Finally I’ve solved that problem of mine even though I don’t know the exact reason why all is like that. I’m still shy and modest…that’s the same. But when I’m standing in front of cameras or people or when I’m talking to the actors I turn to different person. Suddenly I feel no stress and I’m self-confident. Later it will be a theme of jokes, you will see.

Thanks to all these things above I was able to sing (!!). Well I was forced to it a little. But after the first music session where I was supposed to sing and play guitar it started to look like something I might enjoy in the future. I have to say that was really unexpected from me and I couldn’t understand myself. But I’ve decided to let it be for now. I was enjoying my new interesting work with interesting people and I knew that when camera lights are off and my colleagues aren’t near me I’m back to my normal neurotic self.

Kokoro no Rocku was difficult to put into one genre. But it’s nothing unusual when it comes to doramas. Let’s say it was psychological drama but also a musical love story with occasional funny moments.

The shooting itself took place behind the studious where a little town for filmmakers was built. There were few streets with small houses that supposed to make good place for shooting exterior scenes. For the interior ones there were great spaces in the K2 studio. The problem was there were several crews and two or three doramas were made here at one time. So I had a chance to meet other actors and other stars in the cafeteria. In the beginning I was sitting to the meal just with the Kokoro no Rocku crew. But sometimes I had to share table with totally different people. Usually I was nervous so I didn’t eat much but then I started to believe in myself even in the crowd of Japanese idols and I managed to tolerate all the curious gazes at me which bothered me in the first weeks.

During one of the breaks I headed to cafeteria. I needed a cup of coffee. I was staring to my script and at the doorstep I bumped to someone.

“Summimasen!” I said immediately.

“Oh! It’s you! Mady-san deshou? I’ve seen you with Matsujun at the shooting place!” I was looking to the joyful face of Ikuta Toma.

“Ikuta-san? Hajimemae!!” I bowed deeply.

He did the same and invited me to the cup of coffee even though it was free for the cast members.

“I’d like to look like a gentleman in front of you,” he smiled at me when he passed me a small pot.

“Arigatou,” I sat on the other side of the table.

“So you’re our new gaijin tarento…” he said slowly.

“What? No…No, I’m not!” I started to stutter.

He looked at me with curiosity. This time he had black short hair. I was wondering what dorama he is shooting here.

“Why do you think you’re not a gaijin tarento?” he continued with his topic.

“Well…” I was thinking. “First of all I can’t speak Japanese properly yet. And… I don’t think I would be successful with singing nor dancing. I’m just like plank of wood. And I’m just trying to act so… Right now I’m just gaijin. Not a gaijin tarento.”

“Ah, come on! You’re too modest. Just getting into dorama means something. And everything else needs time. As I’m looking at you it won’t take long.” he winked at me.

I was afraid that I start to blush so I asked quickly:

“What are you doing here Ikuta-san?”

“Drinking coffee…or whatever it is.” he giggled.

“No, I mean…”

“I know, I know,” he interrupted me. “I’m finishing Maou dorama. With Ohno Satoshi-san. About evil lawyer and one detective with some sad past, you know.”

“Yes! I’ve seen the first episode,” I started to be more than interested in this conversation. “Are you really going to be killed in the end?”

“Sore wa himitsu desu onee-chan.” he giggled again.

I sighed and almost overheard the voice that called me back to my work.

“Sayounara Ikuta-san,” I smiled at him.

“Dja  ne Mady-chan,” he turned to more familiar language.

Suddenly I get the silly feeling that I’m working in one big family. Even though we don’t know each other personally we know about each other from TV and magazines. So thanks to this the barriers connected with the first meeting are automatically destroyed.

I arrived to the garage where we should shoot serious argument between me and Matsujun. When I’m supposed to yell at someone I don’t feel good. It’s hard to get to role in the scenes like that.

“I saw you in nice chit-chat with Ikuta Toma…” Matsujun grinned at me.

“He’s really dangerous man,” Oguri-san added.

“Oi, stop you two!” I laughed.

“Ikuta Toma… that awfully funny guy…” mumbled Ryuhei from behind.

I made a silly face at him.

“We we’re just talking!”

“And that’s the start of all troubles…” sighed Oguri-san with weird smile on his face.

“Nani wo hanashi?” I laughed more and more.

“We just love teasing you,” smiled Shota-san from behind the drums.

“Ah…naru hodo.”

“Yoshi minna, damare!” shouted Daisuke-san and prepared everyone for the next scene.

According to my poor knowledge of Japanese language it was decided that, even tough I tried to speak Japanese, in dorama I will be speaking in English. It wasn’t my maternal language but it was still better than nihongo. I was supposed to have my own Japanese voice actress – seiyuu – for this dorama. And Daisuke-san has decided that my seiyuu will be Inoue Mao-san. Cool!

For some unknown reason I was listening to Troublemaker by Arashi over and over again while writing this chapter. =) Enjoy