Description:
It's a cruel world out there and Jiyong is only human. But he's got himself a human shield, keeping him safe from crumbling down.

Foreword:
“I can’t do anything right, can I? I just can’t do anything right.” Jiyong muttered.

Seunghyun was awakened by the sound of soft sniffles and light shakes from the shoulders wrapped in his arms. He frowned in the dark, trying to make sure that what he's hearing is not a pigment of his dream. The corner of his eye caught a ray of faint light illuminating the space next to him.

"Jiyong?" He frowned and lifted his head to peek over the shoulder. He felt Jiyong's body tensed before he moved quickly to wipe his tears and hummed a response. "What are you-" Seunghyun was cut off when he noticed what Jiyong was doing. "Jiyong, I told you not to read them! Why don't you listen to me?" He grabbed Jiyong's phone and hid it away.

Then Jiyong starts sobbing harder.

Seunghyun sighed. “Turn around and look at me.” He sounded stern as he pulls Jiyong by his wrist to shift and lay on his other side. But Jiyong pulled his hand back, shaking his head. A soft whimper escaped his lips but it hit Seunghyun’s heart hard enough.

Jiyong slid his hand into Seunghyun’s and holds on to it. Seunghyun holds back just as tightly, caressing the back of Jiyong’s hand with his thumb.

“How can they say such things?” Jiyong mumbled against their clasped hands, voice hoarse and barely audible through gasps of his sobs. He can’t help his tears anymore. He presses the ball of his free hand against his eye.

“I told you to ignore them, Ji..” Seunghyun pulled Jiyong impossibly closer in his arms, nuzzling at the crook of Jiyong’s neck. “They’re not important.”

“How are they not? That’s how people see me. That’s who people think I am.” Jiyong shrinks even more around Seunghyun.

“Since when do we care about what people think of us?” Seunghyun shot, almost growling. He hates this. He hates it when Jiyong is fragile and broken like this. It makes him angry. “You know better, Jiyong.”

“But it hurts..” Jiyong’s shoulders shook a little as he curls his body more, hiding himself from the world with Seunghyun’s arms locked protectively around him.

“I know it does.” But Seunghyun wouldn’t let Jiyong crumble like this again. He pulled Jiyong’s hand again, trying to get him to turn around, to get him out of his invisible shield. “I know it does. But we can’t stop them. If I could, I would stop them for you. Because I hate seeing you like this, seeing you think less of yourself. I’m not gonna let you fall again.”

Jiyong stays in his defensive cocoon, eyes tightly shut.

“Ji. Come on, look at me.” Seunghyun propped himself up on his elbow. “Please.” He added when Jiyong is still stubbornly curled next to him, still holding on to his hand. “Jiyong..”

Jiyong opens his eyes slowly, staring straight blankly.

“Come on, turn around.” Seunghyun tries pulling his hand again, gently. “It’s okay, it’s only us here.”

Jiyong finally gives in. He slowly uncurls and shifts, chest heaving with harbored breaths from all the crying. He turns around, but avoids looking up at Seunghyun. He retreats, swiftly hiding his face just under Seunghyun’s jaw. Seunghyun has seen him at his lowest but somehow, whenever something like this happens, he feel embarrassed. He doesn’t know how to look at Seunghyun in the eyes.

“That’s it..” Seunghyun coos as he guides Jiyong’s arm around his waist and embraces Jiyong against his chest. He runs a soothing hand along Jiyong’s back, whispering in Jiyong’s ear telling him to stop crying, telling him that things are going to be fine. He knows that this is just Jiyong’s trauma striking back from years ago. He needs to wake Jiyong from this before it consumed him whole. But he let Jiyong cry to pour everything out; the sadness, the frustration, the anxiety. Afraid that it’s gonna explode like a timed bomb if he let everything bottle up inside.

“I can’t do anything right, can I? I just can’t do anything right.” Jiyong muttered after a while.

“Ji..stop saying that.”

“I can’t satisfy anybody no matter what I do..”

“No, you can’t. You would die if you try.” Seunghyun keeps kneading along Jiyong’s back, hoping to ease the tense in his bones. “You can’t satisfy everybody. There will always be people loving what you do, people hating what you do and even people who don’t even care what you do.” Seunghyun comforts Jiyong with the familiar words. They are like Jiyong’s personal tranquilizer when he’s overwhelmed by panic attacks like this.

“I feel like I should just hide and disappear.” Jiyong whines.

“Jiyong..” Seunghyun tightened his embrace around Jiyong. “That would give them exactly what they want; you giving up and admitting defeat. They said stuff like that because they don’t know who you really are. And they did it on purpose just to hurt you. They can say what they want but what matters is you know who you are and what you’re doing. If it satisfies you, you don’t have to bother with what other people have to say.”

Jiyong slowly calms down, letting Seunghyun's words seep into his head. The tense restricting his shoulders slowly melts. Although he’s heard this over and over again, they never get old. These words keep him sane. And he’s so grateful for Seunghyun who would remind him of this whenever he feels claustrophobic like the walls are closing in on him again, whenever he feels paranoid like scrutinizing eyes are watching his every move, waiting for him to make another mistake.

Seunghyun could feel Jiyong inhales deeply and let it out in a long sigh, shifting a little bit, molding more comfortably against him. They stayed like that in comfortable silence. Seunghyun didn’t care that his shirt as well as his pillows are damped now from Jiyong’s tears. He’s just relieved that Jiyong has calmed down; the crying has stopped and the once heaving chest has steadied to its regular rhythm as Jiyong falls asleep. He brought a hand up to card Jiyong's hair back, away from his dampened eyes and furrowed brows. He pressed a kiss atop Jiyong's head and pulled away after a few meaningful moments, tightening his embrace around the frail shoulders.

“If only they could see you through my eyes."

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