I was walking quickly but then I slowed down my pace. Tears havent stopped from flowing down yet. At all places, why here ? At all times, why now ? 

 

Walking while crying silently. There are people looking at me but I didnt mind at all. I want to scream but it feels like I lost all of my strength. 

 

I stopped when I felt someone grabbed my wrist. "Youngjae--" I shouted but I was taken aback when I didnt see Youngjae.

 

I saw Zelo. He is smiling at me in a reassuring way. I bit my bottom lip. He gently pulled me into his warm embrace. "Cry. Take it all out" He said as he gently patted my head.

 

I did what he told me. I cried on his chest, inside his warm embrace. He continued patting my head.

 

For a moment, we were like that. I am crying while he was hugging me. 

 

I pulled back from his embrace and he held my face. He wiped my tears away using his thumbs while smiling. He gently took my hand and pulled me.

 

"Where do you want to go ? Or anything you want to eat ?" Zelo glanced at me while walking.

 

"Let's just go to the mini park" I told him.

 

We went to the mini park where we always meet every afternoon. We sat on the swing since no one is using it and watched as some children play on the seesaw happily.

 

"You lied" Zelo suddenly said. I looked at him but he was looking at the children.

 

"About what ?" I asked him.

 

"You told me you wont cry over your first love anymore." He looked at me.

 

"I dont know. I thought so. I didnt know this would happen" I slowly swang the swing and kept my gaze on the children playing.

 

"Let go of it" Zelo murmured but clear enough for me to understand

 

"But how ?" I asked

 

He shrugged. He looked at me and smiled. "Do you want to eat something ?" He asked me

 

"Chocolate ice cream ?" I puffed my cheeks 

 

"Yeah. Let's go. I'll treat you." He stood up and I followed him.

 

We went to an ice cream shop. He ordered two chocolate ice cream. We started to walk.

 

"Zelo" I called him

 

"Yeah ?" He asked me 

 

"You havent told me about your first love yet" I on my ice cream

 

"Really ?" He asked in disbelief

 

"Yeah. Or maybe I just forgot about it" I giggled

 

"Well I told you about this girl I like right ?" He asked me

 

I nodded

 

"I think I have no chance of being with her. I think she doesnt like me and she will never like me" He said and smiled

 

"Why ? I'm sure she likes you ! Wait, who is she ?" I asked him 

 

"Secret" He looked at me and stucked his tongue out.

 

"Why ? I told you mine" I pouted

 

"I dont want" He chuckled

 

"So unfair" I scoffed and frowned at him

 

"I know" He chuckled and messed my hair

 

"At least give me a clue !" I stopped walking and stomped my foot

 

He shook his head and stuck his tongue out again.

 

"So unfair" I pouted

 

He just chuckled. 

 

"Do you want to go home now ?" Zelo asked me

 

I shook my head.

 

"Where should we go ?" Zelo scratched his head.

 

Can I go see grandma and grandpa again ?

 

"Can we go to my grandma and grandpa ? Dont worry ! We wont stay long" I smiled at him

 

"Sure" He nodded

 

 "If that's what will make you feel better" Zelo smiled back

 

We went to the flower shop where we met accidentally and bought white roses then we took a bus to go to the cemetery. 

 

We sat in front of their tombstones.

 

"Grandma, grandpa, Yuri is back. Yuri also brought a friend" I talked to my grandparents as if they're living

 

Grandma, Grandpa, Yuri brought someone she loves.

 

"You should tell them about your problem" Zelo told me

 

"Oh, right. Grandma, grandpa, there's this boy I met in Japan. I loved him before but he hurt me before. He broke my trust. And now we met again. He apologized again. I dont know if I should forgive him" I told them while removing some grass on their tombstones. I feel like crying again.

 

And the other problem is I'm starting to love someone. I'm falling for someone already. But I dont think he likes me. 

 

I started to talk to them in my mind. Tears are starting to block my view. I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip.

 

"Dont worry mr and mrs Lee. I will take care of your granddaughter. I'll be here whenever she cries." Zelo spoke to my grandparents just like how I was doing it. He smiled at them as if he was looking at their faces.

 

I stared at him for a moment. Thinking that he might also like me because of what he said. I shouldnt think like this ! I'll get hurt again if I would expect. 

 

"They might think youre my boyfriend" I joked and pouted

 

"I was your boyfriend" He smiled

 

"Was" I whispered to myself

 

"I'm serious about that Jiji. I'll be here whenever you need someone" He smiled at me. I nodded once

 

But you're the reason why I usually cry.

 

"I feel like I wanna take care of you" He said

 

My heart beated faster than the usual fast heart beating I get whenever he's around.

 

"Why ?" I asked him

 

"You're like a younger sister for me. I really want to have one ." He told me

 

What is this ? I didnt expect but I got hurt. It feels like someone just stabbed me in my heart. I should be contented with this.

 

I nodded slowly and smiled.

 

"Let's go ?" I asked him while I'm trying hard not to cry.

 

"Okay" He smiled

 

"Grandma, grandpa, I'll visit you next time." I stood up and bowed at their tombstones.

 

We took a bus and sat at the very last row beside the window. I took my phone out and plugged my earphones in. I listened to EXID's I Feel Good to prevent myself from crying.

 

Zelo took the other earphone from my ear and put it on his ear. He smiled at me and I smiled back. I looked back to the window.

 

It's like the fate is playing with me. After some songs, Lee Hi's One Sided Love played. I looked at him and I saw him sleeping. 

 

(( Lyrics -- Eng -- Jiji ))

 

'Na neol johahae kkwae oraedwaesseo

Harujongil ni saenggageul hae

Gireul geotdaga eumageul deutdaga

Gapjagi neon nae nun ape natana'

 

(( I like you and it’s been a while

All day, I think of you

As I’m walking down the street, listening to music

You suddenly come before my eyes ))

 

Yes Zelo I like you

 

'Nae maeumi mandeun dan hanaui yeonghwa

Ojik neomani chullyeonhaneun teukbyeolhan

Jakpumui jemogeun jjaksarang

Geurigo nan dan hanaui gwangaek'

 

(( The movie that my heart is making

Is a special project that only stars you

The title is “My Crush”

And I’m the only audience ))

 

I felt some tears flow down.

 

'Modu nal wirohae giunnae

Geureon mal jiruhae nan seulpeun ge anijanha

Geuga yeongwonhi'

 

(( Everyone comforts me, tells me to cheer up

But I’m sick of hearing that – I’m not sad

Even if he forever… ))

 

Wait, I'm feeling sad about it. But I should stop feeling sad right ? How ?

 

'Nae mam mollado dwae geujeo nune boineun gose

Neul geuraetdeut maeryeokjeogin nunbit momjit malturo

Jonjaehamyeon dwae nan geugeomyeon dwae'

 

(( Doesn’t know my heart, it’s okay

I just need him to be where I can see him

Just as always, with those charming eyes, gestures, words

He just needs to exist, that’s all I need ))

 

Yes. I'm happy even though he wont like me back. Just seeing him happy makes me happy. Maybe I should stay like this since it's impossible for him to like me back.

 

I smiled while looking at his sleeping face even though tears keep on flowing. I messed his hair and chuckled. 

 

Zelo-ya, you just need to exist. You just need to be here. That's all I need.

 

 

 

 

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(( a/n ))

 

 

Hmm eue

 

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