R E V I E W

SAME INDIFFERENCE

 

 

Title (4/5):
I love the title and it suits the story very well. I couldn't have thought of any other better title than yours. Well done!

Appearance (4/5):
The poster and background fits your story pretty well. It gives out this cute vibe and readers would be intrigued to continue reading your story.

Foreword/Description (6/10):
I liked the colours you used in your description. It matched well with the colours used in the poster and the background, to have a comedy and happy feel. However, I'd suggest having the A/N in the foreword as it doesn't really describe the story. You also had several grammar mistakes. Before I touch on that, I'd like to talk about the way you wrote "mother" and "father" seperately. It looks a little awkward as those words are often summarized as parents. Writing it seperately won't hurt, but I'm just telling you this so that you can avoid committing the same mistake in the future.

Back to the grammar mistakes. I found several grammar mistakes in your description which could be confusing to the readers.

Firstly, what does "The difference at both?" mean? This is a vocabulary mistake, but it still didn't make sense. It should've been "The difference between both?"

But the truth was, the two of them didn't know about each other. And when they did, they decided to exchange places.

Correct :: But, the truth was, the two of them didn't know about each other. And, when they found out, they decided to exchange places.

Another thing I would like to tell you is, I don't know if this is just my personal preference, but I noticed you tended to repeat the word 'them' and 'the' a lot. I can understand that the use of both words is necessary in the first part.

All in all, you done a pretty good job with your description. Just a little proof-reading with your grammar would make your description amazing.

Plot/Storyline (11/20):
I would like to start off by saying that I sincerely apologize if anything I said offended you. Your plot wasn't very original as I've read quite a number of stories with two sisters, one being the well-known 'Little Miss Perfect' and the other one being the complete opposite, a wallflower. You did a good job with the twists you added though. They didn't seem too out of the place and it blended well. I can tell you have some major plans for this story, or maybe it's just me. My favourite part in this story has to be the part in Chapter 6, where you wrote "...a little freaked out at how her face just changed into a bright expression when she heard about Baekhyun." It shows that you thought of your story while writing it and not writing it for the sake of writing it.

Character Development (24/30):

I'll be giving you a brief overview of your characters as you haven't completed your story and I don't think your characters are developed fully yet.

My first impression of Haeyoung was dramatic. However, she can be rather cute. From what I see, she's the 'first one' as from what you wrote in your description. Although she has a perfect personality for a rom-com story, you shouldn't make her an all-rounded person, or a Mary Sue. No humans are perfect, and I don't think she is either. I understand how you wanted to portray her as the popular and lovable twin, but she should have some flaws, perhaps some fears. She seems a little too unrelatable.

Another thing I notice in Haeyoung is how her image changed all of a sudden. Usually, a character's image only change when something traumatic happened to them, especially when they were little. You should maintain the image of her when you set the certain image for your character. In the first chapter, she seemed a little airheaded, and a drama queen. However, in the next chapter, she appeared to be following her lookalike in an alleyway. This shows that you changed her image from outgoing to shy. If she hadn't changed, she would've went up to Minyoung and question her about her face or something. Please bear in mind that this is only my personal opinion and I'm just informing you about this so that you can avoid this from happening again in the future chapters as problems might arise.

Onto Minyoung's character, I expected her to be the smarter and more on the quiet side, in contrast to her sister. Her personality became warmer after she's comfortable with Haeyoung, though. What I have to say is she's also a Mary Sue, just like her sister. I understand how she's portrayed as a typical nerd who loves books, library and finishing her schoolwork, but there must be something else she loves other than helping her mother and books, isn't it so?

I would like to apologize again as I am unable to analyze the side characters very well. Chanyeol seems so happy and energetic all the time. It seems like a typical trait as he's the 'happy virus', but you kind of exaggerated it too much. As for Joonyoung and CNU, I love their very similiar personalities. There's a lot to go for them; their backgrounds and their past, maybe.

I don't have much to say about Kai and his girlfriend though. I'll await to see how the story unfolds.

Use of Language / Mechanics (15/20):

Overall, you did well in punctuations, vocabulary and grammar. There were some mistakes here and there, but hey, nobody's perfect. But what I would like to address first is that there should be a comma after a dialogue.

For an example, "Oh my, I'm so sorry...!"  I exclaimed....

That is incorrect. The underline part is where the comma should be.

Other than the comma mistakes, there were close to no mistakes. There were a couple mispelled words and usage of verbs, but they were barely noticeable. Nice job!

Flow (8/10):

You need to write for the readers, not for the characters. By this, you need to write everything so that there are no confusions that may arise and everything makes sense. It is also very important to set a scene for the story. I must point out that you were repetitive at times. It's a normal thing to find in AFF stories, but this disrupts the flow and it makes you look unprofessional. As an example from chapter three, 'A few of the maid's eyes widened when they saw me. Their eyes were going back and forth between Haeyoung and me.' A better way to say this would be :: 'A few of the maid's eyes widened when they saw me, darting back and forth between Haeyoung and me.' 

Other than that, your flow was good. Well done!

Reader's View/Enjoyment:

Honestly, I didn't enjoy the story very much at the beginning as I thought it's gonna be those typical stories with two sisters with complete opposite personalities, but after reading more, it gets better. It became even more interesting when the male characters began to come in and I found myself reading more of the story, not for the sake of reviewing, but for the sake of enjoyment. Your story was good, but there were errors here and there. I can see the potential in your story though.

Final Score: (66/100)

Additional Comments:
I'm really sorry if you didn't like the review or it didn't help you! Your story is really good, but you just need to proof-read it. Looking forward to see more of your stories!

Review Credit to hopexdreams from ♪♫ Midnight Sonata Café ♫♪