29 | PERFECT STORM

Soobin

The following weeks have been the best weeks of my entire life.

I have never felt so content with such a big change. A change that is called Byun Baekhyun. Everything is different. Every emotion feels brand new. Every day is always unexpected but for some reason, I don’t mind.

He sees me the way nobody else sees me. Neither did I see me this way before until he showed me. I never thought a day would ever come where I don’t put an act in front of a boyfriend. It’s a very weird feeling that I am still getting used to.

But at the same time, it also scares me to death.

In the past, every time a relationship would end, I’d run to him. He’s that person I could tell things to without worrying about anything, without fearing that he’d blame me for the failed relationship. But now, if this ends … where would I go?

I don’t even realize that I’ve been staring at my boyfriend who’s busy solving one of my crossword booklets. I can’t believe he’s doing this routine with me on our only day off together. I don’t know if he asked to change his day off but out of nowhere, last week, Kyungsoo just told me to move him to Tuesdays off. He still had two clients this morning but as soon as he was done, he went straight to my condo.

I’m not complaining but again, this kind of gesture gives me such an unexpected feeling in my gut.

Snap. Snap. Snap.

I blink away from my daze when Baekhyun stretches his arms across the table and starts snapping fingers right in front of me. “I finished five pages.” He tosses the booklets across the table to give them to me. “Five pages? In less than ten minutes?” I am in shock. I mean I’m not unaware that Baekhyun did pretty good back in high school but sometimes, I forget that he’s actually quite smart.

He’s just always been very humble about it. Like very humble to the point that I don’t even think he knows he’s smart.

If I’m not mistaken, he was taking up Psychology in university until he dropped out. I don’t think he went that far in the course but still … he could have been so good in it.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, huh?” Baekhyun narrows his eyes at me while slouching on the chair comfortably. I rub off the frown on my face and throw my focus back on the crossword he just answered. I don’t dare look up when I hear him chuckle because if I do, I know I’d feel things again. His teasing chuckles usually always end up with him giving me a kind of gaze that kills me—in a good way.

Sometimes, I wonder if he’s aware of what he’s doing to me.

“By the way, uh—” Baekhyun’s tone changes making me look up again. “—I still haven’t told my dad about us. It’s just that … I know he’d be all excited and stuff, he might go to your parents’ house and—I just know that you haven’t told your family either and … I respect that.” He informs me.

His straightforward news makes it hard for me to look him in the eyes again. I hope he doesn’t think I want to keep him a secret forever. I’ve done the same thing with my past boyfriends. I just really dislike the interrogation that comes with it every single time.

Out of all the boyfriends I’ve ever had, Byun Baekhyun is the only one I am proud of. But it’s the series of questions from my parents that I am not looking forward to. I know that it’s still going to happen no matter how perfect Baekhyun is for me. It’s never just a “Good for you, we’re happy for you!” kind of conversation.

And then there’s my brother. He is never happy with my boyfriends. There are always faults that he’d find even if he’s miles and miles away from me. And now that it’s Byun Baekhyun, someone he used to be best friends with, I just don’t know what to expect from him this time.

“Do you want to visit them tonight? With me?” I offer.

I figured, maybe if Baekhyun comes with me then I’ll be able to handle the interrogation better. Not that I am passing the baton to him but it’s just going to keep me calm if he’s beside me the whole time.

Baekhyun doesn’t react for a long moment until I get a hint of uncertainty in his frown. “Maybe that’s too soon, babe?” He laughs but it comes out shaky like he’s nervous. “Wh—when is it not too soon then?” I reply and I try my best not to sound interrogating. I’m just genuinely curious. I want to know when’s the best time so that we can prepare for it better. I guess doing it tonight would be kind of rushed. I’m sure he’d prefer to get ready for it in advance.

“Like, I don’t know, maybe—” He slaps the back of his neck as if it hurts. “—maybe six months from now?”

I blink tightly when I calculate it in my head. That’s a very long time. That’s half a year. “Why six months?” I ask. His eyes get rounder and he raises his eyebrows as if he’s trying to show me something that’s already in front of me. There’s nothing there. “What?” I ask, looking down at the center table.

“Soobin … my other job, remember?” He tells me with a pinched expression. “Aren’t you the lightest ashamed about that at all? You’re allowed to be, trust me. I mean, it’s your parents we’re talking about.”

Why would I be ashamed about that? It’s not like we have to tell them about it. And it’s a job, he doesn’t do it for fun. All I see is the talented, smart, sweet and caring Byun Baekhyun in front of me. Wouldn’t that be more than enough to be proud of him?

“Baekhyun, we don’t have to tell them. We can jus—”

“It’s not about telling them, it’s about me showing up there in my girlfriend’s parents’ house and knowing what I do that I know would never be—the point is, my conscience can’t take it, babe.” Baekhyun cuts me off and I sense stress on the creases in between his eyebrows as he frowns hard.  “Please, just give me time. I need time. That’s all I ask.” He adds.

I simply nod. I have no problems with that. I completely understand him. I just don’t know how we’re gonna pull it off, having to hide our relationship for six months especially when everyone in the restaurant knows by now.

“I’m gonna stir the pasta and check if it’s ready.” I get up from the chair and march to the kitchen. We are making spaghetti for lunch, like always. It’s easy and it’s the only thing in my pantry aside from cup noodles and crackers.

I insist that I order takeout and have something else for him but he said he’s fine with what I have. I still personally think he doesn’t have to eat the same thing over and over again every time he’s here. I feel bad but he won’t let me let him be flexible with his food.

I suddenly feel warmth wrap around my waist from behind. “I’m not upset with you.” I hear him whisper against my neck. I slightly turn my head as much as I could to have a glimpse of him. “I didn’t think that you are,” I tell him honestly. He lifts his head to meet my eyes and he makes and whimpering sound before burying his face back to my neck.

“I have to go back home after we eat, I have to take Jaehyun to his check-up. Is that okay?” He muffles on my skin.

I nod before setting the pasta spoon down. I spin on him making him let go but I only pull him back once we are facing each other. “Do you need me to drive you there?” I offer but he is quick to decline me with a shake of his head. “No, it’s fine. I’m using the truck, my dad took it to the shop a few days ago so it’s working okay for now, chaching-chaching.” He rubs his thumb to his index and middle fingers, gesturing for money.

When I don’t react much to it, he laughs. “I feel like I’m throwing away money on that garbage, to be honest. Fixing it will always be temporary. Let’s see how long it lasts this time.” Such defeat in his tone and expression hurts my chest like it’s tearing me apart as much as this truck is tearing his wallet apart for no good reason.

I want to help. I can help.

I clear my throat before saying, “You know, I still haven’t touched my Christmas bon