YOUR POV

Coming home from the long walk I was exhausted as well as Ice and Fire. They were already sound asleep. I thought of the things Sebastian told me and it made me wonder, was I deceived my whole life? Or was I always on the right path? As I thought of every possible solution I was also getting ready to take a shower. Just as I passed by my shelves I realized a book that I haven't touch in years. My diary. I never had a thing for keeping entries, I always wrote in it when I wanted too. No day or year that I had to write, just when I came across it, like today. I opened up the girly little book and saw a not surprising messy writing. I could still read it though. I read the very first page and smiled. It was all about me explain to this diary about how I'm so excited to have a diary. Most of my entries were me ranting on about people that I hated. Keep in mind I was only around 7 or 8 this time. One entry was the one that I was looking for. 

*Dear Diary, have you ever wondered about me and my family? I never talk about them, but I love them a lot. I swear I do. I think I'm adopted though because I don't see my family that often. My daddy and brother are always sleeping. What big sleepy heads. My mommy is heaven. She's right now flying with all the pretty angels. I miss her. I tried to find her once, but I got in big trouble by daddy. He yelled at me and I haven't seen him since that day. I hate that I can't even see him. He's a sleepyhead and busy because of work. When he was yelling at me. A little voice in my head said that I wasn’t wrong and I hate him. I don't though!! I've always had these voices in my head. It's soooo annoying. It's a girl just like me who tells me these things. She's my friend, well I never asked her, but she seems nice.

Don't tell anyone, but I get angry sometimes. I'm not allowed to get angry because daddy doesn't like it. He's says it's bad for me. I don't even know what angry is now. It's okay though because being mad is bad. VERY BAD. My brother, G-Dragon, doesn't seem like he likes me. He never talks to me or play with me. He never even said my name. Well maybe when I get in trouble. I'm not allowed to bring friends over to the house. I'm not allowed to go play outside at night. One time I did because I heard there was a shooting star that was going to past. I went outside and I was dragged back in the house. I couldn't make my wish. I only wanted to be with my family again. You know where we could have picnics and have a family night out. That's what all my friends do... This was one long entry. Hehe. I'm going to bed now, my birthday is tomorrow and I can't wait!*

I stared at the inked pages. My past was what I expected. It was what I remembered. It was a cruel one. I know it was, yet I couldn't help but tear up. Am I that sad though? Did my childhood really mean anything to me? I grew up knowing that I was on my own and I learned to accept it. The more I think about it the more I got more upset. Just because I was told who I was truly was, doesn't change the fact that my childhood was..... I know my dad and brother loves me, but why must I forget the cruel past I gone through? What's happening to me now? When did I start to think this way....? Why am I so negative?

I flip to the next page and no surprise it was another entry that was not up to date.

*Dear Diary, I haven't seen you in a while.... I can only turn to you. I had to tell someone. I got caught today. Cutting myself... I know that I'm 9, but I felt that it would take the emotional pain that I carry all the time. I didn't want to feel pain anymore; I didn't want to be hurt. Is it stupid to cover it with more pain? At least it's something I can deal with. Something I don't have to cry every night over. I have been doing it for the past 2 months. Don't ask me where I got the idea from because I don't even know. I heard stories and I guess I ended up trying myself. I never do it in the house though, strangely I feel like the smell of blood would make someone notice. Before I come home from school I would make a deep mark and I'll quickly bandage it up, it's painful, but I can handle it. 

I get asked by the maids and I say I had a nose bleed, but today, I couldn't hide it. Father was awake and came to check out the blood that was on sleeve. I explained that I wiped the blood from my nose with my sleeve because I didn't have any napkins on me. I don't know how he knew I was lying, but he grabbed my hand and revealed my bandages. I had a pretty harsh scolding session. It only made it worse though because that was the first time he said anything to me in 5 months. I felt a hint of happiness that I could hear his voice. However, I couldn't help but think that I have no way to escape anymore. I want to die. I want to be with mom. I wanted to be away from a life that maybe some would rather have. A rich, neglected, broken family. I didn't want that and I would choose death over it anytime. It's late and Father decided that he will sort everything out tomorrow. I'm not going to school... Night*

I pulled my sleeve up and examined my arm, wrist even hands. No scars and the funny thing was that there were no memories. I don't recall remembering those scars, the blood, and the blade. I thought hard and I did realized that something was missing, a chunk of my life was missing and there was a big gap that was left there. Nothing filled it nor was it empty. All there was were false memories. Things I knew weren't true because I couldn't remember the feelings I had with it. They erased my memory, they healed me. They did everything they could to keep me the perfect human girl. Why couldn't they heal the pain that I still remember to this day? 

I sat on the ground and laughed. What kind of idiot am I? What memories? I don't have any because everything was erased. My past was all a lie, a made up thing, a fairy-tale. I never lived it. The memories I do remembering were the bad and I can barely remember those. I can't remember it. Why? Because it was stripped from me, stolen, broke and gone. I kept hold of the bad and they let me, to scare me to warn me. All this came to the hands of my Father. The person that was supposed to raise me, to care for me, to teach me, to love me. Yet he was the one that took it all away. 

I kept on reading. They took every memory away from me, but they didn't think that a child would write such long pages about her life. Yet I loved it so much. To see how stupid I was, reading the wrinkled pages from the mass amount of tears and the lack of family that I had, even though they were just a grasp away. Tears fell from my own eyes. Slowly out of nowhere, my memories started to slip in.  The day my pictures were thrown out, the day where our house was ambushed, the blood that spilled from my arms and all the yells and scolds I received. My current memories that I had, I realized most of them were lies. All fakes. That's when my true memories came back.

I rose from my spot and glanced at the mirror, my make-up was running, the tears were being spilled and my eyes had that special tint of red. My teeth were clenched and I was scared. I held my diary in my hand and wandered into the halls. I made my way through the maze that took me years to remember and finally I arrived. In the chamber where the king dwells in and to my surprise the prince joined him.

"_____________ what's wrong?! You're a mess!!" G-Dragon said. They both looked at me and came in a hurry towards me.

"Sweetheart what's wrong, you came home in a cheerful mood." My Father said. I don't know what was going on because it took over me. My feelings just took control. I pinned my Father to the ground breaking the table that held files after files of documents. 

"_________________ WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!" G-Dragon screamed, but he couldn't touch me. It was as if the flames that I produced backed him away. My Father stayed silent, he was calm and I hated that he didn't fear me.

"Let go of me now." He said. I looked at him and tears fell down and sizzled.

"YOU RUINED MY CHILDHOOD!!!" I screamed.

G-DRAGONS POV

I watched my own sister emit this unforgettable fire. I was surprised that my father could even withstand it. I felt pain coming from my sister, she cried of hatred. That scared me the most. She could pin a man down and I could imagine them breaking in only seconds with just one shift.

"Dear diary, I read through my entries, but I can't recall any of them happening. Was I making everything up to make my life sound more interesting?!" She yelled and I saw the unharmed diary fluttering against the flames. "Dear diary, Is it weird to be forgetting at such a young age? I can only remember the bad. I did good right? Why can't I remember?" She recited. Page after page of a little girl pouring out her feelings to a meaningless book. The book became filled with secrets.

"_____________!!!" I shouted.

"WHY AREN'T YOU SCARED!!!? WHY DON'T YOU FEEL THE PAIN?!!! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO STRIP EVEN MY MEMORIES AWAY FROM ME!!!?” _____________ screamed. "DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO SIT ON THE FLOOR LETTING ALL THESE MEMORIES SEEP RIGHT BACK INTO MY MIND!!" ________________ she yelled even harder.

" _________________!!" I begged.

"SHUT UP!!!" She swore and glared at me. I was scared, not because of the red in her eyes or the fact that I had no idea what she was going to do next. It was the fact that those eyes were crying the tears of a little girl, broken to bits and pieces. "Do you know how hard it is to recall memories that were FAKE!!? THAT I DON'T EVEN HAVE A SLIGHT IDEA ABOUT?!" She yelled at our father again. "What kind of daddy are you... You’re my Father!! That's all it is. SO YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW SLIGHTEST IDEA I HAVE TO DEAL WITH BECAUSE YOU GAVE ME LIFE RIGHT?!" She yelled.

She cried like the little girl she wanted to be. I remembered everything, her whole life. She wasn't allowed to do many things, but what hurt her the most was ripping her feelings away from her. She wasn't allowed to cry or get angry and she did as she was told. She was always cheerful, but nearly every night when I got up for school, I passed her room. I always heard muffled cries and she was trying her best in erasing them completely.

To think that you were ripped away from your memories, you wouldn't have anything. Your memories are so precious and in just a blink of an eye they were gone. "It was all lies and fakes. My childhood was ED UP BY YOU!!!!" She swore and started to raise the flames. I knew our father couldn't handle it because he was starting to burn and no amount of healing or water could put the flames out because the black aura was out.

"I'm sorry." Our father said in a very subtle, quiet whisper.

"No you're not..." ___________ cried out and tears kept on spilling.” Dear diary, I want to die. I always feel so lonely in a house full of people. This may be my last entry..." She read out loud. 

"_______________ WHY DID YOU SUDDENLY CHANGE?!" I screamed. She was always so calm, so sweet.

"Because, because.... I'm hurt." She said quietly and the flames went down and she began to cry like a baby. She moved to the side and hugged her knees. Her diary was closed and my father was not harmed. "How am I supposed to get to know anyone, get to know my kind, my friends, my family, when I don't even have the slightest clue about myself. I don't know anything about myself without doubting it. I can't recall memories without doubting them." She said and muffled her cry.

I watched my little sister cry, I knew I wasn't there for her. I had to keep a cold attitude because that was our plan. It was mean, but we wanted her to crack. Than we would know how to control it before the battle began. However, she was strong and she could with stand all the hard aches until today. She can handle it; she knows how to control her powers, even without her knowing. Maybe that's what hurt me the most, to know that all of that was for nothing and she suffered way too much.

"Stupid girl, do you think I don't know all the sufferings you took in? It's my fault for making you forget, but I only wanted you to be sane. If you really were to remembering those memories, those feelings would build up; soon you would have really killed yourself. It was wrong of me and I regret it. I'm sorry sweetheart." Our father said and embraced her. 

Even though he was on the older side, he looked young and very handsome. He had that father figure in him. It was no surprise that he fell in love with a beautiful woman. He was the king of the house, but he always looked like a little boy when he was with my mother. They were so happy together, that I could never forget. Our father wasn't a bad guy; he had a harsh past too. To see him fall in such a gloomy mood was different. He carried the crown, he would smirk all day. He ruled the vampires, yet he fell into a trance just because his daughter was crying.

"I hate you." The words struck deep down and right through the blood. She said the words that harmed him the most. His eyes were wide open and his hands trembled. Dad was crumbling inside. "I hate you so much." She said again. _____________ pulled away from the embrace and fled out the window, shattering the glass to bits and pieces.

"____________!!" I shouted and was about to chase her.

"Leave her... She'll be fine." My father said and the pain in his eyes was noticeable.

YOUR POV

What's going on with me?! I just blew it. I never did that ever! It was under my control and I just popped. I'm still hurt and crying, but honestly I still don't know why that happened. Maybe it was because I thought it wasn't fair for me to not know about my younger self. I was so alone when I was a child that I don't want to feel as if I was neglecting myself. I want to get to know everything about me because hopefully, I can get use to the present me.

They didn't chase after me, which was what I wanted, so I went to explore. To my friend’s home, more like Key's home. I went as fast as I could and knocked on the door. Out came a maid, never knew Key had one. "Oh Princess!! It is an honour to be at your service." She said and bowed.

"Oh no, that's alright, I was actually wondering if you could get Key for me." I said.

"Master Kibum is training; I shall bring you to his room and fetch him over, Princess." She said and led me to Key's room.

"Thank you." I said, after she opened the door to the room. I have been to Key's room before, so I wasn't surprised. I waited there and waited for him to come by. It wasn't long because in a matter of minutes I heard panting coming from the other side of the door. I got up and the door opened. Key was tired and tuckered out, but he still had the energy to put a smile on his face.

"What up?" He said and I ran to hug him. "What's wrong? You don't seem like yourself. Are you alright sweets?" Key asked, wrapping his arms around me.

"I think I'm really going crazy. I don't know anything about myself, nothing at all." I said. I wanted to scream, I couldn't do it. Especially with all this is happening, the fight, I just can't.

"Calm down and relax, everything will be fine. You're just stressed." Key said. No, he doesn't understand. I loosened my grip and looked down on the ground. I let my hair fall front and I winced at the pain. "You should be getting home; your family must be worried." He said.

"No, they are the ones that caused this mess." I said quietly. I wanted to run away, I wanted to get this fight over with. I want to leave my present self. I slowly backed away and headed for the door.

"______________..." I heard and my wrist had a tight grip. Inches away from me were Key's lips, this wasn't the time. I turned away and I couldn't see the expression that followed up with his hands tightening on me. I felt a hand on my forehead and it pulled me back to a tight embrace. His hand turned to an arm around my neck, holding me tightly. His scent soothed me and I felt calmer.

"Key, I want leave myself. I hate myself." I said quietly.

"Tell me everything." He said and I did. I told him everything, from the point of the sudden memories popping into my head, for example the attack that happened when I was younger that killed dozens, to the point where I went against my father and nearly killed him.

"So I came here." I completed my story. Key looked at me and he held my hand.

"Cry." He said.

"W-What?" I stuttered.

"Cry." He repeated. Oddly enough I did. Tears began to bind my eyes and for the first time, I felt as if I was allowed to cry. I had the permission to cry and I felt so much better. I felt...... like myself. "Let it all out." Key said and held me in his tight embrace.

I bawled out. Key's shirt was all wet. I held back no cries, in seconds I released every bit of pain that was ever locked inside. I felt disgusted that all these tears were coming out of me, the years of build ups and in just a few minutes they were all released. There was just way too much tears than I thought there was in me.

I can't recall how long I cried for, but I guess it was 1 to 2 hours. Key soothed me and calmed me down. He wiped my tears away and kissed away the pain. "Sleep here tonight, yes?" He said and I nodded. I changed into a night gown the maid provided me and I slept right next to Key.

"Key, I can't help but feel like crying again." I whispered. The sun was rising, yet it was pitch dark in his room.

"Then cry, cry until you’re out of tears." He said and rubbed my head.

"I can't though, I have no more tears." I said and gave a small smile.

"Then I guess you're just going to have to rest for today." Key said. I breathed in his scent and before I knew it I was dozing off. My dreams weren't peaceful anymore because oddly enough I was still in a white room and was training again. On my own behalf. On my own terms. On my own.

KEYS POV

I looked at ______________ swollen eyes as she dozed off. Her fists were still tightening around my shirt and she had the expression of fear on her. I wonder what she was dreaming of.... I closed my eyes and slowly I got into her mind. This works for dreams believe it or not and since _______________ is off guard, I could easily get into her mind.

A white room, covered in blood and a panting ____________ with a cold expression. She was in a white dress with red splattered everywhere. Her eyes weren't red and she would be flailing her arms as if she was attacking someone, but no powers came out. Was it her blood? I wanted to reach out for her, but just when I lifted one finger she looked right at me and that was when her fangs grew.

"_____________ it's me!" I said. 

"Whooo are youuuu?" I heard and I felt a hand slip around my neck and my chest. "Leaveee herrr aloneeee." I heard again and just when I finally spun around, I saw a little girl. Her face was broken, it was as if it rotted and I nearly screamed. She was a monster...

"What the ." I said and was ready to fight.

"Leaveee her alonee, she's busyyyy." She dragged her words out as she smiled. I looked at her and she looked at me. The only thing that looked normal was her eyes. They were unharmed and they would be glistening if it weren't for the overwhelming amount of rotten flesh.

"What's going in here...?” I said quietly.

"Shee'ss traininggg of coursee. Heee heee." She said."Shee won't see yyouuu. She's fighting againstt hersellfff." She whispered.

"Is that her blood than?" I asked. She shook her head.

"That'ss her blooddd that was supposed to bleed 10 yearrs agoo." The girl said. What? Blood? "Tearrs I suppose." She said again.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I heard a scream and just when I turned back _______________ was laying on the ground motionless. I wanted to move, but I was locked down. I had to get out of here. I was just about to release myself from _____________ horrible dream.

"Oneee more thingggg." I heard. "I look like thisss because I'm longgg gone." The little girl pointed to herself. "Gooodbyee Keyyy, takee care of the present meee... I'mm counting on youuuu, loveee ____________." She said and waved goodbye.

What.... It was just seconds later when I was thrown out of ______________ mind. I looked around and I was back in my room again and ____________ was still sound asleep. I shook her to wake her up. "Mmmm... Is it morning already?" She said and squinted her eyes. Just than I pressed my lips against hers and she pushed me away. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"What were you dreaming about, I want to know everything." I said. It took me awhile before I finally convinced her to show me the image. She did and it was totally different from what I saw. In her mind, she was just simply training like any other vampire. I swear it was a fake image, but she swore that's what she was doing.

"We're you sneaking into my mind? What did you see?" She asked. I hesitated to show her, but it was her dreams, not mine and she had the right. I let the movie begin to play and she just laid their emotionless. "That's what was going on..." She said.

"Was that you?" I asked.

"My childhood me I guess. So my past me had already rotted, I guess I'll never ever get her back. I guess I'm also not that pure as well, for me to be covered in blood." She said and tears escaped her eyes. 

"Baby it's ok, everything will be ok." I said.

"All this time I was so blind to see that I had no longer had a past nor did I even have feelings. I was just too blind..." She quietly whispered. I hugged her and let her tears fall. Why was she so hurt? Why her? Someone as sweet as her should live a kind and loving life, why her? Why did she have to go through all this? 

"Shhh." I soothed.

"Key, I don't have memories or feelings. I have nothing." She said.

"You have me. We'll make memories together, we'll share feelings together and all we need is each other." I said and gave her kiss to seal the deal. I was not going to let her go through this alone, no; I'm going to be with her. From every up to down, I'm staying by ______________ side.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 30 DONE!!

It's been a very long time since I updated! 

I’m sure most of you know that I wasn't feeling good and so I went on an enormous hiatus. I apologize. Still not feeling well, but I owe it to you guys to keep me going and so I'm back with an update.

Not as exciting and maybe not the most greatest, but it's better than nothing right?

I'm so grateful that I have wonderful subbies. I can't promise you the next chapter, but I give you my word in finishing this fanfic. 

Thank you guys so much again! I couldn't have been more thankful.

You guys were encouraging me even through my tough times and I owe it to you guys for making myself believe that maybe writing is a way for me to escape my own emotions. Thank you so much.

Now than...

RANDOM WORD OF THE DAY!!! I MISS DOING THESE!!! (That wasn't a word.) -_-;

Anyway...

THANK YOU!!!

<3