Next few days were dark. Dark in a sense I didn’t see, nor spoke to Jung Min. After eventful day when my possible romance blown out of proportion SS501 left for Japan. They supposed to spend it over a week. I have spoken with Hyun Joong and he said to be patient as Jung Min overreacting. But spending all the time alone at home, seeing horrible comments about myself online  totally broke me. Why did I agree to that stupid fake relationship anyway? Now what will happen? I will be hated by people and left alone. I didn’t know what to do. I was just eating and sleeping. Whenever I called my fake fiancé he was to busy or didn’t want to talk. After two days I gave up. I called my work place and packed my bag. No I wasn’t running away. I just needed some time of that chaos that was to big to handle for me. I bought plane ticket on the day and headed to the airport. There was only one place I could go to and it was back to Europe. There SS501 wasn’t that famous so there was a hope I will be fine.

When I came to the airport I tried to keep low. I didn’t know if there were any crazy people who would want to take some pictures or anything. My mobile was already switched off. I wanted to rest my mind. But could I even do that? I had so mixed emotions about it. I went passed and noticed someone following me. I turned around. There were some whispers. Just when I was about to go through the security, I felt hand on my shoulder.

-          How dare you cheat on our Jung Min Oppa? – and then it happened. There were two sounds. One was a hand touching my chick with quite a force, second was a sound of taking pictures.

-          I looked at the girl. She was with a friend and was angry. I didn’t do anything. Me normal mad person just turned around ignoring all stares and went through gates like nothing happened. I was sure it will be all over some dirty news but at this point nothing mattered anymore. I needed an escape.

I think it was ending of second week when I decided to turn my phone on. I didn’t check any news for past days and finally it was a time to go back to reality. I decided if it would be very bad, I can always stay in Europe. AS I expected there was a picture of me being slapped over a week ago. But there in top corner of the screen was a picture mine and Jung Min. I was staring at it. I really missed him, I missed his arrogant and cheeky words. I also missed other members. They have been probably worried since I just vanished. Which of course was noted in the kpop news also. Nobody knew where I was. Some assumed I run away with my lover. I started crying at this moment. How come I never realized I actually liked my life in Korea? Now when I was losing it I couldn’t bare it. I was sobbing, sitting in the corner of hotel room. My phone rang and it took me a while to get courage to pick it up. There was no caller ID.

-          Hello? – I asked weakly through tears.

-          Hello? Joey? You fine… Ah I was so worried.

It was so many voices I wanted to hear this was the one I couldn’t stand. It was Xavier.

-          What do you want? Didn’t you do enough? You ruined my life! I hate you!  - wans’t I a bit over dramatic towards my fake life?

-          Joey.. please.. don’t hung up…

-          I have nothing to say to you – tears were streaming harder now.

-          I… I am sorry.. – he whispered.

-          I don’t care – I hung up.

It was something in his voice that sounded sincere but I didn’t care.

When time came I made my decision. I flew back to Korea to get all my stuff. I was determined to leave the chaos behind me and like a coward just run away. Did I needed all that crap? Because of all this mess I lost best friend. I wanted to pack all my stuff, close this period of my life properly. I managed to get out through airport without a slap this time. I seemed to be unnoticed. It was few days after my phone call with Xavier. At some point I noticed someone taking pictures of me. But at this point when I knew this will be over soon I didn’t care. I was broken, confused and angry?

When I arrived it was Kyu Jong who opened the door. He looked at me. My eyes probably still had been sad. All he did was throw his arms around me whispering how happy he is that I am fine and back.

-          I am not back for long – I replied coldly and walked passed him.  – I am here to get my stuff.

-          But why?

He didn’t just ask me that, did he?

-          We both know why – I responded.

When I walked in I met three pairs of shocked eyes and one with very mixed feelings in it. I was holding myself from tears and so far it was going good.

-          Let me take my stuff – I said without hello.

They didn’t listen. Young Saeng, Hyung Jun, Hyun Joong run up to me giving me hug. Only That person stayed behind. That was more painful than I thought. I pushed them away. And walked to my old room. I didn’t know He followed me. I felt his presence behind me.

-          I won’t be long – I said.

He caught my hand.

-          I am sorry – I heard. Wait… What?  - I am sorry how I reacted.

-          Now you sorry – I was angry, tears were threatening to come out. I wanted so badly to stay strong.

-          I…. I thought you betrayed me like…. Like she did…

-          What you talking about? We had a deal right? And what now? You don’t believe any more he is my lover?!

-          No… I a sorry… I …

He kept breaking his sentences and it was hard to make sense of it.

-          I talked to him… he explained….

-          Ahhh – it hit me, Xavier – so you believed him but you didn’t bother to hear explanation from me? Who cares anyway it was fake to begin with! – I was shouting and crying now.

I removed my arm from his grasped.

-          Don’t go, stay please – he seemed so weak in my eyes now. There was nothing from the jerk I have met.

-          You can find next fake fiancé .

-          I am sorry ok…. I was jealous… - he whispered last part.

-          Why would you? First of all we are nor really together! Secondly I didn’t do anything wrong! But you left me all alone to deal with whole this mess. You know what I felt when I was hit by your fan? I mean you freaking fan! – I was furious.

He came closer to me. I backed out a bit confused by his actions.  

-          I… - he broke off and pushed my back towards wall and then his lips landed on mine. What the hell was he doing?! What an idiot. And then I did it. I used all mu force in hands tp push his chest of mine and then my hand reacted itself. I slapped him.

But instead of taking message he tried again. I knew rest of guys probably hearing stuff unless they went out to give us some privacy. He grabbed my hand again.

-          Let me go – I said. I was tired. Few days ago I would begged him to believe me but now I was just so hurt and angry.

-          No. I am sorry…. Don’t go…. I was jealous… because… I have feelings for you.

At that moment I froze. I just stared at him. And what should I do now?