Username: kyungsxx
Story Title (&link): D e c e i t ; 骗局
Main Characters (+pairings): Kris (EXO)
Genre(s): Fantasy, Mystery, Romance, Supernatural
Current Length (No. of Chapters): Oneshot
Rated?: (yes/no)
Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl
 

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title;  3.5/5

It makes me think someone has been deceived in this.. And after reading it, I see some point in the title and I think it does fit. But to an extent, it doesn’t.

Poster/Background;  2.5/5

Poster: It reminds me of the genres you have selected for this as well as the title, actually. But the pronunciation distracts me a bit. I’m not sure why.. maybe if it was placed differently..?
Background: Just like the poster – a bit darker, but it’s a gif I notice. So it’s nice to see the stars(?) lighting up like that.

Description & Foreword;  8/10

Description: The definition in there is a good thing. I really like it, honestly. And how you’ve got it as the first thing to read it nice.
Moving on.. the part you wrote, there are some slight things you could change with what you wrote.
“There were holes where my clothes were torn. The result of me running under the pouring rain through the forest.”
After ‘torn’, it’d be best to put a semi-colon.

“Even when I fell and scraped my knee,even when I lost my breath- tears rolling down my smudged face as I force the pain down, I never turned back.”
See the dash you put after ‘breath’? You could do two things:
1; after ‘down’ on the next line, put another dash.
2; leave out the dash and put:  “Even when I fell and scraped my knee, even when I lost my breath, and even when I had tears rolling down my smudged face as I forced the pain down, I never turned back.”
or
“Even when I fell and scraped my knee; even when I lost my breath; even when I had tears rolling down my smudged face as I forced the pain down, I never turned back.”

You could even split all that up if you wanted to. I’d prefer the last bit though.

Next, you are writing in past-tense, so make sure everything is in it! Even if it’s a typo, make sure to reread things. Haha. ‘Force’ should be ‘forced’ in this case.

“Discern” should be past-tense – “discerned”.

“I am trapped” = “I was trapped”.

I like all of it though! It draws you in; brings out the curiosity for what’s going to happen or what’s taking place in that moment. So I do like it!

And sense you used all of the description for the foreword part and telling about the story - the intro and whatever else you’d call it – I’ll leave out everything else. It was replaced with your author’s note, so that’s fine. ^^

Although~ I see the little “I do not own” thing, so I’m noting that as well. It doesn’t bother me, I’m just curious.

_______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦_______________

Creativity/Originality;  3/5

I probably have seen something like this before, and you said it was inspired by something? Anyways, I really did enjoy it and everything surrounding the plot, the intro; everything. I liked you writing style, so that’s always a major plus from me!

Plot;  18/20

I really did enjoy everything. It was making me want to read more and question everything happening. But the entire plot is interesting and worth the read.

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   10/15

The only thing I’ll really nag about it the tense you write in. You wrote in past tense a majority of the description/foreword and I thought that’s where you’re going with the story, but I noticed you switching back A LOT. The only reason I nag is because it’s like going back and forth in time with the tenses. Example (from your writing):

I could feel my insides crumpling into pieces. (Past tense; good.)
I close my eyes tightly to hold back the tears which threatened to fall. (Present tense & past tense. The present tense is represented by the ‘I close my eyes’ and the past is ‘threatened’. So it can be confusing, see?)
I leaned my head on the mirror as I bit down on my lip. (Past again. Good.)

So make sure you reread or get a beta for this. ^^ Switching back and forth can get confusing. I used to do it A LOT and I finally fixed it after I reread my stuff. I’m taking off for a that alone though. Sorry.

Characterization;   10/15

When I started reading, I was curious more-so about the captor, not the captive. It made me wonder how long she’d been there because she gave up so quickly on escaping. Either she doesn’t have much hope to begin with or she has been there so long that she has the right to be hopeless. But if it were me, I’d try to have hope for a while.

But the way you portray her makes my heart hurt for her. She’s scared, hopeless, and wanting to go home. And that’s easy to imagine.

Since this is from her point of view, it’s interesting to see how she describes him; I did enjoy that description. His eyes were ‘emotionless’ but they pierced through her soul. That just makes me think they’re black or something, which isn’t bad.. just thought I’d add that. ^^ But it really made me curious when he flinched from her voice although he seemed so terrifying.

But her captor can be summed up by this: Seemingly scary and terrifying from her first thoughts, but as he returns to her, she becomes more cold and brave, which results in his seeming hurt. Though his eyes are piercing – emotionless and blank – he is beautiful to her. His facial structure is ‘perfect’.

She also said appearances can be deceiving, so props for that.

You bring out more details about both of them throughout this, so I like it. I just had a feeling he’d get described as ‘perfect’ or ‘stunning’ or something – and he did. That was a bit predictable.  And I always lost some interest for perfect guys (even in this case).

But in the end – and even after the end – I just.. judged the main girl a bit. It makes more sense now that I know what happened in the end, but I still.. judge a bit. Sorry for that, too.

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  -/5

Oneshot, so no titles for the chapters. ^^

Flow;  7/10

For a oneshot, you raelly have no limit, but I did think it went a bit fast leading into the kiss. Maybe it’s just me. ^^ Other than that, it went good!

Writing Style (format + your style);  9/10

The Courier font is always fine for me. Especially in mysteries. I’m not sure why…
But the styling format is fine.
Your style: I like it! I really do. I love how you describe and things. And I couldn’t help but giggle at the ‘My ugly sobbing echoed across the room”. Hahah. I found it funny.

Extra & Notes; +15

I really enjoyed it and oh gosh.. I wasn’t expecting that ending in all honesty. Haha.

Total Score; ♡
86/100!

Congrats and feel free to request more reviews! I hope you liked it! <3