“Are we going to have this kind of lunch from now?” Minwoo asked while drinking his water. “I’m not complaining, so stop looking at me like that, Eric. Actually, I like it so much.” He grinned.

“Yeah, me too Hyung. This is cool for me.” Junjin added just immediately.

Hyesung and I nodded. Our conversation was being interrupted when the waiter brought our food. Even though I felt bitter inside, I was still grateful towards our friends. The situation with Hyesung’s parents was not getting any better, so we had to meet like this. Together with Minwoo and Junjin, I could meet Hyesung without being too obvious.

“Hyung, your birthday is in two weeks. Where are we going to celebrate it?” Junjin asked while blowing his hot soup.

“I don’t have any plan.” Hyesung answered while shrugging his shoulder.

“Ah, you’re waiting for Eric, right?” Minwo snickered. “Yah, you! Already come up with an awesome idea?” Minwoo asked me.

“Oh, shut up, Minwoo.” Hyesung hissed.

“Last time we celebrate Hyesung’s birthday, it was crazy!” Minwoo chuckled happily. Junjin also erupted in laughter, he almost choked on his food.

“Please, not that story again.” Hyesung groaned.

“What happened last year?” I asked. But no one answered me. Minwoo and Junjin laughed hard while Hyesung hissed his murder threats. I turned my gaze to Hyesung. “What happened last year, Hyesung-ah?”

“Nothing much, really. I was just too drunk.” Hyesung said slowly to me. But his eyes blinked frequently as if he was nervous.

“But this hyung was going crazy back then.” Junjin still chuckled. “He usually falls asleep or faints when he’s too drunk, but that night he didn’t. Instead, he walked around and cursed and picked a fight to everyone in the club.” Junjin spilled with a big grin on his face.

“Needs three men – me, Junjin and Junjin’s friend – to hold this guy down. I mean, he was challenging the whole club! We had to apologize millions times that night. I didn’t know what was wrong with him. He was drinking peacefully but one minute later he gone wild.” Minwoo added.

“You did that?” I asked in disbelief. I couldn’t imagine it, drunk Hyesung spewed some cursing was pretty believable – he has dirty mouth, I knew that all too well – but picked a fight with strangers, it was shocking.  

“For my defense, I couldn’t remember any of it.” Hyesung stated and pouted right after that.

“You’re scary, Shin Hyesung.” I commented.

“You don’t know that yet?” He retorted but his face was flustered.

“Did he actually hit someone back then?” I asked and ignored how Hyesung glared at me.

“No. But listening to his cursing parade was mind-blowing. He has a wide vocabulary.” Minwoo chuckled more.

We resumed our lunch after Hyesung with his red face yelled at us to stop. Minwoo and Junjin nodded obediently, but I was sure they would bring the topic again on the first chance they get. When we finished and realized that our lunch break almost ended, we hurriedly walked to our cars. I walked beside Hyesung and whispered. “Want to have dinner with me tomorrow?”

“I can’t.” He shook his head. “My father wants me to have dinner at his house.” He explained rather apologetically. “But I have time tonight.” He suggested immediately.

“I have a long meeting tonight.” I sighed. It would end at midnight and I would be too exhausted by that time.

“Then the day after tomorrow?” He asked again when we stopped in front of his car.

“Okay.” He nodded and then stepped into his car and drove away.

***

I was washing my dishes half-heartedly when I heard my door bell ring. I didn’t expect anyone to come this night. I walked to the door and saw Hyesung’s face on the monitor. But he was supposed to have dinner with his parents tonight, I thought. I opened the door and waited for him to enter.

“Why you rang? You knew the passcode.” I asked him. But then I realized that something was off. He didn’t step in but just stood on the door. He looked at his shoes with his both hands tucked inside his jacket pockets. “Hyesung-ah, what’s wrong?” I ran to him and held his arms.

“Actually, I wanted to go to Junjin’s place. But I want to meet you first.” He murmured slowly, it barely audible.

“Then come on in.” I pulled him inside then closed the door.

“They kicked me off the house.” He suddenly said. And for the first time, he looked up at me. His eyes were red and he was on the brink of crying. After he said those words, he was shaking so badly I thought he would fall at any time. So I hugged him close.

“They knew, Eric-ah.” He mumbled on my shoulder. “And they can’t accept it.”

“Let’s sit down, Hyesung-ah.” I took his hand and led him to the couch. His face was pale and he pursed his lips hard to hold his tears. He just followed me quietly and weakly, maybe he felt like he was nearly faint. “I’ll get you some water.” I made him sit then I ran to the kitchen. I mentally slapped myself, why I don’t see this coming? When Hyesung said that his father wants him to have dinner, I should’ve read the bad sign.

I handed him the glass and he received it nervously. He gulped once then shook his head, returned the glass to me. I sat beside him and did my best to think straight and not being panic stricken.

“Tell me, Hyesung-ah..” I grasped his shaking hand.

“They asked me to never meet you again. And said something about come back to the right path.” He said flatly like he was half conscious. “But I said no.” He lowered his head and his shoulders slumped.

“And?”

“My father made me to choose, to do what he asked me to or to have nothing to do with him.” He said slowly. I thought I know what happened next. “So I walked out the door and got on a taxi here.” He said again with flat tone.

“I’m sorry, Hyesung-ah.” The word slipped out just like that.

“Why? We knew it would happen.” His voice sounded so different from his usual voice.

“I should’ve been there.”

He let out a small sigh. “I’m thinking about staying at Jinnie’s place for a while. When I walked out like that, I guess it also means I can’t go back to my apartment as well because my apartment belongs to my parents. I guess I’m pretty much fired too. And I was so mad I even left my car there.” He mumbled on himself. “Can I stay here for tonight?”

“I beg you to stay here Hyesung-ah. And don’t think about staying on Jinnie’s.” I said firmly.

“My head hurts now. I think I want to sleep.” He still talked with his gaze stared blankly on his knees.

“You need some time to be alone?” I asked. He nodded weakly once. “Okay. You sleep on the bedroom. I’ll take the couch.” I tapped his hand assuring him. He kept quiet but brought himself up on his feet and walked to the bedroom.

“Hyesung-ah.” I called out his name when he was about to turn the doorknob. “Don’t lock the door.” He wasn’t on his right mind right now. And I didn’t want some torture not being able to check if he was okay. He frowned but I wouldn’t relent on that. “I mean it, Hyesung-ah. Don’t lock that damn door.”

Past midnight, I was lying on the couch and couldn’t sleep. I checked on my watch and a bit surprised to know that it was already 2 in the morning. Did he fall asleep? I glanced at my closed bedroom door. Should I check on him? Maybe I would be able to sleep after I see him.

I tiptoed to the door and pressed my ear on it. No sound. I frowned because it proved my suspicion. I turned the doorknob as quiet as possible, in case I was wrong. The room was dark, but I could see he hid under the blanket by the light from the door. He didn’t move, but there was no sound of his snore. He was still awake.

“Hyesung-ah?” I cooed.

“Hmm?”

“Still awake?”

“Uh hum.” He kept hiding under the blanket.

“Do you need anything?”

“I should’ve had some drink before I went to sleep.” He suddenly pulled his blanket down and sat up. Even in the dim light, I could see that he looked like . His hair was messy and his expression was grim. His eyes were not that puffy, so at least he stopped crying hours ago. “I can’t even blink my eyes if I am sober.” He muttered dryly.

“Want to have a drink with me?” Maybe I should have some drink too.

He shook his head and smiled bitterly. “No. I don’t want it anymore.” For my surprise, he gestured his chin to the lamp switch. I took the sign and flicked the light on. “Would you please stay here until I fall asleep?” He asked.

So I slipped under the blanket beside him. He lied down again and almost immediately snuggled at my chest, buried his face on it. I held him close and caressed his hair. He breathed in and out slowly, and we kept quiet for good minutes. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say. I knew even from the very beginning that this love we had was difficult. Not because we were afraid of being hurt, but on the contrary, what we dreaded the most was the fact that we would hurt many people in the process.

I admit that we were so selfish. Too selfish. I only think of myself and put everyone aside. My happiness comes first. I didn’t care with what others think or feel, I only cared whether Hyesung was here with me or not. I thought I could endure any pain, but I couldn’t bear it if I have to lose him. And even though right now the ones who were being hurt were Hyesung’s parents, I still determined to keep Hyesung for me.

If I had a good amount of good heart, then I would think of others first. I would make a decision that was good for everyone. If pleasing everyone wasn’t possible, then I would try at least please as many as I could. And bear it inside me even though it hurts and dissatisfying. That was something Hyesung would do, definitely.

But no, I wasn’t living to please everyone. I want him. I’ll take any risk.

That’s how selfish I am.

“What are you thinking?” Hyesung finally talked.

He brought me back from my own thought. That’s right, Hyesung was here with me. He used to bottle up and hides his feeling to keep the peace, but only few hours ago Hyesung decided to march out his parents’ house and was willing to take the risk too. We both were officially selfish brats.

“What do you think?” I said amused. Isn’t that obvious what I’ve been thinking?

“What a mess we caused.” He murmured. “And we had no plan whatsoever. You know, we should’ve planned something to counter, because we knew it would happen sooner or later.” He exhaled lowly.

“We still have time to plan something.”

“Eric-ah, I’m poor as dirt right now. I’m homeless, most likely jobless – but I’ll check again tomorrow – and to sum it all, moneyless.” He whispered close to my neck.

“So?”

“I’m not as great as I was yesterday.” He lifted his head and looked at me with his sad small eyes.

“You’re still you. You’re still the apple of my eye, Hyesung-ah.”

He chuckled lightly. “For a moment, I forgot about how cheesy you are.” He mumbled and snuggled again to me. “My father was too smart, he could find out about us so fast.” He suddenly said.

“Tell me everything.”

“We had dinner and just like usual – talks about work and current news. But then he asked about you.”

“He already knew everything? Did he know my name?” I recalled the past weeks we spent. Where and when exactly we were being too easy to spot? No way had his father made the conclusion just because we had some lunch and dinner together.

“If I think about it again, maybe he didn’t know everything. He just asked who you are. But I got irritated because of that question.” Hyesung said slowly. “And then we’re kind of screamed at each other.”

“And then he told you to leave?”

“My mother started to cry and said about she didn’t raise me so well to love a man. So my father told me to never meet you again. I said I can’t. He then threatens me, if I don’t obey him, then I should leave.” He took a deep breath before continued. “So I left.”

“Shin Hyesung, so your father weren’t exactly kicked you out.” I touched his cheek.

He pouted. “Maybe. But he didn’t want to listen to me. He said he can’t take my explanation and told me to leave you just like that.”

“And you had to leave your car too?”

“Argh, don’t remind me about the car.” He groaned irritated. “My father threatens me like I was a little kid. So I just left without it, just so he knows I’m not afraid losing it.”

“But now you regret it?” I . I knew how much he loves his car.

“Oh, shut up!” He slapped my chest then sighed. “Do you think he will erase me from family register?” He asked innocently.

“It’s possible. Should I adopt you? Mun Hyesung?” I dared to grin at him.

“Oh, shut up!” He slapped my chest harder now. But somehow his sad eyes lit up a little. “I don’t need being adopted. My father is far better than you!”

“You don’t fight with your father very often, do you?”

“Why would I fight often with my own father?” He asked with his face completely confused. “Such a stupid question.” He snorted. I just shrugged my shoulders. So it means, his parents would feel as bad as Hyesung right now. Maybe they were still awake at this hour also, thinking about their only son who turned his back to them. Maybe her mother was still crying and asking herself what she ever did wrong. And suddenly my head felt heavier and my breathing became uneven.

“Now you’re here, I feel sleepy.” Hyesung said again. I glanced at him and saw that he already closed his eyes.

“Do you want to change your clothes?” Now I realized that Hyesung was still on his T-shirt and jeans from this evening. Wearing jeans to sleep was not healthy at all.

“Should I?” He asked between his yawn.

“I’ll get you T-shirt and sweatpants.” I sat up and hurriedly went to my closet. I took anything closest and walked back to him.

“Thanks.” He took the clothes and lazily got up the bed.

“If you’re too sleepy just change here. Why bother to go to bathroom?”

He didn’t stop his motion. He scoffed and put his slipper on. “In your dream, Eric Mun!” He hissed when he saw me pouted. Then he headed towards bathroom with no other word.

I lied down again and waited for him. When he came back, he stared at me and asked, “You’ll sleep here?”

“Can I?”

“Whatever. It’s your bed anyway.” He lied down beside me but turned his back to me. He pulled the blanket to his shoulder. Did he actually think it would stop me? I back hugged him and whispered to his ear. “Sleep tight, Hyesung-ah.”

And don’t worry, I believe your father is an excellent father like you always said. And I believe he loves you too much to stay mad at you. Everything will be alright..