*

I ran as fast as I can. I was outside, desperate to get a cab to give me a ride to the hospital. I was crying really hard. I cannot take it anymore. It was like I was being cut into half.

I was hugging myself because the snow was thick.

“Luhan,” I called, crying.

Next thing I knew, there was a car stopped infront of me and it turned out to be his driver.

“Luis?”

He got out and said, “Miss Lee, Mister Xi is expecting you right now.”

I ran to him and asked, “Tell me the truth Luis! Does Luhan have brain cancer?!”

He didn’t answer. I gripped on his arm, begging to tell me he doesn’t have brain cancer.

“Luis, please tell me.” I was crying, hurting, name it. But at that time, I felt like my world was crashing down that it was burying me alive.

“Miss Lee, it is not my right to tell you. But I know how much you love the young Xi, so I’m taking you to him even if it costs my job,” he said.

I felt hope. We got in the car and I was still crying. Luis told me that Luhan was expecting me to go to the park and that I still don’t know. But hell! I already knew!

He was in the hospital and before he could go to the park, we hurried so we were ahead of him. Just when we were in the hospital, I ran to the nurse on the desk.

“Xi Luhan’s room number,” I said, hurriedly.

“What’s your relationship with Mr. Xi, ma’am?”

“I’m his girlfriend,” I said, tears escaping my eyes.

“Room 409, ma’am. Please take the elevator,” she said and led me to the elevator. Luis was not with me. He said it wasn’t his right to intrude. I thanked him.

Just when the elevator opened on the fourth floor, I got out and ran to room 409. I was about to hit the knob but I heard Hara was yelling.

“Xi Luhan, you’re crazy! You should’ve told her, you idiot! That girl loves you and you’re gonna break her,” she said.

“Calm down, Hara. Your cousin’s still weak,” I guess that was Mr. Xi.

“No. Uncle, your son’s a coward. IU loves him but he hasn’t told her yet! He’s crazy, idiot!”

“Hara. Darling, calm down,” that was Mrs. Xi.

“She’s right, father, mother,” that’s him. “I should’ve told her—“

And I can’t take it. I opened the door. All their attentions were on me but I was only looking at Luhan. I was crying.

“IU,” he called out.

“How long, Luhan?” I asked, crying.

“IU, I—“

“How long will you going to hide it? Until you’re dead?”

“We’re going to leave,” said Mr. Xi. They went out, including Hara. There were only the both of us.

Luhan was dressed in a tux and suit but the disease is visible. He looked pale and haggard. He lost his colors but the eyes still shine.

“Luhana Banana!” I ran to him and hugged him. I cried on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, securing me.

“IU,” he said and kissed my hair.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said and pulled away.

He caressed my cheek. “Because I don’t wanna hurt you. But now, I guess I’m doing it. I should’ve told you.”

“You should have, you banana!!”

“Are you mad at me?” He asked.

“No. I’m not. I’m just . . . I feel like I’m gonna die,” I said, wiping my tears away.

He chuckled. “You aren’t the one who’s gonna die. It’s m—“

“Shhh. Shut up. Nope, nope. You’re not. No, no, no, no!!”

He chukled again. “You love me that much?”

“Yes, of course! Don’t you know that? Or you want me to inject that to your brain? Oh--! I’m so—“

He smiled, still caressing my face and my hair. “My brain would be dead soon but my heart would still be alive with you,” he said.

“You should’ve told me,” I said, serious.

He nodded. “I’ve thought about that, but I don’t wanna spoil you with my story’s ending, IU.”

“Our story will be ending soon? NO.”

“My story, IU. Not yours. You still have the pens and papers, and me? It’s running out of ink and I got no papers left. You can still write your story, IU. And I’m only left to write my epilogue.”

Tears started to form again.

“You really think you’re going to . . . die?” I cannot seem to utter the last word.

“Yes. I have this since I was 6. And here comes the time when I’m going to tell you everything. When I say everything, it includes yours.”

I was confused of what he meant. “What do you mean?”

He took my hand. “Remember when I asked you about darkest secret? I was referring to me.”

“What?”

“Shh. Let me finish first before you say anything. I was 6 when I started to learn how to ride a bike. I was trying to do that in the actual road. I really knew how but I was still a child. But a car was passing by and it seemed to me that they’re driving really fast.

“I was panicked and I didn’t know what to do. I remained there, in the middle of the road, motionless. The car didn’t seem to stop and didn’t notice me. I was hit . . .”

I gaped, feeling the pain when he was hit by a car.

“My parents saw that and went to me. They say, the car didn’t stop and just drove faster. The cops already tailing them but the car didn’t stop. It went faster so it hit a large post and was crashed to the other post then lastly, to a tree.”

He squeezed my hand. “Did you get what I mean, IU?”

I shook my head.

“Of course. And now, I will tell you. It was your parents’ car. I was the reason why they died.”

Then it hit me. I started crying again. I started crying because now, it unfolded. The reason why. I cried really hard not because of my parents. They were the past and I got over them but I still missed them, though. I love them. But the reason why I was crying really hard was because my parents’ was the reason I was losing Luhan.

They may be dead but they left a great impact on him and that I was going to be hurt.

I grabbed him and hugged him really tight. “I’m sorry, Luhan. I’m sorry.”

He pulled away. “Why are you sorry, IU?”

I wiped my tears away and said, “Because they are the reason you got your brain cancer.”

“It’s not really them. I got my brain damaged because of them but the cancer I guess it’s because of me. I didn’t take my medicines and I care less for myself,” he said.

“No! It’s still them. And I feel like I’m responsible!”

I saw in his eyes, the pain. He got his head between his hands and screamed.

“Luhan? Luhan? LUHAN!!” I said, shaking him.

He was lying on the bed, screaming, holding his head that I bet was throbbing with pain.

“HELP! SOMEBODY! HARA! GOO HARA!!”

The door burst open.

They entered but Mr. Xi ran to call a doctor. We were shoved outside, only Mrs. Xi and was in there.

I was outside with Hara and I was crying. I can’t help it. I feel like it was my fault he was suffering.

I felt an arm wrapped around me and it turned to be Hara’s.

“It’s okay, IU. He’s going to be okay,” she said, squeezing my arm.

I just nodded.

“Thank you for making my cousin feel loved, for making him experience being loved by a girlfriend. And to tell you, he looked for you.”

I looked at her. “What do you mean?”

She shook her head. “It’s not my place to tell you. I’m gonna go run for Dr. Choi. He’s Luhan’s favorite doctor,” she said then ran east.

I looked through the window, hoping he’ll make it.

“Please God, I want to be happy and happiness is with him,” I whispered.

But it was too late.

The long sound of the machine filled the room and I could still hear it even I was outside. I was speechless, motionless. I was nowhere.

I cannot speak nor do something that my mind controls. I just felt that I sat down on the floor and there, tears started to fall from my eyes.

I heard Hara’s footsteps, but she was halted when she heard it, too. “My god, it’s too late,” she said and I heard her cry.

I heard everything but I don’t know what to do.  I remained there, hugging my knees. Hara went to me and handed me an envelope.

“IU, he wanted me to give this to you,” she said. I looked up and accepted it. “You need time. I’m gonna check on Aunt Mae.”

I looked at the envelope.

My Angel

I stood up and got in the elevator. I pushed the R button which means rooftop. When I got there, I weakly sat on a bench, feeling weightless.

I slowly opened and read it.

END OF FLASH BACK