As promised!

“Jin-ah, see who is here!”

The unexpected visitor made Choong Jae lost his ability to function physically. He remained seated; his mind tried without much success to disentangle all the invading thoughts while his heart tried to encompass all the flooding emotions. He saw Dongwan jumped up and rushed over to hug the figure that was so familiar yet distant to him. He saw the tears falling on every member’s face as his hyungs hugged and kissed Andy. But he remained seated.

The emotions tsunami was paralyzing Choong Jae as his eyes persisted on the man he had been living his entire life for. Even as he stood buried in the hugs and kisses of the hyungs, Andy turned his head and locked his gaze with Choong Jae’s; his sorrowful eyes indicating to Choong Jae the reason why he came back. Tears forced its way out of Choong Jae’s eyes. He could not understand how his agony could still surge. Wasn’t what he felt already at the end of the emotion spectrum? Was there really no limit for agony? Every time he felt like his pain was at its maximum, fate would cruelly throw him more to bear, pushing for his limit bit by bit.

Andy turned away, tears flowing freely; every drop opening up a gush in Choong Jae’s heart. “Hyung…” His voice was raspy. “I should have done this months ago…”

“Don’t say it!” Choong Jae commanded, bolting up from his seat. Andy’s gaze returned to him and the younger man’s tears started to flow more urgently, causing a panicky Eric to quickly embrace the maknae; attempting to assure everything will be alright. Andy’s imploring eyes remained on Choong Jae.

“Don’t…” Choong Jae repeated, taking a wobbly step towards his soul mate.

“Choong Jae…” Andy’s lower lips quivered; the pain in his eyes nothing less than what Choong Jae was feeling. “Jin…” He said with much effort. “I can’t come back to Shinhwa…”

The rest of the members finally made sense of their conversation. Minwoo, Dongwan and Hyesung turned pale. Choong Jae could not see the leader’s face, but Eric pulled Andy into a tighter hug, his face buried into the maknae neck. “I forbid you Andy…” The leader’s voice chocked, his shoulder shuddering lightly. “I forbid you from leaving Shinhwa again!”

The leader’s inarticulate demand (due to his sobbing) jolted the members out from shock and they swarmed towards Andy.

“Andy what are you saying?!”

“Andy, don’t do this us…”

“Andy…”

Choong Jae took a step forward but did not proceed further. He saw Andy slowly raising his head to him and their gaze met again.

Let him be selfish, just one more time. Let him attempt to stay by Andy’s side…

“Andy…please stay.” Choong Jae managed weakly.

It was mild, so mild that it was hard to notice, but Choong Jae saw Andy’s head moving. Andy nodded. And Choong Jae dropped to his knees, bawling without restraint. The hyungs and Andy shifted nearer to him and the six men became a huge sobbing mess in the waiting room.

After the men finally calmed down, Minwoo helped Andy with his stage outfit (Eric had always insisted on bringing a sixth outfit for Andy for every event Shinhwa attended). It was not easy for the maknae and the lead dancer as the leader refused to let go of Andy; his arms were around the younger man every second, either holding his arms or wrapping around his waist. Choong Jae sat in a corner and observed them. His heart ached at the thin figure with long and barely trimmed hair. It was evident that Andy had only attempted to groom himself just moments before coming down to meet them. How much had Andy went through when he wasn’t with Shinhwa? What happened to his mother and how was she now? The maknae hadn’t told; and the group had agreed not to say anything. Andy will tell when he wants to.

The band went up the stage to perform “First Love”. Choong Jae’s soul mate fate was nothing like the sweet lyrics of the song, but the words still struck his heart. Choong Jae saw all his hyungs hugging and kissing Andy, but he did not. Choong Jae still believe this was his dream, and if he were to desire more than keeping the maknae within his sight, he would wake up and find himself in his room with a sleeping Minwoo. No Andy, because the maknae had never returned to Shinhwa.

The song went on…

“……I cannot let it go, because this is the first time I will love in my lifetime……”

***

Choong Jae’s eyes snapped open and swept around the room frantically. Minwoo was sleeping soundly next to him. His heart was about to burst out of his chest until he finally saw the delicate and fragile figure underneath the blankets at the far end of the room.

His heart calmed down a little and he exhaled weakly, feeling the coldness due to the evaporation of the cold sweat on his back. He turned to Andy again and looked longingly at the peaceful sleeping face. Everything was too dream-like; but now he finally dared to acknowledge Andy was really back with Shinhwa. It was real. It wasn’t just his dream.

The question that had always been lurking at the back of his mind since waking up after blacking out in Lee Soo Man’s office demanded for his attention that moment. Should he let go of Andy? His teeth sank into his lower lips as he pushed himself up and stumbled into the washroom. After closing the door, he collapsed onto the floor beside the sink, his body trembling as he sobbed quietly.

He had made up his mind, and his choice hurt him immensely.

The door creaked and was pushed opened. The face that appeared every night in his dream stared down at him. The pull Andy’s soul had on him was colossal. Choong Jae bit deeper into his lips, trying to stop his sobbing.

The soul mates kept quiet and stared at each other. The silence dragged until Andy finally broke it. “Jin…how have you been?”

“Andy…” Choong Jae’s lips quivered. He repeated Andy’s name and shivered forcefully from the sudden surge of emotions in him. The younger man advanced forward, kneeled down and wrapped his arms around Choong Jae, patting his back slowly and gently.

“I’m sorry Andy.” Choong Jae murmured in the embrace, “I’m really sorry……Andy I am sorry…” Choong Jae kept repeating. Andy’s hand continued the soothing action on his back.

“It’s okay Jin.”

Choong Jae inhaled and tried to control himself for the countless time that day.

“I pondered a lot after you were gone…I finally understood what you had been trying to tell me” Choong Jae said. He felt Andy becoming alert, waiting to hear him out. He closed his eyes, trying to abate the pain, “We can’t be together because we are both male. Andy…please forgives my selfishness before. I only ask to be your friend now.” He could not see Andy’s face as the younger man was still hugging him. Every second that Andy kept quiet was nerve-wreaking.

“I promise I will not ask for more, I only wanted you as a friend.” Choong Jae added.

“Thank you for understanding me.” Andy finally replied, not releasing Choong Jae yet. In all his desperate need for his soul mate’s love, Choong Jae hallucinated that he felt disappointment in Andy’s voice.

I need you! I need you so greatly that I am letting you go so I can still be by your side…

I love you. I love you so intensely that I can’t bring myself to continue hurting you…

Even if I can barely breathe from the pain of not calling you mine again…

***

The atmosphere between the soul mate was uncanny. Choong Jae could not pinpoint what was causing it. Other than his own pain of letting Andy go, everything seems ordinary. He was on speaking terms with Andy, Shinhwa was still Shinhwa. But then there was Eric. Choong Jae was still unsure if Eric could really sense Andy’s presence. What caused him to run out of the building the other day?

“Junjin!” The host’s voice drifted into his ear and he suddenly realised that Shinhwa was in the middle of a filming. He looked up at the host. “Junjin-ssi, can you show us the tumbling?” the host asked. Without thinking, Choong Jae stood up and did it on the spot…

And it only occurred to him that he was doing it on concrete floor when he was already half way in the air…

“119! 119!” Dongwan and Hyesung sounded frantic. Choong Jae knew there was a commotion going on. He wanted to find out why was it, but darkness started to envelope him. The noises around him faded into nothingness…

~~~~~~

For this part of the story I actually prefer Andy's POV which I have not written xD I apologise for taking so long! Other than being busy with life, took me a while to write this because I am at another dilemma. I am starting to think if I were to follow my daydream (which follow closely to real Shinhwa events all the way until Shinbang period =X ), will it be too draggy? There is explanation about the events with things in the story but I feel like recounting events that everyone already knows will make you people bored. Should I expedite the story? End it faster?? Let me know what you want please! 

Anyway, as usual xD

Andy did mention a few times before he was back to bid farewell to his hyungs and the fans instead of rejoining Shinhwa. But his hyungs managed to make him change his mind. xD I thank all 5 members for that! 

Shinhwa's 5th fanmeet.

My wild imagination - 32 to 40 s, Jiinnie looked like he wanted to be beside Andy yet he did not know what to do, then Minwoo came between them xD During the group hug, Junjin leaned in but he was really just "hugging" Minwoo instead of Andy. And all the little moments in the videos when his gaze was on Andy just reinforce my feel for the story xD

Hyesung's and Wannie's reaction during Jinnie's accident - P.S, I might mentioned Eric's yoga position later xD

And lastly, Andy mentioned in Winwin that the members still did not know the real reason he left the group, so in the story I made it as if they know but Andy was really the one clueless that they know it.