Updated Review and score is written in BLUE. This part of the review will take into account the entire story...not from Ch. 16-the end. It will take into account from Ch. 1 to the end...

Title (3/5) → (3.5/5):
In terms of attracting the reader’s attention, the title is an okay title. I feel like it would attract those who like dark fics, though, in which I ‘m not sure if that’s the audience you are targeting. I still have yet to see why the title is called Nocturne. My interpretation of the title was that the stories are normally told around night time and now when I got to Chapter 15, the separate, parallel universe is giving me a dark aura that emits from the crack created. All in all it’s a good title, but I just have yet to see how the title really relates to the story.

Alright, so after reading the entire story, the title made a bit more sense to me. Just a little bit. I can’t say that I 100% understood it. Honestly, I haven’t told you this before but Nocturne is a creature from League of Legends (a multiplayer game) and whenever I see this title, I just can’t help but think about it. I looked up the definition of Nocturne and it’s, I quote, “a musical composition that is inspired by, or evocative of, the night.” I am not sure if you looked up the meaning of Nocturne or you just titled your story Nocturne because it sounds cool, but I’m still a bit 50/50 on the title. But, again, this is my opinion. In my head, I processed the title as nocturne = dark/night = music/story time at nights = the rollercoaster of emotions that goes on throughout the story, etc etc. Correct me if I’m wrong x.x But yeah, it does relate to the story in a way, but something seems to be missing…x.x

Appearance (3/5) → (3/5):
I’d like to say the layout was unnecessary, but again, it’s your own style. You maintained your story at a consistent font size as well as the actual font in general or than when Jaelle tells her story. I do like how you kept her story separated by the italicized font rather than just maintaining the same font because that would just utterly confuse the reader. The poster is beautiful and fits with the overall cover with the beige-ish background.  The trailer…try centering your trailer. I feel like it will do a little more justice. Other than that, it looks great.

I don’t think I have much to comment on the appearance other than what I have stated in the past review…written above.

Foreward/Description (3/10) → (3/10):
I can’t say the description and forward captured my attention. Every writer has their own style and I really do appreciate your knowledge in these terms, but a lot of every day readers may not know what a camp of romani or who Scheherazade is…which could make them turn away, but it could also intrigue them as they want to know more about these terms that they are hoping to find out by reading the story. Your description seemed to provide a brief overview to the story but the terms…I would say it can go both ways as I have stated above.  Plus I could say it’s a culture thing that could attract the readers as well.

As I moved onto the forward, it just didn’t capture my attention as the reader. You took a bit from your story and gave the readers a little teaser, but it’s very…bland. Please note that adding quotes to the forward is an effective way to grab a reader’s attention but only if the quote sticks with the reader. You may think the forward is effective because you already planned out the story and know what is going to happen next, but as a first time reader, it doesn’t make sense as the quotes don’t seem to have much to do with each other, thus it makes me pass on this story. 
 

The forward and description won't change, so the score will remain as is for the reasons stated previously...

Plot/Storyline (13/20) → (14/20):
The storyline/plot seemed very inconsistent, thus it was VERY hard to keep my attention. There were times when I just read a couple chapters and it was hard to connect the dots. I feel like there was no development to the plot. I guess towards the middle, you start showing how they all met to be the six-membered group they are now…at least with Chanyeol, Lay, Sehun, and Kai. I’m guessing Kris and Tao were travelling together? I’m not sure. Things just happened without reason. You did provide some details to certain things, but I felt like your focus was very erratic. I had trouble following along and I’m still very lost. However, I’d say that it was fairly original. A story within a story with the EXO members and their very own Scheherazade wasn’t a bad idea. Plus I liked how you made it so that it’s kind of like the original Scheherazade story without the price being her life on the line, but rather it was based on whether or not she was able to stay with them. I feel like if you work on developing your plot and take time to look into your story line, it would turn out to be a great story. You have the idea going, just make sure to follow through with it :)

Going off from where I left off, I can see that you were trying to keep things low until the ending, where everything is revealed. Or, you specifically said that in one of the author’s notes. However, the beginning…is just really slow and confusing that it really did lose my interest. I will have to stick to what I said previously that in the beginning the storyline/plot was inconsistent and confusing. As I reached the ending, things started making sense, but I feel like there were moments in the story that did not really need to be there. As an overall view, it was an interesting story and as I read into it, there were some development to the plot. And again, the story was original and I loved the way you incorporated the stories as memories of each character and the roles they fulfilled in the other world. It was sad to see Kris left behind and to see Jong In confront him at the end. And the ultimate ending was pretty great. Kris died!! How could you! LOL jk. 

Character Development (12/30) → (16/30):
The characters are VERY one-dimensional. I just did not really see the characters really developing from the story. All they do is fight and argue and somehow everyone is entranced into Jaelle. I can see them pushing for her because she’s the only girl in the group. However, I really just did not see what was so special about her that she was able to pull everyone’s attention towards her. I get that she’s related to people who use magic and charms and she’s used to the whole mystical ordeal, but some things just seemed to be stated without a point. I could see how Kai develops a relationship with Jaelle. It’s a like a love-hate relationship as Kai just keeps talking crap out of Jaelle, and Jaelle just gets annoyed but tolerates with it, and then Jaelle saves his life and their relationship grows through multiple series of this over and over again. However, I just never understood why Kris had such an attraction towards her. He just seemed to always get the group in trouble unintentionally and just fell in love with Jaelle without any reason. I guess you could call it love at first sight, but it’s a little bit vague. As for the other members, they just seemed to be supporting characters. Lay treats wounds, Sehun keeps Kai company and occasionally has a infatuation for Jaelle, Chanyeol has his moments with Jaelle too, and then Tao is just a very grumpy driver. Try not using so much dialogue but actually explaining the actions of the characters. I feel like the reason it became so hard to see the characters developing is because majority of your story consisted of either dialogue or Jaelle’s story. Towards the end of character 15 is when I finally see something that might spark, but until then I just couldn’t see anything significant progress with the characters. I would recommend not to use so much dialogue and try emphasizing the characters actions, from small to big. This could help your story by a lot :)

As I read the rest of the story, the characters started to show more of the characteristics that were represented by Jaelle’s stories. I thought it was starting to make sense as her stories pointed to each individual character and it was fun trying to figure out which story represented who. I am still a little confused with certain things, but in the overall sense, I thought you improved in character development as we reached the later chapters. The way the characters pitied each other, the friendship built throughout the journey, the emotions, it was there and I was able to feel it. I have to say great job towards the end :)

Use of Language / Mechanics (12/20) → (12/20):

So you chose the option of me not being picky with language so I will just say the gist of it here. There are quite a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes throughout the story. Some of them are very simple and some of them can actually change the meaning of your sentences. You tend to switch off between the past and present tense a lot and I feel like you get confused between the stories Jaelle is telling and what is actually going on sometimes. It’s good that you have it italicized so that you could identify what is the story and what is reality in this case, but make sure you follow through with the tenses as well. Also, there is a lot of confusion between your uses of him/her, she/he. You have to understand that there are six guys. For example, if you mention Kai in one sentence and then in the next sentence, you start out with He…I am going to assume it’s Kai, but as I read on, it’s not Kai. It’s another character and I end up having to reread sentences to get just WHO you are talking about. Also, sometimes you are talking about Kai or some other male character and you say her thoughts, her … and I’m thinking wait, where did Jaelle come from? And then I realized that it’s a typo. I know it’s a common typo, but when it’s redundant, it gets a bit annoying to read. In addition, there is just no real variety in sentence structure. Majority of your story is either italicized with Jaelle’s story, which consists of some attempted complex sentences, or dialogue. While dialogue shows the character’s direct thoughts and words, too much of it can make the story very scripted and not as interesting. Try focusing on other aspects such as the scene they are in, the setting, the character development, or even just hinting to improve your flow.
 

I really can’t say too much or anything new about the use of language/mechanics. I’m really sorry. You tend to still switch off from the past to present tense a lot which and though you did improve a bit, there were still very prominent errors throughout the story.

Flow (3/10) → (5/10):
I was just really confused from chapter 1 until now. I feel like the story has not progressed really from Chapter 1 to chapter 15. It finally took a step to progress in Chapter 15, but until then, I just felt like nothing really happened that was different from Chapter 1. You have a LOT of errors in your use of language and mechanics, which is REALLY distracting and keeps me from actually enjoying the story. Your story is also very choppy. I can’t say the chapters really flowed from one chapter to the next. In addition, the story was just moving too slow without a real point. It seemed like sometimes you got lost in what you were trying to say as well, which made the story even more confusing. Try reading through your story, perhaps take out the unnecessary things like the constant fights they have, the dialogues, etc., and focus on the actual plot. I feel like Chapter 15 could have come up a lot faster without a LOT of fillers. Fillers are good in some areas, but when used redundantly, it seriously diverts the reader from actually reading the story. But try to focus on what you really want to portray to the reader. I read your author’s notes and you state that everything will be revealed at the end. However, try to hint at things here and there and I feel like your story can improve by a lot :)

So after reading your story to the end, the flow has improved a bit. I still must remind you that the beginning is where you catch the reader’s interest, and your story was very slow in the beginning, so I couldn’t raise your score by much. However, as we keep reading after Jaelle revealed the other world, we see more of each character’s roles and the story progresses more. I still stick by the fact that your story is a bit choppy and that your story contained a lot of grammatical errors that diverted my attention half the time. There were still times when I was confused due to the lack of details, but as we reach the ending, things started to make sense. I did like how you made every character return to the other world, all except Kris. Kris was one who was left behind and it’s so sad! Anyways, overall the flow was progressing and we eventually reached an epic ending.

Reader's View/Enjoyment:
This is just my opinion so please do not take it the wrong way in that every reader thinks like I do. I can’t say that I enjoyed it too much, but from the number of subscribers and comments you have, I’m guessing I’m just one of the few that didn’t enjoy it. The story was very confusing up to Chapter 15. There are times when I get to the end of the chapter and I felt like I could basically pinpoint the progress from where I started, which isn’t too much. At the end of Chapter 15 was where I was kind of like oh, now it starts, but what was all that before then? I’m not sure if you see where I’m going with it, but in general terms, there was too many fillers in my opinion as a reader that would immediately turn me off. But, like I said, just because I didn’t like it doesn’t mean others don’t. You have a lot of supporters and a good base so don’t give up and just keep going! I really did like the overall plot though and how you incorporated Jaelle as the 21^st century Scheherazade so great job with that :)

Okay so after reading the story to the end, I was more interested in the development of the story. The emotions towards the end was real and the relationship Kris and HaYeon shared was just great. At least until Kai came in and ruined it. Haha, jk. I really did like the ending though. The fact that Kris, in the present time, was only a human being, only living on Earth while everyone else moved into their appropriate roles in the other world was really sad. He was left behind, basically. I started getting emotional and then you killed him off! Grr..haha jk. But yeah, I really liked the ending and overall, the story wasn’t as bad as I portrayed in the previous review. Sorry about that x.x

Final Score: (49/100) → (56.5/100)

Additional Comments:
I can’t really think of anything more to say other than sound redundant from what I said earlier. In short, express more emotion through actions. You tend to just list traits and it’s something people THINK it’s development, but it’s just listing traits. Develop your plot, your scenes, your characters through actions, scenic movements, facial expressions, etc. Reduce the amount of dialogue you have as well and try to stay away from too many fillers. Also, DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED by the score. It’s just numbers that could ALWAYS be improved, so don’t sulk over it too much. Think about what you could do to improve and how to approach your future writings to avoid the errors you’ve run into now ^^ I really hope this review gave you an insight as to what a reader might think of your story.

Alright so this is after I read to the ending. I’m still mad that you killed Kris off. Or you didn’t explicitly kill him, but you implied it and I was sad. Haha. Anyways, overall, it was an interesting story. There were still gaps that had me confused but it made sense towards the end and I thought you did a fairly good job. I apologize for taking too long. I had exams back to back and it’s been a rough month. I really hope this review helped you. Overall, thanks for requesting at Midnight Sonata Café. If you feel that I did a good job, please feel free to upvote this shop. Please comment after you saw this and credit the shop.
 

Review Credit to momodays09 from Midnight Sonata Cafe