Chapter 16. Different

"I ignored your aura but it grabbed me by the hand,

like the moon pulled the tide,

and the tide pulled the sand."

~ Talib Kweli

Joohyun sniffed. She badly needed to see Shinwoo and to prove to them that he was just bluffing. She sat up and brushed the tears aside. Her legs dangled from the bed. Carefully, she let her feet on the ground. She wobbled. How hard was it to walk lately? But she must make it no matter what. She has to find Shinwoo.

She pulled the needle off her arm after several attempt to reach for the bag. The pain was excruciating but it wasn’t even half of what she experienced a few days ago. Cradling her arm, she limped through the room and peeped by the door before she finally dragged herself out.

It took her a few seconds to decide which side to take. The right wing was well-lighted and the nurses’ station was just nearby so she knew she has to take that despite the risk of being caught. Joohyun walked— tried to walk inconspicuously just like any other patient taking a little exercise. Rooms after rooms, it was only her heart that she trusted on where he could be. It was tiring—the muscles on her calf were feeling that numbing pain. The back of her right hand was clearly bleeding from wound she inflicted herself when she pulled off her drip. On top of that, she was dizzy, her head was spinning suddenly and she was starting to get double vision.

At the far corner, she saw a familiar form. His back was against a mirrored-wall, his gaze fall on the floor. Joohyun held her breath as she almost skipped her way to him. Feeling like a lifetime, she took the remaining steps smiling.

One step… two steps… three…

Yuri was lying after all.

Four… five… six… seven…

She never felt relieved in her life.

Eight… nine—

“Shinwoo!”

She cried out loud as he finally turned to where she was standing—astounded more than anything else.

Joohyun kept on walking until it was him who closed the gap between them and caught her arms.

“Hyun, what are you doing here?!”

Hyun.

HYUN!

She took one step back shaking her head. Just one…

Her tears fell unnoticed.

She knew in her heart but her lips pronounced carefully as if it could change this truth, “Shinwoo…”

The world turned black, all the more when he spoke as he shook his head.

“I-I’m sorry… I’m not—“

Her head was spinning again and the pain somewhere and everywhere in her body never felt as painful as before as her eyes glued to his expectantly waiting for what her mind would consider a lie.

“Shinwoo… I’m not him. I’m his brother— twin... brother.”

“I’m Jung Yonghwa.”

Joohyun was back in her vortex.

~~~

Snippets of dreams and past events occurred while she slept. That constant state of reverie had invaded her subconscious. All of them mixed with a puzzling feeling of fear and uncertainty. Once she was able to will herself to wake only to find that it was in the middle of the night and she had no choice but end up sleeping again.

There were times that she couldn’t remember her dreams. There were moments that they were just as clear as her own understanding of the present. There were even occurrences that her dreams brought her those remembrances of Shinwoo that she would wake up in tears and searching for something that could comfort her.

His words were clear and steady in her mind like gentle rush of waves ebbing from the shore on calm mornings.

“Sunshine, the time will come when you will beg me to never leave your side.”

“Do you think I’d let anything bad happen to you? No, sunshine…”

“I never want to see you cry… so, okay, Seo Joohyun, promise me… you will be happy even if I’m not around…”

“But you’ll be fine, I know that. You will be just fine…”

“I love you too, Sunshine…”

They were the words that meant to comfort her, not to insult her current condition. Joohyun didn’t want to believe the realness of what had happened the night before when she sneaked out of her room and confirmed what her sister told her.

On top of that, she finally validated the existence of ‘another’ Shinwoo that managed to tiptoe silently into her sanity.

She knew.

Somehow, she knew.

Joohyun stared at the ceiling. Her eyes were free of tears now but the soreness and the sting of last night’s crying seemed to have settled comfortably on her face. Her body was numb somewhere. Or was it just her mind commanding her body not to respond anymore?

There was this feeling of hope that somewhere along the line Shinwoo would wake up and come back to her. However, she was still denying the possibility looming in her heart.

Shinwoo was going to wake up and all she needed was to hang on to that thought.

One day, everything would be back to normal. One day…

Her thoughts were halted by the gentle sound of the doorknob being turned. Someone was coming and she decided that she was not in the perfect mood to deal with anyone so she closed her eyes and pretended to sleep.

The door opened then closed with a soft thud. Whoever was inside her room was moving too carefully and quietly probably thinking of not interrupting her sleep. She waited, almost with bated breath until the person was done with whatever business he or she had for coming in. Although, she remained still she could tell that the person was a few feet away from her bed. The footsteps were light and remotely unfamiliar; the scent was masked by the lingering smell of medicine and the air freshener; and, whoever this person was, he was vaguely making any sound as he moved around the room.

Then the streaks of light almost made her held her eyes shut tighter when her guest perhaps pushed the curtains aside to let the morning sun in. She prayed for this intruder to leave her alone so she could continue with her musing. After a few minutes, she heard the fading footsteps and the door opened and closed leaving the ever familiar silence resonating about.

Joohyun opened her eyes and slightly squinting at the sudden brightness. First, she darted her gaze on the closed door as if making sure she was alone. Then her sight focused on the source of the light as the curtain fluttered with the morning breeze. It was a sunshiny day and she never felt that alone and forlorn.

She looked away only to notice the basketful of flowers. Their fragrance finally filling the room. Only then she realized it wasn’t her first time seeing those arrangement on that corner of the table across her where gifts and cards of well-wishing were normally located. The flowers must have always been there— changed to fresh ones most probably every day, and she didn’t give much thought to it until that moment.

At that, she regretted pretending to be asleep.

~~~

Yonghwa closed the door gently and carried on as he passed hallways, took the elevator and reached the culmination of his morning ritual by the small park outside the hospital. Sitting on his favorite spot, he stared at his hands that held her the night ago and looked up at the bright open sky. The birds were resting on their corners, the leaves and branches around him whispered as the wind blew around him. It was a cold morning but it didn’t really matter for it was as cold inside as it was there. Turning his head up, he knew which window she was in.

The day she woke up, he wanted to see her but they advised him not to. Of course, she would be thinking he was his brother again and they didn’t want to give her any false hope. He was worried for both of them and he never stopped praying for things to be better. This load in his heart was getting heavier as days passed by.

Seo Joohyun.

That day he didn’t know her name. It took him a few good weeks to know it— from his twin brother who happened to be infatuated by this feisty Seo Joohyun.

How fascinating it was.

Now, Shinwoo was not in a very good condition and he was willing to trade places with him. If it there was only another way then he would take his place instead. He hated all those thoughts, all those feelings. It could have been him there not his brother. They could have avoided it. There are just too many could have’s, should have’s and if’s.

And when she fell into his arms when he told her what should have been told long ago, that moment Yonghwa wanted to be Shinwoo instead. There was disbelief and astonishment. There was fear. Her eyes spoke all those emotions despite her tears before she finally lost consciousness.

It must have been a torture for her. It was a torture for everyone.

Their grandmother whom he hadn’t seen cry for more than a decade. Their sisters and even little Kyuhyun. Their father was devastated and most especially their mother who never left Shinwoo’s side since he was brought to the Neuro-ICU.

And he was there too, almost every day if he could— keeping vigil right outside the door because he hated the sight and sound inside the ICU. It was like seeing himself there but it was worse because he was seeing his brother there.

He cried suddenly again, the tears falling softly unabashed by the fact that someone could see him.

Tears come easily now, like fears.

~~~

She knew just when her sister is upset— really upset. Yuri paced around doing her usual activities that consist of checking her vitals, medicine intakes, and even tidying every nook and cranny of her hospital room. Through the obvious normalcy of it, her face showed something Joohyun hasn’t seen in awhile.

She found herself clearing , “Mian…”

Yuri finally took notice of the girl winding and unwinding her fingers unconsciously.

“Unnie, I’m sorry…”

“Joohyuna, you are my sister. You are the only whole I have. You are the only one left in my idea of a complete family. I never want to lose you. I died the moment I got that call. Every bit of my being was hell scared of the thought that I might not make it to the hospital and see you…” Yuri choked on the words but she went on, “See you breathing… my little sister. The tiny baby I held in my hand, the first person I fell in love with the moment Appa gave you to me when you were born.”

Her tears find their way out listening to her sister’s broken voice as her unnie finally sat by the edge of her bed and soothed her hair.

“I know how much you love Shinwoo. I may not understand exactly what you are feeling right now but you must understand that there is nothing more you can do now but wait and pray, just like what everybody else is doing. We want him to be okay, we want you to be okay… but it must start with you. Take care of yourself, not for Shinwoo… not for me or umma or appa, but for you.”

Joohyun nodded, “I’m sorry…”

“I’m sorry too. I was just worried and scared and upset with what you did. We decided to tell you the truth because you deserve it, but please… please do not ever pull something like that again…”

“I promise,” she smiled as her sister pushed away the tears from her own eyes, “I’m sorry for not believing you and for being irresponsible.”

“You’re forgiven, baby… from now on though, promise me that you will take care of yourself. That you will believe and listen to unnie well.”

“I promise…” Joohyun offered her pinkie but Yuri pulled her close instead, “I love you, Unnie. Thank you for being here and never leaving my side.”

Yuri finally let herself cry as she hugged her sister tight, “No… no Joohyuna, thank you, thank you for coming back.”

~~~

They were back on the hill. Shinwoo was flying— yes, Shinwoo was flying. Oh how he was flying! He wanted that.

To fly.

But she was happy watching him float in the air. The weird thing was that she was just laughing with him. There was no sound though, just plain sight— Shinwoo flying and they were laughing silently.

But it was another meaningless dream.

Now, her eyes opened. She was back in her room staring at the ceiling and hearing her mother's voice calling her repeatedly until she moved her head to the side only to realize that it wasn’t her mother calling her. She smiled at the woman sitting beside her— Shinwoo's mother. The older woman leaned over and kissed her forehead, "Joohyunie…”

“Omoni…” she said under her breath still groggy from a long sleep.

“When Yuri called me to say that you awoke, I couldn't come right away, you know how plentiful worries I have,” she smiled squeezing Joohyun’s hand, “I'm so happy you're awake.”

“Shinwoo…” Joohyun found herself saying. It seemed that lately all she wanted was to finally see him and tell her that everything was okay. However, his mother shook her head with a sad smile.

“The doctor said you have to get well really soon so you shouldn't worry about anything. Gather your strength first before you can see him, okay? I’ve heard that you met my other son.”

Joohyun bobbed her head gently remembering the man the night before. The man she somehow knew but not quite, “I didn’t know.”

“I assumed Shinwoo didn’t tell you that he had a twin brother. Those boys don’t usually tell.” It made her smile when she remembered, “But let me tell you about them when you are stronger.”

She grasped her hand and shook her head with her plea, “Please tell me now. I want to know.”

“Okay then… but it’s not really a very nice story to remember now.” She sat beside her on the bed and gently soothed the younger girl’s hand, “My two sons, my twins… I cannot really remember when they started not telling people about the fact that each of them has a ‘twin’. They have always been so alike, not only by the way they look but everything about them seemed to be the same. I think I’m the only one who could really tell the difference. The worse thing is that they both can copy each other really well, even the way they talk and the way they would react.”

“Shinwoo would usually pull a prank at their father, like asking candy and when his father gave him, he would come back and pretend to be Yonghwa and ask for more. Then the real Yonghwa would cry if their father won’t give him his share anymore. And Yonghwa, when he came to live with their grandma, he would secretly trade places with Shinwoo so he could come home and stay in our house for a few days. Nobody figured that out… only when he would sleep beside me when I realized that it was him not his twin… I kept their secret myself.”

“They were five when Yonghwa was taken,” she cleared and continued, “Came to live with his grandparents. Some weekends or holidays, we would go on a picnic somewhere.  One time, the boys were playing at a distant; they usually would so we weren’t paying attention. Then Yonghwa started screaming and Shinwoo was crying, we found them near a creek. Shinwoo was bleeding profusely. He had this deep cut on his forehead. I was shaken that I couldn’t do anything until my husband just took him and started rushing to the car. Because we still have Hyoyeon and Sunny was almost a baby, it took us awhile to leave… I was so taken by Shinwoo and Sunny that it took me awhile to notice Yonghwa who was throwing up. I thought it was just because of seeing the blood. I scolded him and told him to hurry up and even threatened him that we would leave him there if won’t stop acting like that. I was so mad that I almost told my husband to leave him until Hyoyeon wiped his brother and carried him to the car.”

“Shinwoo was unconscious until we reached the hospital. He suffered mild concussion but got a few stitches on his forehead. Only when we were assured that he was okay that I took notice of Yonghwa, he was so quiet and I talked to him, he started crying because Shinwoo didn’t listen to him and he didn’t do anything more. Nobody blamed him but he took that seriously. That night he had high fever, he had meningitis. His fever was so high that we almost lost him. The next day, he wasn’t in the hospital anymore, we found out that my husband’s mother took him and brought him to Seoul. I was so furious, how could she just snatch my son away from me? But we couldn’t do anything when we reached Seoul. The doctor said he was brought there in the nick of time. I couldn’t be more relieved. But he said there could be complications, and medicines— expensive medicines, if we take him back, he might get sick again. What if he dies on our way back home? That was when his grandmother told us that she would bring him to Japan where he would receive better health care and we didn’t have to worry. We said yes, we thought she would just return him to us. Until weeks passed, months passed, then years.”

“I never lose hope that one day he would return to us on his own will. And he did… one day, they were twelve or was it thirteen? Yonghwa came to our house and he cried. He said he was sorry for not coming home after so many years, he said he couldn’t leave his grandparents. Then he asked me if it was okay if he would live with them for the rest of his life. He said his grandmother promised not to give us ‘problems’ if he would stay with them. We couldn’t do anything… then he and Shinwoo got together. Many years have passed but it felt like they parted only the other day. They never forgot each other.”

Yejin went on with the rest of those little trinkets of memories of her twins. The boys that, despite of being parted for years, became an inseparable pair. The tears flow with every happy recollection, she cried and Joohyun found herself sobbing gently with the older woman, painting in her head the two little boys and their adventures and misfortunes.

It was another memory of her Shinwoo—what he was like seen in the eyes of their mother. The stories she would carry every time she would remember him and probably, with renewed hope, she would ask him to tell her those stories himself.

Her crazy, playful man who kept his little secrets even from her. She should be mad somehow, for the tricks Shinwoo pulled, for the fact that his brother might have appeared before her as Shinwoo in the past: playing their old pranks that they played on every person in their lives. But she wasn’t, not now though. Joohyun couldn’t find in her heart the faculty to get upset.

Shinwoo, the instigator. It was him after all. 

One day though, she would know when it was Shinwoo and when it was his brother. She would know the difference.

~~~

It was raining that morning, gentle rains poured through the streets watering carelessly every creature on the ground. He loved those soft rains. They bring this certain feeling of irony in him. While most people run for covers, he would be out there walking like it was another sunshiny day.

The cold and the moist clinging through his skin made him feel alive.

While Shinwoo loves to bask under the sun, Yonghwa appreciates the rain. Those were one of those few contradictions they share.

Only when the drizzle turned into droplets of showers that he decided to sprint towards the covered entrance of the hospital. Yonghwa didn’t want his flowers to get soaked. It was still very early, the time when usually visitors aren’t allowed yet but he has always had this privilege. The security tipped his hat on him when he made his way inside and he exchanged greetings to some of the staffs who knew who he was.

It has been a habit now. For the past weeks, he had made that trip from his grandmother’s house to a café nearby, then to this quaint little flower shop at a corner street and off he would go to the hospital. Joohyun would always be asleep when he comes and he would quietly deposit the basket full of flowers. There would be mornings that he would stay a little longer, just gazing at her sleeping form or look outside from the window and watch the world begin. Then, there would be days that he would hurry because she would stir in her sleep and he fears that she would see him in case she wakes up.

After seeing her, he would go to his brother and stay there for as long as he could. Lately, he got his hands full, to say the least. Juggling school, his responsibilities to the company, watching over his grandmother and now keeping himself available for two important people in his life.

He turned the knob gently and entered her room as quiet as possible but it was not an ordinary morning after all. Yuri was there beside her sister who was sitting up on her bed. Her smile faded once she darted her glance at his direction and Yuri stood obviously perplexed by his sudden arrival.

“I-I’m sorry… I thought…” He started but his feet got pasted on the spot.

“Ahhh, Yonghwa-da,” Yuri called out, dropping a hand on her sister as if keeping her emotions in check. She smiled and motioned for him until he strode in the room and placed the basket of flowers on the usual corner. “Joohyunie, I believe you have met Jung Yonghwa.”

He smiled at the girl whose dark pools seemed to beckon at him and it was making him feel more uncomfortable. “Hi…”

Joohyun gaped.  If it was only her, she would continue to play with the truth. He really looked like Shinwoo, if she knew better she would have thought it was just a joke that her sister was calling Shinwoo a different name. She only dropped her gaze when Yonghwa turned away. He must have felt her staring.

“Nice to finally meet you…” he said as soon as he pivoted his attention back to the two ladies. Yuri was still wearing her uncomfortable smile while her younger sister went on staring at him.

“Uhm, yeah…” Joohyun finally said. Her heart was beating fast and loud in her chest. He eyes darted past him to the flowers in an attempt to distract herself from getting drowned in his from, “Those flowers… you were bringing those flowers all these time?”

“I’m afraid so… I hope you don’t mind.”

“They’re lovely, thank you…”

Silence ensued. Every soul in the room suddenly felt awkward to be there.  Yuri didn’t really want to leave her sister considering what happened some nights ago but the time reminded her that she needed to report to work. “Well, I have to go to work now. I’ll leave you, kids, to talk. Joohyuna, go back to sleep later. You were up so early.” She kissed her sister’s forehead and tapped Yonghwa by the shoulder when she passed by him. “I’ll see you around.”

The two watched Yuri until she shut the door behind her. Then it was them and silence remained. Yonghwa listlessly pulled the chair Yuri vacated and sat while Joohyun watched his every move as if memorizing the scenes he was creating.

“Hi… how are you feeling?” He chuckled at the randomness of his thought, “That’s too generic, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Joohyun found herself smiling then she nodded, “But I’m fine… I’m sorry about the last time.”

“That’s okay, who would have thought, huh?”

“Yeah, you must get that a lot.”

“Yes, and him too…”

“How is he?”

“I don’t think I’m the right person to discuss that to you.”

“I want to see him.”

“I know… I will try to talk to someone.”

“Thank you…” she stopped and dropped her gaze on her lap, embarrassed by the truth, “You really look like him.”

Even the sound of your voice.

“And he looks like me,” Yonghwa said thoughtfully, “It’s weird.”

“It’s like looking at him…”

“I know…” He nodded and noticed how her eyes seemed to study his face silently.

“Does it upset you? That… that people think they’re looking at Shinwoo when they’re looking at you…”

He shook his head with a tight-lipped grin, “No… it doesn’t… but people must understand that we are different individuals.”

“Yes.” Different.

“It bothers you that we look alike?”

“Not really,” she lied. “It’s more of feeling stunned. I want to see him, and here you are looking like him.”

He thought for a moment and smiled— probably a lonesome one, “Hmm… it’s late. You should take your rest now.” Joohyun just nodded so he started to stand but she got hold of his wrist.

“Will you talk to someone soon, so I could see Shinwoo?”

“I will…”

“Thanks for the flowers.”

“Take a rest, Joohyuna,” with that, he made his way out of her room, the way he would always do for the past weeks. But this time, it was different.

For one, there was the rain that morning.

Then Joohyun fully awake and hearing her voice.

Then Joohyun’s eyes on his.

 Then talking to her the way he would have wanted to talk to her in the past.

It was a different day, after all.

A whole new kind of different.

............................................................................................

hi, dear readers, thank you for still reading this fic despite the 'mood'

Yonghwa has finally appeared (yay) and this may be the start or not

but you must know now... the yonghwa character is not one of the major twists of this story ^^

please prepare yourselves and dont kill us haha... coz its totally unexpected, 

sorry for the pain though, you know, it cant be helped...

you must wonder why despite it you're still here reading it... one of these days 'yonghwa' will explain it to you too (lol)

thank you thank you for the comments

we really really love reading them and they inspire us some more!

till next time~

ciao~

EDIT: please ignore my hint hint comment awhile back... hehe and the other twists because... this is prolly a very complicated story, im just on the process of accepting that fact kkkk~ but thank you for trying... we'll just reveal them in time ;) (~Lyra)