His heavy eyelids reluctantly opened slowly, only to find an empty spot beside him. Immediately, he sat up searching for signs of his lover – there was none though. Even his belongings were gone… not that Ryeowook had much in the hotel room. Kyuhyun tried to calm his unsteady heartbeats – where was Ryeowook?

Resting his gaze on the gold band around his finger, he sarcastically cackled – was Ryeowook indeed using him because it was convenient? Why else would the younger disappear with no explanation after they shared their first night together? Was he seeking only to teach Sungmin a lesson?

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Ryeowook cautiously knocked the door of the apartment – though he also lived there, it felt awkward intruding so suddenly. As the door creaked, Ryeowook eyed upwards allowing his eyes to meet up with Sungmin. The sight he met up with clearly startled him – there were delineated dark circles under his fiancé’s eyes.

Tiredness was written all over his face, yet a small smile managed to emerge on his lips. There were also stains from tears recently shed – it was obvious he was at a vulnerable state. As Sungmin welcomed Ryeowook with a warm embrace, the younger couldn’t help but feel guilty.

“Since you already ended reading, I suppose we can have a proper talk now.” Ryeowook uttered once he was released, staring at his fiancé with a stoic expression. Nodding, Sungmin held his hand leading him towards the living room. Ryeowook managed to hide his limping (with difficulty, though).

As they occupied seats on the couch of the living room, Sungmin’s eyes watered once he saw the younger’s hands – there was no ring on them anymore. Both were bare, just like when they met for the first time. “I am sorry. It was my fault.” Sungmin immediately started with his speech – although he reviewed what to talk, once Ryeowook was in front of him, he was effectively bewildered.

“Your parents… your broken state… everything was because of my selfish reasons. But you were wrong about my love for you vanishing. Through the years it only strengthened into something… uncontrollable.” Sungmin was at loss of how to properly apologize for his fiancé. It broke his heart to know it was his fault that Ryeowook gave a chance for Kyuhyun.

“How many… you slept with?” hesitantly, the younger created enough courage to ask – though the answer would probably hurt, it would also provide him a reason to feel less guilty.         Biting his lips, Sungmin eyed downwards obviously ashamed.

“Many. At least 5. Among them there was one ex-boyfriend and others were simply a fling. I started doing this after my lust for you couldn’t be controlled anymore. About a half year after we were engaged.” He admitted while knowing he shouldn’t hide those facts from Ryeowook anymore.

“Why you couldn’t discuss this with me before jumping on bed with someone else?” Ryeowook managed to control stutters that threatened to escape during his speech.

“My first boyfriend was the abusive type. Although I would usually beg for mercy, he enjoyed people who were submissive. Back then, I thought I loved him, but it was all lies. for me ever since then meant only pain. However, I started to dig for pleasure even when I was being mistreated…” Sungmin had difficulty in telling this past of his, it surely wasn’t something he was proud about.

“How does that relate to our current relationship?” Ryeowook furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he obviously failed to link both things.

“Everything! I was molding you into a submissive lover. Not by physical punishment, but even worst, by controlling your mind. Honestly… in my past relationships I was always the passive one, I don’t know other than the painful kind. Ryeowook… I love you. I don’t wish to inflict any pain to you.” With his miserable tone, Sungmin started to sob at the many mistakes he did. Fear crawled onto his senses as he would probably lose Ryeowook.

Ryeowook placed his palms on either side of Sungmin’s cheeks, drying the tears falling with his thumbs. Why was he caught up in the middle of such a complicated situation? The younger’s heart shattered as he thought about rejecting one of them – even though he already made his decision.

Sungmin needed him the most at this moment.

“I forgive you, please don’t keep punishing yourself. Also, everyone has a first time for everything, right?” Ryeowook weakly smiled at his fiancé, heartbeats rising from the sight presented to him.

The tension between them increased as both kept gazing at each other with mixed emotions.

Amidst his weariness, Sungmin leaned forward claiming back the lips he missed so much. Automatically, Ryeowook closed his eyelids allowing his fiancé to have his “first” time. His touches were gentler than Kyuhyun’s probably because of his hesitance about hurting Ryeowook.

“I love you” his fiancé whispered on his ear when they were completely on the couch, causing Ryeowook to flinch and eyes to immediately water – he craved to hear that honest confession from Sungmin for a long time, yet he couldn’t feel completely happy as he was fully aware of his feelings for Kyuhyun.

“Me too.” He still answered, knowing his feelings for Sungmin had the same intensity as the ones he felt for Kyuhyun.

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Sorry, couldn't reveal what Ryeowook had in mind in this chapter OTL