Title (4/5):

I know that you know that this title has been overused, correct? However, I love how you centered the title in your story. To be honest, I have always loved these kind of genres. Letters could really hold a lot of things. It could also destroy you and break you apart or simply feel giddy inside.

Appearance (3/5):

At first glance, the poster looked funny to me. The girl caught my attention because she was looking at Kai with wide open and eyes that was staring at him. And Kai was like 'yeah, just look at me.'

Moving on, I love the poster! It was exceptionally beautiful when I started to stare at it. Kai was looking lonely and the girl looked like she was hoping for something to happen and of course, the almighty bottle.

Foreword/Description (7/10):

The way you placed the exact amount of information really made me want to click the next chapter. A lot of questions dashed into my mind and I was kinda hoping for some extra cute moments of the young couple.

Though, the trailer got in the way but it was cool. 

Plot/Storyline (15/20):

The plot wasn't the most original one but your story hooked me up. It was the kind of story that makes you feel light inside but feel a bit empty when you go closer to the end. It really was a nice story and I can't explain it in words anymore. Also it gave a more realistic side of friendship and young love.

Character Development (20/30):

Since this is a one-shot and it centered on only two main characters, I gotta give it to you, you made Kai stand out even though he only appeared for just about 10 minutes if this was an episode. Your characters are very relatve to the story and it gave a sense of reality in their personalities. 

But for me, when I approached the ending, I was kinda disappointed. Kai... I won't say it because readers might read this then BAM! Spoiler alert.

But you really made the readers hook up with your story. Nice job.

Since EXO has been overused and it is the second most used tag here on AFF, I can't blame you for using Kai though. Just saying.

Use of Language / Mechanics (15/20):

This place it a special place for me and this particular person.

This place is a special place for me and this particular person.

His is only about a year older than me,

He's is only about a year older than me,

I heart started to fasten due to curiosity. 

My heart started to fasten due to curiosity. 

*His leaving my school?* I thought. 

*He's leaving the school?* I thought.

“5 years” I heard him choke on his tears, I looked up to see already crying, no longer after I cried

“5 years.” I heard him choke on his tears, I looked up to see Kai already crying(, no longer after I cried)

“I’m sorry” I heard him say as his arms slide behind my back, hugging me back.

“I’m sorry” I heard him say as his arms slid behind my back, hugging me back.

Kai suggested trying to brightening up the mood.

Kai suggested, trying to brighten up the mood.

“Number one we both have to focus on our studies, second expensive at cost and thirdly we don’t have personal phones yet, please Jihye do this, for me?” No way could I refuse to that.

“Number one, we both have to focus on our studies; two, the international phone calls are too expensive and three, we don’t have personal phones yet, please Jihye do this, for me?” No way could I refuse to that.

“Today” My eyes widened. “WHAT? WHEN?” I felt like crying again,

“Today” My eyes widened. “WHAT? WHY?” I felt like crying again,

I end the call, while checking the date. 

I ended the call while I checked the date that appeared on the screen.

I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer and instantly bursted into tears. *Kai* Is all I was thinking of. *Why?*

I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer and so, it instantly bursted into tears. *Kai* was all I was thinking of. *Why?*

As you can see, you tend to have the transition between the past tense and the present tense. I fixed almost all of your mistakes right here. Also, if you have noticed, the word His is a possessive form while He's is a contraction and is the short term for He is.

You lacked the placement of punctuation marks in your dialogue and made me cringe for a bit. A pet peeve of mine. Since this is a complete story, I would also love to suggest more words in your vocabulary but it was a great start for your first one-shot.

Flow (10/10):

Since this is a one-shot, I love how medium-paced the story was. All the questions have been answered in my mind. As the ending was coming into an end, I felt satisfied with the given story. Great job!

Reader’s View / Enjoyment:

I've always been a fan of one-shots ever since I started reading fanfics here on AFF and that is why I had a good time reading your fanfic. Though, Kai is not my ultimate bias, _{please don't kill me. He just didn't meet my eye for some reasons,} I love the way you portrayed that sweet personality of his.

Final Score: (74/100)

Additional Comments:

Okay. For suggestions, you might want to make the thoughts italicized. It's more of a mature or professional way of typing it. Other than that, I have nothing more to say because I think I have said enough though. But wow, this is your first time writing a one-shot and you really did well. Okay, back to work. If you think I have done a good job, how about an upvote and spread the shop around to show your support, please?

Don't be too offended with the Kai-is-not-my-ultimate-bias thing. He is such a y beast, too much to handle you know?

Review Credit to Chunkee__ from ♪♫ Midnight Sonata Café ♫♪