“I never asked anything from you,” she stopped for her tears were making it hard for her to breathe again, “But please just this one… just this once, bring him back….”

She pleaded.

“Give him back to me, please… I will do everything you want. I will bargain my life for him… for a day, or a minute, or if you want even for 30 seconds.”

The words were just flying out of ; without thoughts. They were like crystal shards that flew out of her chest when her heart exploded into this supernova and she was left with nothing but a black hole.

She was left with nothing but this heart that beats in the void.

“J-Just… just bring him back to me… 10 seconds, even for 10 seconds… I won’t ask for anything else in this world. Just him… please, just him… my Shinwoo...”

She cried like the millionth time she cried again; her tears flowing freely. She cried for so long that her body ached. She cried and she just left the world in that timeline until everything else started to dawn on her again. Joohyun pushed away the tears when logic took over again and she remembered the man who was probably waiting for her. She turned and saw him outside the chapel, leaning on the wall—a different wall.

This guy and his walls.

Yonghwa only moved and took over the wheelchair when she started maneuvering it herself so she could leave. He brought her back to her room in silence. Since her head fully bowed, face downcast, and her long hair falling on her face, he took the initiative to carry her to bed. That was probably the closet Yonghwa got to her as he parted her hair that was curtaining her face, took her arm and draped it on his shoulder and gently pulled her up from her chair.

Joohyun didn’t protest. She was too weak and worn-out to even figure out the fast beating in her chest while Yonghwa carefully let her body fall on her bed. Her tears fell again like her eyes have found this new skill to turn her emotions to fluid.

She cried. It hurts. She will go on hurting for as long as she thinks and she didn’t want to be alone. Joohyun was scared to cry alone—again.

Yonghwa heard her soft sobs; he felt her arms tightening their hold on his body; he felt her tears on his shoulder. He shut his eyes tight. He didn’t want to be there. With his free hand, he gently tried to peel her arm off but she gripped him even closer until he just let himself be possessed and sat beside her on the bed. Yonghwa cradled Joohyun in his arms as she cried softly, gently, hardly making any sound.

“I-I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… please, don’t leave…”

Yonghwa heard her beg in between sobs and he found himself whispering, “I won’t…”

She cried herself to sleep while he sat beside her and held her hand.

Chapter 18. Déjà Vu

“If I have left a wound inside you,

It is not just your wound but mine as well.”

— Haruki Murakami

Joohyun woke up with a numbing pain somewhere in her head. She turned to look at her digital clock on the desk by her bed.  7:03, Saturday. Shinwoo said the night before that he would be there by nine, hang out for the rest of the morning and head to his grandmother’s house by late afternoon.

She stretched her arms and yawned. She wanted to stay in bed a little longer but she might fall asleep and wake up late so she pulled herself up and took her phone under her pillow and dialed his number. After the fourth attempt, he answered her call, “Ya… you were still sleeping this late?”

“Good morning to you too, sunshine…”

She heard him chuckle on the other line but she kept her grin to herself.

“Hmmm… I’m getting up now though.”

“Ya, hurry up?”

“Yes, your highness!”

That made her giggle, “I’ll wait for you…”

“Okay, I’ll hurry. I love you, sunshine.”

“I love you too, silly.”

She dropped her phone to her side and stretched then her gaze fell on the door. ‘Yuri Unnie is going to open the door and ask if I’m up.’ She smiled feeling childish at the thought but the door did open and her sister peeped in.

“Oh, you’re up?”

“I guess…” the moment she replied, a rush of wind crawled though her arm. She was having goosebumps.

“I’ll be at work the whole day today and be home tomorrow afternoon.”

“Kay… try to get some naps.”

“Will do! I love you.”

“I love you too!” Joohyun called out just when the door closed. “That was weird.”

It was an ordinary morning except for that déjà vu-ish moment with her sister. After an hour or so, Shinwoo came and made breakfast for her while she prepared his study guide for the upcoming exams. They studied after breakfast then sprawled themselves on the living room floor watching one episode of A Gentleman’s Dignity.

Joohyun was totally engrossed to the drama when she happened to shift position and noticed that Shinwoo was staring wide-eyed at her again, which he would normally do to annoy her and amuse himself.  “Stop looking at me like that,” Joohyun retorted lips twitching with a glare.

“Like what?” he snickered despite himself, steadfastly wearing the same expression that she gets easily annoyed with.

Joohyun rolled her eyes and deadpanned, “Like that.”

“Like this?” He asked playfully cocking his head just to irritate her some more.

“Aish!” She glared at him long and hard just to emphasize that she wasn’t going to take another teasing but then again Shinwoo covered his face with both hands, “What is it this time?”

“Stop hypnotizing me!”

“Yah,” Joohyun muttered with all the emotionless expression she could manage, “Watching this drama is your idea. So, can you not do those things?”

“Okay…” Shinwoo laughed and offered her a peace sign with his fingers. In the middle of the drama though, he paused on one scene and looked at her yet again, “Do you really hate me that much?”

Joohyun rolled her eyes, sat up and decided to just go with his kind of crazy, “No, I don’t hate you…” she shook her head with a smile, “Not all…”

“Those words are so encouraging. How about letting your emotions take over? Or letting the alcohol take over?” It was his cue to sit up closer to her and as after he did; he cupped her cheeks, “Or just let me take over?”

“ISSSSSHHHHHH!” Joohyun finally pushed him away and sat on the sofa behind them.

“Ya! Don’t you think it’s cool?!”

“Yeah, it’s cool, of course it’s cool Especially when said by Donggun Oppa. Aish! You don’t have any originality at all!”

“Ya! Ya! That’s the best I can come up to! Don’t you just love that part? When Dojin looked helplessly at Yisoo. And what Donggun Oppa?”

She rolled her eyes suppressing a laugh while he tugged on her foot, “You’re the helpless one, do you know?”

“Yep, I know, I’m helplessly in love with you~” Shinwoo winked but laughed when she pretended to gag.

“Aigoo, until what time are you planning to piss me off today?”

He said as he stood and straightened his shirt, “It’s actually the end of it… I need to go but I’ll be back.”

“Where are you going?”

“I need to accompany mom for her check up.”

“Check up?” she inquired hugging her folded legs, “Is Umma sick?”

“No, just the yearly check up thing.”

“Okay, you take my car,” Joohyun bended over to get the key on the side table and threw it at him.

“Didn’t you say you’re going with the girls later?”

“Yep, we will buy dress for Yoona Unnie’s birthday. But Sooyoung Unnie will pick me up.”

“Okay, don’t forget dinner tonight at halmeoni’s”

“Yeah, I’m buying a gift for her and your brother too. What do you suggest I should get them?”

“Whatever you like, or flowers for halmeoni. I don’t really have any idea.”

There was this sudden jerk on her chest. Before Shinwoo said that she already thought he would really suggest flowers.

A flash of this basket of flowers came in her mind.

Déjà vu all over again.

Flowers.

“Sunshine? Are you okay?”

Shinwoo was watching her carefully. The hairs on her arms were still standing on their roots. She flashed him a smile, “Ahhh… nothing… I’m just…” she turned away from him soothing her arm then muttered absentmindedly, “Okay, I’ll figure that out later.”

Then she felt his hands on her shoulders as she was carefully spun around for him to see her. Joohyun smiled when Shinwoo bended down and pecked on her lips.

“Okay, where should I pick you up?”

“I’ll just call you.” She said as he took a step back and started gathering the books and notepads on the floor. Her heart was still rapidly beating that she decided to just go to her room so he won’t notice how uncomfortable she was feeling that moment.

She paced back and forth trying to figure out the exact reason why she was feeling like that. There must be something she must do for Shinwoo. There must be something she must take care of. She was restless and she couldn’t understand why. It was only when her eyes landed on her desktop’s wallpaper that she noticed the date.

Saturday.

It flashed right in her. Maybe it was because of her impending meeting with his grandmother and brother. Shinwoo’s brother. Something was not really, seriously setting her mind at ease. She shook her head and walked to the dresser. Her hand found the brush and she absentmindedly started to run it through her hair.

“Aw hell…”

His voice finally stole her away from reverie that she cast a quick glance at him outside her bedroom door with his phone in his hand and back at the mirror, “Something’s wrong?”

“Ah nothing… I’ll go first…” Shinwoo shook his head as he walked and rested by the doorjamb.

“Okay, see you later…” She smiled looking at his reflection on the mirror as she brushed her hair.

“Yep…”

Shinwoo nodded but remained standing there. “What?” Joohyun finally dropped the brush and walked over to him.

“Nothing… I love you…”

That brought familiar butterflies in her stomach. She smiled, “I love you too, silly.” Joohyun dropped her hands on his shoulders and gave him a soft pat— understanding that nothing was everything she wasn’t saying herself. Shinwoo gazed at her silently lingering for a moment before he smiled. She knew he would kiss her and she would allow him.

And it happened. The kiss. They kissed for several occasions. They kissed most of the time on their unguarded moments. But this one— this kiss, it was something more. Something deep, something lingering. She felt her arms embracing him closer that he could just melt in and she would never let go. Shinwoo tugged on her lower lip, biting it lightly that she moaned on his mouth.

It was different. This one was different and she was letting him make it different, putting it in this space beyond their unspoken boundary. She couldn’t tell how long it lasted. She got drowned on it for that moment until she finally felt him pushing himself gently away.

Joohyun opened her eyes when his lips parted with hers and witnessed this beautiful smile drawn on his face. Shinwoo smiled almost feverishly but started pecking little kisses on her cheeks and lips that she ended up groaning in protest as her eyes rolled. He laughed before finally stepping back and gestured for the door.

“I better go.”

“Yeah, you better,” Joohyun, who was still catching her breath, nodded in agreement. Before he moved away, though, he pecked one more kiss and walked backwards as she hugged herself rubbing her arms when the room suddenly felt colder. Her back unconsciously falling on the doorjamb, she watched him until he reached the door. “Drive carefully,” She mumbled almost to herself.

~~~

“Ya, hello? Anybody here?”

It was Sooyoung who literally knocked on her forehead that she only noticed that she probably zoned out again. She gave her an apologetic smile and shook her head, “I-I’m sorry… I’m just thinking about somethi...” Her voice faded.

Her mind was actually empty for a moment.

“Yes? Joohyuna, what’s up with you?” She laughed at her friend’s confused expression. “Are you still in this earth right now? Or somewhere lost in space?”

“Nothing really,” she shrugged as her gaze fell on the cream dress her friend was holding, “Anyway, let’s just head back to that other shop. I think your mind’s made up for that sundress over there.”

“Oh… how did you know?” Sooyoung said thoughtfully as Joohyun took the dress from her and put it back on the rack.

Joohyun stopped for a moment when she realized what she did. “Uhm, wild guess?”

“Oh well…” Sooyoung moved and headed to the door.

Almost an hour passed and they both managed to find the ‘best dress’ they would wear for Yoona’s birthday. They decided to hang around  a pastry shop in the shopping district while waiting for Hara and her boyfriend. They still needed to find a gift for Yoona and she also asked Sooyoung to help her pick out something for Shinwoo’s brother. They dropped by this little flower shop along the way where she ordered an arrangement for her boyfriend’s grandmother.

“So you’re finally meeting the other family members?” Sooyoung asked then put a generous amount of blueberry cheesecake in .

“Eung…” she nodded watching the older girl enjoy her treat. “And I’m ecstatic about it.”

Sooyoung wiped her lips then rolled her eyes, “Believe me, I can tell.”

“I know, I’m sorry… I don’t know what’s happening to me right now.”

“Relax, okay? They won’t bite… besides, his brother is really nice and funny just like him.”

“You met him?”

“Of course!” Sooyoung laughed. “And their grandma is hmmmm… how to say it?”

“Woah… you ARE freaking me out!” Joohyun complained watching that playful glint on Sooyoung’s eyes.

She laughed heartily then waved her hand, “Ani… President Jung is a typical grandmother. Don’t worry… she’s lovable… but yeah given her status, she can seriously be intimidating.”

“Really?”

Sooyoung nodded and shifted her attention towards the door and gasped, “Ahh, finally Princess Go Hara and her royal have come…”

Joohyun laughed and greeted their friends. The rest of the day went on the way it should be. Although she had moments of complete vagueness of her feelings, it was nothing that she managed to ignore all of them.

After a few hours, she stood outside McDonald’s as she waited for Shinwoo to pick her up. The basket of flowers rested beside her on the pavement while she cuddled the bottle of wine in her arms. It was the only thing Sooyoung could think of as she didn’t know what to buy herself. The familiar red car finally halted in front of her. Shinwoo got out and jogged towards her.

She had this unbelievable feeling of relief. Like she missed him so much. Like they hadn’t seen each other for years.

“Hi, sorry if I kept you waiting.”

Shinwoo dropped a kiss on her lips and smiled. She smiled back. She missed him.

After she got settled in and their gifts in the backseat, as he was about to start the car, Joohyun held on to his wrist and smiled, “I miss you…”

Shinwoo raised a brow but chuckled, “Yeah, me too… I miss you, Sunshine….”

“I love you…” she added, out of the blue.

“And I love you…” Shinwoo smiled reaching over and kissed her softly, then brushed his thumb on her lips, “I love you…”

~~~

Time.

It moves ever so slow that you just want to hit the fast-forward button.

Yet, sometimes, it is ever so fast that you can’t even imagine what just happened.

She was nervous as she sat on the passenger seat almost five hours after they parted that morning. Joohyun was exhaling from and she didn’t even notice it until Shinwoo pointed that out. “I don’t know… the thought of your grandma freaks me out a little bit.” He laughed heartily at that, maybe just to make her feel better.

“Come on… lighten up, sunshine,” he looked at her with a tiny wink then back on the road.

Her gaze absentmindedly shifted from the speedometer to the fuel gauge. It was like looking at a clock— almost stationary clock, the needle pointing to this number and to that number repeatedly over a hundred times. She blinked away from the instruments then darted her gaze towards the dimming night sky. His grandmother’s house was located by the outskirts of town, in one of the gated communities with the magnificent views of their whole little town.

Because it was on a hilly spot, the road curved and zigzagged like a maze but the landscape around them was breathtaking that she couldn’t figure out where to focus, momentarily making her forget the weariness she had been feeling. Finally, they took another route, this time the tall thick trees on each side of the road were blocking the remaining sunlight that the headlight just illumined their path.

She remembered to list the things they needed to buy for Yoona’s surprise birthday party. Shinwoo and the band were scheduled to play on a nearby town so she would just drive herself around for that day. She sighed again when she realized she didn’t have her diary with her but she put away a notepad somewhere so she decided to fumble through the glove compartment.

Shinwoo snickered beside her, “Yah, will you please just sit still?”

Joohyun laughed and nodded with her exaggerated aegyo, “Eung, eung…”

There was this bad feeling again.

He clicked his tongue but laughed as he reached out to push a button on the stereo and Snowpatrol’s Chasing Car blasted on the audio. He sang along as he shifted gear when the road turned uphill again.

Joohyun lazily drummed her fingers on her lap trying to distract her mind. Her heart suddenly beat to loud.

“We’re getting closer.”

She almost gasped when he suddenly said that.

For a split second, Shinwoo turned to her with an assuring smile and she smiled back despite the loud throbbing in her chest.

What could go wrong with him beside her?

What could go wrong?

They both looked ahead again, too late to realize the roadblock. The sign before that left unnoticed the moment they were looking at each other. It was too fast that it was hard to remember how it all happened as the car flew and flipped over.

Then something hurt. Then something felt terribly painful.

SHINWOO!!!!

It happened.

Joohyun managed to turn her head towards him.

Shinwoo looked at her and said something.

She couldn’t make out what it was but she knew he said something.

Shinwoo said something and she couldn’t…

Silence gripped her by the neck.

Time stood still.

The world lost its color.

~~~

Her body ached.

Her head throbbed.

Air almost got kidnapped from her.

Her eyes opened slowly—painfully and slowly.

She woke up staring at the now familiar ceiling of her hospital room.

It felt like a dream.

Or was it?

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awwww we're so happy to see silentreaders/newreaders commenting ^^

and thanks to those who are still here reading and commenting despite the gloomy atmosphere 

we promise to make this story even better... pls don't get tired of supporting us~

thanks to Ate Raine for editing

will update soon!

can anybody guess exactly what happened in this chap? hehe

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~Lyra^^