47 | THE FALLBACK

Soobin

I anxiously wait for my boss to say something as he stares at me in disbelief. I understand the disappointment on his face. After all, I just asked for a last-minute two-week leave for personal reasons. As a manager, it is unacceptable because of the last-minute part, but I badly need an escape from this place for a while. I am breaking my own rule right now.

I almost considered quitting but then that would be even worse.

It’s only been three days and my initial plan to act like everything is okay is starting to deteriorate and inflict me with triple the size of the pain I already have. I’ve been dumped a couple of times, but I have never been this affected to the point that I need a vacation. Well, perhaps having to work with an ex-boyfriend certainly doesn’t help my case here.

But I feel like even if I didn’t work with him, I’d still be this bothered.

It’s Byun Baekhyun after all.

“Personal reasons as in,” He looks down to his phone while typing before raising an eyebrow at me. “The break-up, is it?”

Crap, why is he so smart? Or am I that obvious? How is that possible? I have been so good at acting like everything is okay for the past three days, there is no way he could have caught on to that. I’m so unprofessional right now, I just want to hide under a table and never come out.

He takes a few more seconds texting before finally setting the phone down and leaning closer to the desk, meeting my eyes. “I understand that it’s not easy having to work with an ex-lover and I totally sympathize with you, Soobin, I really do.” He placed a hand on his chest. Oh boy, he’s not going to let me have this last-minute leave. “And since you’re my manager, of course, I could, you know, let you get away this once but … is this really worth it? Is everything going to be okay after two weeks? We’re all adults here, aren’t we?”

I look down to my lap as I shake my head. “I still ne—need the time away, I believe. I’m so sorry, chef. I know that I’m disappointing you a lot right now but—”

“No no no, you’re not disappointing me, Soobin. I’m just concerned about you. I’ve been working with you and Baekhyun for so many years … you’re both like a family to me. And this honestly hurts me too, having to see the two of you try and survive every day like this when you’re obviously suffering. I’ve never seen Baekhyun this quiet before, even the regular customers are starting to ask what’s wrong. You know?” He explains before flicking his tongue. “I don’t know the reason for the breakup but … is it really that bad?” He asks as he frowns like a caring father to me.

His last question leaves me more dumbstruck. How bad is so bad? How bad is not so bad? I don’t even really know what I’m feeling anymore. It’s just a mixture of all the bad feelings I could possibly get from a breakup. And it’s constant. It builds up the more I try to forget it.

I can’t forget it. I can’t forget him.

He has been engraved in my head in such a distinct design for most of my life and having the chance to finally share that kind of relationship with him, the kind that I only used to dream of … is what’s ruining me right now.

I was okay. I was doing fine when I only knew of my one-sided feelings for him. It never affected me or my life. I didn’t care if he never liked me back. It didn’t matter if we were never going to happen. But we happened … and that’s the problem. Maybe it’s contradicting to every single emotion I have for him right now but how I wish we never happened.

We were both better off as colleagues, and even as friends. I love him so much that I lose all the abilities to think or act properly in front of him, I lose all common senses and realism. And his love makes me feel like I’m in a constant delusion that makes me forget that I was ever weak and unsure.

But I’m still just as weak. I will always be weak. I’m too weak to love him in the way that he deserves to be loved and it was hurting the relationship. It was hurting him.

No matter how much it hurts to even think this, he made the right decision to break up with me.

The fact that I physically and emotionally need him just proves that I’m just an additional burden.

“Okay, I won’t ask again.” Kyungsoo sighs heavily and leans on his chair again. “I will let you do this only if you promise me that this will only be a one-time thing. And the other employees can’t know that I allowed this, I will just explain to them that it’s a family emergency and that’s why it’s a last-minute thing. I’m only doing this because I really care about you, you’re like a sister to me.” He stands up and ruffles my hair making me flinch and back away.

“Sorry—” He lifts both hands like he’s surrendering. “—anyway, you can go ahead now. It’s a slow Thursday anyway, I can handle everything else for the rest of the night.” I quickly stand up to bow as he walks off to the door to leave.

Just as he grabs the doorknob, he looks over his shoulder and meets my eyes again. “Although it was unprofessional of you to ask for a two-week leave at the last minute like this, I’d rather you do that than hand me a resignation letter. You’re more important to this restaurant than you think. So, feel better, okay?” He gives me a half nod before stepping out.

I was about to gather my stuff from the table when the door opens again, with Kyungsoo peeking in. “Uhm, actually, I don’t know if you’d take my advice but … why don’t you talk to Miyoung? You know, she’s a woman and she might understand you more than I ever could. You need someone to talk to.” He smiles shyly. “Bu—but don’t worry, you’re still free to go from tomorrow onwards. I’ll check on you from time to time, okay? I’ll be at the kitchen.” He nods again before disappearing behind the door again.

Miyoung? Hmm, I never really thought of that.

Come to think of it, it’s true that I never really had anyone to talk to since the break-up. Not my parents, certainly not my brother, and not my sister-in-law either—not technically. Although, I did talk to Baekhyun about this in the basement last time, which is weird in a lot of sense. I’m so darn pathetic that I approached the one person I shouldn’t be approaching for this matter.

If I approached Miyoung, would it make me feel a little better? I still remember that time when she said we weren’t friends. I know it was a long time ago and I know she was having a rough time at the time … but it stuck with me and that’s why I’ve always had reservations since then even when she approaches me now.

Because I really thought, at one point, that we were friends when Kyungsoo was just getting ready to open this restaurant and we hung out a lot.

But what if she finds it weird that I suddenly pop out to confide with her? What if I bother her? What if she’s busy? What if I bore her out from my story? My pain doesn’t really matter, I brought it upon myself.

What if—

The door swings open again, and Ra Miyoung suddenly appears, legs crossed together flaunting her smooth silky legs and one arm smooths across and up the door while the other hand settles on her waist for a flattering pose that shows off her curves.

“I got called here by my old man, what happened?” She asks.

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