Do You Think Of Me?
And You Thought One Lie Couldn't Hurt
Chapter Four
..::Yoobin's POV::..
In my dark room, I sat on top of my bed, wondering what I'll do next. What will happen next, who will talk about me next. My eyes wandered around, trying to find anything that'll capture my interest. I noticed that my room isn't just a regular kind of dark, it's the kind of dark that needs professional people to set up for sad scenes in movies. Only this time, I was the one crying, and I was alone.
My heart sunk when I saw the jar shaped as a 'J' full of folded stars. With my hands, I carried it like I would with a baby. I bought this for Jay...I folded these for Jay. I even lied to him and told him I couldn't hang out with him because of homework or I'm just too busy just to fold these for his birthday present. All I wanted was to give this to Jay, and now I can't.
Now I can't even apologize for not being able to hang out with him for such a long time. Folding stars takes a long time, especially since it gets boring very easily. I even have paper cuts on my fingers from my clumsiness. I hope Jay doesn't think that I was avoiding him or something, I hope he gives me the benefit of the doubt.
"Jaebum..." I hugged the jar and felt my heart pound faster. One more time I wanted to talk to him, that's one last thing I ask for. "Park Jaebum..." Why did my life become like this, it's not fair. I didn't do anything to deserve this! I kicked my pillow and cried like a lonely child that was lost in a big city.
Lost without anyone's hand to hold. Without someone's embrace to comfort me...Without Jay to hold out his hand and tell me it's going to be okay.
It's never going to be like my life from a month ago, how did everything change like this?! WHO DID THIS?! "What do you want from me?!" I threw the jar and it shattered into pieces as it hit the wall and fell like the promises Jay and I made, all shattered.
"Jaebum...Park Jaebum..." I pushed the curtain back and looked out the window to see the full moon. "Are you thinking about me?" Do you ever think about me anymore?
I didn't even get to spend a lot of time with him before I lost him, being so busy folding stars that are useless now.
I heard laughter and looked down to see a group of teenagers enjoying life and fooling around.
...It's the 'group'.
Changmin oppa was on Jo Kwon's back who was struggling not to drop his hyung. The girls were laughing and clapping, watching Jo Kwon in pain. Then I saw him. Park Jaebum. My former best friend. My other half. Maybe that's why I don't function so well lately, because my other half is gone. Mom is wrong, I'm not depressed.
I'm incomplete.
And then there's Taecyeon, laughing without a care in the world. Jessica started to laugh with Taecyeon and they looked pretty close. This is the way the world is supposed to be, I didn't deserve him anyway. My eyes were glued onto Taecyeon the whole time until the crowd walked away into the distance.
Social event, that's what I needed. Isn't there somewhere I could go?
I looked around to try to help my brain work and saw the broken glass on the floor and remembered one of the promises Jay and I made.
'We'll go to homecoming together!' He shouted happily as a 8th grader about to go into high school.
'Isn't that kind of weird? People always go with people they like...' I blushed and thought about who Taecyeon was going to ask.
'We'll go as friends, I don't want to go with a date anyway.' Jay smiled and I returned the favor.
Ever since then, Jay and I always anticipated for home coming. We planned to be matching, black and blue. He would wear a black suit with a blue tie, I'll wear a blue dress with black shoes. I used to imagine what the picture of all 21 of us will look like on that night.
Now when I picture it, I'm the only one not in the picture, I'm the invisible one that you can't even see.
"Yoobin?"
Hearing voices didn't bother me anymore. When I'm alone in the dark, I would hear Jay's voice calling out to me. Instead of hearing him in my ears, I almost felt him talk inside of me.
Inside of my heart.
Jaebum, does that mean you're still inside of my heart?
Are you still thinking about me, just like I think about you?
My heart sunk when I saw the jar shaped as a 'J' full of folded stars. With my hands, I carried it like I would with a baby. I bought this for Jay...I folded these for Jay. I even lied to him and told him I couldn't hang out with him because of homework or I'm just too busy just to fold these for his birthday present. All I wanted was to give this to Jay, and now I can't.
Now I can't even apologize for not being able to hang out with him for such a long time. Folding stars takes a long time, especially since it gets boring very easily. I even have paper cuts on my fingers from my clumsiness. I hope Jay doesn't think that I was avoiding him or something, I hope he gives me the benefit of the doubt.
"Jaebum..." I hugged the jar and felt my heart pound faster. One more time I wanted to talk to him, that's one last thing I ask for. "Park Jaebum..." Why did my life become like this, it's not fair. I didn't do anything to deserve this! I kicked my pillow and cried like a lonely child that was lost in a big city.
Lost without anyone's hand to hold. Without someone's embrace to comfort me...Without Jay to hold out his hand and tell me it's going to be okay.
It's never going to be like my life from a month ago, how did everything change like this?! WHO DID THIS?! "What do you want from me?!" I threw the jar and it shattered into pieces as it hit the wall and fell like the promises Jay and I made, all shattered.
"Jaebum...Park Jaebum..." I pushed the curtain back and looked out the window to see the full moon. "Are you thinking about me?" Do you ever think about me anymore?
I didn't even get to spend a lot of time with him before I lost him, being so busy folding stars that are useless now.
I heard laughter and looked down to see a group of teenagers enjoying life and fooling around.
...It's the 'group'.
Changmin oppa was on Jo Kwon's back who was struggling not to drop his hyung. The girls were laughing and clapping, watching Jo Kwon in pain. Then I saw him. Park Jaebum. My former best friend. My other half. Maybe that's why I don't function so well lately, because my other half is gone. Mom is wrong, I'm not depressed.
I'm incomplete.
And then there's Taecyeon, laughing without a care in the world. Jessica started to laugh with Taecyeon and they looked pretty close. This is the way the world is supposed to be, I didn't deserve him anyway. My eyes were glued onto Taecyeon the whole time until the crowd walked away into the distance.
Social event, that's what I needed. Isn't there somewhere I could go?
I looked around to try to help my brain work and saw the broken glass on the floor and remembered one of the promises Jay and I made.
'We'll go to homecoming together!' He shouted happily as a 8th grader about to go into high school.
'Isn't that kind of weird? People always go with people they like...' I blushed and thought about who Taecyeon was going to ask.
'We'll go as friends, I don't want to go with a date anyway.' Jay smiled and I returned the favor.
Ever since then, Jay and I always anticipated for home coming. We planned to be matching, black and blue. He would wear a black suit with a blue tie, I'll wear a blue dress with black shoes. I used to imagine what the picture of all 21 of us will look like on that night.
Now when I picture it, I'm the only one not in the picture, I'm the invisible one that you can't even see.
"Yoobin?"
Hearing voices didn't bother me anymore. When I'm alone in the dark, I would hear Jay's voice calling out to me. Instead of hearing him in my ears, I almost felt him talk inside of me.
Inside of my heart.
Jaebum, does that mean you're still inside of my heart?
Are you still thinking about me, just like I think about you?
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