|| Chapter Twenty Seven ||

[*]

November 28, 2013

When I had fallen in love with him, I didn’t expect to be so deep in love. Heck, I’ve heard of puppy crushes before but this—this was intense, this was like a fire burning inside my chest and the closer he was to me the hotter the fire burned—this was love.

His name was Nam Woohyun…ah, even the sound of his name makes my heart ache so badly. You could say he was popular, he always had a shine to him that I couldn’t pinpoint. He always had this huge smile on his face that never seem to wear off—maybe that’s why I admired him so much, he seemed to always smile so brightly as if the whole world decided to give him every bit of luck they could offer.

He was a good singer too, I think that’s another aspect as to why I fell for him so hard. He was good at singing, I heard him sing once at a school event and my breath was taken away—and so was the rest of the 400 plus students on campus. Maybe that’s why he was so famous around the school.

He had charisma too, lots of it. He seemed like one of those fountains that you see at the park, always at the center and always overflowing with water.

When I joined the singing club, it took the combined will power of Howon, Dongwoo and Sunggyu to physically strap me into the chair. Before I never really liked to sing so openly, sure I loved to hum in the shower but singing in front of 400 plus students? No thank you.

Sunggyu was the only friend I had in there so I was shamefully sticking to him like a new born baby panda would to its mom, wherever Sunggyu went I went—and, just like destiny, wherever Sunggyu went Woohyun was there.

Looking back at it now I should have seen the signs, but when you’re so blinded by love you tend to miss out on the little details, like how Woohyun would steal glances at Sunggyu or how he would constantly brush his hand on top of Sunggyu’s hands—I never saw that, all I saw was Woohyun handsomely looking to the side and Woohyun gracefully moving his hands like an expert pianist—true, love makes you blind.

Maybe if I had paid attention I could have avoided this heartbreak.

Remember, when I said that I hated moving?

In that moment, I’ve never been so happy to move out of a place, to hear my dad once again murmur in exasperation that we were moving again to a different little town because of his job. 

I never wanted to move.

But with this small little town where I had made a home for myself for three years, I just wanted to be far, far away.

D.O

[*]

Jongin stared at the white piece of paper as his heart—constricted? No, no it was more like it shattered. But why though, he asked himself, why would he feel the way he felt now? Everyone has first loves, even him so granting that D.O was a healthy abled body young man, he should have had his first love too—this Nam Woohyun guy.

“Tsk,” Jongin rolled his eyes a little and shoved the white paper into the envelope with a small huff. “I don’t like this Woohyun person,”

Sehun raised a questioning eyebrow, staring at his best friend and opening his mouth a little—wanting to say something—but immediately closed it thinking against saying something. “Yeah…sounds like a mean character,”

Jongin nodded in agreement as he looked across the table towards Sehun and frowned a little, Sehun had this pensive look on his face—a look that said “I have something to say but I don’t think it’s the right time for that now,” Jongin tried to push it, he wanted to get the truth out of Sehun’s mouth but he knew how stubborn Sehun could be and decided against it.

“Alright, maybe we should go home—it’s getting late,” Jongin suggested as he sat up from his chair and placed some money on the table. “My treat.”

“Jongin,” Sehun voiced out his name quietly as Jongin turned around and raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah?”

“Whatever happens, call me okay?” Sehun said, his eyes looking up into Jongin’s with determination. “I’m here for you, don’t forget that.”

“I know,” Jongin smiled softly at Sehun as he turned around and walked out of the café, leaving behind the scent of coffee and cozy atmosphere in the café. He started to walk down the streets that he knew and let his feet carry him home—his mind racing with different thoughts all fighting to get answered.

What happened to Woohyun and D.O?

Why did he lose his friends?

He had a lot of questions and mostly he didn’t have answers to them, not unless of course he dug through the remaining letters of D.O.

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin stopped in his tracks as his eyes widened at the fact that his own voice corrected his thoughts. “Do Kyungsoo,” Jongin said, a little bit louder this time as he looked up and stared at the sky. A sigh escaped his lips as he reached up and tangles his hands in his hair as he tried to shield his eyes from the glaring sunlight. “Damn…what did you do…Do Kyungsoo?”

Jongin laid down on his bed as he looked up into the ceiling as he heard the slow ticking of the clock. It was like that night, he lamented, so many nights ago when he discovered the box full of D.O’s letters.

He turned to his side and stared at the same box that was now sitting in his closet and he tried to think what would have happened if he hadn’t found the box.

“Probably a boring summer vacation,” Jongin said to himself as he closed his eyes and sighed a little. “Maybe a bit of dance practice, hanging out with Sehun, helping out mom…” Jongin listed out carefully everything he had been doing in every summer vacation and realized that yeah it would have been boring to do the same thing over and over again—I guess now he somewhat sympathized with Kyungsoo’s hatred for moving so much.

Jongin slowly got up and sat at the edge of his bed as he stared at the box, his heart once again starting to constrict—no, shatter.

“Stop,” Jongin said as he placed his hand on top of his chest where his heart was, “Stop okay? You’re not allowed to do that.”

Jongin nodded firmly as he got up from his bed and started walking towards the closet, picking up the box and putting it back on top of his bed.

He pulled out the two letters that he had taken that day and placed it in the small drawer next to his bed where all the other letters had been and pulled out the letter that was on the top and flipped it over to see the title of the letter.

December 1, 2013

Nam Woohyun

Jongin expected it that much, but there it was again—the shatter. The small piece of his heart that felt like it was getting stabbed a million times over. He swallowed his pain and quickly tore the envelope open, hissing a little when he had acquired a paper cut on his finger. He quickly ignored it and took out the piece of creamy white paper and opened it—readying himself to whatever he’s going to read.

|| Shattered ||