Username: SapphireThorns12

Story Title (&link): The Kiss that Whispered Death

Main Characters (+pairings): Sehun, OC, EXOK cameo

Genre(s): Angst, Dark, Romance, Psychological

Current Length (No. of Chapters): Oneshot

Rated?: Yes.

Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl

Note: As a special note, it was requested to review this to show what readers may want, how they see it, etc., and give it a view upfront of the Foreword and Description. I will do that mainly, but also add the usual, for tips, if needed.

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title; 5/5

I really do like the title for this. It seems dramatic and angsty, which I like. It just got me so curious and I wonder how the story will turn out when it comes... you know? I think it does attract attention and seems so... je ne sei qua.

Poster/Background;  5/5

It fits the theme you're giving and the vibe that your entire story section gives off. The textures used are beautiful and not too much, really. So it's not messy. And as for the character/FC choice of Baek Sumin - I see her a lot and generally hate her overusage. But Baek Sumin has the angst and dramatic aura to her and her photos, so I do think her face fits here quite well. And the photo of Sehun makes him look nervous and tensed. Whereas she is giving a doe-eyed look. And the title- dear Lord the title is beautiful and screams: brilliant!

Description & Foreword;  8/10

   I am not a mushy girl, I hate to admit it. And I do every time I see this uber romantic stuff plastered to a story. But the quote was beautiful and I hope it captures the essence of Sehun and the OC. It seems like he's the one lusting after her and she's the mysterious one.

   Those dividers are lovely, too. They fit well with the themed colors.

   Again, I'm struck by the passion of our Sehun protagonist. He loves this chick. He wants her as his own. And apparently she is reserved and no one cares to even give her a moment of time. The last line does draw me in, but I do honestly think of the typical girl love interest when I see this stuff. And I question why Sehun is so in love with this outcast. What does he love about her? What does he know about her?

Foreword:
     The first bit of info given is about her once again. And all I think of is: Siren. Because she is so capturing and charming and he doesn't know her name? What is this. He is longing for this chick who he doesn't know and I do want to know, so I would definitely read. But I'd still like it if there was more of a cliff hanger or a bit of info to draw me to her. Because the exaggerated love of Sehun is kind of pushing me away...

______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦______________

Reaction;  5/5

    Though I am a bit pushed away through the foreward and description, I am tugged back in at the preview. I really love your writing style and how you make the story flow so effortlessly on the page. I instantly thought of the Bella Swan type on the foreword and it left me hanging. But in the preivew... in the preview you see it instantly - like a wave hitting your dead in the face, and you're left trying to find stable ground. I do like how you go from "what" to "oh my gosh wow". You know?

Plot;  18/20

  Though I'm not sure what it is yet since the story is a WIP, I do think this will turn out to be a brilliant piece of writing. ^^ You already throw us in to the sea of wonder with the preview because we see who she is and the fact she points out Sehun is lusting after her made me smile because as a reader, that was my first thought. And then at the end of the preview, you let us fall in to the wondrous state of "what just happened" and "what happens next". So I'm hoping this will be a great oneshot (I'm sure it will be) and doesn't end as the usual ones do.
 

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   15/15

Typos, the usual. Nothing too bad. Though I may add that with  speaking sentences, try not to space between the apostrophes and the words themselves. ^^ Otherwise, great!

Characterization;   9/15

So! My honest opinion that you've actually already read through.

Ever: That's her name right? I must ask why that is her name because I'm truly cruious. It seems like such a meaningful name for her and I'm curious. But if it is a major piece, don't tell me. ^^ But I felt the "Bella Swan" vibe, as I call it. Where she is pretty, but plain. And I'd honestly like to see a bit of her melancholy seeping in to the foreword/description? You, of course, don't have to, but I am torn between liking her or not...

Sehun: Lover boy. That's my nickname for him here because he's longing after this chick and would risk it all for her and I'm so confused and curious - in a good way - because the oneshot isn't out and the preview leaves you hanging and what happens? Why does he love her so much? Why is he so attached?

 

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  -/5
Oneshot.

Flow;  9/10

Since the preview is up, I'll track it for a second because w o w. Dear, you can write! I love the flow, the output, the input of the emotions, the feelings dripping from the words and in to my very soul-- it's cute and sweet. And I'm not a romance fan, but I do think it is good. But I'm hoping (maybe) that it just doesn't lead to the two together forever and something comes up? Make sure to pace with them and how this comes out and you'll be fine.

Writing Style (format + your style);  10/10

Excuse you, may I please have your writing style?

I really like it and how you word it all. You don't overdo it. You don't push it. You let it flow and guide us with the transitions and movements of the characters and their very own emotions. ^^

Extra & Notes;
  I know this probably isn't the best. Trust me. But here's what I think:

You can write! Use that power and embrace it, please!
You want readers, so tips and tricks for that are: advertise on walls, go to advertisement shops, ask friends to advertise, etc. But I'm sure people will see this and go for it nonetheless!
People around here want love and plot twists. I've learned that. But they also love the folowing: fluff, , their otps, and etc. So don't go by the normal rules and guidelines and do what you want for your stories, don't look for the feedback unless you are "one of those writers", because if so... I have no words. 

I wish you well and lots of love! If you ever need to talk or ask questions, you know where to find me, yeah? ^^ Fighting for your oneshot! <3

Total Score; ♡

84!

  There was no chapter title part and something else, but otherwise I think it would have been higher. But this was mainly for the Foreword and Description, which I tried to review as much and as thouroughly as possible in my eyes. I hope I'm okay and good luck!