Username: Moony_Kat

Story Title (&link): "Take Care of My Boyfriend"

Main Characters (+pairings): CL | Kai | OC | Chanyeol

Genre(s): Angst, Romance, Supernatural

Current Length (No. of Chapters): 14+ (ongoing)

Rated?: No

Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title;  4/5

First thought is yes, this is going to be about someone dying and leaving the care of her man in her friend's hands - not saying it's a bad thing, but it holds the main concept right there in the title. I like it. Although I've seen these stories a lot, and seen these words a bit much, I still think it holds on to the focus well.
And especially those who are romance-lovers, angst-lovers, or anything else with love, passion, lust, even friendship - I think anyone who likes that will click it. It does take hold of your curiousity. "Why do they need to take care of their boyfriend?" "What happened?"

I only put 4 since I have seen these topic stories and words like these a lot. It's nothing against you, just for originality sake. I do like the title, so don't change it!

Poster/Background;  5/5

Goodness! I really adore the poster. The quote in it fits extremely well and how "boyfriend" pops out at you is a signifigane. It holds all three main characters right there for display, although the girl in the middle was actually a bit hard to pinpoint for me. It took me a few times to even notice there was a girl! /wide eyes/
Overall, I adore the poster and think it fits really well. The genre type, the dark texture and the expressions on theirs faces...
Good job, designer!

Description & Foreword;  10/10

When I first read this, I grinned so bad that my cheeks hurt. The description is so well written and brings in the aura of "angst" and "wonder" - and then it hit me. I am one for research and lore. When I saw the "red strings of fate" at the end of the desription, I already knew I had too high expectations for this story. Red strings of fate are one of my top favorite things and if the concept is written horribly, it hurts me physically... joking on that literal term.
   But the overall description brought me to a sense of continuing on with the story and being genuinely excited for what was in store for the characters and your writing.

    The quote is also a very nice touch.

Foreword:
     The first word hit me like a ton of bricks because it is so true! No one ever takes this in to consideration... ugh! I love it!
    The glimpse in to the prologued event gave anyone a chance to see who the main girl is and who exactly CL/Chaelin is at a glance. We see CL as a prep, nonetheless, and Seon Yul as a caring, yet fiesty friend. This foreword was like seeing a trailer for a movie in my mind, no matter how odd that sounds. It was like hearing the voice over the unfolding scenes before you then suddenly...

Black. And I have to go on.

Excellent job!

______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦______________

Creativity/Originality;  4/5

I've seen the subject of having a boyfriend being taken care of by a friend of either a dead girl, girl gone missing, girl who is sick and dying, and so on. This bothered me because once you are a reviewer and read so many plots, things change. Though this seems typical for me, it really did shock me how much I would like it and how different it would be than what I expected. You brought a small idea some water and grew it into a beautiful, blossoming flower. It's wonderful!

I deducted because of the plot first given at hand and how I was turned off by the idea I expected, and also the CL/Seon Yul relationship of having one preppy bestie and the other as being caring. I do enjoy it, but I have seen it quite a lot.

Plot;  19/20

  It seemed like it would mainly revolve around Seon Yul's conquest to make Jongin her friend and somehow the two would fall in love...
    Then this happened, then something was revealed, and two people fought and I was like "what happened to this couple why" and my inner reading fangirl was questioning the life of Seon Yul in a matter of chapters. There is more depth to this story than what one would expect and I respect you putting your mind in to creating the story this way. I love stories that reveal much more than anyone could expect. It's refreshing!

    I have no tips or tricks for you here, or anywhere, probably. But my main point here is that the plot throughout this and its tiny sub-plots are refreshing, cute, some are confusing but get pieced together shortly; every bit is well done.
 

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   14/15

There are minor places that have grammar typos, as I call them. They are tiny mishaps made between the "past, present, and future" tenses of words. I see them everywhere in stories, even in my own. Just make sure when typing or even proofreading that you make sure the tenses are correct.
Who / whom. They were, they won't - not she were or I were. S/he was not they was.  it is, it had been, it was, it will be, etc. Check was, wasn't, whose, were, where, won't. I could give more but these are just small examples. I'm not saying yours is filled with these, because it isn't. Just a few. But I tried with examples.

Everything else vocab and grammar wise was quite alright in my book! There were no out-of-place sentences or things that confused me. Although, remember to use synonyms for some things and not to keep repeating some words such as actions after speaking/responding, agreeing (like nodding or even shaking head), etc. If you ever think you've used a word too much, go to Thesaurus and type in a word to find sysnonyms and even antonyms! It's been my love lately.

Characterization;   12/15

Jongin is a raging ball of fire with a squishy pit.
CL is a preppy, arrogant girl with a caring heart.
Go Seon Yul is the trusty best friend whose mind gets changed and she has a hidden past.
Chanyeol is the boyfriend who becomes someone you can't recognize.

Nothing against any character, I swear. I'm just pointing out what I view them as throughout this story. I love Seon Yul's layers. I love the fact she brings in her brother and you're left with "a brother? a past we  don't know?" and you just kind of... stare and wonder. And then the thing with Jongin/Kai. You let it slip in a sentence that Jongin was indeed Kai before you should've. It was in Chapter 9, I think. But they were questioning who "Kai" was and then we see Jongin and you used "Kai did this" instead of putting "Jongin". If that wasn't a mistake, I got confused.

Then there is the story between lovers Chanyeol and Seonyul. I was thrown off track when the two kind of broke (not broke up, but just.. broke). Chanyeol got a call and had to leave, and even though Seon Yul stated she was used to it, Chanyeol automatically acts strange and Seonyul goes a bit paranoid and upset the next couple of days. I'm no expert on love and relationships, and I just got a sense of "what the hell happened" between the two. Though through that scene, you see the typical man in him and how Seonyul is struggling with life. I feel like the space between them is a good thing.

And I'm expected more characters to step forth in this story since you bring new elements in. I hope to see some eerie or even darker characters for this, since we have more angst to expect, right? Or-? I don't know, really. Oh! The only thing is, is to make sure you stick to your characters main details. Too quick or much of a change can be bad and I feel like though we are seeing true sides to some characters, that they are changing them a bit too fast for the story's pace.
 

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  5/5
They fit nicely and give us an idea of what to expect. They even catch me off guard, which is great!

Flow;  8/10
I saw no problems with the flow, but at points I admit that I felt they either went too fast or skipped something... Like with Chanyeol and Seonyul (sorry I keep bringing this up), it went from happy and date time to the two of them not really getting along and "losing space between them" as I would call it. And even from the hospital to resuming her normal life, I would've like to have seen a bit more there. Even with Seonyul just dealing with the fact her dead best friend is still in her world -- I'd be stark raving mad if that happened to me! Can you image the shock?

A bit more detail into scenes like that would be great to see! I think the ideas put in are all awesome elements for the story alone, but I feel that a few need to be boosted with added detail. I'm always one who shouts "more detail, more detail!", so if that's bothersome, I do apologize. ^^

With the 14 chapters already given though, I do like the flow for the story and aside from my mini advice above, I leave the flow to you, my dear.

Writing Style (format + your style);  10/10

I love your writing! You portray emotions, you can bring people and events in so well... And the things you think up are astounding and shock me. Always in a good way, though! ^^

The formatting is great, so no comments for that.

Extra & Notes; (+10)
  Aside from me wanting more detail and the tense issue, I have nothing to offer, I'm afraid. Unless I've missed anything, which I think I haven't. ^^

  I loved the story and can't wait for the update on it, lovely! <3 I'm excited to see how Seonyul's life progresses as well as the other characters and what happens with CL in the end. Even if she passes on, I'd like to see the "how and why" portions. So I'll stick with you always!

Total Score; ♡

1 0 1

  Lately I feel a bit like I'm showing favoritism, but I assure you, you deserve this score! I love how you throw things in and it's never enough! How Seonyul holds herself after the accident and then even tries to deal with her dead best friend is heart-warming in a way because it shows character in her and shows us that she is willing to do anything... and she's a strong leading girl! ^^ Keep writing!