39 | OASIS

Soobin

If self-doubt could kill a person, I might as well be dead now.

I am not the kind who likes to exaggerate her thoughts and feelings, both verbally and non-verbally. But since last night, the things I’ve been feeling could only be compared to a slow painful death. The kind of death that is so penetrating that you start to wonder why you’re still breathing as you feel it grow in you.

Baekhyun has not contacted me since the incident and he’s already out there in his bar working. He hates me. I hate me too, so I can’t even really blame him for acting the way he acted last night.

I shouldn’t have hesitated like a fraidy-cat. When I saw the situation, I should have just straight-up dragged Mr. Byun and Jaehyun out of there.

I am so disappointed with myself. And now, so as Baekhyun. What if last night made him realize that we were not fit to be together? What if last night made him think that he can never trust me with anything?

Even if my brother was the real one to be blamed, I still … let the situation get worse. Despite my mediocre attempt to calm him down, I was still considered one of the bystanders because I didn’t do anything to actually take away Jaehyun’s pain or to relieve him from his sufferings.

All the words and numbers, on my computer screen float in a chaotic way—at least that’s how I’m seeing them right now. Blurry, pulsing and nauseating.

Focus, Choi Soobin. Continue to focus.

I’ve been doing amazing in diverting myself since I started work. I’ve been working on a few projects, doing some numbers with our accountant via emails and phone calls, some orders, and a lot more.

Maybe if I don’t think about him long enough … I’ll stop feeling this illusory death.

I just need to get through today and then go home, sleep a ton, and … do this all over again, I guess.

Freezer, done. Sauté Station, done. Dry Goods, done. The rest are done too. Check. Check. Check. I open each tab once again, go through all of them, and repeat. Correct any miscalculations. Go through the order sheets. Check them again. I read and analyze each template for the fifth time, reading each word like it’s the first time I’m seeing them.

Going to the stock report tab, I check it twice. Sales report, I go over it three more times before finally closing it. Then, I went to check my previous emails with the accountant and some dealers, in case I misunderstood anything that we’ve discussed. I go through every sentence in my head a few more times, triple-checking if it was well-comprehended and clear.

And for the nth amount of time, I turn to the screen at the very corner of my office where it shows the CCTV footage around the restaurant. There he still is. In his bar. Working. And—

Wait. Who is that?

I roll my chair closer to the screen. It’s a female customer. Drinking. Wait, crying too. Baekhyun seems to know her.

Because … that’s my sister-in-law. What is Hara doing here today? And why do they seem so immersed in their conversation? They haven’t seen each other in years. I don’t even think Hara was there when Baekhyun bolted into the house like a mad man.

Am I missing something here?

Suddenly, she takes his hands. And … he doesn’t let go. As if lightning struck me alive, I get up from my chair. Instinct drags me straight out of the office, my mind slowly going blank, but I remain conscious of what I’m doing. I can hear every step that I take, the clicking of the doorknob when I open it, the subtle wind passing through me as I step out. I feel everything right now.

That’s until I get stopped by a Doh Kyungsoo standing right in front of the door, raising an eyebrow at me. “Oh, you finally decided to take a break. Come, I’m doing a taste test for our pasta menu. Let’s—”

Without letting him finish, I shift to the left and proceed to walk towards the bar.

A sense of possessiveness ignites in me as I stare only at their touching hands. The feeling worsened when Baekhyun places his other hand on top of their already touching hands. He was speaking but it was a blur in my head, it’s not registering, somehow.

All I see … are their hands together. His hands that I love to hold. His hands that always protected me.

Hands that make me feel things I don’t feel from anybody else.

Hands that I thought were … only mine to feel.

Why is somebody else holding them? And why is he letting her? Why is he holding her in return? I think my slow painful death just ended. And now I’m … gone. But instead of my life flashing through my eyes, it’s his eyes, his smile, his love that rings in my head in a constant loop.

I think this is what people call … jealousy.

I’m jealous. I’m very jealous.

Being aware of Baekhyun’s escorting job, maybe it’s weird that I’m even feeling jealous. I’ve fully accepted his job and I learned how to block any imaginations off my head. And it was easy because I knew that those clients meant nothing to him.

But Hara is someone … from his past. She’s my sister-in-law. And I think that’s different.

“It’s not what it looks like!” A loud screech from none other than Byun Baekhyun stirs me awake from the last seconds of my internal death.

I look up stunned and confused. As soon as our gazes hold, I couldn’t look away. He quickly pulls himself away from Hara before raising both hands against his chest.

“Oh, Soobin, I—” Hara hops off the highchair and marches toward me. “Soobin, we need to talk. This is about your brother and I and whatever you saw just now, I can expl—”

“Why were you holding my boyfriend’s hands?” I cut her off. I know what I just said but at the same time, I don’t know why I said it. The disbelief on her face confuses me even more. “Uhm—your wh—your what? He’s your what?” She asks and for some reason, she’s smiling.

From what I know from experience, that seems to be … a skeptical smile.

I look at Baekhyun and he just stands there with his mouth agape, his face all red and shaken from my revelation. He was about to come out of the bar when a customer came for drinks. I see Kyungsoo appearing on my left and pointing at him. “Stay right there, you have a customer.” He orders Baekhyun like a puppy.

Still red and panicking, Baekhyun rushes to the other end of the bar where the customer’s at.

Hara and I meet eyes once again and she still had that sort of smile that I can’t comprehend that well. She’s always been nice and gentle to me but this new information I just gave her seems to have really shocked her. “Okay, I think we need to sit this one down. Come here, sweetie.” She drags me towards one table, looks at Kyungsoo and bows. “Can we?” She asks permission first.

Kyungsoo eyes me meaningfully although I am way too upset to even care what he meant by that. “Go ahead, ma’am.” He even pulls out the chairs for us to sit.

From a distance, I see Baekhyun eyeing us while he shakes the cocktail shaker in the most violent way that I’ve ever seen him do it. His eyes are wide and curious, and his face is, well, it’s still red as ever. He doesn’t seem mad at all though which is a big relief.

I just blew his cover, after all.

I didn’t have a plan in mind when I decided to say that. And until now, I don’t really know what to expect.

Before speaking, Hara looks up at Kyungsoo again who just stood there behind our table like a security guard. “Ignore me here, I’m just keeping everything in control, ma’am. I don’t want any commotion as much as possible. Go on, keep talking to my manager as you please.” He said, his hands raised in surrender.

“Sir, I’m her sister-in-law. Everything’s fine, there’s not going to be a commotion, I assure you. We’re just talking. Can you—” Hara stretches her arm away. “Can you give us one moment, please?” She asks politely.

Kyungsoo’s mouth forms an O as he glances at the bar, then at me, then at my sister-in-law. “Ohh, you’re the—ohh, okay, got it.” He strikes a hand bang at us before walking away.

“Thank you.” Hara bows in his direction before turning to me again. “All right, so you’re saying … you’re dating Baekhyun?” She interrogates me with raised eyebrows.

It’s either I take it back and say that she misunderstood me or … I stand up for myself and claim my man. Normally, I’d definitely go with the first one but because of the recent circumstances, it’s kind of difficult to keep up with that.

I just don’t understand why she suddenly showed up here, especially after what had happened last night at home.

Before I could speak, I spot Baekhyun stepping out of the bar. He rushes out towards us but then was stopped by one of the servers. “Baekhyun, where are you going? I just placed an order of two margaritas and a glass of cider for Table 5.” The young man informs him while showing the POS tablet in his hands.

“Go—got it.” Baekhyun makes a quick U-turn back into the bar, but I catch a glimpse of his panic-stricken face. As he starts working, I see his lips moving and I could only guess that he’s probably cursing under his breath right now.

“Soobin, stop being distracted and talk to me. This is important. I’m sure you heard some of our conversations and I’d like to explain to you but first, you need to make this clear for me.” Hara taps my cheek which makes me flinch hard.

“I di—I didn’t hear anything,” I tell her truthfully.

I was so absorbed in their holding hands that I was able to block everything out around me, including their conversation. I heard their voices; I knew they were talking but … the confusion and the pain made it impossible for me to register the words.

Hara’s shoulders droop down as she massages her temples. I may not know exactly what she’s going through right now but she’s making me feel like I’m bringing her more problems.

Just because I revealed that Baekhyun is my boyfriend. I’ve never seen her so troubled like this before.

“I probably just misunderstood you. Anyway—” She lifts her head to look at me again and sighs. Wait, she didn’t even wait for me to answer and just assumed right away. “I’m gonna tell you something. You see, before your brother and I even started dating … Baekhyun was someone who was very prec—”

“You never dated,” I tell her straight up, guessing that she might be trying to tell me about their past. “He liked you before, but you never dated. He told me everything.”

At this point, I don’t know where I’m getting my courage to be talking this way to my sister-in-law. I never thought I could be so … possessive. I guess I never had something so precious to me before. Nothing as precious as my relationship with Baekhyun.

Hara releases an airy chuckle as she looks away. “You’re re—really dating, huh?” She droops against the chair as she smiles at nothing. “I’m sorry, I—” She shakes her head as she wipes the tears that trickled down her cheeks. “I guess I didn’t think that he’d have someone special by now and I just thought I still have a shot to correct my—wow, I feel so … pathetic right now, I’m sorry.”

Upon seeing the defeated look on her face, I find myself leaning closer. “Can you tell me why you’re here?” I am not the best at comforting people, but I do like trying my best. “Are