Major (E! Challenge)
Pandromeda Review Shop Archive
Major (E! Challenge)
By: theblackcat1236
By: theblackcat1236
TITLE: 5/5
The title was highly related to the story plot itself. Plus, I've read the challenge rules and I think you've followed the rule regarding the title. So it's a perfect score for me.
The title was highly related to the story plot itself. Plus, I've read the challenge rules and I think you've followed the rule regarding the title. So it's a perfect score for me.
POSTER: -/-
There was no poster in the story, so I will just add the points intended for the Poster to the Creativity/Plot/Originality section of my review. ^^
There was no poster in the story, so I will just add the points intended for the Poster to the Creativity/Plot/Originality section of my review. ^^
DESCRIPTION: 3/5
The description was short, plain and simple. Also, it leaves the reader in a state of curiosity that would lead her to read on. And that's good. Although it would be better if you would make it a little longer than 2 sentences. More details would be preferable too. :)
The description was short, plain and simple. Also, it leaves the reader in a state of curiosity that would lead her to read on. And that's good. Although it would be better if you would make it a little longer than 2 sentences. More details would be preferable too. :)
FOREWORD: 2/5
Really sorry for the low grading. What you did, which was to explain that the story was actually a response to a challenge and a warning that the story is written in screenplay form, is a good idea. But I was expecting a little more elaboration about the story and the plot itself. Considering that it was a one-shot and we wouldn't get a lot of details from a one-shot.
Really sorry for the low grading. What you did, which was to explain that the story was actually a response to a challenge and a warning that the story is written in screenplay form, is a good idea. But I was expecting a little more elaboration about the story and the plot itself. Considering that it was a one-shot and we wouldn't get a lot of details from a one-shot.
CHARACTERIZATION: 10/15
There was no character map or any character description written anywhere in the Foreword so I was thinking that maybe you were leaving it up to the reader to figure out the characters' personalities? If that is so, then I think you didn't do a very good job in explaining them throughout the whole one-shot. At the end of the story, what I thought is that Yesung is a really aggressive, talkative and somewhat intimidating guy while Ryeowook is the shy and non-talkative type. If the reader is a fan of Super Junior then maybe he/she could picture the characters easily but for people who aren't that big of a fan, it would be hard. Try adding more details next time, okay? It doesn't need to be long or whatnot. A short one will do as long as we have a basic picture of what kind of people your characters are. ^^
There was no character map or any character description written anywhere in the Foreword so I was thinking that maybe you were leaving it up to the reader to figure out the characters' personalities? If that is so, then I think you didn't do a very good job in explaining them throughout the whole one-shot. At the end of the story, what I thought is that Yesung is a really aggressive, talkative and somewhat intimidating guy while Ryeowook is the shy and non-talkative type. If the reader is a fan of Super Junior then maybe he/she could picture the characters easily but for people who aren't that big of a fan, it would be hard. Try adding more details next time, okay? It doesn't need to be long or whatnot. A short one will do as long as we have a basic picture of what kind of people your characters are. ^^
FORMAT: 10/10
I have nothing against your story format. For a screenplay type of story, it can be read easily. The underlining you did for the characters' name was a great idea since I for one did not mix up the name of the character speaking with the sentence itself. Plus, formatting the movement/action phrase inside a parenthesis and making it italicized was a great idea. So, good job on this field!
I have nothing against your story format. For a screenplay type of story, it can be read easily. The underlining you did for the characters' name was a great idea since I for one did not mix up the name of the character speaking with the sentence itself. Plus, formatting the movement/action phrase inside a parenthesis and making it italicized was a great idea. So, good job on this field!
FLOW/DETAIL: 6/10
The flow was quite good. The way Yesung shifted from one topic to another wasn't as confusing as I expected it to be. What gave a low mark on this area was the detail; which lacked A LOT. The only movement/action that I've read was the part where Yesung walked over to Ryeowook and that's it. If this was really in a screenplay format, then you wouldn't expect the two characters to be only standing throughout their whole conversation, right? Also, you could add a few details like, where they were when they met, what were they doing and things like that. Another, you could have added up a little information about the character's reaction. From what I've read, it seems that Ryeowook was a little flustered about Yesung asking questions pertaining to Ryeowook's grandmother--you should have written what his expression was or how he felt.
CREATIVITY/PLOT/ORIGINALITY: 12/20
Honestly, I have never read a plot like this before. The whole one-shot was about friendship and it was quite refreshing. Most of the stories in AFF are romance-comedy, romance-tragedy or anything that is related to romance. It was good to talk about College Majors for a change. But I gave it a 6 because I found it a little boring. For a reader like me who's around AFF to be entertained, your story was a little off. And the ending left me puzzled. I was haunted with questions like, "What was the point of Yesung talking to Ryeowook?", "What is the relation of the Michigan Football Team to the whole story?" and the most intriguing of all, "What just happened...?" which was more of a 'loading, loading' situation in my part. I don't know if I'm just slow or if I'm stupid enough to not get it but aside from the part where Yesung tried to catch up to Ryeowook by asking his Major in college, I didn't get anything else.
Honestly, I have never read a plot like this before. The whole one-shot was about friendship and it was quite refreshing. Most of the stories in AFF are romance-comedy, romance-tragedy or anything that is related to romance. It was good to talk about College Majors for a change. But I gave it a 6 because I found it a little boring. For a reader like me who's around AFF to be entertained, your story was a little off. And the ending left me puzzled. I was haunted with questions like, "What was the point of Yesung talking to Ryeowook?", "What is the relation of the Michigan Football Team to the whole story?" and the most intriguing of all, "What just happened...?" which was more of a 'loading, loading' situation in my part. I don't know if I'm just slow or if I'm stupid enough to not get it but aside from the part where Yesung tried to catch up to Ryeowook by asking his Major in college, I didn't get anything else.
SPELLING/GRAMMAR/VOCABULARY: 30/30
Woohoo~ Perfect score for this part. I'm telling you now, I'm particularly strict on this aspect so I was happy to see that you haven't made any grammatical error/typo in your story. Good job! :D
Woohoo~ Perfect score for this part. I'm telling you now, I'm particularly strict on this aspect so I was happy to see that you haven't made any grammatical error/typo in your story. Good job! :D
OVERALL: 78/100
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS:
I was never familiar of story challenges and the like so I was a little worried that I'd make a wrong judgement regarding your review. But even though that's the case, I had fun reading your story! It was also great that I managed to get a whole lot information about College Majors/Courses in your story. Keep it up and I know there you still have a lot of brilliant ideas just waiting to burst out of you. Just keep the creative juices flowing and I'll be looking up to more one-shots coming from you! ☺ (PS. Sorry if your review took long enough!)
I was never familiar of story challenges and the like so I was a little worried that I'd make a wrong judgement regarding your review. But even though that's the case, I had fun reading your story! It was also great that I managed to get a whole lot information about College Majors/Courses in your story. Keep it up and I know there you still have a lot of brilliant ideas just waiting to burst out of you. Just keep the creative juices flowing and I'll be looking up to more one-shots coming from you! ☺ (PS. Sorry if your review took long enough!)
Reviewer: DefinitionofRandom
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