I took a deep breath before turned the doorknob. Brace yourself, Eric. This is your first obstacle.

“Hyung, you’re here.” Junjin greeted me as soon as I entered the room. But I noticed how his voice felt different. It was chiller and calculating than his usual bright tone. He invited me to sit across him before offered me a drink. This morning Junjin called me to drink together. Even though Hyesung already warned me, I could not help to feel so nervous.

“How are you, Hyung?” Junjin asked coldly while pouring my glass. “It’s been a while since we meet.”

“I’m fine, how are you?”

“What’s with the awkward conversation?” Junjin chuckled even though we both know he didn’t feel this situation funny at all. “I’m sure you know exactly why I called you, Hyung.” His voice turned serious again.

“Yeah.”

“Hyesung Hyung told me yesterday, about um—you two. Is it too much if I ask you why you did it?” He gulped his soju then poured another.

“We love each other. Please understand.”

“I’m sorry, Hyung. I still can’t understand this.” His hands were trembling on his knees. He fisted them and silently I prayed. If Hyesung’s single punch was able to make me suffer from headache all night, I couldn’t imagine if Junjin beats me. Perhaps, they would found me unconscious on the floor. Or dead.

“Because we’re both men?”

“Because I never see this coming.” He untied his tie in frustration. “Hyesung Hyung was so happy with his girlfriend. And now what? Suddenly he’s deeply in love with you? What kind of prank you two play right now?”

“You think we could pull a prank over a matter like this?”

“I knew Hyesung Hyung was acting strange lately. He often stared blankly and avoided his girlfriend, so I thought they were fighting. Then suddenly he just dumped her and being ridiculously stubborn about that, no matter how we tried to talk to him.” Junjin downed another glass of soju. “Hyesung Hyung thought he ended his relationship nicely, but he just dumped her.”

“Junjin, you know him much longer than me, so you know exactly how it pained him to leave her.” I said and almost angry at him. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. I couldn’t get mad at Junjin now.

He looked up at me and threw a death glare. “Of course I knew him longer than you, Hyung. But since he met you, I don’t know him anymore.”

“I’m sorry if you think that way.”

“I never thought that Hyesung Hyung was gay.” Junjin was taken aback with his own words. “It never ever crossed in my mind.”

“You have a problem with that?” I felt slightly annoyed now.

“The problem is I really like you, Hyung. Since the first time we met at your party, I immediately thought that you’re a great guy. Someone I can trust and looked up to. Just like Hyesung Hyung and Minwoo Hyung. But now you’re dating Hyesung Hyung and suddenly nothing makes sense.”

“Junjin..”

“What if you two break up?”

“I won’t let him go, I promise.”

“But you will break up, sooner or later.” To my surprise, Junjin was crying now. “Then you two will hate each other! Just break up now, Hyung. Please.. Before it becomes too late and too painful for Hyesung Hyung.”

“I can’t let him go, Junjin.. I’m sorry.” Did he think I was able to let him go?

“How long you will hold out, Hyung? Do you even realize how many things you’ll lose?”

“Don’t try to change my mind, Jin-ah. It won’t work.”

Junjin straightened on his seat, wiped his wet eyes then looked up at me. “I will keep my eyes on you Hyung. Just remember this, one misstep and I will crush you.”

“I know that, Junjin.”

“Consider this as a threat, Hyung.” He said coldly yet dangerous.

“No, I will consider this as your affection for us, Jinnie.” I smiled to him. I could see his face stunned. And I hoped I wasn’t only imagining how his face softened after I said that.

I promise, Jinnie.

***

“Why do you want to go shopping so suddenly?” Hyesung pouted as he walked slightly behind me. He didn’t like it at all when I came to his place and dragged him to accompany me to shop.

“You always say that my clothes are boring. So I need you to help me choose.” I know this was a lame excuse. He eyed me suspiciously but then he let out a small sigh. He walked faster so he could walk beside me. Lightly, he nudged his shoulder to mine.

“It wasn’t your fault.” He whispered. “He just needs more time.” But I could feel his voice was as bitter as mine. As if he said it more to himself.

“You think he will come tomorrow night?”

“Maybe. Maybe not.” He shook his head lightly. He put his hands inside his jacket pocket, I noticed he do that habit a lot these days. I was suspicious he did it to hide his trembling hands. 

“I’ll throw a party every night until he arrives.” I muttered. Since our conversation that night, Junjin avoided Hyesung in every possible way. He never picked up Hyesung’s calls, replied his messages only hours after and even stayed at his friend’s house when Hyesung said he will come to his house, making him waiting outside for hours. Now four days passed and I could see Hyesung slowly breaking.

“I don’t know that we’ll disgust him this much.” Hyesung mumbled very softly as he lowered his head.

“Hyesung-ah..”

“What kind of clothes you want to buy? Shirt? Jacket?” Hyesung looked up again and forced himself to smile.

“You’re forcing yourself again.” I said to him. He pouted a bit, he told me that he hates it when I do it. But I needed to make him stop pretending everything was okay when he felt it wasn’t.

“I wasn’t forcing myself.” He said but looked elsewhere.

“Shin Hyesung.” He looked at me before let out a small sigh.

“Okay.. okay.. Maybe I did force myself, but I can’t be all gloomy and sullen when I’m with you, right?” Hyesung walked closer to me and whispered, “Not when I actually feel happy around you.”

“I’m happy too, Hyesung-ah.” I leaned and whispered to his ear. He nodded and smiled to me. The moment like this, when I could differentiate his sincere smile from his fake smile, I thought I never felt this lucky. I almost didn’t care how much it costs.

“So, what you need to buy?”

“Everything, I guess. The weather is getting colder.” I shrugged.

“Yeah. How about buying some sweater and coat first?” Hyesung nodded at a store for men’s apparel.

“Sure.” We entered the store and began to browse the sweater’s rack.

“Again with a dull color.” Hyesung commented dryly when I checked on a grey sweater.

“Grey is a neutral color. It fits with anything, so it isn’t dull.” I argued and just to make a point of my reason, I held the sweater in front of my body. “See? It fits just fine.”

“How about this?” Hyesung picked a bright red sweater.

“I like the white one better.” I pointed at a white sweater instead. It had the same design anyway, but Hyesung scoffed unpleasantly. I thought he will be mad, but he picked the white sweater and handed it to me. Didn’t need a long time to realize that we had too different taste of clothing. Everything that I like, he would predictably scoffed in distasteful. And everything that he likes, I would shook my head at it.

“Oh, whatever.” Hyesung said for the umpteenth times as I handed another black thick jacket to the shop assistant. He shoved back a camel colored coat to the rack that he tried to persuade me to buy for the last ten minutes.

“You’re par with Minwoo when it comes to nag.” I stuck out my tongue to him.

“We’re far better than you when it comes to dress ourselves.”

“You two are ridiculously handsome! And with your slim body and fair skin, of course you will look good at any color and everything.” He only lifted his eyebrow at that. “But me, I have muscles and dark skin. Wearing those fancy and tight colorful clothes will make me looked like a gay.”

Oops.

“You’re impossible.” He said flatly and left the store without saying anything more. I ran to the cashier and paid my pile of new clothes. Nervously, I asked them to process my payment a little faster. I saw Hyesung’s back slowly went away. I grabbed the shopping bags and my credit card the shop assistant handed me when they’re done and darted out immediately.

“Hyesung-ah!” I finally reached him with my shopping bags swaying dangerously in my hands.

He turned at me and I was very perplexed to see him laughing. “You got everything?” He asked still laughing.

“Yeah.” I watched his face carefully and stated. “You’re not angry.”

“What an idiot.” He was laughing out loud now. “Saying you don’t want to look like a gay when you are a gay. What a joke.”

“If you’re not angry, why you suddenly walked out from the store?” I pouted now. I was sure I had a heart attack just now.

“Because I can’t hold my laugh any longer.” Hyesung wiped his forming tears now.

“You scared the hell out of me, you know?”

“You and your stupid mouth.” He laughed one more time before turned his heel and continued to walk.

“Wait, Hyesung-ah.”

“What?” I pointed at a black coat at the display window in front of us. He observed it for a few seconds before nodded.

When we got inside, I asked the shop assistant to try on that black coat. Hyesung stood nearby when I tried it in front of the mirror. “What do you think?” I asked him.

“If you like it, just buy it.” He returned his attention to some jacket suit on the rack in front of him.

“It’s a bit pricey.” I mumbled when I checked the tag. I looked around to make sure the shop assistant wasn’t eavesdropping before whispered to him, “But if you think I looked good in it, I will buy it.” I smiled goofily at him. He didn’t answer and walked away to the farther rack displaying more jacket suit.

“Maybe I should try something else?” I asked again but he ignored me. He fished out his handphone and typed on it instead. What a jerk, I thought.

I turned to look at another coat when I felt my handphone buzzed in my pocket. I checked it and there was a new message. I clicked the envelope icon and frowned at the sender name. Shin Hyesung.

It looks great on you. You looked really handsome in it. Just buy it.

I read the message once again, just to make sure I read it right, before searching for him. He lowered his head but couldn’t hide his flushed face. He straightened himself and fanned his flustered face with his hand. He glanced at me and when he saw me grinning like an idiot, he covered his face with his hand. And I thought he mumbled something like, “Oh, just let me die,” before darted out in embarrassment.

“I’ll take this one.” I kept smiling from ear to ear when I handed that black coat to the shop assistant.

***

I put the last can of beer inside the fridge then sighed. I scanned my preparation once again, just in case I missed something. I purchased a lot of alcohol enough for us to be hospitalized. Beer, soju, wine, rice wine and even the precious aged whisky from the restaurant. The foods and snacks were ready too, from grilled meat, fresh fruit and savory snacks. I even ordered pizza and fried chicken to be delivered tonight. I sighed as I recall how much I spent for this new house party, but if Junjin showed up and thus made Hyesung feel better, I didn’t care.

I heard someone unlocked the front door. I glanced at the clock and was surprised that it was almost the time. I heard a light but impatient footsteps approached me, I smiled because I knew whose footsteps it was.

“You haven’t changed the password.” He hissed the moment he saw me.

“Oh, hello my dear Hyesungie..” I walked closer and was about to embrace him but he snorted in distaste. He turned away and walked back to the living room.

“I bring some foods and snacks.” He fished out all the snacks and put it all on the coffee table. I already bought some of the snacks he brings.

“I already brought the snacks, Hyesung-ah. But thank you.”

“Oh, okay. I knew you already bought snacks, but these all are Jinnie’s favorite. I guess I just want to make sure.” He smiled awkwardly.

I approached him and hugged him. “Then he will definitely enjoy the party.”

“You prepared grilled meat, do you?” He let go from my embrace. “I bring kimchi from my house. He also likes it the most.”

I nodded before saying, “You thought about everything.”

He walked to the kitchen and placed the kimchi container on the kitchen counter. I was standing on the kitchen door and watched him. He took a deep breath and turned to me. “Eric?”

“Hmm?”

“Tell me that everything is gonna be alright.”

“Everything is gonna be alright, Hyesung-ah.”

He smiled. “I believe you.”

We heard somebody unlocked the front door. “It must be Minwoo.” I shouted at the door direction, “We’re in the kitchen, Minwoo!”

“What a nice welcome.” Minwoo scoffed when he entered the kitchen. He looked around for seconds then said, “So, we’re partying in your kitchen?” He chuckled at his own joke.

“We’re not partying yet, Smartass!”

“Waiting for Junjin?” Minwoo’s tone changed into more sincere now. Hyesung nodded and bit his lip. He leaned at the kitchen counter and said nothing. What’s the point anyway? All of us knew that Junjin avoided Hyesung and we also knew what the reason was.

“He hang around you too much, Shin Hyesung! That’s why he became this stubborn!” Minwoo suddenly exclaimed. He smiled teasingly and his eyes disappeared into thin line.

“Shut up!” Hyesung retorted. But I could see a vague smile began forming in his face. Trust Minwoo to break the ice.

We stood there and talked about nothing in particular. We chatted and chatted when suddenly the bell rang. We tensed and looked at each other but no one was able to speak. We jumped and hurriedly run towards the front door, bumping at each other in the alley with not much concern. Minwoo reached the door fastest and he didn’t wait to open it. Hyesung and I stopped abruptly behind him.

We held our breath when we see Junjin stood awkwardly in my front door. He scratched his head and smiled awkwardly before greeted us shyly. “Hyung..”

______________________________________