“I’m not sleeping with you again!” He hissed while brushing his teeth angrily.

“You didn’t complain last night. Not even once.” I blurted out. Why he was on a bad mood so suddenly? I knew it would be uncomfortable for him the morning after, but I couldn’t understand why he was this upset. He glared at me before spat the white foam of his toothpaste.

“I told you that I don’t want to do it before! But you never listened!” He spat the foam and maybe his saliva too while talking. One drop of foam landed on his white T-shirt. He angrily wiped it with his hand.

“You’re the one who kissed me first!”

“That kiss wasn’t meant for that! It was your kiss which started everything!” His face reddened and it looked ridiculous because of the white foam on his lips.

“What’s wrong with you? Last night wasn’t that bad – it was very good in my opinion. We’re getting better at that, I knew I’m getting better at that.” I said while putting down my shaving razor. It wasn’t our first time or second time, it’s our fourth time for God’s sake. If he was okay with my clumsy-self back then, then what the hell possibly made him so upset this morning?

He opened his mouth to return my words, but then he closed it again without saying anything. Instead, he opened the water tap and rinsed his mouth. He washed his toothbrush, threw it to its place and marched out the bathroom with his mouth was shut tight.

I followed him to the closet where he took out some new shirt and pants from its bag. New clothes he bought yesterday. Now what? He would leave me?

“Hyesung-ah, what I did wrong this time?” I asked him impatiently.

“Wear your clothes, Eric.” He only retorted shortly. I looked down and realized that I only wear a towel around my waist. I completely forgot that, but I could worry about it later.

“Hyesung-ah..”

“You’ll be late to work if you don’t hurry.” He said again with flat tone, and then he lowered his head and tried to open the wrap of his new shirt.

I approached him and grabbed his hands. He startled and stopped his motions. He still held the half-opened plastic package of his new blue shirt. He took a deep breath before turned to face me.

“I’m sorry, okay?” He quickly said.

“Huh?”

“Forget everything I said in there.” He said nervously. I only blinked because I never expected this kind of answer. So I didn’t know how to respond. Now I wasn’t sure whether he’s upset or not. He cleared his throat and pried his hand free. He continued unwrapping his shirt and pants but I could see he just wanted to make himself busy enough so he didn’t need to talk any further.

He was embarrassed, suddenly I realized it.

“What are you doing now?” I asked.

“Just getting ready.” He mumbled not really clear. I watched him silently but then he startled me by throwing the shirt away and groaned. “Which is stupid, because I don’t need to get ready until tonight.” He sighed then walked to the bedroom. Once again I followed him and this time I could understand what was going on. He was nervous. He must be too nervous right now.

He jumped the bed and buried his face on the pillow. I sat beside him and touched his back, caressed it lightly. “Everything will be alright, Hyesung-ah. Just relax.”

“I can’t relax.” He mumbled inaudible to the pillow. He shifted his head then lied on his cheek, “I know it’s crazy to feel this nervous. I’ll just meet my parents but I can’t help but feel anxious.” He said slowly.

“Jinnie will be there.” I said rather disenchanted. Last night, Hyesung told me his plan to see his parents. He just couldn’t take it any longer, the fact that they hadn’t talked was a torment to him. But he decided to come to his parents’ house with Jinnie, because he could be a great help to lighten the mood and encourage Hyesung. I agreed completely of his thinking, but it couldn’t escape me from being disappointed. I couldn’t stop thinking that it should’ve be me to come with Hyesung tonight.

“You sound bitter.” Hyesung smiled weakly.

“I want to be there too.”

His plan was to casually meet his parents and relief himself from homesickness. But if he brings me with him, anything could go to completely different direction. Many shouting and another expulsion might likely to happen. And Hyesung wished to avoid that possibility. He just wanted to meet his parents in peace. He even bought new shirt and a pair of pants so he would look good for the night.

“I’m sorry Eric-ah.” He said on a very nice tone. But it didn’t make me feel any better.

“So you don’t mad at me anymore?” I asked to change the topic. No need to put more pressure on Hyesung, I thought.

“I still mad at you.” He answered shortly. “So get away from me.” He quickly shoved my hand away from his back. As if he just remembered that he still mad at me.

I blinked once. “Is it that bad for you?”

For my surprise, he chuckled. “I hurt your pride, huh?” Should I answer that obvious question? He chuckled again. “I didn’t mean it. Can’t you tell the difference?”

“You said you won’t sleep with me anymore.” I said before I could stop it.

“And I told you forget everything I said in there.” He sat up and chuckled lightly. “You know I tend to speak carelessly when I’m nervous. And let me tell you, paining and nervousness is not best mix. I’m sorry, but please stop talking about that.”

“But why you told me to get away?”

“Because you can’t stop whining!” He snapped and startled me. “Now get yourself up or you will be late for work.” He pushed my shoulder impatiently.

“So you say, you’ll continue to sleep with me?” I asked with growing grin.

“Shut up shut up shut up!”

***

I ran to my car after receiving the call from Hyesung. I checked my watch – 3 pm – before pressed for Minwoo’s number on my phone. He picked up at the time I arrived at my car and opened the door.

“Yeah.” Minwoo said as if he was doing something else while answering for my call.

“Hyesung’s mother collapsed. I’m going to the hospital right now.” I had no other way to spill the news.

“What?” I could imagine he drops whatever he holds in his hands right now. “But why? How? How about Hyesung?”

“I don’t know, Minwoo. Hyesung just called me and he said he already heading there with a cab. He sounded bad so I have to accompany him.” I started the engine and stepped the accelerator right away. “I’m sorry, but I left many of my works undone. I’ll get it done as soon as I came back. I just need to make sure if Hyesung’s okay.”

“Don’t worry about that, Eric. You go and accompany Hyesung. And call me immediately, okay?” Minwoo quickly said.

“Okay. Hung up now.” I threw my phone to the passenger seat without looking at it. Now my mission was to drive as fast as possible and most importantly, safely to the hospital. My heart was beating so fast and I felt my fingers trembling, so I gripped the steering wheel tighter. My mouth felt dry as I couldn’t stop myself from panic.

If I was in this bad state, I wonder how panic Hyesung was right now.

Just a few minutes ago, Hyesung called me and with his shaking voice said that her mother was sent to the hospital because she was unconscious. Many shuffling and tumbling noise from Hyesung’s line, so I imagined that he was so hurry he might be drop or bump on something while making his way out the apartment. He just hung up after telling me the hospital where her mother was sent. He did tell me not to come to the hospital, though. Did he seriously want me to do nothing?

So here I was, driving like mad to central hospital near his parents’ house. Never in my life, have I hated the red light this much. Why the damn thing always turns red when we want it to be green?

The moment I arrived by the gate, finally I could slow down a bit. I exhaled half-relieved breath when I enter the parking lot. At least, now I could see Hyesung. He just floors away from me. I parked my car on the first empty spot I found and ran outside right away, just stopped once to grab my phone with me. I asked the receptionist where they brought Hyesung’s mother and hurriedly paced there. I didn’t know what to say or what to do if I meet Hyesung and his parents. The only thing I want to do was to see if Hyesung was okay.

I slowed down my pace once I got to the treatment wings. The hallway was quiet and only two or three nurses walked around. No sight of Hyesung. I asked the nurse on her station for the room’s number. She smiled and asked if I were the relatives. I nodded vaguely but she found it satisfying, because then she gladly gave me the direction. I walked slowly to the room 411 rather timidly. Oh , what should I do now?

I peeked on the glass panel on the door and saw him. Hyesung sat with his head lowered beside his mother’s bed. I couldn’t see her face or where his father stood (or sat). I could only see Hyesung – how he slouched his shoulders, how he held his mother’s hand and the way he put his forehead on it. Was he crying? I stood motionless and felt myself torn apart by the seconds I saw the scene.   

I didn’t know how long I was standing still like that in front of the door. So I nearly got a heart attack when the door was suddenly opened. Just by reflex, I took one step backward. And thank God and all His helpers, I could restrain cursing word escaping my mouth on time. Because now one version of older Hyesung stood before me and stared back at me. Hyesung’s father.

I bowed deeply right away and said my greeting. But my voice sounded like a choked one. He looked at me half-startled and half-disapproved. He just nodded reluctantly but didn’t return my greeting. Instead, he turned his head and called Hyesung. Hyesung lifted his head and looked at the door. His face turned white when he saw me. He mumbled something I couldn’t hear to his mother, before got up on his feet and approached us.

“Excuse us, Father.” He said slowly to his father, before walked past me. I bowed once again then followed Hyesung. He walked fast and refused to talk to me while walking. He even took the stair down. He finally stopped in front of coffee machine, on the corner, two floors under her mother’s room floor. He really did so much to prevent his father watched us talking.

“You have any change?” He asked and pointed the coffee machine.

“What do you want?” I stepped forward and dug some change from my pants pocket.

“Hot black coffee.” He said automatically. I pressed the button to buy two cups of hot black coffee for us. I handed him one cup before we sat on the metal bench nearby. The metal bench was cold and hard, just perfect to describe the air around Hyesung and me.

“How is your mother?” I asked but looked at the black fluid inside the white cup on my hand. I could not bring myself to drink it, so was Hyesung. I saw him grip his cup of coffee with no desire to drink it. Both of us found some pretense to watch our steaming coffee, so we didn’t have to see at each other’s eyes.

“She’s awake now. She was dehydrated and has low blood sugar.” He said rather pained. I glanced at him and saw him smiled bitterly. “She didn’t eat or hydrate or even rest properly since I left” He added before let out a heavy sigh. “She has IV now, but we have to wait for few hours to make sure that everything’s alright.”

“You’re okay?” I whispered.

His face looked like he was hoping any question other than that question. His forehead furrowed and his jaw tensed. He bit his lips and blinked once, and I was frightened to see that his eyes was started to wet. “No, I’m really not okay.” He shook his head desperately and tried his best to prevent a tear falls.  When I stretched my hand to touch him, his body reacted. He moved away.

Right, I couldn’t touch him if we’re at public. So I let my hand hung motionless and felt myself more miserable than before.

“I told you not to come.” He sighed heavily once again.

“I think I’m going crazy if I can’t see you.” I blurted out.

“Thank you for coming.” He smiled. “But I’m afraid I can’t invite you get inside the room.”

“It’s okay. I can wait outside.”

“No, no. Don’t do that.” He quickly said.

“So you want me to leave?” I asked in disbelief. Didn’t he understand it when I tell him that I’m going crazy if I can’t see him?

“You had a job to do, Eric. Don’t neglect it for me and I thought you agree that Minwoo did too much to cover your part.” He had the sense to scold me at this time? “And don’t look at me like that.”

I waited a few seconds before retorted because I knew if I just blurted out anything, we would end up fighting. I spent the time to watch him carefully. His bang a bit ruffled, maybe from the way he put his forehead to his mother’s hand just now. His eyes were still red and so was the tip of his nose. But his face was unusually pale and disturbed. He wore thin sweater and sweatpants and sneakers – solid proof that he left my apartment in a hurry, he had no time to change his clothes into the warmer ones. But his expression was hard and firm, challenged me to confront him if I dare.

I knew I already lost the battle. I wasn’t worth enough to bother him more. So I said, “Fine. But I’ll get back here once I’m done with my work. And by that time, let’s see if you dare to tell me to leave!” I stood up and walked to the trash bin. I threw my untouched-and-now-cold coffee into it. I glanced at him once before my heel and left.

But I only managed to take two steps before he called out my name. I turned around and found him already on his feet too. For my surprise, he smiled. Even though I couldn’t interpret his smile. “Remember when I told you that I had a feeling that my parents would call me any time soon?” He suddenly asked. I nodded. Yeah, he said that just last night. “I was right, they did call me. But I really hate this situation right now.”