

Ne : Yes

 

Omo : Oh my goodness

 

Saranghaeyo : I love you

 

Ne-Do Saranghaeyo : I love you too.

 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
oo123 #1
Chapter 36: Updateeeevsoooon
kanghose
#2
Haha it doesn't? :P Thanks to you I get the idea to use Lee Soo Man :P only probability though~
athena-
#3
So Hyori is Donghae's mother ? Great choice ! ^^ I'm curious about Donghae's father,is it Lee SooMan ?? although it makes no sense >.<
athena-
#4
/creys THANK YOU SAENG T.T I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH 8(((( I WILL KEEP IT IT TO MSELF SO DUN WORRY,ARASSO?? ;D KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK OF YOURS <333333333333333
kanghose
#5
@--icecream : I KNOW!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TOO NOONA!! XD aish, you're so good at reading my mind! No spoiler, okay? Keep it for yourself :P Your Welcome! Keep reading :)

@dinhae ; I'm sorry for the lack of YoonWon, I will try to make a good YoonWon by the time they appear :)
athena-
#6
I just want to ask,DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU ????? OMG !!! I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND WELCOME BACK !!! /throws confetti btw,I think I knw who is the 2nd Commander and TOP's ex-fiancee xDD I LOVE YOU,saeng !!! Thank you so much <333333
dinhae
#7
waaahh!!! i've been waiting for your update..even though it's not YoonWOn as long as you update it's okay!!!
kanghose
#8
@---icecream : gosh your name is getting more and more confusing x_x haha! I'm glad you love it, Noona. I hope this is the sign of my comeback, more chapters will be released tomorrow and day after tomorrow :) I can't answer your question about TOP, it won't be fun ;)
athena-
#9
You update !!!! Thank you !! /throws confetti Thank you for updating it saeng T.T AND THANK YOU FOR THE YULHAE'S MOMENTS <33333 I LOVE UR UPDATE VERY MUCHHHHH !!! AND I'M CURIOUS ABT TOP'S PAST,IS IT TOP's fiancee is Tiffany ? 0.o
Loner-sshi
#10
update soon dongsaeng~! ٩(^‿^)۶