I watched him walked back towards my car. His face was surly and glum. But his chin was high and he walked confidently. Soon he opened the door and sat on the passenger seat.

“So?” I asked while tapping the steering wheel.

“My father isn’t here yet. But he already told the secretary that I’m taking some days off. She was confused when she saw me coming.” Hyesung spoke quickly.

“Didn’t you say that you would come to work as usual until your father actually fires you?” We made this plan this morning, after we dragged ourselves from our short sleep to get ready for work. Because Hyesung’s father didn’t say anything about fired Hyesung, so we thought it wasn’t right to just leave his job. So he braced himself and determined to come to work like nothing happened.

“My old man is too much!” Hyesung rubbed his face impatiently. “He already ordered the others to take over my works. Even though I come back today, I have nothing to do.”

“So what are you going to do now?”

“Going home. Minwoo and Jinnie wait for us there, are they?” He leaned back on his seat and loosened his tie. Well, my tie. He borrowed my clothes from top to toe.

“How do you know that?” Did Minwoo text him too?

“Jinnie just texted me.” He answered shortly and looked out the window. He exhaled once and watched sadly at his office building.

“Your seat belt, please.” I said to him. I waited until he was done fastened his seat belt before started the engine.

When we reached my apartment, we found Minwoo and Junjin seated on the couch. They turned their head to face us the moment we stepped in and took off our shoes. I texted Minwoo last night and informed him about Hyesung, but I never called Junjin. So maybe Hyesung was the one who called him.

“Hyung.” Junjin stood up with his face showed an explicit worry and waited for Hyesung who only smiled vaguely. Whereas Minwoo stayed on his seat with his face was still composed. This guy could be very dependable whenever we need him to be.

“If both of you are here, who’s taking care of your restaurant?” Hyesung asked me calmly when he sat on the couch beside Junjin.

“Don’t worry about that, Hyesung-ah.” Minwoo smiled assuring him.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Junjin placed his hand on Hyesung’s.

“Yeah.” Hyesung nodded but his stare was vacant. He inhaled and exhaled heavily, but he managed to let a vague smile. Minwoo, Junjin and I kept quiet, even though we could see clearly that Hyesung was forcing himself to look okay. So I approached him and sat on armchair beside him. I thought his tensed body relaxed a bit when I placed my hand on his shoulder.

“What’s your plan now?” Minwoo asked carefully.

“Stay here. Maybe wait a day or two before I try to talk to them again.” Hyesung looked up at me and I nodded at him. Minwoo and Junjin took a deep breath at the same time but they said nothing. I tightened my grip to Hyesung’s shoulder but he already stare blankly at his knees again.

“That’s right, Hyung. It’s uncle and aunty we’re talking about. They can’t stay mad at you for a long time.” Junjin suddenly said with exaggerated expression. He smiled and held Hyesung’s hand tighter. Hyesung smiled a little at that, so Junjin continued, “Give them a day or two to cool down then talk to them again.”

“What should we do to help you?” Minwoo leaned forward and looked at Hyesung like a big brother.

“I’ll let you know when I need you to. For now, just stop worrying me and don’t pity me.” Hyesung said stubbornly. Minwoo frowned and was about to retort when I interrupted.

“Should I go to your parents and talk to them?” I asked him once again. I already came up with the idea since long ago, but he always rejected it.

Hyesung suddenly turned to me and furrowed his forehead, “It’s not a bright idea, Eric.”

“But maybe I could – “

“They were frightened enough even without you came barging in and who knows what you might tell to them.” Hyesung snapped tiredly. “Please don’t, Eric-ah.”

“Do you ever think how difficult it is to me not being able to help? Just watching you and doing nothing is much harder than you think.” I really wanted to shake him and made him realize that he wasn’t alone. Couldn’t he see that Minwoo and Junjin were ready to do anything to help too? And here he was, being stubborn and rejected any hands offered to him.

Hyesung tensed and fisted his hands, but said nothing. Instead, he bit his lips and shut himself completely. Minwoo and Junjin glanced at me once and sighed. We knew we had enough talking with this stone headed bastard. It was wise to leave him for this once. Minwoo shook his head lightly to me, sent me a sign to shut up and not to force him anymore.

“Okay Hyesung-ah, we get it. Whenever you need anything – I mean, anything – call us. Me and Junjin would appreciate it if you ask.” Minwoo smiled when he said it. Hyesung nodded but didn’t look up when he did it.

“And Hyung, please make some use of yourself. Rest and eat properly. I don’t need to tell you twice, right?” Junjin tapped Hyesung’s shoulder with a wide smile. Hyesung snorted but somehow Jinnie’s word lightened his mood a bit.

“Fine then, me and Junjin have to go now.” Minwoo stood up, followed by Junjin. Hyesung still pouted and sat quietly, so I left him when I walked them out. “Bye, Hyesung-ah.” Minwoo waved to Hyesung.

“Bye, Hyung.” Junjin added.

“Don’t force him, Eric-ah.” Minwoo whispered when we were at my door. “You know him, he doesn’t want us worry about him, so he tried to solve anything alone. I know it’s frustrating when he shuts himself like that.” Minwoo said slowly when he saw my displeased.

“Hyung, it’s best to talk and treat him normally. Joke with him, tell him to do some errands, whatever. He trusts you Hyung.” Junjin added.

“Don’t worry about the restaurant, I’ll take care of it. Just stay with Hyesung.” Minwoo said again before both of them turned around and left. I kept looking at their backs walking further to the elevator. I must be doing some big merit in my previous life to have friends like them.

When I got inside, I couldn’t find him on the living room. I walked to the kitchen because I thought I hear something from there. “Hyesung-ah?” I called his name.

“They already left?” Hyesung asked slowly while sitting on the dining table. Coffee maker hummed lowly when the water started to boil.

“Yeah. You make coffee?” I sat on the chair across of him.

He nodded. “I’m sorry, Eric-ah.” He said softly, hardly more than a whisper. I looked up at him confused.

“What are you sorry for?”

“Many things.” He smiled bitterly.

“We’ll figure it out, Hyesung-ah. Don’t keep it in yourself, share it with me.”

“You really cannot leave me alone, don’t you?” He let out a small amused chuckle. The coffee maker beeped and he got up on his feet. He opened the cabinet and took two mugs. I watched him poured the black coffee to the mugs then brought them to the table. He sipped his hot coffee before continued, “It seems like there’s a hurricane in my head. Soon after I left my office this morning, it finally hit me. I finally realize what I’m losing.”

I gulped my saliva. Somehow I knew beforehand what he might tell me, but I felt bitter anyway. Not long ago, I felt confident to help him carry his burden. But now, the only thing I could do was just staring at him and gripped my mug. I didn’t even know what to say.

“Eric, may I ask you one uncomfortable question?” Hyesung asked.

“Shoot.”

“If you have a son that you treasure more than your own life, would you say yes if he loves a man?” He asked calmly. His eyes were scarily serene and firm.

“Maybe no.” I answered honestly. If I ever have children – and God knows how much I want them – as much as I want them to be happy, I want them to be unharmed in body and soul and heart. It was horrifying to imagine they being secluded by society just because of their choice. No, I want an easy and less-complicated life for my children. And suddenly I have something clotted on my throat.

“Me too.” He lowered his head and then we said nothing. We sipped our coffee slowly and drowned in our thought. Even after we finished our coffee, we sat still and shut our mouth. The kitchen was quiet for the next hour. Nobody could see hurricanes inside each of our head.

***

That evening, we sat on the couch and had our dinner. Everything seemed normal despite of what happened this morning. After the silence in my kitchen this morning, we walked out from there with the intention to let it slip. We played pretend that this was bearable and hoped everything would get better tomorrow. What a sick game we played right now, let me tell you.

“Tell me about your parents.” Hyesung suddenly asked while playing with his food. He had no appetite, I noticed that.

“What do you want to know?”

“Anything you haven’t told me.”

“Okay, where should I start?” I put down my plate, I didn’t have any appetite too. “My father. As a boss, he’s the best as you can hope. As a father, sometimes he makes me crazy. About my mother, she may looks cool, but don’t let her fool you. Many times she’s sterner than my father.” But they never meddle with my love life.

“Do you ever consider telling them about us?”

“I’m considering introducing you to them when they came here.” I nodded.

“And when is that?” Hyesung turned his head to me.

“By the end of this year, on our restaurant’s opening.”

“Oh.” He pursed his lip once nervously. “Are you sure?”

“If you don’t mind. But if you’re uncomfortable about it, I’ll take you there as my friend.” I shrugged my shoulder.

“Let’s do it like that.” He nodded relieved. “I don’t have enough confidence.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“That I might make your parents angry and ruining the event. Or they might kick you out too.” Hyesung said in a matter of fact tone.

“Kick me out from here? They can’t do that. I bought this place with my own money.” I smiled proudly. But Hyesung only snorted at that. “Now tell me about your parents.” I asked while piling my unfinished dinner plates. I didn’t want them anymore.

“They are the kind of parents who say everyday that they love me, so there’s no chance I missed it.” He looked out of the window and smiled a little. “And they did everything to make me happy. To sum it all, they spoiled me.” He smiled wider now.

“My mother also spoiled me a lot.” I said without thinking. I still blamed her for my childish behavior and my habit to do whatever I want.

He then stretched his hands and legs before laid down on the couch in relaxed. He leaned on the cushion and nonchalantly put both of his feet on my lap. “Want to compare whose parents spoiled the worse?” He asked out of the blue.

“You go first.” I leaned back on the couch and smiled.

“My mother only cooks the food that I like. Even though it makes her husband has to bear the excessive amount of sesame oil and sesame seed every single day since I was little kid.” He said while smiling.

“You won on that, my mother doesn’t cook me much when I was kid. But she ever scolded one librarian when he refused to give me a book I wanted to read.” He looked at me confused. “When I was five or six, I saw a thick book with nice cover, I wanted to read it. Honestly, I only wanted to see the pictures. But that librarian said that there was no way I could read the book, it was too difficult to me, so he refused to give me that. My mother was so upset, she scolded that librarian. I remember clearly what she said at that time, ‘Don’t you ever tell my son, that he can’t do whatever he wants to do just because it’s too difficult.’ That day I brought home that book.” I told him the story while caressing his ankle on my lap.

“What was the book?”

“Twenty Thousand Leagues under the Sea.” I chuckled, he soon followed me. “That librarian was right, that book was the most difficult book for six years old. I quit reading it after less than one hour. But I won’t forget the day my mother stood for me.” I grinned.

“No, I think you won on that. That was a hell of a story, Eric.” He smiled. “But try to beat this one. My father, doesn’t matter how busy his schedule is, never missed any big day of me. He even scheduled his meeting so it wouldn’t coincide with my tae kwon do practice. He was the only father who not only took me to practice, but also sat there all the time and clapped for me.”

“No wonder they found out about us so fast. They watched you closely, Hyesung-ah.” I commented while tapping his feet.

“I guess, you’re right.” He let out a long sigh.

“They spoiled us too much, so we turn into two stubborn brats.” I mumbled. I glanced at him and for my surprise, he looked at me intently.

“The reason why I don’t want you to come to them at this moment is not because I don’t trust you, Eric-ah.” He said after some long pause. “It’s because if you see them right now, my father or mother or both of them would says something bad to you. And I don’t want someone that I love fights against my parents.” He said softly, hardly more than a whisper and yet perfectly audible.

I held his hand and squeezed it hard. Of course he would think that way. He was still the same person who always wanted to keep the peace and protect everyone. “You want to protect my image?” I decided to .

“It was more like I want to protect my parents’ image.” He said slowly. “They are the good persons. I want you to meet the fine side of them, not the anger–driven side.”

“You mean you’re afraid I might hate them if I meet them now?” I asked.

He nodded. “Very much.”

“What else?” Because I could see he has something else to say.

“Because I don’t want to choose between you or my parents.” He said weakly. “It might sound greedy to have both you and my parents. But no matter how hard I think, living without one of you, I don’t think I can live at all.” He said those words slowly, but the effect was like a blast for me. I was ready to lose anything for him, but he hasn’t ready yet.

“To be honest, the biggest burden I have is you Eric Mun.” He said calmly. My heart soon felt like being squeezed. “I love you too much, I can’t think straight.” He continued. My throat choked and my eyes felt hot. I tried to find my voice, but strangely I couldn’t find it.

“How long you would stay with me?” He asked again with his voice started to shake.

“I would never let you go.” I finally found my voice again.

“Even when I ask you to?” He asked slowly with silent tears on his cheek.

“I would never let you go.”

“That’s what I’m afraid the most.” He sat up and hugged my neck tightly, I found it hard to breath. “Thank you, Eric-ah.”