It was like being in a vortex. Vortices are sneaky. They are sinister. They won’t you up slowly—it would be at lightning speed, without warning. It would be too late to know that you are heading towards the danger zone. It would even be too late to realize it existed.

Nobody sees it coming.

She didn’t see it coming.

Seo Joohyun was being by a vortex.

Falling.

Falling.

Spinning.

Spinning.

Turning.

Returning.

Returning.

While most the kids her age were sent to kindergartens, her parents decided to enroll her in an art class. She was the youngest there. One day, the teacher told them to draw something they love so much, like food or toys. Their drawings were displayed during Parents’ Day. That day she didn’t tell her Umma and Appa which one she drew. They both stopped at her drawing and she secretly giggled especially when her Appa said it was such a beautiful drawing and that if she or Yuri would draw something like that, he would surely cry. Her Umma scolded him because she thought he was appreciating some kids’ drawing more. Then her teacher walked by so they asked which one is her drawing and the teacher said, “Oh, it’s that one.”

They were so surprised. Joohyun drew a picture of her Appa, Umma and Yuri Unnie— them, something she loves the most.

Her father’s eye glasses he would normally misplace.

Her mother’s wedding dress she and her sister would love to take turns wearing.

Her sister’s first stethoscope.

Everything… simple little things…

Their old house…

Her parents’ subtle fights…

Her Appa leaving the house…

The divorce…

He, marrying again…

Those painful little memories.

The vortex, it was her deeper and deeper; faster and faster.

No second to breathe.

Her mom’s nervous smile standing beside her boyfriend who became her husband.

Her Appa’s rowdy, happy little sons— their little half-brothers.

Her Unnie’s new job and beautiful home— their home.

Her new life.

Her new school…

Her new friends…

Shinwoo.

The stupid Shinwoo.

How he drove her to insanity.

How he made her weird like that.

How good his hugs felt. How wonderful his kisses tasted.

How amazing…

The happiness…

Shinwoo who loves sunshine and his guitar.

Shinwoo… laughing, smiling stupid, stupid Shinwoo…

Shinwoo singing nursery rhymes at a KTV bar.

Shinwoo climbing a tree…

Shinwoo crying like a girl…

Shinwoo and her invisible engagement ring…

“Sunshine, calling you my girlfriend is getting overrated; let me call you my wife…”

Sunshine…

“Come back to us…”

Sunshine…

Sunshine…

“Come back to us…”

The vortex…

“Come back to us…”

“Come back to us…”

Chapter 15. Vortex

“I love you. Remember. They cannot take it.”

~Lauren Oliver, Delirium

PART 2

Yuri thought it was another wake-sleep cycle but when she checked on her, she realized that Joohyun was actually emerging to a minimally conscious state. Her eyes, although looking droopy, were finally reactive. Another doctor came moments later to finally check her vitals and asked Yuri to check her awareness.

Yuri smiled fighting back the tears seeing her sister’s eyes fluttered everywhere. She slipped her hand under her sister’s, “Squeeze my hand.” She grinned wider when Joohyun responded and she decided to shoot the rest of the commands. “Can you raise your forefinger? How about your thumb? Your other thumb? Now, open your mouth slowly…” She nodded encouragingly, “Say yes…”

“Y-yes…”

She barely heard her but her heart must just be beating too loud, “Say no.”

“N…no…”

“Do you know me?” Yuri never felt that ecstatic as she watched her sister’s lips almost trembling. She could feel her teardrops gathering on each side of her eyes. Joohyun blinked as if unsure if she heard her right, “Joohyuna, do you know me?” Finally, a slight nod, “Who am I?”

The silence bounced back and forth. Joohyun looked impassive. Her pupils seemed to move in and out of focus. Then, her lips moved.

“Y-Yu-yu…ri… unn…”

Nothing ever sounded as beautiful as that. Yuri smiled, closing her eyes for a moment then bended ever so gently to drop a kiss on her little sister’s forehead, “You’re doing great, baby… just great. I missed you.”

A tear fell from Joohyun’s right eye as her sister’s tears dropped on her hair.

~~~

Keeping watchful eyes on her daughter, Sun Ah tried to finish all the reports she was due to submit at her work inside her daughter’s private room.  It has been more than three weeks since she ‘woke up’ and they were just waiting for her to complete the necessary therapies on her rehabilitation program. Although she has also been undergoing physical therapy, she was still wheeled around on a wheel chair because they didn’t want to overwork her body that was still recuperating. 

The only problem they were having was her memory lapses but her doctors were confident with her continued progress. The first time her friends visited while she was conscious, it took her a few minutes to reacquaint herself with them. Those visits happen a lot these days but her guests were usually briefed of what to avoid mentioning to her and just to keep her in a good mood. It hurt her to see her that way but she knew it was all for her own good.

Joohyun didn’t develop any speech defect but she just became quiet and reserved. Most of the time, she would look detached or focused into something else even though someone is speaking to her. It was just that way a few minutes ago, she was telling her about one of her patients but Joohyun was looking at the ceiling her legs folded near her chest so Sun Ah just smiled and shook her head.

 “What day is it?”

“It’s Saturday.”

“Saturday…” she mumbled pensively, “Saturday?”

She finally focused her attention on her daughter who suddenly dropped her legs from the bed’s edge “Yes, Saturday. What is it, honey?”

“I-I think I need to go… somewhere… I… don’t remember.”

Joohyun looked confused as she looked at her like she was searching for answers, “Oh, don’t worry… whatever that appointment is—“ She smiled, unable to think of a good excuse, “You’ll remember it. Didn’t you keep journal before?”

She looked up and smiled faintly, “Yes… maybe? Can you ask Unnie to bring it here? I really think I have to go somewhere… it’s Saturday…”

“Okay, I will…” Sun Ah nodded and looked back on her open document when Joohyun stretched back on her bed.

“Umma, Shinwoo…”

She almost dropped the pen as she stood noticing that glint in her daughter’s eyes. Sun Ah stood and sat by her bedside, “Awww honey, you remembered Shinwoo?”

Joohyun nodded. Shinwoo. How stupid of her to forget about him, “C-can you tell him to come? I think we need to go somewhere today.”

“Joohyuna, you can’t leave the hospital, you know that, right?”

“Yes… but…” She nodded, suddenly she felt like crying again. These past few days she would find herself crying despite not feeling any pain—not feeling anything at all. Her sister and even their mother told her that it was normal in her condition but she hated that and she couldn’t do anything about it. She felt terribly lonely. “Can you tell Shinwoo I want to see him?”

Sun Ah felt her own tears were about to come out as she soothed her daughter’s “Aigooo… honey, something’s wrong?”

“No… I want to see him…”

“You will, baby… you will…” she hugged her and cradled her little weakling near her chest. She couldn’t let Joohyun see her own tears.

“W-why???” She pulled herself out of her mother’s embrace and noticed her brushing her own tears. It was making her cry some more, and angry.

“Why?? What do you mean?”

Joohyun shook her head, she didn’t know what she meant either. It was something in her head that was making her forget those things. It was really awful. “It hurts….”

Sun Ah watched her in horror as the younger girl let her tears free, “Joohyuna, w-what hurts? Where? Your head? Is it hurting?”

She shook her head when her mother held her face, then she clutched her chest, “Here, it hurts here… Umma, I want to see Shinwoo! Now!”

“Honey…. wait, I will call your sister okay? I will call Yuri so you can see Shinwoo, okay?” Sun Ah was panicking. She never panicked with a patient but seeing the horror and confusion in her own daughter’s eyes, she lost it. She has forgotten how to handle that situation. Maybe it was more of her mother instinct— she was as hell scared as her daughter.

“No… no! Call Shinwoo! Tell him to come!”

She found her phone and started dialing Yuri’s number despite her fingers shaking. Joohyun was thrashing everything on the bed and around her. Sun Ah cried as she begged her daughter to stop; she is a doctor too but most of all she is Joohyun’s mother.

And she was scared for her.

~~~

Yuri kept an eye on her sister’s steady breaths as she slept. The nurses came just in time when Joohyun was about to pull the IV line on her arm the night before. They had to sedate her again and she has been knocked out for the whole evening. Morning came but she wasn’t able to get any sleep. At last she conceded her superior’s advice to go on a vacation leave so she could focus on her sister.

She sighed as she sat on the sofa with Doctor Kim beside her— the new Department Head. Eujin Kim. His appearance was another surprise life kept throwing at her lately. Yuri never felt that burdened before and, to make the matter worse, he took upon himself the duty of being Joohyun’s main neurologist. That was something she tried to disagree on and confronted him on it but he only brushed her off saying it wasn’t personal and he promised to keep their relationship that way— nothing personal.

“It may be time for her to know…” Eujin finally broke the silence and studied her expression. He knew she was contemplating about the matter.

“Is it a good idea?”

He nodded with a small smile the moment she met her eyes, “Her recent tests are good. We don’t have to worry about that. It just depends on how she would take the news and from there we could give the necessary intervention. I think it would be harder for her to cope up with it if we let this drag.”

Yuri looked at her sister and sighed, “Okay, when she wakes up without drama. I’ll talk to her.” She smiled then fidgeted when he reached out and held her hand. She tried to pull away but he shook his head.

“I will stay here…” he laughed softly when Yuri raised a brow, “As her doctor, if that would make you feel better.”

She exhaled sharply allowing him to finally engulf her hand on his, “Okay… doctor…” She smiled. She knew she needed that— his hand. It felt warm just like the way it felt before.

After almost an hour of pacing and convincing herself she could do it, Joohyun woke up so she called Eujin again. He had this strict order to phone him the moment she wakes up. He checked her vitals before both of them set her comfortable on her bed. Yuri sat beside her sister holding both her hands while Eujin pulled a chair closer to them.

Joohyun just blinked uncertain what was happening again. She smiled at her elder sister who looked like she was forcing a smile, “Hi, Unnie… hi, Oppa…” She turned to the man beside Yuri. When she remembered who that person was, it made her happy. She knew that her sister, despite her indifference, really missed her boyfriend—ex-boyfriend, like she insisted to call him. Somehow, it made Joohyun happier that he was working with her sister and became her head doctor because it could mean that they could get closer again like before.

“Hi, baby…” Yuri smiled back at her sister and gently shoved some strands of hair that was falling on her sister’s face. “How are you feeling?”

“Good…” she has been asked that a lot. Most of the time, she didn’t feel like answering but seeing her sister and the doctor made her feel good. “You?”

Yuri almost laughed when she took a quick glance on the man beside her, “I’m feeling good too, baby. Did you have a good sleep?”

Joohyun nodded then looked down on her hand that was still tied with that IV line, “This is making me uncomfortable though. Can you take it off?”

“Hmmmm… I can ask for it as soon as you start eating well,” Eujin said seriously, then gave her a playful wink, “So, will you promise to eat better?”

She smiled and nodded again, “Okay… and uhhh…” She turned to her sister. “How’s mom? I’m sorry last night…”

Yuri moved closer to give her sister a little hug when her eyes darted down on her fingers, “She’s at home sleeping. Don’t worry about that, we understand what’s happening… but you have to get really better before you can do things that you want.”

With that, Joohyun met her sister’s eyes again with an expectant look, “But I’m getting really better, Unnie… I just… want to… see… him… A-and I’m doing things you want me to.”

“I know, I know… I can see that—we can see that,” She found herself looking at Eujin who just gave her an encouraging smile, “It makes me really happy that you have recovered so fast.”

“So, can I go and see him now?” She asked again transferring her gaze to her sister and the doctor but Yuri just gave her a tightlipped smile so she continued, “Is it because he’s still weak and can’t come here himself? Is he on a wheelchair too?”

Yuri looked at Eujin as if asking for help then swallowed unsure if she would be able to look squarely at Joohyun again.

Joohyun mulled over for a moment, her thumb found that she started biting it unconsciously. “I knew it. Unnie, Shinwoo… he needs motivation. That guy, even though he pretends to be tough but usually, he still needs to be told that he’s doing well… that’s why I need to—“

Sighing loudly, she took her sister’s hand and pressed it quite hard, “He’s still in coma…” Yuri stopped as she watched Joohyun’s stunned expression, she squeezed her hand again, “And by the looks of it—“

“I know what you’re doing.”

“Joohyuna—“

“Stop playing doctor on me Unnie. You do that, right? Doctors do that, you tell the patients’ family that it’s worse than it really is. You can’t exaggerate things to me, Unnie…”

“He has undergone three major surgeries,” Yuri said calmly despite noticing the tears that were starting to form on each side of her sister’s eyes. “We are doing everything we can. His body doesn’t seem to improve even a bit. Joohyuna, we may lose him. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Joohyun folded her legs and cradled her head on her arms covering her ears, and then she began to shake her head. It doesn’t really make sense to her. She has this thought that the medicines they were giving her gave her this weird side-effects.

Yes, maybe it was the medicine. Everything shouldn’t be real.

“It has been four weeks but he’s just getting worse, only the machines and the medicines are keeping him alive.”

“Stop.”

“We are just waiting for his family’s deci—“

“Stop! Stop!”

Yuri stood and touched her head but she flailed her arms, “Joohyunnie—“

“I said stop! Stop this!”

“Honey, you have to unders—“

“I DON’T NEED TO UNDERSTAND ANYTHING! I DON’T NEED TO LISTEN TO YOUR LIES! ALL I NEED IS TO SEE HIM!”

“I can’t let you do that yet.”

“THEN GET OUT! I DON’T NEED YOUR PERMISSION!”

“Joohyuna!”

“I SAID GET OUT! OUT!”

Yuri felt a light tap on her shoulder.

“Let’s go, leave her to think…”

“But…”

“This is an order, Yuri-ah.”

She started to cry herself watching her sister that way. It was him who finally continued calmly for her. “Joohyunie, we will go first, just buzz for us if you need anything….”

Joohyun fell on the bed and cradled her body. The tears were falling again. This time, they were gentler. She cried because her sister lied to her. How could that happen? Nothing could probably go wrong. It was all a dream, she would wake up and realize that Shinwoo was far better than her. Maybe it was one of his tricks again. Maybe he was fooling around again.

“You silly person…” she pushed the tears away.

Shinwoo loved playing games. Shinwoo loved to give her a scare like that and everybody seemed to be his accomplice.

If she felt better, he would really get a good nag. But her tears, they just kept on falling. She cried and hated the thought that her sister lied to her. Hours passed and she held on to these thoughts. She knew what she needed to do and nothing could stop her.

Joohyun sniffed. She badly needed to see Shinwoo and to prove to them that he was just bluffing. She sat up and brushed the tears aside. Her legs dangled from the bed. Carefully, she let her feet on the ground. She wobbled. How hard was it to walk lately? But she must make it no matter what. She has to find Shinwoo.

She pulled the needle off her arm after several attempt to reach for the bag. The pain was excruciating but it wasn’t even half of what she experienced a few days ago. Cradling her arm, she limped through the room and peeped by the door before she finally dragged herself out.

It took her a few seconds to decide which side to take. The right wing was well-lighted and the nurses’ station was just nearby so she knew she has to take that despite the risk of being caught. Joohyun walked— tried to walk inconspicuously just like any other patient taking a little exercise. Rooms after rooms, it was only her heart that she trusted on where he could be. It was tiring—the muscles on her calf were feeling that numbing pain. The back of her right hand was clearly bleeding from wound she inflicted herself when she pulled off her drip. On top of that, she was dizzy, her head was spinning suddenly and she was starting to get double vision.

At the far corner, she saw a familiar form. His back was against a mirrored-wall, his gaze fall on the floor. Joohyun held her breath as she almost skipped her way to him. Feeling like a lifetime, she took the remaining steps smiling.

One step… two steps… three…

Yuri was lying after all.

Four… five… six… seven…

She never felt relieved in her life.

Eight… nine—

“Shinwoo!”

She cried out loud as he finally turned to where she was standing—astounded more than anything else.

Joohyun kept on walking until it was him who closed the gap between them and caught her arms.

“Hyun, what are you doing here?!”

Hyun.

HYUN!

She took one step back shaking her head. Just one…

Her tears fell unnoticed.

She knew in her heart but her lips pronounced carefully as if it could change this truth, “Shinwoo…”

The world turned black, all the more when he spoke as he shook his head.

“I-I’m sorry… I’m not—“

Her head was spinning again and the pain somewhere and everywhere in her body never felt as painful as before as her eyes glued to his expectantly waiting for what her mind would consider a lie.

“Shinwoo… I’m not him. I’m his brother— twin... brother.”

It happened again.

“I’m Jung Yonghwa.”

Joohyun was back in her vortex.

....................................

thanks for the comments~ <3