Title (3.5/5):
You already know this yourself but the title was lengthy and wordy that it may not attract too many readers from first glance. However, the relevance to the story was just superb. You already explained it in your end notes, so I might be repeating a lot of things, but please trust that this is my interpretations before I read your end notes x.x Haha. Anyways, I thought it was figurative at first when Kim Jongdae was inhaling the flames, but the more and more I read through it, I realized that it was literal. It was a great title in terms of relevancy, so great job in that. Very powerful.

Appearance (5/5):
This was just amazing. I really liked how you deliberately disorganized the trail of words. While reading, I sensed a bit of a borderline between sanity and insanity. When I read your end notes, you put it out that it was to show how there is no order in the rise of smoke, and I thought it was amazing how you incorporated that. The poster and the background image was superb as well. Amazing!

Foreward/Description (10/10):
The description was solid and to the point. It raises questions as you wonder whether it’s literal or figurative. It’s short but has a very powerful delivery of words. Just freaking amazing. Your forward carried it further into its awesomeness. I really liked how you already showed the disorganization of the phrases. As I read it, it made me think, is there a purpose for the forward to be formatted like this or was it to make things pretty? Due to this curiosity, I feel like it entices readers further and all in all, it is an awesome, amazing description/forward. Perfect 10/10 :)

Plot/Storyline (17.5/20):
Chen always gets featured in these psychological, alter ego fics, haha. But nevertheless, the plot was amazing and the storyline was intriguing. I really really liked the whole process of insanity; how Jongdae just often thought by some miracle, a different result would occur from doing the same thing over and over and over again. Personally, before I read your end notes, I thought the underlying meaning of inhaling the flames and eating the ashes afterward was the process of repenting for a past sin and accepting it as is. The fact that Jongdae did this over and over just made me think about the idea that his past sin must have been something really big for him to continue this painful process over and over. After I read your end notes, I was…kind of on track? Haha. I also actually liked the fact that you didn’t include so much about the heart disease…rather you had the reader just read between the lines and figure it out. And the promise with Yixing being the sole reason for all this commodity was just brilliant. Again, not too focused on the past but you put just enough words to convey that Yixing and Jongdae were the best of friends, almost like brothers, and in the dreadful hospital, these two managed to find joy in one another. However, with both of them having some terminal heart condition, they were supposed to die and follow each other through, in which Jongdae betrayed Yixing and backed out of such promise to be together. His own selfish desire to live back then is now biting him in the and he’s just in this limbo stage until Chen takes life into his hands and takes action for it. Gah, it was just awesome in general.

Character Development (25/30):
The development of Chen was superb; from the way you started it off, adding the elements of repetition, to the ending, I thought it was quite excellent. I really liked how you transitioned slowly from the cowardice of Jongdae to the daring Chen that ended all consequences once and for all. I’m probably repeating myself but from the way of how Jongdae just thought that undergoing the same “punishment” over and over again, day by day, expecting something different to occur, for his past to be uplifted, and slowly revealing what it was that he was trying so hard to reconcile, and finally the end where Chen takes over, it was all so well-written. And then we see that Yixing plays a small role (or rather a big influence) in your story. However, what dawned on me while reading was why Yixing? Where did Yixing come from? At first, it was a bit perplexing on how you used Yixing but I’m also guessing that it is your preference? Plus, as you have said, I’m pretty sure the main part of the story isn’t the heart condition shared by these two but rather the struggle Jongdae faces after all the years passed. It can be easily overlooked and it’s great overall.

Use of Language / Mechanics (19/20):
Honestly, I didn’t find any grammar mistakes, other than the intentional lowercasing of letters. I actually found it amusing to read a story that challenges the use of language and actually incorporates it with the actual story line. Great job with this :)

Flow (10/10):
The flow was wonderful. Though it was just a bit slow, I can see why you decided to make it slow and painful, just so that we feel what Jongdae is feeling. It’s like how you defined insanity: doing the same things over and over, and expecting different results. With the flow being slow in the beginning, I was able to grasp the agony and excruciating efforts of wanting a different result…basically the idea of going insane. As you reveal more and more things, the flow catches on with the story as Jongdae transitions to Chen. As Chen takes over, the flow quickens and we could see that there is more direction in your flow as Chen knows what exactly he needs to do unlike the lost and depressed Jongdae. All in all, I thought this was a perfect 10 / 10 in terms of flow.

Reader's View/Enjoyment:
I really really like the way you write. It is simply beautiful. Though, as I have said above, it was a bit slow to read in the beginning, as I kept reading, I just couldn’t help but be amazed at just how amazing this piece was. I could see that you spent a lot of time in the appearance, and in the writing itself. Amazing job.
 

Final Score: (90/100)

Additional Comments:
Congratulations! Your story is 90+ and will be featured in the featured section! Yay! I am really sorry for the delay. Things have been hectic after graduation and with summer starting, but I didn’t fail in getting your review out! Haha. Anyways, please don’t forget to comment below after you have picked up your review and credit the shop in your story’s forward. If you feel like I have done a good job, please do upvote >.<. Thank you so so much for your patience. Your story is awesome and I hope you keep writing. 

Review Credit to momodays09 from ♪♫ Midnight Sonata Café ♫♪