Life's Still Hard Even Though I'm Related To Someone Famous
Pandromeda Review Shop Archive
Username: supershinee
Fanfiction name: Life's Still Hard Even Though I'm Related To Someone Famous
AFF Profile link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/19327
Characters in story: Nicole Maya Kim, Key, rest of SHINee, Sandeul, Sulli
Story title: Life's Still Hard Even Though I'm Related To Someone Famous
Story theme: comedy,drama
Story link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/68930/life-s-still-hard-even-though-i-m-related-to-someone-famous-comedy-jonghyun-key-sandeul-shinee-sulli-yoona
Fanfiction name: Life's Still Hard Even Though I'm Related To Someone Famous
AFF Profile link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/19327
Characters in story: Nicole Maya Kim, Key, rest of SHINee, Sandeul, Sulli
Story title: Life's Still Hard Even Though I'm Related To Someone Famous
Story theme: comedy,drama
Story link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/68930/life-s-still-hard-even-though-i-m-related-to-someone-famous-comedy-jonghyun-key-sandeul-shinee-sulli-yoona
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Story Title: 1.5/5
Your story title is unoriginal and unappealing. In your case, your title is too long and would look better if you shortened it. The title doesn't include any mystery which doesn't make the reader question or think about what the story is going to be like. The title is practically broadcasting what the story ends up being. There are no words that attract me to your story. Your title can be as short as "Obstacles" and it will sound nice along with being relevant to your story. Although your title is definitely relevant to your story, it needs better vocabulary, mystery, and a nice length. I think it would be nice to have a title more relevant to Nicole's relationship with Sandeul and Sulli.
Poster and Background Appearance: 4/10
The poster is pretty unprofessional. Not to disgrace your poster or your hard work, but I believe it could be better. The fonts you used are not suitable for a poster and the characters you put on it do not match with each other. Their skin tones are off from each other and the proportions when you put them next to each other makes it look a little odd. The minor details are manageable if you don't really care about the poster, but I think it would look much better if you just put your ulzzang and Sandeul. The background of the poster could look better as well. Maybe pink polkadots would fit.
The trailer was done pretty well and explained your story properly. I have no problems with the trailer at all.
Forewords: 4/10
I am not a big fan of your story description. I think it would be better if you gave the readers a recap of your first story and then you described the sequel from third person point of view. It would look much nicer. It would also be prettier if you used a smaller font without color so it looks neater. In your story description, you gave out a list which would be much better for you to describe instead of name out. You also wrote a conversation between three of your characters which isn't needed, but it is nice to read for fun.
In the foreword, you gave us little previews of a couple scenes. The only problem that I had was that there were only three lines or less for each preview. Most of those lines were not very important to the story and it doesn't really grab us. If you gave us a quote from a very big and exciting moment that will come in the story, I'm sure it would grab more readers. The last two previews were fine, but the ones above them were average and uninteresting, however, I found them slightly cute.
Plot/Originality: 16/30
The story line is not very original considering that your main character has a famous sibling and goes through a lot of hardships along with having a complicated love triangle when her love's old love comes back. It is used as a plot for many other stories.
Spelling/Grammar: 9/10
It is hard to find spelling errors and grammatical errors, but most of it is fine! Just a couple typos and nothing too serious. I noticed a couple typos, so make sure you correct those by reading your chapters thoroughly to search for them. The first one is in the second chapter with a misspelling of the word, new. The only problem I have with grammer is stated below.
If your character is speaking from his or her thoughts, it is best to italicize it so if she or her is talking from present tense instead of past tense, it won't be mixed together.
Example:
I opened one eye and closed it, refusing to get up. I don't care what Key does. I'm not moving from this spot.
Notice how the first sentence is obviously in past tense, but the second and third sentences act as if nothing has happened yet. Those two are coming from Nicole's mind and not an action. If you wrote "I had thought" or "I thought" before you wrote your sentence, it isn't needed to italicize.
Flow: 8/10
The pace is fine, but everything just seems to be going slow to me. Maybe because Sulli hasn't appeared yet or there aren't any scenes that grab me.
Writing Style: 6/10
You write like most other authors on AFF. You tend to not have errors in every chapter and that is a really good thing. The thing I have a problem with is that you use dialogue too much. Almost every line is of someone talking. You need to go more into detail with your paragraphs. All of your paragraphs end up being one line long, occasionally being more. It would help explain the story a whole lot more.
Ending: --/10
Your story hasn't ended yet, so this won't be counted in the final score.
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
The story isn't too bad. I wasn't fitting to the types of stories I like to read even though I'm a fan of Sandeul. I didn't enjoy it too much because it is unoriginal and the type of story could be found anywhere. However, the story itself is kind of cute.
Bonus: 2/5
Your spelling and grammar are almost perfect! All you need to do is add some more detail and fix up some things and the story would be nice!
Total: 52.5/90
58.33%
Your story title is unoriginal and unappealing. In your case, your title is too long and would look better if you shortened it. The title doesn't include any mystery which doesn't make the reader question or think about what the story is going to be like. The title is practically broadcasting what the story ends up being. There are no words that attract me to your story. Your title can be as short as "Obstacles" and it will sound nice along with being relevant to your story. Although your title is definitely relevant to your story, it needs better vocabulary, mystery, and a nice length. I think it would be nice to have a title more relevant to Nicole's relationship with Sandeul and Sulli.
Poster and Background Appearance: 4/10
The poster is pretty unprofessional. Not to disgrace your poster or your hard work, but I believe it could be better. The fonts you used are not suitable for a poster and the characters you put on it do not match with each other. Their skin tones are off from each other and the proportions when you put them next to each other makes it look a little odd. The minor details are manageable if you don't really care about the poster, but I think it would look much better if you just put your ulzzang and Sandeul. The background of the poster could look better as well. Maybe pink polkadots would fit.
The trailer was done pretty well and explained your story properly. I have no problems with the trailer at all.
Forewords: 4/10
I am not a big fan of your story description. I think it would be better if you gave the readers a recap of your first story and then you described the sequel from third person point of view. It would look much nicer. It would also be prettier if you used a smaller font without color so it looks neater. In your story description, you gave out a list which would be much better for you to describe instead of name out. You also wrote a conversation between three of your characters which isn't needed, but it is nice to read for fun.
In the foreword, you gave us little previews of a couple scenes. The only problem that I had was that there were only three lines or less for each preview. Most of those lines were not very important to the story and it doesn't really grab us. If you gave us a quote from a very big and exciting moment that will come in the story, I'm sure it would grab more readers. The last two previews were fine, but the ones above them were average and uninteresting, however, I found them slightly cute.
Plot/Originality: 16/30
The story line is not very original considering that your main character has a famous sibling and goes through a lot of hardships along with having a complicated love triangle when her love's old love comes back. It is used as a plot for many other stories.
Spelling/Grammar: 9/10
It is hard to find spelling errors and grammatical errors, but most of it is fine! Just a couple typos and nothing too serious. I noticed a couple typos, so make sure you correct those by reading your chapters thoroughly to search for them. The first one is in the second chapter with a misspelling of the word, new. The only problem I have with grammer is stated below.
If your character is speaking from his or her thoughts, it is best to italicize it so if she or her is talking from present tense instead of past tense, it won't be mixed together.
Example:
I opened one eye and closed it, refusing to get up. I don't care what Key does. I'm not moving from this spot.
Notice how the first sentence is obviously in past tense, but the second and third sentences act as if nothing has happened yet. Those two are coming from Nicole's mind and not an action. If you wrote "I had thought" or "I thought" before you wrote your sentence, it isn't needed to italicize.
Flow: 8/10
The pace is fine, but everything just seems to be going slow to me. Maybe because Sulli hasn't appeared yet or there aren't any scenes that grab me.
Writing Style: 6/10
You write like most other authors on AFF. You tend to not have errors in every chapter and that is a really good thing. The thing I have a problem with is that you use dialogue too much. Almost every line is of someone talking. You need to go more into detail with your paragraphs. All of your paragraphs end up being one line long, occasionally being more. It would help explain the story a whole lot more.
Ending: --/10
Your story hasn't ended yet, so this won't be counted in the final score.
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
The story isn't too bad. I wasn't fitting to the types of stories I like to read even though I'm a fan of Sandeul. I didn't enjoy it too much because it is unoriginal and the type of story could be found anywhere. However, the story itself is kind of cute.
Bonus: 2/5
Your spelling and grammar are almost perfect! All you need to do is add some more detail and fix up some things and the story would be nice!
Total: 52.5/90
58.33%
-KoreanBiased
-KoreanB
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