Take Time To Realize
And You Thought One Lie Couldn't Hurt
Chapter Twelve
..::Yoobin's POV::..
If life were a game, I would have pressed restart so many times. So many times that my life wouldn't be able to function correctly anymore. And it feels as though as I kept pressing the restart button, hoping it would work again, Jay fixed it. He came back. But he kept pressing it, even though I was happy. Now look at where it got us.
"You awake?" My eyes snapped open to Taecyeon who was smiling and rubbing his eyes. I smiled back and nodded.
"Yeah, did you sleep over?" I looked around but Jay wasn't in sight.
"Yeah I did. Hey, I'm going to leave, do you want me to take you home?"
"No, I brought my car here anyway, but thanks." I smiled and he patted me on the head "Take it easy."
He left and I heard his car pulling out of the drive way. I got up and I felt perfectly fine; no fever or even signs of it.
"Oh my..." I didn't have a shirt on and it was freezing. Luckily, one of Jay's shirts was on the couch and I pulled it over my head. Jay's scent...
"Taecyeon, listen-" Jay started to say but he stopped once he saw me. We just looked at each other for a second and he looked away, walking away towards the kitchen.
My body didn't listen to me. I ran towards Jay and grabbed his wrist as hard as possible, hoping he wouldn't snatch it away.
"Jay, wait!" He stopped, the first time he actually listened to my plea. "Jay, what's going on?"
He didn't reply and just stared at the floor, didn't even bother to make eye contact with me.
"Jay, please tell me what's going on, I don't understand! We were best friends again a few days ago and now you're Jessica's girlfriend! That's outrageous, you were telling me how much you hated her on that day!"
"Yeah, well things change." He pulled his arm out of my grip and gave me a cold stare. The kind of stare he only gave to Jessica. Used to at least...He started to walk away but I ran in front of him, blocking him.
"Jay, just answer my question!" I screamed and realized how loud I was being. "Just answer my question..."
"...Why can't you just accept it?" His eyes intensified "I just moved on with my life, I don't need you. Please get that through your head."
As much as I wanted him back, a little part of me wanted to say goodbye and hoped that he would hurt. Even if he only hurt a little, secretly, that would be better then him not hurting at all. I don't have to know, I just hope that you would still cry inside, alone.
"Is what Jessica said true?"
"What kind of crap are you talking about now?"
"Jessica...Jessica said you never even liked me, when we used to be friends." Used to be.
With a confident gaze, he answered "Yeah, so?"
I gasped a little and covered my mouth with my hands "You mean...That's not true right?"
"What if it is true?" He didn't look at me and ran up the stairs.
"Jay, no!" I ran after him. No, of course I wasn't going to give up. No matter how much I told my self I would, deep inside there would be that little shining light that keeps me fighting. Keeps me strong, gives me courage.
He ran into his room and locked the door. Just like last night, I started to pound and hit the door continuously and wished he would just talk to me normally again.
"Jay...Now I know you hate me." I sniffled and slid my body down the door. "But please...At least say my name one last time."
I didn't hear any noise on the other side.
Jay, didn't you once say 'I cry when you cry'? Why did you lie? You don't hurt when I hurt. No, you didn't care at all. Why did you say all those things to me then? What happened to best friends forever?
"Why did you do it...?" I whispered and then screamed "I WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH HAPPIER WITH YOU HATING ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!"
Nothing could be heard throughout the whole house except for my frustration echoing through the halls.
"So my whole life was a lie?!" I kicked the door and cry to my self in the little corner of the hall.
So that's what my life was? Wasn't even real. Were those real feelings or did you make me think I was happy?
"Yoobin? Yoobin!" My whole body shook at my mother's voice and looked over to where she was. She came running over and hugged me. But I pushed her away.
"Honey, we were so worried! We thought..."
"You thought what?"
"We thought you might have...Tried to kill yourself."
"Well it doesn't matter now!" I pushed her away again and walked away from her, until my back hit the wall "Don't give me love I don't need."
"Sweetheart, what are you talking about?" She said, walking closer "We went on a search looking for you yesterday. We figured you might be at Jaebum's house, since you guys are such great friends."
"Friends?!" I took the small table and threw it onto the floor. "What are friends anyway mom?! All my life, I thought I had friends! I lost him, I lost Jessica, what else do I have to lose?!"
"Yoobin, what's going on?" I've always hated how she cared too much.
"What ISN'T wrong?"
"Yoobin, honey, look. We're going to take you to a doctor who will talk to-"
"No! I don't need someone else's sympathy mom!" My tears are never ending. "Mom, I always thought that having people say they love me was great, even if it's a lie! When I jumped off that roof, I wished someone would say they love me, that they'll miss me if I die, even if it were a lie! MOM, WHY DID YOU SAVE ME?!"
My legs gave in and she came rushing over but I motioned for her not to touch me.
"I don't even know what's real and what's not anymore!" I was exhausted and didn't feel so great. "After hearing people say they love me, I realized it was just a lie, it's not something I wanted."
"Yoobin, there's no reason to act like this!" She was crying harder then I was.
"There is..." I touched his door "...I'm going, don't follow me mom."
You what? Yoobin, did you really? My hands clenched into tight fists as I faced the door, fighting the urge to open it. If I opened it, I would be able to see her.
"You tried to kill yourself...?" I whispered silently to my self and felt my teeth clenching together. I saw my phone light up. 'Jessica.'
You...
Because of you she tried to kill her self. Jumped off a roof? Could have died if her mom didn't care about her...I didn't even have the courage to care about her.
My teeth started to hurt and ache but it didn't matter, pain on top of pain, can't get any worse then this anyway. My toes curled when I heard Yoobin crying on the other side, screaming about how she doesn't know what's real and what isn't anymore. That's my fault, right Yoobin? How about you just forget about me?
I touched the door and wanted for it to vanish so bad. So badly, I could even imagine what Yoobin would look like if it were gone. How broken up she would look. Would I ever know what she's feeling right now?
You're such a coward Jay...Is this really making Yoobin happy? What the hell am I doing? No way is this making Yoobin happy in any way.
"Once Yoobin knows you like her, she'll stay away from Taecyeon, afraid she'll hurt the 'bromance' going on. None of you guys will be happy!"
You stupid son of a bitc.h...
Ok Taecyeon...Why did you have to fall in love with MY Yoobin? Take Jessica from me! Just get rid or her, kill her, do something!
"Yoobin..." I sobbed quietly. Didn't matter, those two outside wouldn't hear me cry anyway.
"Don't follow me mom." I heard Yoobin say in her stern voice and rush down the stairs. Her mom was still outside in the hall crying her eyes out.
Would you stay away from him Yoobin...? Stay away from your precious Taecyeon if you knew I liked you?
How much I want to hold your hand. I wanted to be the only person you would look at with that smile you give Taecyeon. If you could see me cry right now, would you hold me? Hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay.
This is so stupid, she's not happy, Taecyeon's not happy, I'm not happy. But wouldn't Yoobin knowing I like her change everything? She doesn't like me, it's too late to change MY mind, why not let them live happily for the rest of their life?
The phone lit up again. 'Jessica'.
Now I know what I have to do.
--
"You awake?" My eyes snapped open to Taecyeon who was smiling and rubbing his eyes. I smiled back and nodded.
"Yeah, did you sleep over?" I looked around but Jay wasn't in sight.
"Yeah I did. Hey, I'm going to leave, do you want me to take you home?"
"No, I brought my car here anyway, but thanks." I smiled and he patted me on the head "Take it easy."
He left and I heard his car pulling out of the drive way. I got up and I felt perfectly fine; no fever or even signs of it.
"Oh my..." I didn't have a shirt on and it was freezing. Luckily, one of Jay's shirts was on the couch and I pulled it over my head. Jay's scent...
"Taecyeon, listen-" Jay started to say but he stopped once he saw me. We just looked at each other for a second and he looked away, walking away towards the kitchen.
My body didn't listen to me. I ran towards Jay and grabbed his wrist as hard as possible, hoping he wouldn't snatch it away.
"Jay, wait!" He stopped, the first time he actually listened to my plea. "Jay, what's going on?"
He didn't reply and just stared at the floor, didn't even bother to make eye contact with me.
"Jay, please tell me what's going on, I don't understand! We were best friends again a few days ago and now you're Jessica's girlfriend! That's outrageous, you were telling me how much you hated her on that day!"
"Yeah, well things change." He pulled his arm out of my grip and gave me a cold stare. The kind of stare he only gave to Jessica. Used to at least...He started to walk away but I ran in front of him, blocking him.
"Jay, just answer my question!" I screamed and realized how loud I was being. "Just answer my question..."
"...Why can't you just accept it?" His eyes intensified "I just moved on with my life, I don't need you. Please get that through your head."
As much as I wanted him back, a little part of me wanted to say goodbye and hoped that he would hurt. Even if he only hurt a little, secretly, that would be better then him not hurting at all. I don't have to know, I just hope that you would still cry inside, alone.
"Is what Jessica said true?"
"What kind of crap are you talking about now?"
"Jessica...Jessica said you never even liked me, when we used to be friends." Used to be.
With a confident gaze, he answered "Yeah, so?"
I gasped a little and covered my mouth with my hands "You mean...That's not true right?"
"What if it is true?" He didn't look at me and ran up the stairs.
"Jay, no!" I ran after him. No, of course I wasn't going to give up. No matter how much I told my self I would, deep inside there would be that little shining light that keeps me fighting. Keeps me strong, gives me courage.
He ran into his room and locked the door. Just like last night, I started to pound and hit the door continuously and wished he would just talk to me normally again.
"Jay...Now I know you hate me." I sniffled and slid my body down the door. "But please...At least say my name one last time."
I didn't hear any noise on the other side.
Jay, didn't you once say 'I cry when you cry'? Why did you lie? You don't hurt when I hurt. No, you didn't care at all. Why did you say all those things to me then? What happened to best friends forever?
"Why did you do it...?" I whispered and then screamed "I WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH HAPPIER WITH YOU HATING ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!"
Nothing could be heard throughout the whole house except for my frustration echoing through the halls.
"So my whole life was a lie?!" I kicked the door and cry to my self in the little corner of the hall.
So that's what my life was? Wasn't even real. Were those real feelings or did you make me think I was happy?
"Yoobin? Yoobin!" My whole body shook at my mother's voice and looked over to where she was. She came running over and hugged me. But I pushed her away.
"Honey, we were so worried! We thought..."
"You thought what?"
"We thought you might have...Tried to kill yourself."
"Well it doesn't matter now!" I pushed her away again and walked away from her, until my back hit the wall "Don't give me love I don't need."
"Sweetheart, what are you talking about?" She said, walking closer "We went on a search looking for you yesterday. We figured you might be at Jaebum's house, since you guys are such great friends."
"Friends?!" I took the small table and threw it onto the floor. "What are friends anyway mom?! All my life, I thought I had friends! I lost him, I lost Jessica, what else do I have to lose?!"
"Yoobin, what's going on?" I've always hated how she cared too much.
"What ISN'T wrong?"
"Yoobin, honey, look. We're going to take you to a doctor who will talk to-"
"No! I don't need someone else's sympathy mom!" My tears are never ending. "Mom, I always thought that having people say they love me was great, even if it's a lie! When I jumped off that roof, I wished someone would say they love me, that they'll miss me if I die, even if it were a lie! MOM, WHY DID YOU SAVE ME?!"
My legs gave in and she came rushing over but I motioned for her not to touch me.
"I don't even know what's real and what's not anymore!" I was exhausted and didn't feel so great. "After hearing people say they love me, I realized it was just a lie, it's not something I wanted."
"Yoobin, there's no reason to act like this!" She was crying harder then I was.
"There is..." I touched his door "...I'm going, don't follow me mom."
..::Jaebum's POV::..
You what? Yoobin, did you really? My hands clenched into tight fists as I faced the door, fighting the urge to open it. If I opened it, I would be able to see her.
"You tried to kill yourself...?" I whispered silently to my self and felt my teeth clenching together. I saw my phone light up. 'Jessica.'
You...
Because of you she tried to kill her self. Jumped off a roof? Could have died if her mom didn't care about her...I didn't even have the courage to care about her.
My teeth started to hurt and ache but it didn't matter, pain on top of pain, can't get any worse then this anyway. My toes curled when I heard Yoobin crying on the other side, screaming about how she doesn't know what's real and what isn't anymore. That's my fault, right Yoobin? How about you just forget about me?
I touched the door and wanted for it to vanish so bad. So badly, I could even imagine what Yoobin would look like if it were gone. How broken up she would look. Would I ever know what she's feeling right now?
You're such a coward Jay...Is this really making Yoobin happy? What the hell am I doing? No way is this making Yoobin happy in any way.
"Once Yoobin knows you like her, she'll stay away from Taecyeon, afraid she'll hurt the 'bromance' going on. None of you guys will be happy!"
You stupid son of a bitc.h...
Ok Taecyeon...Why did you have to fall in love with MY Yoobin? Take Jessica from me! Just get rid or her, kill her, do something!
"Yoobin..." I sobbed quietly. Didn't matter, those two outside wouldn't hear me cry anyway.
"Don't follow me mom." I heard Yoobin say in her stern voice and rush down the stairs. Her mom was still outside in the hall crying her eyes out.
Would you stay away from him Yoobin...? Stay away from your precious Taecyeon if you knew I liked you?
How much I want to hold your hand. I wanted to be the only person you would look at with that smile you give Taecyeon. If you could see me cry right now, would you hold me? Hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay.
This is so stupid, she's not happy, Taecyeon's not happy, I'm not happy. But wouldn't Yoobin knowing I like her change everything? She doesn't like me, it's too late to change MY mind, why not let them live happily for the rest of their life?
The phone lit up again. 'Jessica'.
Now I know what I have to do.
--
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