Title.

Your title was rare and there isn't any other stories on AFF which has the same title as yours. That's good because your title is something new to the readers. I'm sure the readers who enjoy reading supernatural fics would be intrigued to read your story.

Appearance.

Your current poster is beautiful and it perfectly matches the story. There's nothing I could criticise about your story's appearance. Everything is just amazing.

Foreword/Description.

I love the quote you used from City of Ashes for your description. It suits the story well. However, I don't understand why is "a recrudecence of evil, love seems to tangled upon her way." typed after you pressed enter. You typed it like this. There was also grammar and spelling errors in your foreword.

What you typed;

Waking up one day as someone different from the rest of the world, is not one thing that always happen to one.  When retrievers started to have those demonic yellow colored eyes as if they're going to tear you up soon ; when the world started unwrapping its thick cloak that's been hiding innumerable dark secrets,  she got no choice but to return where she belonged  ‒ the demons world.   As she struggle against

a recrudecence of evil, love seems to tangled upon her way.  

Will she fight to love or fight for love? 

What it could've been;

Waking up one day as someone different from the rest of the world, is not something that always happen to one. When retrievers started to have those demonic yellow eyes that screams your death is nearing ; when the world started unwrapping its thick cloak that's been hiding innumerable dark secrets,  she has no choice but to return where she belonged  ‒ the demons world. 

 As she struggle against a recrudescence of evil, love seems to tangle upon her way.  

Will she fight to love or fight for love? 

Other than that, your foreword is very intriguing and it isn't possible for a supernatural fic lover to not get entranced with the description and foreword.

Plot/Storyline.

The plot wasn't very original as I've seen several stories with the similar plot ; the main character changing into someone different overnight. However, there was definitely a turn when the Queen captured them to be executed. I expected the Queen to transform into a demon or something and the surroundings change into a demon-ish room since you said that she had no choice but to return where she belonged which is the demons world. It's either that part hasn't came or you went out of your storyline. Make sure you stick to your storyline until you finished your story. Otherwise, the plot was pretty good.

Character Development.

I didn't like it how you made a chapter to introduce the characters, but it's your story and your style, after all. In my opinion, Lana's character was quite well developed. She's that type of girl who tends to talk back and can unintentionally hurt the people who are by her side. I can actually relate myself to her character. Kris too. He apprears to be a jerk-ish guy in the start of the story, but after reading more of the story, I can see how much he cares and loves Lana as a blood sister. Or even more from what I read in chapter 5. However, I didn't like it when you had all the 12 members of EXO in the story. Maybe it's cause I'm an EXOstan, but it makes me feel that some members will get less attention. For example, up to Chapter 15, Kris and Suho has the most attention, followed by Baekhyun, Sehun, Xiumin and Chen. I only saw Lay in 2 sentences, Kai in 4-5 sentences and Luhan only had the first sentence of the whole story. I don't know the pairing of this story, but the first sentence I read made me think that Lana had some special relationship, probably between friendship and relationship with Luhan. But after reading more of the story, it wasn't like that. Why wasn't Luhan in the Characters Information in your story? He had the first sentence, after all. BTS too. Only 3 of the 7 BTS members were introduced in your Characters Information. Although the other 4 might not really have a big part in the story, they should be introduced as well.

"Look, I know it's best for them to tell this all to you themselves but I think you seriously need to know this by now. Kris, Suho, Lay, Luhan, Xiumin, Kai, Kyungsoo, Tao, Sehun, Chen, Baekhyun, Chanyeol are all Nephilims and the reason why they live with you all their life is because you're one of them too, a Nephilim and their not blood related little sister." explained Rap Monster. So the entire EXO lived with her? Why did Chanyeol have only a line even after 15 chapters? And not all of them were introduced. It makes me feel like you left Chanyeol out. Other than that, I loved how you portrayed Lana and Sehun's character. It makes me feel like it's a SehunxOC or a KrisxOC story although I don't know the pairing.

Use of Language/Mechanics.

I didn't have much problems reading your story although you had several spelling and grammar mistakes here and there. Nobody has perfect grammar, after all. It was rather pleasant to read your story. Here are some of the grammar or spelling mistakes I listed out. I'm not listing all the errors because if I did so, you wouldn't learn from your mistakes.

In  Chapter  1.

I felt dizzy all of a sudden.  I felt as if I can fall from the chair at any time right now.

What it could be ; All of a sudden, I felt dizzy, as if I can fall from the chair any time.

Just as the words started to fly off my mouth , he cutted me off with a wave of his hand.

What it could be ; Just as the words flew off my mouth, he cut me off with a wave. (The word cut's past tense is also cut.)

In  Chapter  5.

"I thought you guys where the Children of the Night? as in biologically saying , Nocturnal" replied Baekhyun.

What it could be ; 'Weren't you guys the Children of Night? As in biologically saying, Nocturnal. That's what I thought." replied Baekhyun.

In  Chapter  7.

The wind was cold that night. More colder in the storage room.

What it should be ; The wind was cold that night, but the storage room was colder. (If you used the word 'more', there's no need to use the comparative adjective of cold. It's either 'Colder in the storage room.' or 'More cold in the storage room.' but that doesn't sound right.)

You should read back after you typed a chapter, to prevent any errors. Having many errors can cause many readers to lost interest in your story. Otherwise, the grammar was good and your story was easy to understand.

Flow.

I seriously didn't like it how your chapters were so short. I thought you progressed much with the story when I saw nearly 15 chapters written, but I can easily merge several chapters to make a chapter instead of breaking it up into several chapters. It felt rushed too when I see short chapters. There should be more elaboration on how Lana felt safe when she was with EXO. The part where her father talked to her should be in chapter 3 or 4, instead of the first chapter itself. It was too rushed. Everything just..happened in the first few chapters. Other than that, the flow was fine.

Reader's View/Enjoyment.

It wasn't very enjoyable to see the sudden change of fonts in chapter 1, where Chen spoke. It seemed as if you were trying to make him the center of attention in the chapter. The words also went out of the line in Chapters 1 and 2. My first interpretation of this story is 'you' were always in a safe place, not knowing the danger out there, then one day she snuck out not knowing she's really wanted and yeah. I kinda expected the fairy queen to morph into a demon or something though. I didn't understand what faeries are. Are they some new supernatural species similar to fairies or something else? 

Additional Comments.

I don't know what to say here. There were A LOT of grammatical errors everywhere. Please reread your story again after you typed it out. This will cause readers to lose interest in your story.