When I finally started to get used to my new crazy life my past got hold of me again. Xavier was one of the reasons I took the job in Korea. I would never expect him to come after me. I wanted to leave him in the past but what if seeing him, would change my heart again. He was charming, he could easily manipulate me and I loved him so much. I got hurt somewhere along the way and wanted to break it off. I knew I will give in if he stayed by my side, so I left.

I looked at the couple ring I got from Jung Min, thinking of my path now. I kind of grew to like him and didn’t really want any distractions. Maybe I never belonged in his world in first place but I liked it here now. I didn’t want to lose it. All the way back Jung Min didn’t say anything at all. He was just watching me carefully. Now we have been back at dorms and the situation didn’t change. I got yet another text from Xavier asking me to meet him.

-          Aish – I said out loud.

-          Did I do anything wrong? – Jung Min asked quietly.

-          No, why? – I looked at him.

-          Since we went to the car…  you… ah.. never mind  -he walked off.

I think I hurt him in some way. he perhaps thought I didn’t like the kiss? Or maybe he thought I despise him still?

I ignored the message from Xavier and went to the kitchen. Jung Min was sitting by the table, drinking coffee, well more like staring at it. I sat next to him. I guess he disserved explanation. He was good to me for a long time and totally changed from that arrogant jerk. As I was about to start doors burst open and four other boys run in laughing.

-          We have a great news – Hyung Jun was very excited. I smiled trying to hide awkward situation. – We are moving to the house. Living in dorms is finally over!

And like it was a queue to start packing all of the boys hurry up with some empty boxes.

-          You mean like now? – I was startled. It was middle of the afternoon, Wednesday and they just decide to move?

-          Yes, go pack your bags – Kyu Jong added.

I got up and went to the room. I didn’t have many things to pack so it didn’t take a lot of time. Jung min was helping in the kitchen probably avoiding me. I decided to start packing his stuff. I went to the wardrobe and started packing his clothes. He always had them put nicely in a supermarket kind of way. I was taking a small box from the top when it suddenly fall on the floor. A picture that was held inside fell out. It was Jung Min and her. He was smiling brightly and they were hugging each other. I felt weird, it bothered me to see them like that together. On the floor there was something else. It was my picture… It was picture we took on the VIP party. His smile was even brighter. I looked closely on the picture and smiled. Then I turned it around. “the day that earth stood still” was written at the back. What a weird expression. There have been few letters as well. I knew I shouldn’t have look, but I did anyway. They have been recent, dated only few weeks ago.

“Oppa, I wasn’t sure at the beginning, but I see Joanne makes you happy. You look so good together. You both sparkle. I hope you will have a great future. I remember when I was younger, back after you debuted I wanted to marry you. But now seeing you both together I am calm and happy, and I can finally find a husband on my own”. Rest of the letter was about me. There were actually people who liked me so badly that they have been cheering for me and Jung Min. if they would ever know all of this was fake they haven’t been impressed. But was it really all fake now. I looked at the couple ring again. I was more comfortable now with my fake husband and I had great time by his side. Images of our kiss appeared in my head. I heard some noise outside so I quickly packed the box I found leaving the picture with Jung Min for myself. When I got another text from Xavier I finally decided to respond.

I needed to let go of my past and now was a great moment. I agreed to meet him straight away in near café. It was hard to make an excuse to live the house but somehow I managed. I needed to pled with Hyun Joong for a while to let me go. He ensure however that I will take their driver.

I stepped in to the café nervous but there was no backing down. I would recognize Xavier anywhere. He was tall, handsome with his perfect build and dark hair. He was sitting next to the window. As soon as his pure blue eyes met mine I knew I might be in trouble. I was scared I might still love him to much or wanting to go back with him. I slowly stepped closer.

-          Joanne – he smiled – thank you for agreeing to see me. Please sit down.

He was a gentleman but then, he always was. I guess that was the thing I liked about him when we first met.

-          Where did you get my number from? – I asked harshly trying not to fall for his perfect futures.

-          I got my ways  - he winked.  – I ordered you your favourite coffee.

As per magical trick a nice carmel latte landed on the table in front of me.

-          I missed you – he said suddenly grabbing my hands in his.

What was that all about? He looked deeply in my eyes like in the days when we still have been together, like times when I believed him. Back then it took me so much courage to set myself free. I sharply took my hands back.

-          What are you doing here? – I asked ignoring his words.

-          I missed you and want you back in my life. I came all the way here to get you back.

After all this time I wasn’t able to tell if he was lying. He probably did. He had to have hidden reason.

-          I am engaged    - I said.

-          I know – he replied. That made me feel a bit strange – That’s why I came. I cannot lose you.

-          You lost me already – I said, not sure if I was convinced myself.

-          You cannot love him. You love me to much – he said with cheeky smile.

He didn’t change. He still had some kind of power over me. I looked in his eyes. They were blue like a sky. It reminded me all that times we were together cuddling. He took my moment of confusion as a sign and moved his head towards mine. I didn’t move at first but then, when his head was just inches of mine I remembered Jung Min’s kiss. He trusted me. Whatever that was real feelings or fake relationship, I couldn’t let him down. And I didn’t really want Xavier to kiss me. What right he had to be here in the first place? How did he dare to come back after he hurt me badly and demand me to take him back? I pushed him away and stood up.

-          I am with someone now. I will get married. Leave me alone.

-          You don’t want him, you still love me – he grabbed my wrist.

-          No- I moved away – Jung Min is my fiancé, he treats me right, he was there for me when I was ill. He never lied to me and he never looked at another woman when he was with me. Now like you. – I responded harshly with tears in my eyes.

-          It doesn’t change the fact you don’t love him, you don’t even like him.

-          I do – I whispered quietly not wanting to even admit that in front of myself.  – And SS501 members are now my family. It’s time for you to go.

-          But – he was hurt, he looked hurt. – You know he will leave you. He is famous, he can have any girl he want. Or what will you do when his fame will go away?

-          Whatever will happen I will support him and protect him. So please do as I ask and leave. If you won’t stop calling me, I will report you as a stalker.

I turned around and walked out. My eyes were full of tears but I was mostly angry not hurt. It hurt me that time when I caught him flirting with my best friend. I hated myself when I found out he had another girlfriend. For three years I loved him and breathed for him. It took me all my will to leave him. I was weak back then but I wasn’t anymore. I had a life to live now and people that became my friends. Before I sat in the car I looked back only for a moment. Xavier was sitting still at the table with his hands in his hair. I guess he might really missed me. But it was to late.

When I was on the way back I got the text that all the stuff were moved and we will spend our first night in new house. Driver seemed to be informed already and it didn’t took us long to get there. It was nice place with little houses and gardens in front. I was a bit still to shaky however to fully enjoy the place. I had tears in my eyes and all I wanted was  to feel better. I knocked the door since I didn’t know the code. Young Saeng looked at me with concerned face.

-          Are you ok? – he asked. – Come in it’s already dark otside.

I didn’t reply. All I did was walk pass him.

-          Where is Jung Min? – I asked Hyun Joong on the way.

-          In his room. Upstairs, straight ahead, last room on the left.

I didn’t say thank you. I run through the stairs that were leading me higher. I still was sniffing. I wasn’t even sure why I was crying in the first place. It was like past grabbed me, I finally managed to get away but it trashed me in the process. I was maybe confused. Maybe I still was mad at Xavier for what he did. Maybe I still had a little feelings for him? I spotted Jung Min in the corner of the unfamiliar room unpacking his clothes. Without warning I came over and hugged him.

-          What..? – He started  - Are you crying?

I didn’t respond just kept him in my arms. It felt good, calming. He sighed lightly and hugged me back. His arm was patting my back.

-          Did something happen? Come here.

He moved me with himself not letting me go towards the bed. He was sitting there with me. I could hear boys outside.

-          Can I sleep with you tonight? – I asked.

-          Sure – he said quietly. 

-          I will get shower first – I got up and without another word I grabbed some towels I found and moved towards the bathroom. Before I walked in Jung Min handed me his big shirt since my bag was still downstairs.

When I walked out however I noticed Jung Min with the laptop on his lap. His expression was changed. He was hurt, deeply.

-          Is that why you were crying? I can’t believe I trusted you – he hissed.

I didn’t understand.

-          Jung Min – I started but he just walked out of the room angry.

I didn’t know what was going on. One moment his nice and carrying, the other time he has so much hatred in his eyes. I walked over to the laptop and what I saw shocked me. There were a kpop news website opened. And there have been a picture of me and Xavier. He was holding my hands.” SS501 member Jung Min’s fiancé spotted with another man – friends or secret lovers?”.

At this point I fell to the floor. It couldn’t be happening…