Chapter 26. Defiance

“I may not always be with you

But when we're far apart

Remember you will be with me

Right inside my heart.”

― Marc Wambolt, Poems from the Heart

“I hate him that it hurts too much! I hate him that I want him back!”

The words just spilled out from her guts and it even felt more painful said out loud. Now, she cried so much like her tear duct had been switched on. Her head hurt and she could hardly breathe. She let out another sob until it trickled into soft once. And then she continued with voice almost fading, “I want him to come back so I could tell him how much I hate him. I want him to come back and know how much I am hurting right now, how much he is hurting me… I badly need him to come back to take my pain away...”

Her legs finally let go of her whole body and she fell slowly down on her knees, “I hate him so much I just want to disappear the way he did. He's stupid... Shinwoo is really stupid... he's the most stupid person I know! I hate him for being stupid... I hate him for dying... I hate him very much, that stupid, brainless idiot... I hate him.... I- I don't understand all these... I don't understand at all…”

It was too much for him to watch as he dropped beside her and finally rested a hand on her back. “Sshhh… everything will be okay…” Yonghwa said softly as his palm drew circles on her back.

“No… no… nothing will ever be…”

Yonghwa swallowed the pain stuck in his own throat as he finally pulled her close to him and kissed her forehead, “Shhhh... enough now... be still, love…"

He rocked her gently as she cried silently. Joohyun just caught up— Shinwoo’s own silly girl finally caught up with the grieving process. Yonghwa held her tighter finally deciding on something he shouldn’t be doing anymore because it has been very, very dangerous for him. If it was the only thing that could give her comfort that moment, then he was more than willing to give it to her even if his own life was on the line.

“Hyun, close your eyes, calm your heart. Let me take you there... but, Hyun, remember… this will change nothing.”

Slowly, Yonghwa guided her on the nearest bench. Letting her head fall gently on his chest closest to where his heart beats, he took her hands and made a silent prayer. 

~~~

The moment he opened his eyes, he knew that he was back to that day—again. Yonghwa sat up. Probably this time, he would try to keep his distance from their car. That day of the accident, he was the first one to arrive on the scene and called for help.

 He was on his way back to his grandma’s house after the grueling five hours on the research lab of Doctor Lee. Since he had been sick after coming home from Saitama, his grandmother got terribly worried and asked the good doctor to check for irregularities. Although she assured her that it was only because of the change of season but she was still worried.

When Yonghwa heard the loud metal crushing somewhere ahead, instincts kicked in and he knew it was something out of the ordinary so he increased his speed while fishing for his phone. The moment the car that was flipped over from the impact came into view, a rush of cold sweat washed over him. He called the hospital before even knowing that it was his twin brother and Joohyun who were inside the car.

The next scene was the most terrifying for him.

He wished he wasn’t there to witness them like that. Then again, the rescuers said that if it wasn’t for him then the two wouldn’t have lasted for even a few hours. Yonghwa decided not to let anyone else know that especially Joohyun’s family.

That was how he managed to take Joohyun to go back with him in the distant past. Their apartment building was so close to the hospital where he was that day that Shinwoo went to her and he called him. Most of all, he was nearby when the accident occurred.

Yonghwa sat up and got ready for the hospital. He had to do everything that happened that day like it was set for him to do them.

Time passed and he just went with the flow until Shinwoo’s call came.

“Hey bro, something came up. Can you cover for me again tonight?”

Shinwoo said the moment he answered the call. Yonghwa shut his eyes tight. There was never a moment that he regretted saying no to him but he has to do it—repeatedly.

“Shinwoo… cover for what?”

“The producer wants to meet with us later this afternoon. If I go, then I’m not sure if I could make it in time for dinner.”

“Then tell her, surely, she’d understand.”

“No, I don’t want to cancel my plans with her because of work.”

“Ya, set your priorities.”

“My music and Joohyun are both my priorities. Please, Yonghwa… just drive her and we’ll swap once I get to grandma’s house, just like before…”

“How about if I meet with the producer instead?”

“Can’t. I need to be there. Personally.”

“Then the answer is no, Shinwoo… I told you. I’m done playing you around your girlfriend. It’s just not right.”

“Okay. I understand. I’m sorry… I guess, I’ll check if we can move the meeting to an earlier time.”

“That’s the best thing to do.”

“Okay… thanks bro and sorry for the trouble.”

“No prob… I’ll see you both tonight.”

He hung up. It was the last conversation he had with his brother. Yonghwa said exactly what he said that day like everything had been rehearsed.

Hours passed again and he couldn’t wait to get the hell out of the laboratory. That was one of his most hated moments of that day since the doctor had to inject him with fluids, take blood samples, and undergo MRI. The latter never failed to give him the most uncomfortable feeling in the world especially after his repeated travel for Joohyun. He has been mildly claustrophobic growing up and it only intensified after Shinwoo’s accident.

His exams lasted for about 60 minutes but it had always been the longest. The closed compartment seemed to suffocate him, his veins felt throbbing abnormally and he was feeling sick. He had gone back to that time for several occasions but something seemed off that very moment.

Yonghwa shut his eyes tight trying to concentrate but something was pulling him back. A bolt seemed to tug into his being. His mind pounded some more.

Then, he remembered the present.

Joohyun!

His mind shouted. Something was happening. The appalling force was pulling him harder and, all of a sudden, he was falling into a familiar trance.

~~~

“WAKE UP! YONGHWA, OH MY GOD, HONEY, PLEASE WAKE UP!”

Yonghwa coughed so hard the moment he realized he was pulled back to the present. Disoriented and weakened by the aftermath, he tried to focus his attention to the girl that was supposed to be beside him, instead he heard his grandmother’s voice crying out loud. By his peripheral vision, he caught a glance of Joohyun fully awake now but astounded by what she was witnessing.

He attempted to reach out for her but he was too weak and the slightest effort to move was a stab to his failing strength. No sound seemed to get out of his throat, his eyes couldn’t focus anymore, pain raked his brain, his ribcage was caving in until everything was still.

“YONGHWA! NO!!! STAY WITH ME!”

However, by that time, Yonghwa had passed out.

Joohyun was still in a daze standing there and watching the whole scene unfolding before her. She couldn’t remember the exact time she ‘woke up’ but all she could recall was a hard pull and a slap that was still stinging her cheek. In the old woman’s attempt to wake her or out of sheer hatred for her, Yonghwa’s grandmother smacked her back to consciousness. The moment she opened her eyes, she saw Yonghwa on the ground coughing profusely with his grandmother beside him crying with panic.

Out of absolute shock, she stood there watching the scene for a moment until she rushed to his side but she got pushed away that she fell on the ground.

“Stay away! Don’t touch him! You’ve done enough!”

“I- I don’t understand—“

Despite the old woman’s shaking hands, she managed to make a call, “Mr. Joo! We are at the p-park, in front of the convenience store! Come quickly, please, Yonghwa’s having an attack!”

Joohyun hugged herself aching so much to touch his face and find out what was happening to him. Her tears streamed down her face as she watched his grandmother chanted Yonghwa’s name like crazy as she wiped the beads of sweat on his forehead. After a few minutes, a man who she assumed as the old woman’s driver came and took the unconscious Yonghwa away.

Before they left though, the woman stopped to look at her accusingly and admonished, “If something bad happen to him, I will get you! I swear to God, I will make you pay!”

~~~

Sooyoung wasn’t buying her friend’s story of that reddish mark on her cheek but she just shrugged and let her friend be. Besides, Joohyun had been in so much mess for her to mess with her brain and emotions some more. Too bad, but at least, she could vent that frustration to Yonghwa who was missing-in-action lately. “So yeah, next time you slip on the floor, try not to get that same slap-looking bruise on your cheek. You seriously looked like you’ve been -slapped.”

She grinned not only because of Sooyoung’s retorts but by being a very lame liar. But, she couldn’t just tell her where she got that. It has been three days that she hasn’t had any news about Yonghwa and she could only glean that he was out of the country and that there was no other means of getting hold of him.

“How are you holding up?”

Joohyun looked up and noticed the concern on Sooyoung’s face. By that time, she has gotten used to be asked that a lot so she gave her a small smile, “I’ve been better… is probably what you want to hear.”

“What I want to hear is not another lie,” Sooyoung reached out to squeeze her friend’s hand. “You can cry if you want… we were so worried when you didn’t even cry at the wake and funeral. But then again, I read about this thing they call the seven stages of grief and you probably don’t need to hear each one.” She winked and thankfully, Joohyun chuckled.

“Yeah… I’m getting there. I understand that I am on a journey right now.” Joohyun smiled. “Now I know how painful love can cause. I just found out through the hardest and the most painful way imaginable. Where do I go from here? What to do with this pain? When is this ever going to stop hurting? I have so many questions…”

“And other people have so many answers because they know better, huh?” Sooyoung rolled her eyes, “And, I am not here to give you some of mine because it’s always up to you. At your own time and pace to discover the answers or listen to what people tell you the best way out of this.”

“Thank you, Unnie…” she pushed back the tears that was threatening to fall. ‘Not here in a public place’ she told herself then focused on Sooyoung, “You’re good… that was special, you’re the only one who said that.”

“I am, huh?” she said with no trace of humility on her voice or the way she smirked, “But, in case you’re ready to hear my two cents then feel free to tell me.”

“I will, thanks again…”

~~~

Ever since her husband died, Kim Hyeja has taken over the company and their family for a very long time. Despite the tough times, she managed to keep their finances afloat and didn’t allow the competitors and enemies to take a second step to ruining what her husband built around them. She has been regarded as the iron hand that made everything work and destroy anybody who would get in her way.

She is feared and she loves being feared. It gives her the upper hand. Nobody can just permeate the wall; except for one woman. Unfortunately for Hyeja, that woman married one of his sons. Now, she sat in front of a very young girl whose eyes reflect the same calm that was reminding her of the day she was in the same position of telling that woman to stay away from his son.

This time, she doesn’t know what this girl meant to her grandson. Oh, the headache of thinking that history is repeating itself! However, she has taken comfort of the fact that she was Shinwoo’s girlfriend. Maybe Yonghwa would have the decency not to feel anything for this girl.

“You probably know why I asked to meet you here,” she started, setting the teacup on the saucer with barely a clink.

“Y-yes… how is he?”

She could tell the nervousness in her voice and it was a good thing for her so she smiled graciously, “Better… good thing I came before he it became dangerous for him.” Hyeja smiled some more when she noticed the tensed expression of the younger girl so she continued. “What he was doing— I know what you were doing. Yonghwa is special and I was the only one who knew how special he is. I know what he can do…” she laughed lightly, “If some kids are born genius, if some kids are born as prodigies, if some kids are born with amazing talents… my Yonghwa is no different; he is born with a very special ability.”

When she realized that Yonghwa had let this girl into their secret, it irked her. She could not tell how many times she repeats to him that nobody—not even his own mother should know this secret and now, this girl who suddenly appeared out of nowhere was let into that most guarded information. That was when she knew that Seo Joohyun is a threat to the plans she set for Yonghwa. She looked at the girl squarely, “I don’t need to reiterate what he can do.”

Joohyun’s eyes fell on the white linen in front of her. This woman being scary is an understatement. She nodded without meeting her gaze.

“When his grandfather died…” She wiped the sides of her lips, every movement was graceful, “I was devastated… Yonghwa ‘took’ me back, believing I could change what happened. I was perplexed at first, I was lost… he was there in the past but he wasn’t there when it happened then he explained it to me, we tried it several times and every time we return to the present, he would fall sick. The more he does it, the more his condition worsens. I told him to stop, to never do it again and he promised. Until lately, I wondered why his health seemed to be failing… and you know the rest of the story, right?” She managed to smile, the sternness in her face softened when she did, “Joohyun, can I call you Joohyun?” The girl nodded, “I will make this quick. I want you to stop meeting Yonghwa or you might bring him to his death. I beg you, as his grandmother… I love him so much…  I cannot lose him too.”

After finishing her tea, she bid her leave. Hopefully, the appeal to pity worked this time.

~~~

Yonghwa stared out of the window as he cradled his phone in his hand.  He had counted the days before he can call her. He didn’t want to check on her right away since his grandmother has been watching his every move and to defy her too soon would only make things worse. Finally, her phone rang and his heart almost leaped by the mere thought of hearing her voice.

“Hello?”

He smiled. Jinah managed to get him a new phone after his grandmother took possession of his own. “Hyu~n…”

“Oppa! Is that really you?! Are you okay? Where are you? Is this your new number?”

He couldn’t help himself but laugh, “Joohyuna, one at a time please.”

“I’m so sorry, I’m just so relieved to hear you.”

“No, I’m the one who should apologize for leaving without prior notice.”

“That’s okay, where are you?”

“Somewhere.”

“Where is that?”

“Just here, somewhere…”

“Is there such a place?”

Yonghwa smiled when Joohyun chuckled, “Of course, it’s ‘here’”

“Ha, funny…”

“I’m not trying to be funny. I just called to tell you, in case… if you ever—“

“If I ever worry about you? Of course, Oppa.”

That made him smile wider, “Then don't. I'm fine. I just need to be here for awhile.”

“Hmmm… Japan?”

“Okay, busted,” he chuckled and noticed how she remained quiet until a sigh came.

“A-Are you with… her?”

“Jinah?” Yonghwa sat on his bed surprised by that query, “Right now? She’s in Tokyo and I'm in my bedroom in Saitama… so, sadly I'm all alone with only your voice keeping me company.” Finally, he chuckled when she snorted, “Anyway, while I'm away, try not to sulk too much... you do that when I get back.”

“You're not the only friend I have…”

“You mean you sulk around your other friends? I'm jealous... keep it low though, I still want you to need me.” The line went silent for a second and it made him even curious how she would react to that and she heard her sigh.

“Uhm, Oppa…. How are you? Are… are you okay? I'm so sorry- because of me…”

His brows furrowed but he didn’t make his sudden annoyance reflect on his voice but he playfully asked, “You met grandma, didn’t you?” He chuckled then when she didn’t respond confirming his suspicion, “Don’t worry about me. I'm fine.”

“I don't want anything bad to happen to you. If I'm causing you trouble it's really better if we—“

“I will go back one of these days and I will see you…” he deliberately cut her. There are just so much more to tell her.

And too much desire to see her again, so it wasn’t time to stay away… yet.

~~~

Hyeja watched Yonghwa lazily toying with the wheels of that model race car on his hands as he sat on the edge of his bed. She just arrived from Seoul and had to be on a business meeting but she decided to check on him first. Doctor Lee, who flew back to Korea a few days ago, assured her that he there was nothing to worry about but she couldn’t help but worry seeing him in that state again. She paced again in the wide expanse of the almost empty bedroom feeling more annoyed when she recalled how Yonghwa purposely asked that he only wanted a bed and a closet in that room for it will never be a home for him.

“It’s either the Im Shipping Corporation or the position your uncle has prepared for you,” she said again but he doesn’t seem to be listening. “You cannot go back to Korea until you make that decision. You’re not getting any younger. Your cousins are being groomed way younger than you are so stop this nonsense! You can get any degree here in Japan and it won’t be too hard to excuse yourself from the military service!”

Finally, he looked up and met her gaze, “Halmeoni, I’m not going to dodge the service… father did it, Shinwoo wanted to do it. Kyuhyun will do it someday. I will do it too.”

“Why are you being hard right now?” She asked gently.

“I am not being hard, you are being impossible…” he sighed.

“What? Now I’m the one being impossible when I only want what’s best for you!”

“What’s best for me is for me to find out myself.”

She groaned out loud and watched Yonghwa walked towards the windowsill and sat there fixing his gaze outside. She took a deep breath to calm herself then walked over to him, “Jung Yonghwa, tell me the truth, are you in love with that girl?” He was silent but she noticed his eyes almost moved to where she was standing. His silence made her even more annoyed. “Are you in love with your brother's girlfriend?!”

“Shinwoo is dead!”

Hyeja almost jumped in surprise. For a moment when he retorted, Yonghwa’s piercing gaze flew towards her. Now, he was looking down on his toy car again and she could only hope he was regretting snapping at her that way. She soothed her hand on her chest, “I… I will not allow this…”

“Grandma… I… I'm not…” Yonghwa met her grandma’s eyes again. His tone mellowed when he continued, “In love with her. She just needs me now.”

“Do you think I believe that? Seeing that look on your face? Jung Yonghwa, you know what I can do—“

Yonghwa stood, “You are not doing it again. I know what you did to my mother's family. Enough! Or you will lose me!”

“Are you threatening me, young man? Do you think I will let that girl off easily for killing your brother?!”

“For goodness’ sake she didn't kill Shinwoo! It was nobody's fault! Leave her alone!” Yonghwa sighed calming himself then nodded listlessly, “Alright, I'll do whatever you want, just leave her alone.”

“You will go to Tokyo first thing tomorrow. Talk your decision over with your uncle and ask for his opinion. Ask Jinah to arrange a meeting with her father. I’d rather ask her to do it than go directly to Chairman Im.”

“No, I will go back to Korea today.” With renewed courage, he walked to his closet and grabbed a jacket. That was all he needed—plus his passport and a plane ticket. Then, he strode out of the bedroom as his grandmother trailed along, “There are some things I need to do first.”

“You are not meeting with her anymore!”

“I will decide on that,” he announced on his way out of the door.

“Yonghwa—ya, Yonghwa-ya!”