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I heard Minwoo opened his bedroom door then groaned. “You’re okay?” I asked while kept stirring the stew. MInwoo dragged his feet to join me in the kitchen.

He pulled one chair and sat on it, still massaging his temple. “If only we can get drunk without having a hangover..” He murmured.

“You can go to work today?” Because he looked like a mess. Last night he came home dead drunk and being carried by a chauffeur.

“Don’t worry. It was not the first time, anyway.” He grinned and his eyes disappeared into thin line. “What are you cooking?”

“Just something looked like stew.” I shrugged.

“Is it edible?”

“Let’s hope so.” I turned off the stove and brought the pot to the dining table.

Minwoo picked up his spoon and tasted my something-looked-like-stew. He nodded approvingly, “Not that bad.” He took his chopstick and started to eat. “Everything’s good?” He asked out of the blue.

“What do you mean?”
 

“Whatever matter between you and Hyesung. Duh.” He rolled his eyes.

“What do you know?” I frowned at him. . . .

He sighed and put down his chopstick. “When you started all gloomy and miserable, at first I thought you’re homesick or had a culture shock. And then I noticed how you stared at your phone like an idiot all the time, so I thought, ‘Ah, maybe Eric has a sweetheart in States he missed so badly.’ But then, two days ago, I saw you scribbled Hyesung’s name on daily revenue report I gave you. So yeah, from there I knew.”

I scribbled Hyesung’s name on revenue report?!

“I did that?” My jaw dropped on the floor. He sighed once again and nodded.

“Hyesung? Really, Eric?” Minwoo asked carefully.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know, Minwoo. I just can’t stop thinking about him.” I rammed my forehead to the table.
 

“You’re in deep , Eric.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” I knew I was in deep .

“You confessed to him?”

“Uh hum.”

“What he said?”

“He punched me in the face.”

“Oh, wow. Anything happened last night?”

“Nothing.” I couldn’t tell Minwoo what happened last night.

***

We practically made out in my car. We kissed and touched and caressed each other with passion. He sighed and breathed in my mouth. And I whimpered when he bit my lower lip hotly. But just when I thought all was well, he froze. His hands tightened on my neck. And just like how it began, without warning suddenly he pulled back and I saw his eyes were wide open and looked frightened. I tried to embrace him once again, but he shoved my hands. He laughed nervously, and then stammered “I think I was too drunk.”

“No you’re not. You want this as much as I do.” What was wrong with this guy? He kissed me first!

“It was nothing, Eric.” He leaned back at his seat, fastened his seat belt once again, and then turned his head to me. “I felt nothing.” He said flatly with his blank eyes. How could he be so heartless?

He closed his eyes like nothing was ever happened. I sat there motionless, didn’t know what to do or what to think. Still with his eyes closed, Hyesung said, “I’m sorry, but just forget all about this. Drive me home now, please.”

***

“Honestly Eric, I’ve known you almost half of your life. But I never knew that you will be..” Minwoo contemplated his next word, “you know, desired a guy.”

“I’ve known me for all my life, I never knew that!” I shouted at no one in particular.

“So, you’re pretty new for this?” Minwoo gawked. I nodded in glum.

“It started that night when we met at the party, and Bam! He was all over my brain.”

“Woah, that’s amazing. Or weird.” Minwoo leaned back on his chair. “Eric, now answer the important question. You don’t have any feeling for me, right?” He asked seriously.

“Hell no!”

“Thank God. No offence, but you’re not my type.” Minwoo smiled teasingly.

“I wasn’t Hyesung’s type too.” I said morosely.

“Let me tell you, Hyesung is a good person, I know that. He is the type to bottle up rather than shares his trouble or worry. He never wants anyone around him suffered because of him. Actually, I believe right now he feels as bad as you.” Minwoo stood up and patted my shoulder. “If not worse.” He brought the dishes to the sink while I sat still ingesting his words.

“Why this happened to me?” I said weakly.

“You just found your Achilles heel, Eric.”

***

My days of torment began again. After that night, Hyesung ignored all my calls and messages. I almost drove to his place if Minwoo didn’t stop me. Every time he found me staring blankly or groaning in frustration, he would pat me in my shoulder and said, “Just live through the day, Eric. One by one.” He thought maybe it would eventually erase my feeling towards Hyesung. But Minwoo didn’t understand.
 

I needed to see him because I worried about him. I just wanted to make sure that he was okay. I’ve been thinking what Minwoo said to me that morning. And now I realized how improper my behaviors toward him. We just met and I already confessed my undying love to him. Not to mention to stole a kiss from him, when he least expected it. He had a girlfriend and he must really love her. I came to his life and ruined it in a blink of an eye.

Maybe I should apologize to him. And maybe he was right, what happened in my car that night was nothing. He felt nothing because he was drunk that night. All the kisses and touches and whatever I saw in his eyes, were all in my imagination. I was alone all this time in my one sided love.

But if I have to let him go, what about me?

***

“Minwoo?” I knocked his bedroom door.

“It’s open!”

I pushed the door open and found Minwoo was sitting in his bed with laptop in his lap.

“May I ask your help?” I scratched the back of my head.

“Anytime, Eric.” He answered without turning away from his laptop.

“Arrange a meeting with Hyesung for me?” I said after took a long deep breath.

“Umm.. other than that.” Minwoo stopped typing when he looked up at me.

“Why?”

“Eric, don’t force him.” Minwoo finally closed his laptop and patted a space on his bed beside him. I walked slowly to sit beside him.

“But I can’t just sit still doing nothing like this.” I groaned.

“Do you really love him? Because right now, you look like a whining brat.”

“What do you mean with whining?” I shot a death glare to him.

“Think about this, if this is uncomfortable to you, imagine how uncomfortable this to Hyesung!”

“Minwoo, you don’t know that I really want to let him go because I know damn well how much it burdened him. But then I realize that I can’t. I can’t let him go.”

“There’s another reason why you are a whining brat. You haven’t made up your mind, and you dare to meet him? What will you say to him when you meet him?”

“You think I should let him go?”

“Well, maybe you should.”

“But I can’t stop thinking about him!” I slumped my face to the pillow.

“Then go for him.”

“You’re not answering anything here, Minwoo.” I lifted my head and frowned to him.

“I’m not here to provide you the answer, Eric. You’re the one who has the answer.” Minwoo said firmly. Damn, I hate it when he always right. “Make up your mind, Eric. Find out what you really want to do. Let him go, or fight for him with your all. You only able to choose one, you can’t go to and fro at one another. He doesn’t need your hesitation or doubt.”

“I’ll take your words to my heart, Minwoo. I’ll think about it carefully.”

“And this some information for you to consider. Hyesung is the only son of a good family. He was living his 35 years old of his life without scandal. He has a girlfriend who came from a good family too. Are you worth enough for him to give up all of them?”

Minwoo’s voice was still echoing days after in my head. Am I worth enough?

***

One day, I was sitting in my office and staring at a piece of paper in my hand. I draw a line in the middle. On the left side I wrote ‘Pro’ and on the right side I wrote ‘Con’. As Minwoo suggested, I wrote everything we might get and lose if I go to Hyesung. The list couldn’t be any more unbalanced. In the ‘Pro’ column I only wrote one single line. Each other.

Whereas in the ‘Con’ column I wrote seemingly endless things we might lose. We might lose our family, their love, their respect and their protection. We might lose our job provided by our parents. And with that we would lose our house, car, credit card, and so on. We might lose our friends, maybe all of them. (I hoped I could keep Minwoo though). Hyesung would lose his girlfriend. I looked around at my office and smiled bitterly. I might lose all of this, no more CEO Mun. Who knows what our life would turn out? Big chance we would end up as poor as dirt if I stayed with him.

I glanced at the ‘Pro’ column and read again. But we would have each other. God, that was so much for temptation. Seriously, if you asked me, he was worth it. We would have each other. Yeah, complete with our unavoidably changing minds, I added bitterly. Sadly, each other didn’t automatically mean forever.

I crushed the paper and threw it to trash can. That stupid list took me nowhere. Each other, my . I would never have Hyesung. He has his perfect life which Eric Mun was not in it. I clutched my face in my palm and laughed bitterly. Just let him go, Eric.

But for me, loving him was like trying to change my mind once I was already flying through the free fall. I saw no turning back. I had only one direction heading to.

One sided love !

***

That night, I was staying home alone because Minwoo had a party to attend (like usual might I add). I didn’t expect any guest when I heard the bell ringing. Grumpily I paused my games and dragged my feet to see who the one has interrupted me. I saw at the monitor the last face I wanted to see. Hyesung.

With my hands trembling, I pressed the door button to let him enter. He shyly stepped inside and took off his shoes one by one then put the slipper on. All the while, I just stood still and tensed. No way! Two weeks passed without him receiving my call or replying my message, and now here he was, standing awkwardly in front of me. I must be gone crazy.

He cleared his throat and it’s brought me to reality. Yes, this was reality. He was really here, not just my imagination. “Oh, sorry. Please come in.” I invited him inside. I turned around and did my best not to fall. Why suddenly I feel dizzy?

He walked slowly behind, maybe he was afraid of me. I didn’t blame him. “Do you want some drink?” I asked and pointed to the kitchen.

“No, it’s okay.” He nodded his head slowly. “Where’s Minwoo?”

“He’s out.”

“Oh, good.” He exhaled before his face turned red, “No, I didn’t mean it that way.” He quickly added. Honestly, I didn’t understand what he means at all, but I nodded anyway.

“I just want to talk to you.” He stuttered. “In private.” He added with his face completely red.

Now I got panicked. No, I wasn’t ready yet for some talk! Minwoo was right, I didn’t know what to say to him. He fixed his hair nervously as if he waited for me to say something. But my head was completely blank.

He walked closer to me and said softly, “I’m here to be sure about something.”

Like an idiot, I couldn’t say anything, so I nodded. Hey, maybe it could work like this. He would ask the question, and I would answer it by nodding or shaking my head.

Apparently, he didn’t plan to ask any question as he approached me hesitantly. He stopped right in front of me and put his hands to my shoulder. I thought I know what would happen next, but I got shocked anyway. What happened with us and sudden kiss?

He closed his eyes and leaned to kiss me. Angle his head a bit I could feel a little puff from his nose on my cheek. His grip in my shoulder tightened when our lips met. I blinked and went rigid. I got confused as hell. No, it wasn’t right! Last time he kissed me, he said it was nothing. What kind of sick trick he tried to pull to me? No matter how much I like him, I won’t let him play with me like this. I tried to push him, using all my strength ignoring his lips were caressing mine with oh-so tempting. He resisted my push and hugged my neck instead. He even dared to go forward and closing the gap between us. This guy was serious.

Okay, common sense, move aside please. I have something to do.

I hugged his slender body and pressed it to mine. He sighed as our chest and stomach pressed each other. I took the opportunity to slip my tongue into his mouth, feeling it as he rubbed it to my tongue. At that, he pushed me and pinned me to the wall. I stopped thinking right away. We kept kissing as long as our lung let us. He pulled back first and shyly put his head on my shoulder. His hands were still trembling behind my neck. I caressed his back slowly while trying to calm my rapid beating heart.

“I knew I will regret this.” He said between his catching breaths.

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A/N

Because TWO of my fandom are making their comeback this week, I will be very very busy spazzing the internet until next week (?)... I'll try to write more and update soon.. But, yeah, I can't promise anything.. Please bear with me... ^^