It was already November and my one-year anniversary being a gaijin tarento has passed. I was trying to summarize the things I’ve done so far. I came to 5 dramas, 1 movie and two singles. I didn’t include my work with Arashi. It would add 2 more singles and album. I wasn’t sure if that success was really mine. On the other hand I was really proud of my Arashi single from May – Mada Minu Sekai e. It was definitely my work, my lyrics and my music even though the studio has given a different coat to the main melody I’ve created. Still… I didn’t know if it was caused by autumn weather or something else but I started to feel down. Even though it was highly absurd.

It was already two months from Jinsei no Michi premiere episode. I got my first award for portraying Ishida Rin in that drama, yet something was wrong and I couldn’t name it. Fuji TV announced second season of Jinsei no Michi and I was told I will be featuring in first episode with Satoshi Ohno.

“Have you got a script already?” Ohno-kun peeked over my shoulder.

“I have…what do you think?” I nodded.

“It’s…unusual character….” He admitted. “I’ve never played someone like that before.”

The truth was Oh-chan should play a young man with cancer who decides to spend his last months at the cold seaside. He falls in love with outsider girl from neighbourhood. Actually the sea was really important feature in this episode. The girl tries to find a meaning of her life in there and the boy is looking for his own lost life. This episode was supposed to be very tragic because it ends with man’s departure. It’s obvious he just doesn’t want his love to see him die. This atmosphere really wasn’t good for my current mood.

“Maybe it’s finally the right time for Oh-chan to show everyone he can play lover as well.” Nino was enjoying our problem again.

“It’s not the case…” he mumbled.

“Well…I believe it’s really not a problem to play Mady-chan’s lover, isn’t it?” Nino grinned at me.

“It’s about someone who’s dying, Nino!” I snapped at him.

“Alright! I play these people every time I get a role so maybe I’ve become cynical…” Nino frowned at me.

“I didn’t say that but…Oh, whatever!” I rushed from the dressing room.

I knew it was a bad reaction but I was terrible with controlling myself these days. I went to the rooftop, the most favourite spot of jimmusho building. But someone was already there.

“Shame on you Matsumoto Jun….” I came over him slowly.

He released a smoke from his mouth. “Nino just messaged me you’re angry at him.”

“What? How could he…”

“He knows you’re going here and he knows I went to the same place just a minute ago.” He explained before I could ask.

“Ah…I’m not mad at him. I’m mad at myself. Something is wrong with me…” I sighed.

“You’re probably overworked. You’re working really hard nowadays…and it’s difficult to get used to be famous.” He handed me a cigarette.

I looked at him with disbelief. “I can’t smoke. I’m twenty in April next year.”

“Oh, come on.” He smirked at me.

“I quit already.”

“Stop making excuses and take it…” he laughed.

I sat to the table with my manager and went through my today’s schedule.

“Shooting of Jinsei no Michi at 10am, lunch, shooting of PC, dancing rehearsals, practising with Hey Say Jump and press conference according Kohaku….” He read aloud.

“That’s just great…” I sighed.

That so called “PC” was a new drama of mine. I play one of the four hackers which are employed as trustworthy officers in security office but thanks to their knowledge and abilities they’re ruining their own company. The team consists of me, Meisa Kuroki, Keichiro Koyama and Mizushima Hiro. I could release my temper in that drama because my character supposed to be that “wild” one.

Anyway I couldn’t enjoy it as I wanted to. As MatsuJun said I was probably overworked and there was no way I could relax a bit in next two or three months. So this is a life of gaijin tarento? Thanks a lot.

Finally after a long time I could sit down to a coffee with some female company.

“You’re not looking good…” Meisa-chan stared at me.

“Oh…how nice of you…” I took a sip from my cup.

“Don’t be like that. I’m really worried about you. Have you seen a doctor?”

I flinched. I hate doctors. “Why should I?”

“Because you’re so tense! You have depression, you’re overworked, and you’re losing weight…” she started to name every symptom I had.

“Do you think that by naming it I’ll feel better?” I frowned at her. She stopped talking.

“Maybe I’m turning into Nino,” I laughed. “To that little cynical lousy brat…”

“Female Nino sounds scary so please don’t do that okay? Anyway, you need a boyfriend.” she winked at me.

“Yeah…my mum tells so too…it’s awesome argument, isn’t it? How could I have a boyfriend? I’m in Johnny’s Entertainment, my god…” I shook my head.

“If you don’t know, you’re the only woman in all men Johnny’s,” she leaned to me.

“What about Hanabi?”

“Alright…Hanabi, I forgot. But still, it leaves a pretty big group of men you can choose from, right?”

“Meisa-chan…leave it.” I rubbed my forehead.

“What about you and Kame?” she wasn’t giving up.

“I’m successfully avoiding him which is pretty hard because he’s shooting his new drama next door.” I pointed to the exit.

“What about…Ikuta-san?”

“I’ve never had anything with him!” I turned to her shocked.

“Yamapi?”

“Every girl should be aware of such a man.”

“Sakurai-san?” she was counting on her fingers.

“What about you and Jin, Kurokitti?” I asked suddenly. Meisa-chan stopped talking again and she was thinking hard before answering.

“We get along with each other…” she smiled a little.

“Glad to hear that…” I smiled at her with that sly smile I used to see on Nino’s face.

When I was heading to recording studio I saw four figures in the corridor. They were talking to each other and they were laughing. Two boys and two girls. I wonder who that is. As I came closer…

“Yo…” I smiled at them.

Chinen-kun and Yamada-kun nodded to me but Koharu-chan and Sora-chan walked away quickly.

“What? Am I getting to look so scary?” I turned to boys.

As the evening approached I was calmer and calmer. Maybe because I was more tired. The last thing that needed to be done was a press conference about Kohaku.

Everything went smoothly. We expressed our hopes that along with Inoue Mao-san we’re going to be the best hosts ever. I was supposed to be with Mao-san a leader of female’s team and the rest of Arashi should lead the male artists. This whole thing about hosting the New Year’s Eve was a big deal for me and I just didn’t want to admit my fear to myself.

One of the questions we were asked several times was: Will be Hanabi participating? We always answered that it doesn’t depend on our decision.

When we ended we rest in the lounge for a while.

“What do you think about Hanabi in Kohaku?” asked Aiba-chan.

“They should be there…we promised them with Sho-kun….sort of…” I sat next to Nino.

“You did what?!” Nino almost jumped from his seat.

“We didn’t promise them. We’ve just made a deal…” Sho explained.

“Deal? Isn’t it a worse than a promise?” Aiba-kun was thinking aloud.

“Stop that. I think it would be great for them to appear on Kohaku.” I stated.

“That’s true…” MatsuJun nodded.

“They’re pretty good so there’s no worry about them messing the whole evening up.” Oh-chan added.

“And the programme is one group short because KAT-TUN won’t be there.” I spoke up again.

“Well…we should get them there!” Nino decided.

“I knew you have a weak spot for those girls…” I poke him.

Another chapter in a pretty short time. Hope you enjoy =)

And, of course, another mention of Hanabi from arashigirl2013's fanfic =)