Hyukjae opened the door in front of him after almost half an hour he stood like a fool in front of that door.  He took a deep breath then let out them countless time, but his heartbeats weren’t back to normal.  They were still thumping fast.  He never thought that his heart would be like this.  He never experienced this kind of feeling, even when he was in a relationship with his past girlfriend.  No…He couldn’t guarantee that this feeling was love.  Maybe…it was just a caring feeling towards his friend, or it was just a guilty feeling because he made someone as good as that boy hurt and sick.

Yes…for now, he could only say, this thumping heart and this confused feeling was pure guilty.  Once that boy was healthy again, he would clear all of these messes, and his life would be back to normal. 

Finally, he was in that room.  Donghae and Leeteuk’s room.  His eyes set on a boy who lying on the blue bed with eyes closed.  His face was still pale but at least his breath was normal.  It could be seen by the movements of his chest.  Up and down calmly.  Hyukjae sighed.  Actually, he was shock when he was informed that Donghae was already at dorm.  He should be still in hospital.  But, like what Leeteuk said, Donghae couldn’t be treated at the hospital.  It was not good for SM’s reputation.

What the hell with SM…It’s a sick person we were talking about. 

Hyukjae dragged a chair to the Donghae’s side then sat slowly while his eyes kept gluing at the sleeping boy.  He held Donghae’s hand hesitatingly, and then caressed it with his thumb.  

“What should I do to you, Hae?” he mumbled.

His head started to recollect his conversation with Kyuhyun earlier.  Kyuhyun was clearly stated that he was fall in love with Donghae.  Is he serious?  Hyukjae knew that Kyuhyun always cares about Donghae.  He always shows his lovely side to Donghae when he’s always being an evil maknae to the other.  But…to love him…Hyukjae didn’t think that was a good idea.  There was something wrong with that.  Don’t ask Hyukjae what is wrong, because he would never answer that.  He was still clueless about his own feeling.

Suddenly, Donghae was frowning.  He also let out a soft whimpering that made Hyukjae woke from his daydreaming.  He touched Donghae’s forehead immediately then sighed in relief.  His fever was subside compare than when they were at KBS. 

“Hae…”  Hyukjae started to call Donghae.  “Hae…are you okay?”

Donghae didn’t response.  His eyes were shutting tightly as if he was holding pain and he kept whimpering.  Hyukjae started to panic.  He was about to go out and call Leeteuk or Heechul, but he stopped when Donghae called him all of sudden.  His voice was so low, weak and shaky.

Hyukjae turned his head.  He grabbed Donghae’s hand with both of his hands.  “Hae…are you awake?  Can you listen to me?”

Donghae kept chanting Hyukjae’s name but his eyes were still closed. 

“Hyuk…kie…Hyuk…kie….”

“I’m here, Hae…please open your eyes and tell me where it hurts…”

“Hyuk…kie…”

“Yes, Hae…?  I’m here…please, please, please…I beg you…open your eyes, Hae…”

Slowly, Donghae opened his eyes.  He smiled weakly when he saw Hyukjae’s worried face right in front of him. 

“Hae…”

“Hmm?”

Hyukjae cleared his throat.  “I’m…”  He stopped.

“Hmm?” Donghae anticipated hearing what Hyukjae would say.

“Do you need something?  Do you want to drink?  Eat?”

Donghae frowned a bit then shook his head.  “No, thank you…”

A not-so-comfortable silence was embracing them for several minutes ahead.  Donghae stared nowhere unfocusedly, while Hyukjae was trying to look anywhere but Donghae.  Though in the end, his eyes always back to Donghae. 

“Hae…”  Hyukjae finally could find his voice again.  “About earlier…at KBS…”

“Ah, yes…what is it, Hyukkie?  What did you want to talk to me?”

Hyukjae took a deep breath.  He closed his eyes for a moment, then when he opened his eyes he saw Donghae’s big eyes were looking at him.  “Actually…I…”

“Yes?”  Donghae was impatiently.  He was hoping Hyukjae would say nice words.

“No…never mind.  It doesn’t important anyway…”  Hyukjae gave up.  In fact, he didn’t know what he should say to Donghae.  It was just his reason to make Donghae away from Kyuhyun. 

And why he wanted Donghae away from Kyuhyun?  He still didn’t have enough courage to admit the real reason. 

“Ooh…”  Donghae’s face fell.  He was disappointed. 

“Ngg…Donghae…”

“Hm?”

“I will get you something to eat, okay?  Then you can drink your medicine…”

Donghae could only nod.  “Thank you, Hyukkie…”

Hyukjae smiled a bit then he went out from Donghae’s room.  He closed the door slowly and when he was about walking to kitchen, when suddenly…

“Hyukjae…Let’s talk.”

Hyukjae’s heart is like stop beating for awhile.  He turned his head and found his beautiful hyung was leaning on the wall beside him.

“Hyung…” Hyukjae closed his eyes and took a long deep breath before he said, “Okay…but after I’m sure Donghae has eaten and drunk his medicine…”

“No need…Kyu, take care of Donghae while I’m talking with this monkey.”  He said casually to Kyuhyun who was sitting at the living room, not too far from them.

Kyuhyun stood up.  He walked to the kitchen slowly and when he passed Hyukjae, he flashed a little smirk to him.  Hyukjae was about to block Kyuhyun’s way but..

“Come on, Hyukjae…follow me…”

Hyukjae sighed.  He nodded his head then followed his hyung out of the dorm.

***

Donghae looked at the ceiling blankly.  His mind was drifting to the man who was out from his bedroom not too long ago.  The man that everyone knows he loves him so much, maybe more than his own life.  For him, he can endure anything in this harsh world; include how bad he is treated by that man sometimes. 

Yes…Lee Hyukjae is that man.  Sometimes, he thought that Hyukjae didn’t have the same feeling like what he felt to him.  Hyukjae cards about him but maybe not in the way that he wanted.  But he couldn’t help but feeling so happy when Hyukjae asked him to be his boyfriend.  At that time, he didn’t think too much why Hyukjae suddenly asked that.  Maybe Hyukjae only pitied him or maybe Hyukjae does have a little feeling to him and decided to try it with him. 

Donghae shook his head violently, make his headache was worsening. 

Nope…Hyukjae loves him.  He shouldn’t think like that about Hyukjae. Maybe, Hyukjae was bad at showing his feeling to him, so he looked like a cold boyfriend.  But sometimes Hyukjae was warm too, like when he picked Donghae at his filming location or when he said sorry to him for forgetting their date or like just now, when he held his hands. 

Suddenly, the door was opened, cutting Donghae’s daydreaming.  Donghae was expecting that the one who entered the room was Hyukjae.  But when he was seeing Kyuhyun, Donghae frowned.

“Kyu…?”

Kyuhyun who sensed that Donghae was confused said quickly, “Ah, Hyukjae Hyung has to go with…with Jung Hoon Hyung…”

“Oh…” Donghae pouted unconsciously.  Donghae felt a little bit disappointed and as usual, he could never hide his emotion.  All of his emotion is always showed in his dark brown eyes and his pouting lips.

“Stop pouting, Hyung… and don’t show me your sad eyes or I will drag Hyukjae hyung here right now.”  Kyuhyun said casually while walking to Donghae’s bed.  Then he put the tray that he brought on the lamp table.

“Eat, Hyung…then, drink your medicine…”

Donghae smiled and nodded.  He tried to get up from his sleeping position.  His head was still ache but somehow, he can endure it. 

Kyuhyun moved the tray on Donghae’s lap.  “Ng…do you need me to feed you, Hyung?”

Donghae chuckled.  “Thanks but no, I don’t…I’m strong enough to eat it by myself…”

“Hyung…”

“Hmm..?”  Donghae responed as he started munching his food.

“I’m sorry…”

Donghae stopped munching.  “Why?” Donghae titled his head.  His big eyes were looking at Kyuhyun confusedly.

“About…what I did today…”

“What did you do today until you ask for my forgiveness, Kyu?  You did nothing wrong…”

“I was wrong, Hyung…I was the one who made you fainted…again…”

“What?  No…why are you thinking like that?  I fainted because I’m sick…not because of you…”

Kyuhyun looked at Donghae carefully.  He didn’t lie or pretend when he said that he loves Donghae.  Please…how can anyone not love Donghae?  He is handsome and beautiful at the same times, he is manly but has cute side and childish heart, he is naughty and annoying but he has a golden heart.  Of course everyone loves him, right? 

But…the love from Kyuhyun to Donghae is different.  He forgot when he started to love Donghae more than just a brother, but he clearly remembered every time he looked at Donghae, his love was getting stronger.  And his love was unconditional until he couldn’t restrain himself anymore to not snatch Donghae from Hyukjae.  Kyuhyun couldn’t accept that the man who was loved by his Donghae hyung was also the man that constantly kept hurting Donghae emotionally.  And the fact that Donghae was too clueless and blinded by his love to notice that Hyukjae would never be a good man for him made Kyuhyun angrier.

“Hyung…”

“What else’s, Kyu?”

“Do you love him?”

“Him? Who?”

Kyuhyun sighed.  He knew sometimes Donghae was slow and stupid.  But he didn’t know that Donghae was this slow.

“Hyukjae hyung…”

Donghae smiled.  “Of course!  Why do you still ask?? I love him very much…”

“What is he to you, Hyung?”

“Hmm…He is many things for me, Kyu…He’s someone that I cannot live without…He’s the one and the only person that makes me forgets to stop looking at him…” Donghae said happily.  His eyes showed his big amount of love for Hyukjae.  It made Kyuhyun’s heart was squished. 

No…not because Donghae told him about his love to Hyukjae.  But because he remembered when he asked the same question to Hyukjae and Hyukjae couldn’t answer it.

He wasn’t jealous.  He was immune to that jealousy.  He was angry.  He was mad.  He was upset.  How can Hyukjae treats this angel so badly while this angel loves him too much.

Yeah…It’s because this angel was too blind…

And Kyuhyun wanted to cure his eyes and made this angel realized that there is someone who can treat him better.

“Has he…has he ever said that he loves you, Hyung?” Kyuhyun asked hesitantly. 

Donghae’s eyes widened.  When his eyes met Kyuhyun’s serious eyes, he shifted his gaze to everywhere nervously.

“I bet he never said those words to you, right?”

“I don’t mind, Kyu…He doesn’t need to say those words…I know he’s not good at expressing his feeling but I know he…he…he actually—”

“Have you ever asked him what are you to him?  Have you ever talked about his real feeling to you with him, Hyung?”

Donghae didn’t answer.  His lips was parting and closing but there was no word came out.

“Not yet…right?”

Donghae bowed his head slowly.  His gazing was fixed on his unfinished food. 

“But…he is my boyfriend, Kyu…”  Donghae whispered barely audibly.

Kyuhyun bit his bottom lip.  He knew Donghae’s voice started trembling and he would cry in no time.  But, in order to open Donghae’s eyes, he stoned his heart.

“Is he being your boyfriend already means that he loves you?”

Damn!

Kyuhyun cursed in his heart when he saw Donghae’s tears dropping on his plate. 

I’m sorry, Hyung…

“What if…What if he actually never loved you, Hyung?”

***

Heechul walked in front of Hyukjae, leading him to the rooftop of the apartment.  As they walked to there, both of them chose to not say any single word.  Hyukjae maybe was too afraid and Heechul maybe was too upset. 

As soon as they arrived there, without wasting any single second, Heechul glared at Hyukjae and yelled at him angrily, “WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM, HUH??!!”

Hyukjae flinched.  But he dared himself to kept his eyes on Heechul.  “I didn’t do anything to him, Hyung…”

“LIAR!”

Yes, I’m a liar…

“You know Donghae is never that weak, don’t you?  No matter how tired he is, he will always full of energy…he is like that only when he has too much in his brain, Hyuk!  And we all know, YOU!  YOU are the one and the only thing that can make him like this!”

Hyukjae kept his silence.  He didn’t know how to reply Heechul’s words because they are right.  Hyukjae was the one who always be the reason Donghae’s downfall. 

“Why did you forget the date, Hyuk?  That was the first reason why he is like this now, wasn’t it?”

Hyukjae thought.  Yeah…that date...Donghae was sick since he went home from that forgettable date.  But then, they were okay.  He had apologized to Donghae and he let Donghae slept with him that night.  After that…what happened?

“Why is he collapsed?  Kyu found him fainted on the door way your dorm…”

Collapsed?  Fainted?  He never knew…

“You didn’t know, did you?  Kyuhyun said you and him fought.  Then you left.  When Donghae was about to follow you, he fainted.”

Hyukjae parted his lips.  “I…I didn’t know that he fainted after that…”

“Why were you fighting with him?”

It’s because the night before, he saw Donghae and Jinhyuk were together at the Donghae’s drama filming.  For some reasons that he couldn’t understand, he was angry at Donghae.

Jealous?  Maybe.  But why is he must jealous?

“It’s okay if you didn’t want to answer.  I will find out.  The most important thing now, why are you so ignorant to him?  Can you care about him though just a little?”

That’s it.  Hyukjae really hates when people kept accusing not care about Donghae.  Because the fact is he really cares about Donghae!

“Why did you say I don’t care about him, Hyung?”  Hyukjae finally spoke up. “I care about him.  A lot.  I know it is my fault to make him like this but…I have tried to fix it, Hyung!  I will take care of him until he recovered…”

This time, Heechul was the one who fell into silence.  His eyes were staring at Hyukjae sharply.  He waited to listen what would Hyukjae said next.

“What do you want me to do again, Hyung?  Huh?”

“I want you to make him happy, Hyuk…I want you to stop hurting him…”

Hyukjae smiled bitterly.  “I’m sorry, Hyung…but I make him happy and I stop hurting him are not part of our past agreement.”

-tobecontinued-

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