Choong Jae’s eyes snapped open and he jolted into a sitting position, gasping slightly. His eyes took in his surroundings; he was in his bed room.  Despite finally being awake, he could not get rid of the heart wrenching, piercing sort of pain where his heart is. He withdrew into a fetal position, hugging his knees close to his body as tears roll down his face.

It was one of those dreams again. Those which he knew really did happen. Sometimes he was the female, sometimes the male. Some were blissful, others were heavy. But regardless of the gender roles he took and emotions he felt, he knew he was always with that one person – his soul mate. Since his very first human conscious in this lifetime, he already knew he was different. He could remember things he should not have remembered.  He did not exactly remember his past lives; just fragments of the time spent with his soul mate. And he was aware that this was the first time in all his lives that he actually remembered.

Choong Jae shuddered as the memory of the dream brought cold shiver down his spine and spread across his body. The sensation in his heart was a million times worse. He stuffed part of his blanket into his mouth, preventing his howl from being heard.

He didn’t know how long he cried. He only stopped when the alarm clock gave off an ear-splitting ringing. He stretched his hand to silent the darn thing as he stood up and shambled into the washroom. His eyes were red and puffy in the mirror. Choong Jae turned the tap, cupped his hands and splashed water onto his face, hoping to reduce the puffiness.

“Aish!” Choong Jae made a sound of resignation and slammed his fist into the wall as he realised there was no way he could conceal he had cried. He got out of the washroom and went into the kitchen. Thankfully, his dad was not home. Charlie Park led a wanderer lifestyle and he was not exactly the most responsible dad in the world. But Choong Jae did not blame his dad. He tried his best to take care of his younger siblings. Filial was not the foremost reason. Regrettably, the chief reason was that he could empathize with his dad.

He was like his dad in a few of his more recent past lives. No, not like his dad. He was much worse than his dad. He was not an evil person, but his sense of responsibility was almost non-existence. In his most recent past life (the dream that woke him up), he got lucky because his soul mate was born into a rich family. But he had indirectly caused the death of her father when the old man had a heart attack after knowing how his precious daughter had been leading life after being married to him. He thought he could redeem himself by trying to strike a quick fortune and bringing his family out of poverty. So he left his family and went venturing with his friends. He returned slightly more than two years later (after losing every penny he had) to find that his son was ill and had passed away during his absence. And his only true love, his soul mate’s health had deteriorated so extensively that if not for the soul, he would not have recognised her. She had refused to see him, until the very day when she knew she was going to leave the world.

“This will be our last life time together. I promise I will find a way to stop being your soul mate. I never want to be with you again, ever!” Her wounded expression pained him. But the resolution in her tone frightened him. Now he knew why she said that. Just before your last moment, all your past lives with your soul mate will come back to you. And she must really have given up all hope on him.

But why did he remember everything now? Why did he have all these knowledge even before meeting her? Maybe…maybe her threat to stop their soul mate cycle was why he remembered, Choong Jae thought suddenly. Maybe some gods or deities watching over the soul mates had granted Choong Jae this knowledge so he would not repeat his mistake for this lifetime.

Choong Jae got motivated by the thought. He took the loaf of bread and jar of jam from the kitchen counter and placed them on the table. He ate two slices of plain bread, saving the jam for his younger siblings. Now, he needed to think of a way to find her, to let her remember his existence. And this time round he will not screw up again. He went to wake his younger siblings up, got changed and head for school.

“Choong Jae!” Choong Jae heard footsteps running towards him. Not too long later, Kangta hooked his arm around Choong Jae’s neck.

“Chil-hyun hyung! How is life as an idol?”

Kangta shrugged casually as he offered, “Strict? Not much freedom anymore.”

Choong Jae smiled and gave Kangta a friendly punched on his shoulder. “I miss you hyung.”

“I miss you too!” Kangta smiled as they walked past a poster of an advertisement H.O.T did for a beverage company.

“It’s so weird. I’m seeing you so much more but we are spending much less time together.” Choong Jae observed pointing to the poster.

“Yeah…I become more well-known but my social circle actually got smaller.” Kangta sighed.

“Become more well-known…” Choong Jae repeated as a thought suddenly struck him. If he got to debut like Kangta, he would appear on television and endorsements. And if his soul mate was in Korea, she would remember his existence! Even if she was not here, he would work hard to be known overseas so she could see him and remember.

“Hyung, can you refer me to your Company?” Choong Jae asked enthusiastically.

Kangta gave him a look. “I was complaining about being an idol and you are asking me this now? Park Choong Jae, were you even listening to me just now?”

“Sorry hyung. I…I want to find my mum.” Choong Jae said. His puffy eyes made it more convincing. He felt guilty about not telling Kangta the truth, but he was not entirely lying since he did think about looking for his mum too.

Kangta looked at him sympathetically which intensified Choong Jae’s guilt. “Sure Choong Jae. I’ll speak to my manager. Your strength is dancing. Make sure to focus on that during the audition.”

Kangta gave Choong Jae a few more tips before the two parted when they reached the school gate.

This was his best chance in searching for her, Choong Jae thought excitedly. He must get through the audition, he needed to debut…

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Never thought I would write this. But I'm having a block for the other story and I needed some distance from it >.<