31 | AVALANCHE

Soobin

Fifteen years.

First love.

Wedding ring.

I don’t quite understand how those words covered one whole conversation between me and Baekhyun. I still cannot figure out how in the world I did not see those fifteen years. Where was I? I liked him the whole time so there was no way I wouldn’t have seen that … he felt the same way?

For all those years, I thought he treated me like a younger sister. And that’s what he always said himself. How could he be in love with someone whom he treats like a sister, right? Is it my fault for not seeing anything then?

No matter how much I replay certain memories in my head from way back, I could not spot any difference now that I know I was his first love.

Fine, he was always caring, he always smiled at me even if I was meters and meters away from him in school. Sure, he talked to me every chance that he got whenever he’d be over to our house to hang out with Hanbin. Maybe I always caught him looking at me every time we’re at the school gymnasium for a student conference. I’ve caught him staring at me every time he played the guitar or the keyboard on stage although, for all I know, he was looking at the person behind me. That was a possibility too.

But those moments could literally be all coincidences!

At least … that’s what I used to think.

He was so popular in school. He was everyone’s senior crush in my class. He received a lot of chocolates on Valentine’s Day. He played music. He did well in school. He walked like a model in the corridors. He never wore his uniform right and that’s what made him extra cool.

How could I be … his first love? I was completely and utterly invisible to everyone back in high school. People that I like didn’t like me back. And even the people that I didn’t like did not like me in return.

So, what the heck?

I was the unpopular kid but I was the popular kid’s first love? That just doesn’t sound right at all. That sounds like a fictional trope in one of those silly romcom novels that I dislike but read in my younger years so that I could fit in with the other girls my age who read and enjoyed them.

I was deep in my thoughts until I hear a knock on my car window. Yikes, how long have I been staring at my steering wheel since I parked?

“Chef?” I mumble out as I meet the man’s eyes. I turn the engine off completely before stepping out. “Good morning, Chef. I was a bit earlier than normal, I thought I had to make a detour because of construction, the map application on my phone made an error.” I explain to him that I am approximately ten minutes earlier than my usual twenty minutes of free time before I actually start working.

Kyungsoo looks at me dead in the eyes, closes his fists together before making a slamming motion in the air. “I’m sorry but I hate your brother.”

Uhm … okay. That’s a unique way to say good morning. But I can’t blame him. Yesterday was rough for everybody because of Hanbin. I still feel so embarrassed for how Hanbin talked to Kyungsoo on the phone. I could only imagine what Chef felt for all the things that were said against his restaurant.

This is my fault. I should have just been straight with him and asked him myself. No matter how much I try to object, I know I would never win over Hanbin. There was no point in me cowering like I did.  “Chef, about yesterday … I’m so sorry. I should have handled it myself, I didn’t expect he’d—”

“No no no, I’m not talking about yesterday but we do need to discuss that later on. I am talking about today.” He pointed at the restaurant. “He’s in there inspecting the ing patio like he’s part of the sanitation agency. I don’t even ing worry whenever I get audited by the actual sanitation or food safety agencies but he’s making me feel like I own the world’s ugliest patio ever.”

I look down as I flinch from every gruff word that comes out of my boss’s mouth. He doesn’t look happy at all. “I’m so sorry, Chef. I will talk to him and—”

“And do you know he said my mini stage for amateur artists is a stupid idea? He said it makes the whole place look cheap unless I actually invite real artists. He has so many demands, the only thing that’s left is for him to suggest I turn The Alley Cat into an underwater ing restaurant like the one in the Maldives!” He continues to rant and I shrink away more and more against my car.

I hesitantly look at him.

He’s breathing heavily and he is extremely red.

He must have been bottling them up for a while now. Just how early did Hanbin come here? It’s only 9:30 AM. The restaurant’s not open until eleven. He shouldn’t have let him in. The kitchen staff are probably just starting with prep at this time.

But I bet Hanbin insisted and used my name to get in. He’s the kind of person who would do that.

“Chef, I’m so sorry.” I make a full bow and stare at my shaking legs. I don’t know how to handle this right now. I am still in shock that my brother is back. I am yet to fully mentally prepare myself for all the possibilities from this day forward.

I hear a big release of a sigh from him but I don’t dare to look up. “I just let him in because of you. The only reason I haven’t kicked his out yet is that I care about you and I don’t want any issues between you two.” I slowly stand straight to look at him.

That’s nice for him to say. I honestly didn’t even expect that. “And also, I know that he used to be Baekhyun’s best friend although I’m quite confused why he said he didn’t know him yesterday during the phone call.” He adds with a mellowed frown.

Yeah, about that … I don’t know why Hanbin is so rough every time Baekhyun is the topic. I don’t remember them having any fight, it’s like they just naturally grew apart which I thought was normal for growing people.

“Anyway,” Kyungsoo gazes across the street. “I’ll just go see Miyoung on the other side and rant about the same things then I’ll be fine. Just please, handle your brother for me. I can’t do it anymore today; I need a break.” I flinch when he pats my shoulder before walking away.

Gosh, tell me about it. I already need a break before I even start.

I gather my stuff from the backseat and head my way into the restaurant. Right away, I spot my brother looking around the restaurant. Kyungsoo was right, he’s inspecting every corner of the restaurant.

He’s the one asking a favour so he shouldn’t be this critical. I feel so ashamed right now. The other staff that are getting ready and tidying up are eyeing him nervously and I can’t blame them. I bet they think he’s actually auditing the whole place. “Hanbin,” I call his name making him turn away from the antique displays on the wall.

“Oh, sis. You’re here now, finally. I just wanted to see how the place looks and maybe discuss the preparations and menu for Friday.” He smiles as he comes my way. Right away, I feel the goosebumps on the back of my neck as I prepare myself mentally. My chest tightens really fast before I could even say anything more other than his name. 

“Where did your boss go? I was talking to him earlier and then he just walked out on me. Unprofessional.” Hanbin laughs as if he didn’t just insult my boss. “But then again, this place is,” He throws a scrutinizing gaze around the place. “It’s kind of tacky, don’t you think? Whose idea was the vintage theme? What’s the relation with the restaurant’s name, really? And why The Alley Cat? What, yarn balls as centrepieces?” He presses a hand on his chuckle as he continues to make fun of my workplace.

The Alley Cat is deeper than anyone would ever understand. From what I know … Kyungsoo was called an alley cat for being an orphan by Miyoung’s late father when they were having problems.

“It has a story behind it but it’s personal.” I only say briefly. I’m in no place to explain the history of this restaurant. And whether it meant something or not, I don’t think Hanbin has the right to make fun of it.

“Hanbin, you do—you don’t have to worry about anything regarding the preparation and the menu, I will take care of it for you.” I smile widely to assure him. He gives me a pinched smile and shakes his head. “Hm, yeah, no—I think I’ll take care of it. It’s better that way, sis. You