We were back at our villa early that evening. We were sitting at small porch snuggled to each other. We were watching the trees and talking about silly nothings. The weather was incredibly cold when the dusk slowly fell. But I guess, we were too drowned in the moment to care. We just snuggled tighter and wrapped the blanket closer. If anyone could see us, he would see a huge bundle of white blanket, with two joined heads peeked on it.

“Do you think we should get inside?” Hyesung asked. “It’s getting colder here.”

“Yeah, I think we should.” I nodded. But no one moved. So we stayed.

“The color is too beautiful.” Hyesung mumbled.

“Uh hum.”

“You know why the color turns into red?” Suddenly he asked.

I frowned as I tried to recall my biology knowledge from primary school. “I think it’s related to something pigment changes during the fall, but I’m not sure.”

For my surprised, Hyesung chuckled amusingly. “Eric, at moments like this you should talk cheesy.” He chuckled some more, but then shook his head in disbelief. “Oh my God, what the hell I’m talking about? Forget it.”

“Oh, okay. I get it. Let’s try again.” I grinned and held his waist tighter.

“No, no, no. I said forget it.” He shook his head in embarrassment.

“Oh, come on, Hyesung-ah..”

“We’re talking like two drunkards.” Hyesung chuckled again, but then he straightened himself, turned to face me and asked, “You know why the color changes in the fall?”

“So I can kiss you like this.” I cupped his face before kissed him.

“What kind of answer is that?” Hyesung protested when he pulled himself from me.

“Nonsense answers.” I grinned triumphantly before kissing him again. “I have another one.” I stopped at our mid kiss.

“What?” Hyesung furrowed his forehead from the sudden stop.

“Do you know why the war started?”

He frowned deeper now, but decide to play along. “Why?” he asked slowly.

I pecked him on his lips before answered, “Because they are careless.” Oh, I could play this game for my whole life!

We kept sitting and giggling and kissing like that for some more minutes. When the sun was about to set, Hyesung leaned his head to my shoulder before sighed. “It was amazing and also sad at the same time.” He whispered slowly.

“What?”

“The colors in autumn. So bright just before they lose it all.”

***

“Hyesung-ah, you’re being ridiculous!” I raised my hands in desperation. I watched him pouted and eyed me suspiciously from the corner of the bedroom. I sighed and decided to give up chasing him. “Whatever. I’m going to sleep.” I said to him and crashed the bed.

I rolled and was lying flat on my stomach. I pretended to shut my eyes even though I listened very carefully. No sounds of him. He still didn’t move. Everything was okay even until we had our dinner delivered to our room. We were relaxed and enjoyed the moment together. Darn, we even made out on the couch just now.

I cursed silently and mentally strangle myself. I could not be any more stupid than now. What the hell I was thinking to try undid his pants! The moment he realized my action, he got panicked and pushed me away. Furiously he kicked me and ran away. I said my sorry many times but apparently that only made him angrier. We spent almost an hour with me chased him and tried to calm him down; and him frightfully avoided me and sent me thousands cursing.

If I was an optimist, I would see the scenes looked hilarious. Hyesung was getting jumpy and running around the villa to keep a safe distance from me. His face was red and his expression was a mix of nervousness, anger and embarrassment. He pouted and cursed but I couldn’t help but thinking that he looked cute. But I wasn’t that optimistic. I was never a person who cries easily, but right now I was afraid to death I hope I could cry. What if he wanted to break up?

“Yah! How dare you sleep now!” He furiously kicked my leg. I sat up immediately.

“I’m sorry Hyesung-ah.. What I have to do to make you forgive me? Should I kneel down?” I timidly grabbed the hem of his sweater.

“Is it pathetic for a man to kneel?” He snorted.

“Please don’t breaking up with me.”

“Who says about breaking up?” He asked flatly.

“So you’re not mad anymore?” I tugged his sweater happily.

“I still mad at you!” He snapped. “You’re always pushing even when I told you that I don’t want it.”

“I’m sorry. I get carried away, but it won’t happen again, Hyesung-ah.” I gripped his both hands now.

“Like I would believe you.” He scoffed but didn’t push me away. I bit my lip because I didn’t know what to say. He was right of course. I was ridiculously blunt and easily swept off from my common sense all the time I was with him. And it was getting worse by the times.

He took a deep breath before sat beside me. I looked at him but he chose to look at his feet. We kept silent and doing nothing. I watched him breathing slowly and blinked frequently. I knew he’s contemplating his next words now.

“I’ll sleep on the couch.” I said and was about to stand up.

“Eric-ah..”

“No, it’s okay.” I patted his shoulder and smiled.

“It’s not that I don’t want to do it with you.” He slowly whispered, still looking at his feet. I turned around and squatted down in front of him. I held his hands in mine and that made him looked at me.

“I know.” I caressed his hands lightly with my thumbs.

“It’s just that I don’t know how to do it. Since we’re both men, we can’t do it in a – conventional way.” He whispered even softer now. “And it’s freaking me out when you get excited from nowhere.” I had to chuckle at that. Yeah, it’s seemed like I get excited from nowhere.

“I’m sorry, Hyesung-ah.”

“It’s just – that I don’t want to be lousy at that and I’m afraid I can’t do anything right.” He lowered his head and whispered very very softly, I barely heard it.

“Shin Hyesung, you’re thinking too much, you know that?” I leaned forward so I could see his eyes.

He smiled vaguely before answered, “I know that.”

“Now listen to me.” I squeezed his hands until he looked up. “My worries are as big as yours. Well, maybe a bit smaller than yours.” I added when I saw him frowned. “But it’s only a tiny weenie small difference compared from yours.” He smiled again. “But with you, I’ll take any risk.”

“That’s nice. But I’m still afraid.”

“Then we won’t do it tonight.”

“As simple as that?”

“As simple as that.” I said proudly. “I’m a gentleman.” He scoffed lightly but smiled anyway.

“Don’t sleep on the couch. It will look like we’re fighting.” He said finally.

I nodded even though my mind was dead puzzled. Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and then realizing there was no right answer. He would shout and pull himself and refuse my every attempt to calm him down. He would stubbornly challenge me until I gave up. But in the end, he would calmly come to me and explain himself. And suddenly, we were alright again.

He sighed then let go of my hands. He rolled and lied down like nothing happened. So I followed him and lied down beside him. We looked at the ceiling and said nothing. Then suddenly he whispered, “You may hug me if you want to.”

So I hugged him. I hugged him tight under the blanket. Soon enough I felt myself getting drowsy and the last thing I remember was his hair softly brushed my cheek.

***

The next morning, I felt him poke my stomach rather impatient. “Wake up, Eric-ah. Are you dead? Why is it so hard to wake you up?” I grunted and wiggled away from him. “Eric!” He screamed now. I opened my eyes and hurt my eyes almost immediately. Damn, since when he opened the window? I looked up at him and saw that he already changed his clothes.

“Good morning, Hyesung-ah.” I said before yawning.

He looked at me disgustingly then hissed. “Get up, hurry!”

“What time is it?” I rubbed my eyes still groggy.

“7 am.”

“It’s still too early, Hyesung-ah.” I growled. “And it’s Sunday!”

“I want to walk around here before breakfast.” He pulled the blanket impatiently. “Come on, Eric-ah.”

“Oh God, okay. I’m awake now.” I grunted while sitting up. He smiled and petted my head then pushed me to the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later, we were already walking hand in hand (because no one around! Praise the God Almighty!) around the resort. It was incredibly freezing, but I could care less. We walked and chatted and I swear I could describe you the meaning of happiness. We found a bench and decided to sit on it. We sat close and he comfortably leaned on me.

“Thank God no one’s here.” He said softly and leaned his head to my head. I caressed his hair almost immediately.

“Uh hum.”

“Is it tiring for you?” He asked slowly.

“What?”

“Have to act out every time there are people and hide about us?”

“No. Not yet.”

“Will you?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged my shoulder. “Are you tired?”

“No. Not yet.”

“Will you?”

He chuckled. “I don’t know.”

“Then let’s find it out, Hyesung-ah.” I whispered to his ear.

“I wish we can do this more often, though.” He placed his hand to my thigh and I immediately held it in my free hand.

“I’m afraid I can’t promise you that.” I muttered.

“I know.” He sighed lowly.

“But I guess, maybe someday.”

“Don’t say that, Eric-ah.” He turned his face to me and frowned. “Someday is a dangerous word. It was like some code for Never”. He said desperately and suddenly he was out of breath. So I cupped his cheeks and caressed them slowly with my thumb.

“Hey, listen to me.” He looked at me with his eyes widened. “Did you forget, Shin Hyesung? That right now, we live the life we never ever imagined before. But we’re here, we’re exist. Don’t you think that ‘never’ is a good offer after all?”

He blinked twice. “It’s a mystery how you and your words are always able to make me feel better.” He whispered and closed his eyes. He lowered his head but I saw him smiled in relax.

So I hugged him. “That’s why you stuck with me, Shin Hyesung.”

***

We had our breakfast at the restaurant that morning before walking back to our villa. We packed our things and checked out at noon. When we drove back to Seoul I noticed he drives slower than his usual. He wanted the trip lasted as long as possible. I was leaning at the window and leisurely watching him since the minute we got in the car.

“Oh, God. Stop staring at me!” He shouted nervously when he couldn’t take it anymore. I glanced at the window and realized that we almost arrived.

“Did you ever know that you’re so y when you’re driving?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He turned his face abruptly to me.

I shrugged my shoulder. “Someone ever told me that her ideal type was a guy who looked y when driving. At that time, I don’t understand as well. But now, I got her point. You are y, Hyesung-ah”

“Oh, whatever.” He growled with his face completely blushing. The rest of the trip he scolded me not to look at him. But of course I didn’t obey.

“I’m hungry, Hyesung-ah.” I said when we were arrived at his apartment.

“Want to eat ramyun?” I nodded at that. “Let’s go.” He opened the door and let me follow him.

Later that evening after we finished our ramyun, we sat on his couch and played games. “I’m bored.” I stated when, once again, my character died. I threw the console and straightened my legs. “Have any idea?” I grinned at him.

“Don’t ask me, you’re the one who’s bored.”

“Well, I know one activity I never get bored with.” I grinned goofily now.

He groaned before said, “You obviously never get bored to tick on my nerve!” He pursed his lips and took a deep breath a few times. Then he stood up and headed to the kitchen. I followed him.

“Hey, I’m a healthy man who has a lover also a healthy man. So what’s wrong with that? I’m not asking for more than kissing you.” I saw him opened a can of beer.

“Do you want some?” He threw me another can but didn’t answer my question. He only leaned on the kitchen counter and quietly drank his beer. So I opened my beer and drank it also in silent.

“I’m sorry. And forget what I said before. Please don’t get upset.” I said.

“I never said I’m upset.” He stated calmly before opened his second beer. “Just wait until I’m done thinking.” So I shut my mouth and watched him downed his beer. He threw the now-empty can before approached me and kissed me.

I pulled away. “You need to be drunk to kiss me?” I asked a little offended.

“I think I need to be a bit drunk to forget the pain.” He whispered before pressing his lips to mine again. He kissed me gently but I couldn’t reciprocate when the realization hit me.

“Are you sure, Hyesung-ah?” I held his shoulders tightly and observed his face. His cheeks were red and he blinked frequently. I thought his hands were shivering even though he gripped my T-shirt tightly.

“I think I can never be 100 percent sure about this, Eric.” Now his lips were trembling too. He was too nervous. “But I want to say yes.”

Now it was my turn to panic. It was easy to these past days because I knew he would refuse it. I had nothing to lose. But now, when he was willing to do it, I couldn’t help but felt so anxious. What if I can’t do it right? What if I hurt him? But if I retreated now, he would be feeling rejected. Oh, !

“But I have to tell you, I’m inexperience at that.” I felt my fingers shaking on his shoulders.

He smiled weakly then said, “It was my first time too with a man. Both of us will learn it the hard way.”

“May I know why you change your mind?”

He sighed nervously. “All my life, I never thought that I will have with a man. And honestly I thought I will never ready to do it, even though I love you.” He took a deep breath. “But his morning you said, that ‘never’ is a good offer. I’ll take the offer.”

“You cannot walk out when I start with you. You better run now when there’s still time.” I weakly while my heart beat starts racing

“Don’t mock me.”

“You want another beer?” I asked again. Because it was bound to be really painful.

“No, I don’t want to be too drunk.” He shook his head and when he saw my puzzled expression he said, “Because I’m blabbering when I’m too drunk, you know that.”

“Let’s go to the bedroom now.” I held his hand. He nodded shyly. Our trembling fingers shaking so badly, so I squeezed his hand tighter. It must be ignited something on him because the next thing I knew, he pinned me to the wall while crashing his mouth to mine. We stayed there and kissing passionately. This time with fire flared inside, because we knew this would lead into something much gratifying.

I thought he said “Start walking” in the middle of our kisses. How he managed to do it when his tongue busy rubbing mine was beyond my understanding. So I held his waist and dragged him with me. We walked slowly to his bedroom with our hearts almost exploded and our lips never apart. We kept our eyes closed, but we managed to get inside his bedroom. I didn’t hesitate to push him to the bed. He lied down on his back and I was hovering above him. We stopped kissing and took the time to look at each other’s eyes while calming our fast breathing down.

“I love you, Shin Hyesung.”

He nodded and bit his lip before clumsily led my hand to his shirt. I smiled and completely by that. But when I saw his exposed chest, suddenly I remembered it.

“Oh, I forgot!” I exclaimed before jumped down the bed and ran to the bathroom. I opened the cabinet and grabbed my precious lotion. I held it firmly like I just won a gold medal. This would be better than any gold medal.

“You kept the lotion in my cabinet?” Hyesung asked in disbelief when I ran back to the bedroom and jumped onto the bed. I resumed my old position hovering him.

“Shall we?”

_____________________________________

A/N

Woah, I can't believe I have 100 subscribers.. Thank you so much for supporting both of my fic... I love you all ^^