One month later

Dear dairy,

I never liked keeping diaries, never really saw the point of them. Sure, I used to have one during my early teens, but I used to always lose them or forget about it. But my psychologist said that this will do me good. She told me that I can tell you everything that I'm feeling that I can't tell anyone else.

Well, I don't really know how to start all this because I'm feeling kind of silly right now. Trying to talk to a book and all...

I guess I should start with the fact that I feel quite betrayed by the fact that my parents actually sent me to see a psychologist. It makes me feel crazy and... abnormal. I was so excited for the Christmas break since it was one of the rare times that both of my parents were actually home. But they could tell something was different about me. Then they started to get worried. So I guess this was how I ended up here, pouring out all my feelings into this little book.

And I also feel kind of famous, I'm currently the talk of school. The also all think I've gone crazy, too. I'm not crazy; I know I have become more distant and quiet but that does not make me crazy. I am not socially inept or a recluse but I do like the solitude of my own company, and people seem to find something wrong with that.

But I would say I'd be lying if I said I was completely fine. I still do tend to cry myself to sleep most nights. I find it almost impossible to get out of bed in the morning. I hate being around people that thinks they know why I'm like this and tries to 'help' me. I don't need the help.

Ah, and it turned out that I share the same psychologist as Byunghun. I know, I didn't even realise he had one either. I asked her why he needed one but she refused to tell me - at first. Until I managed to squeeze little things out about him from her here and there. It turns out that Byunghun suffers from bi-polar disorder. And depression. I never knew and would have never thought about this. I feel guilty. Even though I knew that there was nothing I could've done to have helped him, because apparently he's been like this for a while now.

I knew that it was slightly strange, the way he seemed to be so sad and emotional with me one day and the next he would be all happy and cheerful again. I thought he was like me; pretending that something bad didn't happen just so I can have my normal life routine back. I wish I was there more for him.

I guess you want me to get to the point, right...? About him.

Well, he hasn't returned. Everything feels different without him here, and every little thing just remind me of him. What I said sounded so cliche it's stupid. I hear people say it all the time, how the little things tend to remind them of their lover I just didn't know how much it actually hurt until I was going through the same thing. Imagining the pain and actually going through it is so different.

Today, I walked into the library in school - and I don't know why - but I stopped when I just got in two steps. I turned to the right and stared at the shelf in f