No Going Back
And You Thought One Lie Couldn't Hurt
Chapter Twenty One
..::Yoobin's POV::..
"Wh...What?" I peeked up and my eyes couldn't make contact with his any longer then a second.
"What the hell were you thinking?" I felt Jaebum's eyes burn holes into my head as I bit my lip.
"I just broke up with him, what's the big deal?"
"Didn't you say you wouldn't if I stayed? What, do you want me to leave?" He backed up and sighed, gripping onto his shirt in frustration. "It'll just be better for me to leave right?"
"No!" My voice cracked and my heart jumped. "Why would you even-"
"Well you didn't keep your word, that's for sure!" His expression went from mad to in pain. With his hands, he carefully touched the wounds on his face. "You're so stupid..."
"I'm not stupid!"
I'm not stupid, you're the one who's stupid. If you really think I would go out with your best friend while you watch in pain, you're not the Park Jaebum I know. My fingernails dug deeper and deeper into my palms. My whole body shook from feeling overwhelmed.
"We both know you want to be with Taecyeon, so just go."
"You're not happy Jay..." I shut my eyes and wished everything would just go away. Jessica, my problems, everything.
"I'm happy if you're happy." My eyes shot up to Jaebum who wouldn't look back, he only focused onto the blood dripping onto the floor.
"Don't even lie."
"I'm happy if you're happy, I'm sad if you're sad."
"That was only sweet in middle school, this situation isn't something that can fixed with a few words Jay!"
"You act like I'm miserable, I'm not!"
"Then why did you stop talking to me?"
Neither one of us said anything, not one sound could be heard. The only thing moving was the blood sliding down Jay's face.
"I just needed time to think."
"Think about what? Think about how Taecyeon and I are together?!" My expression dropped. "Were together..."
"And you guys will soon be together again."
"No, we won't." I sternly said to try to get the message across. "Get it through your brain Jay, I care about you too..."
He scoffed and smiled lightly.
Right, you always scoffed when you were at a loss of words. I don't even know what to call you now.
A coward? Maybe I'm the coward, not wanting to go back and see Taecyeon again. Whenever I see his face, I don't have the urge to smile happily anymore. I'm making someone happy, and I'm making someone else sad.
"Couldn't we just..." I started and thought about my sentence carefully. "Couldn't we just go back?"
"Back? Back where?"
"Go back to how we were before." Emotions took over my whole body as I fell to the ground slowly and sobbed. Tears fell onto the floor faster as I clenched my jaw tightly.
"Let's face it, it's a little too late to go back."
"Just go back to the Jaebum I knew, before Jessica told me at the airport." I whispered and saw Jaebum's shadow standing still. More then anything, I wanted the shadow to move towards me and hold out it's hand. To hold me up and support me when I'm having a hard time.
A mixture of blood and tears fell to the floor and I looked up to Jaebum crying while smiling. "Don't you think we need to go back a bit further?"
3rd grade.
"And you love Taecyeon, I think you were born loving him."
"Stop saying that..."
"Saying what?"
"That I love Taecyeon!" I stood up and stopped my self from slapping him after seeing the damage Taecyeon did. "You know it hurts..."
"You wouldn't know how much it hurts." Jaebum smiled and chuckled quietly.
"How can you even laugh at a time like this? And Jay, it hurts me to see you like this, I'm not risking your happiness for mine."
"Yoobin, just stop!" His eyes were on fire and I felt the rage in his voice hit me. "Just stop saying things like that, okay?!"
"Well, it's true!"
"No, it's not! I'm obviously happy when you don't say useless shi.t like that! Stop making yourself believe useless things!"
"Your feelings aren't useless things Jay."
"That's not what I meant and you know it! Let's face it, you don't like me, I can go on living that way, it's fine!"
"Well, I can't go on living that way!"
"Don't fuc.k around, this is it Yoobin." His hands shook as he raised them to hover over my face. "We're friends, we'll always be friends, that's all."
My throat felt tight as his hand slowly touched my cheek. I saw a smile creep slowly onto his face and choked out a cry.
"God, why aren't you telling me to get lost? You should be the one telling me we'll always be friends."
Suddenly, it hit me. This is all my fault. Taecyeon and Jaebum are both miserable because of me, they would be fine if I just didn't have to like Taecyeon so much.
"Sorry Jay..." I looked into his eyes one last time and ran.
Ran to the one place where nobody would find me.
I didn't even take the car, I just ran as fast as my feet could move.
Honk honk!
I heard the cars telling me to move out of the way but I ignored them and kept running. Tears flew everywhere as the wind blew into my face harshly.
As I tried to catch my breath, I smelled the water. I was here.
My body leaned over the railing as I inhaled deeply before letting out a big scream towards the large body of water.
I saw my tears falling into the water and causing a ripple effect in the water. Just like me, I cause everybody to fall deeper into depression.
"You're useless..." I whispered and my eyes were glued onto the water.
The endless depth of the river...
--
"What the hell were you thinking?" I felt Jaebum's eyes burn holes into my head as I bit my lip.
"I just broke up with him, what's the big deal?"
"Didn't you say you wouldn't if I stayed? What, do you want me to leave?" He backed up and sighed, gripping onto his shirt in frustration. "It'll just be better for me to leave right?"
"No!" My voice cracked and my heart jumped. "Why would you even-"
"Well you didn't keep your word, that's for sure!" His expression went from mad to in pain. With his hands, he carefully touched the wounds on his face. "You're so stupid..."
"I'm not stupid!"
I'm not stupid, you're the one who's stupid. If you really think I would go out with your best friend while you watch in pain, you're not the Park Jaebum I know. My fingernails dug deeper and deeper into my palms. My whole body shook from feeling overwhelmed.
"We both know you want to be with Taecyeon, so just go."
"You're not happy Jay..." I shut my eyes and wished everything would just go away. Jessica, my problems, everything.
"I'm happy if you're happy." My eyes shot up to Jaebum who wouldn't look back, he only focused onto the blood dripping onto the floor.
"Don't even lie."
"I'm happy if you're happy, I'm sad if you're sad."
"That was only sweet in middle school, this situation isn't something that can fixed with a few words Jay!"
"You act like I'm miserable, I'm not!"
"Then why did you stop talking to me?"
Neither one of us said anything, not one sound could be heard. The only thing moving was the blood sliding down Jay's face.
"I just needed time to think."
"Think about what? Think about how Taecyeon and I are together?!" My expression dropped. "Were together..."
"And you guys will soon be together again."
"No, we won't." I sternly said to try to get the message across. "Get it through your brain Jay, I care about you too..."
He scoffed and smiled lightly.
Right, you always scoffed when you were at a loss of words. I don't even know what to call you now.
A coward? Maybe I'm the coward, not wanting to go back and see Taecyeon again. Whenever I see his face, I don't have the urge to smile happily anymore. I'm making someone happy, and I'm making someone else sad.
"Couldn't we just..." I started and thought about my sentence carefully. "Couldn't we just go back?"
"Back? Back where?"
"Go back to how we were before." Emotions took over my whole body as I fell to the ground slowly and sobbed. Tears fell onto the floor faster as I clenched my jaw tightly.
"Let's face it, it's a little too late to go back."
"Just go back to the Jaebum I knew, before Jessica told me at the airport." I whispered and saw Jaebum's shadow standing still. More then anything, I wanted the shadow to move towards me and hold out it's hand. To hold me up and support me when I'm having a hard time.
A mixture of blood and tears fell to the floor and I looked up to Jaebum crying while smiling. "Don't you think we need to go back a bit further?"
3rd grade.
"And you love Taecyeon, I think you were born loving him."
"Stop saying that..."
"Saying what?"
"That I love Taecyeon!" I stood up and stopped my self from slapping him after seeing the damage Taecyeon did. "You know it hurts..."
"You wouldn't know how much it hurts." Jaebum smiled and chuckled quietly.
"How can you even laugh at a time like this? And Jay, it hurts me to see you like this, I'm not risking your happiness for mine."
"Yoobin, just stop!" His eyes were on fire and I felt the rage in his voice hit me. "Just stop saying things like that, okay?!"
"Well, it's true!"
"No, it's not! I'm obviously happy when you don't say useless shi.t like that! Stop making yourself believe useless things!"
"Your feelings aren't useless things Jay."
"That's not what I meant and you know it! Let's face it, you don't like me, I can go on living that way, it's fine!"
"Well, I can't go on living that way!"
"Don't fuc.k around, this is it Yoobin." His hands shook as he raised them to hover over my face. "We're friends, we'll always be friends, that's all."
My throat felt tight as his hand slowly touched my cheek. I saw a smile creep slowly onto his face and choked out a cry.
"God, why aren't you telling me to get lost? You should be the one telling me we'll always be friends."
Suddenly, it hit me. This is all my fault. Taecyeon and Jaebum are both miserable because of me, they would be fine if I just didn't have to like Taecyeon so much.
"Sorry Jay..." I looked into his eyes one last time and ran.
Ran to the one place where nobody would find me.
I didn't even take the car, I just ran as fast as my feet could move.
Honk honk!
I heard the cars telling me to move out of the way but I ignored them and kept running. Tears flew everywhere as the wind blew into my face harshly.
As I tried to catch my breath, I smelled the water. I was here.
My body leaned over the railing as I inhaled deeply before letting out a big scream towards the large body of water.
I saw my tears falling into the water and causing a ripple effect in the water. Just like me, I cause everybody to fall deeper into depression.
"You're useless..." I whispered and my eyes were glued onto the water.
The endless depth of the river...
--
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