Chapter 33. Glimpse

“Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.”

- Pablo Neruda

Yonghwa scanned her face. The way her eyes looked a million miles away although she was looking directly at him was an indication that she was trying hard to bring all those memories. He nodded, confirming her thoughts. He watched her close her eyes but her lips melted into a very warm smile.

Perhaps, she was taking a walk down memory lane.

"You were an ephemeral experience for me… I saw you here… there… but always, always I didn’t see you…”

All he could do was to take a deep sigh as he listened to her mellowed voice and watched those lips form those words. Joohyun opened her eyes once again—bright and promising, they stared back at him.

“You were a memory purged by a dream.”

He smiled. She did it again—Joohyun just made him see that girl in the park. The rush, the suddenness—

It was love at first sight all over again.

The awareness left him sighing and smiling and he was captivated.

“I came back,” he revealed but she wore that surprised look so he shook his head, “I mean, that day when we first met, I went back to that place after a few minutes hoping you were there.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, funny, huh? I suddenly wanted to know you…” he confessed softly but stopped. The rest should not be said anymore. Yonghwa smiled as his eyes darted out of the window. It was a beautiful day, calm like his heart. “But, I had a feeling I would see you again.”

Joohyun tried to deny the sudden leap in her chest when he smiled gently at her and so her mind raced to say something, at least, “Me too, and I saw you in school… I mean, I saw Shinwoo and thought— well, you know the story.” She forced a grin when she realized she was only babbling.

“I saw you too, but with Shinwoo so… I stepped back.”

“You would step back whenever you would see me?” Joohyun asked. His revelations were not really thoroughly processed.

“Yeah… I saw you a lot. Weird, you were always where I was… and you shouldn’t see me because you would think I was my brother. You even almost hit me with your car…” Yonghwa grinned and nodded when her eyes widened in disbelief, “Yes, that was also me, riding bike to school and you almost ran into me…”

“Oh… oh… y-yeah… I-I apologized to Shinwoo but not to—“

“It's the same, it's okay.”

She puckered her lips in deep thought, “Sometimes he would be clueless whenever I would tell him I saw him… but,” she looked at him again, “It was you I saw… apparently. I'm sorry.”

Yonghwa explained that most of the time, he would see her in the classrooms whenever Shinwoo couldn’t attend certain subjects. But, he would keep his distance from her or would make excuses so she would stop probing. She recalled some of those moments and he confirmed there weren’t so many occasions so she didn’t need to feel bothered by it.

“One time, though, I was having a meeting by the students’ lawn with my groupmates on one subject. You passed by, saw me and waved at me. I panicked that you would drop by and call me Shinwoo in front of my classmates so I decided to leave.”

“Oh…” she managed to mumble. “How about the Skype account?”

“That was mine.”

“Oh, really? Uhm…” Joohyun chewed on her lower lip recalling her playful exchanges with Shinwoo especially when they started dating.

“But don’t worry, I hardly open that account. Only when I need to and whenever there were any notifications from you, I usually ignored them because I knew they were not for me.”

“But… still…”she said in a very small voice.

Yonghwa smirked by the way she was blushing. Clearly, there was something she thought he knew that could embarrass her so he hopped off the table and leaned down on her, “Hyun, when it came to you and Shinwoo, I always backed away—always. So you don’t need to be ashamed of anything.”

Joohyun could feel the heat coming from his stare and only when he straightened that she realized she had been holding her breath. With a deep sigh, she mumbled a ‘yes’ and watched him walked out of her room.

“Hyun, get ready. We’re going somewhere.”

Her whole being was still trying its best to wrap her mind around the knowledge. A lot happened these past few days and she was trying her best to catch up; and now, he was commanding her to get ready. Joohyun wondered what more she was going to get before the day ends.

~~~

By mid-afternoon, they reached their destination. That was the reason why he asked her to change her dress to a pair of trainers and jeans since they would be hiking. Joohyun almost gasped when she realized where they were. It was one of the places that held too many memories of Shinwoo but she didn’t say anything instead, she let him lead her up the hill.

“Did he ever take you here?”

“Yeah, a couple of times,” she replied while catching her breath.

Yonghwa stopped on his track and looked down on her with a smile, “You’re really special then.”

“Why is that?”

“Well, Joohyun-ssi, you’re treading on a sacred ground,” he held out his hand to help her up a steep, and then grinned, “At least for my family.”

“Ahhh,” Joohyun wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans and took his outstretched one and he pulled her up, “He did mention that you always came here for picnics when you were young.”

“Yep… and we would sometimes celebrate birthdays here. And…” Yonghwa stopped walking when they finally reached the end of their trail. With a loud exhale, he beamed at her, “This is where Appa proposed to Umma.”

“Oh…”she said almost to herself as Yonghwa busied himself clearing their little spot underneath a big tree. With Shinwoo, they would walk further north because he loved to be on the highest peak where the earth almost touches the sky.

“Right after their wedding, dad brought mom here and promised her that he will do everything to protect her and our family. The two always disappear on their wedding anniversary.” He carefully spread the blanket he brought along with the cooler. “Just a few years back, Shinwoo and I decided to follow them because they would never tell us where they went. And we found them here… holding each other and laughing.”

She smiled as she took her seat beside him on the blanket and took the can of juice he opened for her, “That’s so romantic.”

“I know, right?”

“Did they see you?”

“No… we decided that since they wanted it to remain a secret, we shouldn’t also let them know we were there.”

The story he painted in her mind made her feel thoroughly overwhelmed. Being there on a beautiful sunny afternoon with this man who set her heart beating in a new rhythm somehow terrified her. “Your parents are really so in love.” Joohyun said at last setting aside her own thoughts.

“Yes.” Yonghwa felt the breeze brushing his face. He remembered that afternoon they sneaked to surprise their parents only to find themselves more surprised. Love, it looked attainable from a distance but to be in it is a struggle. And, he has been learning that the hard way. “I want that kind of love too… unending, unfaltering…” He stretched his legs across the blanket and turned to her, “This girl. I want to love her the same way my father loves my mother and so much more.”

Joohyun bit her lips for a second as his gaze pierced through her then she replied softly, “You will find her too…”

“I did…”

“Y-You did?” Her voice almost got caught in the webs of her heartbeat especially when Yonghwa just gave her a little wink and directed his gaze up in the open sky.

“Anyway, it’s beautiful here, right?”

“Yeah…” Joohyun heaved a deep sigh then her shoulders slumped. The much needed pause happened while they took in their surroundings. The day was almost over and the sun slowly dragged itself down the horizon causing this explosion of colors. Thin white clouds stretched and scattered all over the heavens and, with the sun’s light, created this soft bands of strong to light orange, purples and blues.

“Shinwoo brought you here so he really loved you.”

She heard him say and his words warmed her heart. Yonghwa has stretched his body on the blanket with both arms cradling his head, knees bent and feet flat on the ground. She remained silent for a moment before dropping a quick look at his relaxed body, “Did he talk about me before?”

“Are you kidding?” Yonghwa chuckled raising a brow at her and complained rather animatedly, “That person wouldn’t shut up about you!”

That made her giggle, “Really?”

“Really…” Yonghwa looked away again. The Shinwoo-talk would always cause those butterflies to create chaos in the middle of his stomach but he knew they both needed that. He closed his eyes until he found a reason to smile again.

“Look at those clouds,” he started as he pointed up ahead, “When I was young, I went hiking with my grandfather. Somewhere along the trail we got lost and found ourselves up on top of some hill, the world seemed to spread below us. The sky was almost dim although the sun was still there somewhere but the thick clouds were blocking the light. Then there was this sudden hole that appeared. Light passed though it and there were a few rays extending so far like a bridge of light. Harabeoji said it was the gates of heaven opening up so souls of the departed that day could go home to heaven.”

Her sight fell on a tiny gap where soft orange light permeated through the small gathering of fluffy clouds, “Your harabeoji must have used the same bridge…”

“Yes, he must have…” It was beautiful indeed, the pot of gold she found in the sky. The ray of light was not blindingly bright but just enough to accommodate a gaze. “And Shinwoo too…”

“Hmmm…” Joohyun nodded. Folding her knees and hugged it closer to her chest, she smiled at the thought, “And right this moment he's peeping through that opened gate.”

“I know…” he laughed softly remembering his troublemaker of a brother, “Knowing Shinwoo… he would break a rule just to have his way. He's looking down on us right now.”

“It's a comforting thought too that your harabeoji is with him.”

“It is, so I'm not at all worried for him.”

“Do you think he’d be happy seeing us right now?” Her chin dropped on her knees; her eyes fluttered towards him.

Yonghwa studied her for a moment. Her long lashes made her look like a doll; her bright eyes were soulful and demand attention. She’s beautiful in every way possible. He wondered how that beauty could make him choke inside. Shooting his glance back in the sky, he sighed, “He’d be happy if he could see us happy… that’s what I think.”

It always happened, in a fraction of a second Yonghwa would look away from her as if seeing her was a painful thing for him. She still couldn’t wrap her mind around the idea that Yonghwa was leaving so suddenly. Although he said it wasn’t because of her, the way couldn’t even seem to look at her longer than he should tell her otherwise.

“Joohyun…”

“Hmmm?”

“Can you promise me you will love again?”

Yonghwa addressed her but his attention was still focused on the sky above him. She smiled despite the lump in . Hearing that from him made her shiver. She closed her eyes tight for a few seconds then, finally, he looked back at her. “Eung…” Joohyun nodded. It was her turn to look at the sky again, where Shinwoo was, “I promise you and Shinwoo that I will love again… eventually.”

“Eventually…” A small smile escaped his lips. “I wish to be there when it happens…”

She heard it despite how soft his voice was. She did too— wished for him to be there when she falls in love again.

Eventually.

~~~

It was already dark when they drove back to the city and Yonghwa walked her to her door. She knew deep in her heart that that day was just a give-away for the day she asked of him. It made her quiver inside but she in the feeling as she looked in his eyes. Despite knowing the answer, she still asked softly, “Oppa, will I see you tomorrow?”

“I'm afraid not.” Yonghwa shook his head as he shoved his hands in his sweaters’ pockets.

“The next day then—”

Yonghwa couldn’t help but smile. She was still grasping his stare in the depth of her own pools. His hand found hers and he held it tight. Brushing his thumb lightly on the back of her hand, he tried to breathe smoothly. “Hyun, Hyun…” Yonghwa chanted her name until a smile formed on her lips so he continued, “I will be busy for the coming days.”

“Okay…” Joohyun understood that she can never hold on to something that was only borrowed—that was only momentary. Probably, he was really just an ephemeral experience. She fought back the tears as she repeated, “Okay…”

He couldn’t help himself. Pulling the hand he was holding, he wrapped his arms around her making her head fall on his chest. Once again, he breathed in her scent, “Don't worry, I will call as often as I can.”

“Okay,” Joohyun managed to say as her hands fisted on the softness of his sweater. Her gentle tears were absorbed in his clothes. The aching has now intensified, if she could explain how much having him near meant to her then everything would have been easier. If she could only tell him how his touch comforts and protects her from the sadness of her heart, then breathing could be this simple.

“Take care, love…” Yonghwa said softly—almost inaudibly as he kissed the crown of her head.

She heard it. If only she didn’t hear it. Her head lifted and eyes fluttered open to meet his gaze. Her fingers opened but remained flat on his chest. The tiny movement of his mouth didn’t escape her attention as Yonghwa wet his lips gently with the tip of his tongue. And gently, ever so gently, she raised herself on a tiptoe and tilted her head to meet those lips.

Their lips joined together once more as he felt her hands wrapping on his shoulders so he s his around her waist to pull her closer. Her knees felt weak but he was lifting her up so she won’t need to stand on her own. His tongue her lower lip before diving in and caressed her own. They kissed desperately without any hint of hesitations. Their breathing ragged and forced. Both made little moans as they felt each others’ nerves fueling the fire that was just waiting to ignite.

She felt alive in his arms, in his touch, in his kiss. The rush of emotions flooded in and she knew she was crying because she could taste her own tears blending with the feel of his tongue on hers. Everything ached from that point on until she withdrew but rested her forehead on his while watching his opened mouth trying to catch his breath. Joohyun closed her eyes for a second then dipped a light peck on his upper lip; her fingers gently massaging his nape. “What is happening to us?” She asked, her lips touching his when she did.

“We are just,” Yonghwa captured her lower lip between his teeth and bit lightly then exhaled, “Being reckless…”

And, before he knew it, he tugged her harder to him. Yonghwa groaned against as he found a way to pin her between him and the door. His lips left her and traced the corner of until he dove lower to her neck. Her scent assaulted his sense and he never felt so free in his life. It was something that shouldn’t even be happening but they both seemed to allow it.

“H-Hyun…” Yonghwa breathed against the crook of her neck, “Let’s get… inside….” With that, she suddenly gasped and abruptly pushed him away freezing his every other movement.

Joohyun’s eyes flashed and, with mouth agape, she shook her head in panic when she remembered Yuri’s message a few hours back, “My sister’s home!” Finally, she regained half of her consciousness and gently released her grip on his body. Realization struck both of them leaving nothing but another awkward stare.

Yonghwa bit his lip as he scratched the back of his head and smiled timidly, “Uhm, do I need to say hi to her or something?”

She found herself laughing softly, “No… no, Oppa… it’s okay… I d-don’t think there’s a need—”

“Ahh… yeah, okay. I guess I need to go…” he took a step back to give her way and watched her key in the password, “I’ll call you…”

“Okay, thanks for… for today…”

“Yeah…” he smiled feeling warm all over seeing her flushed cheeks and cherry red lips. He cursed himself again since he was supposed to feel terrible not wonderful. Joohyun only gave him a tight-lipped smile before slipping into their flat. Yonghwa let out another loud sigh.

Now, he found himself on that road to confusion again. Should he go or stay? Reckless Joohyun seemed to be a very bad idea after all.

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thank you for the comments ^^ ~Lyra