52 | NAUGHTY OR NICE

Baekhyun

My full Wednesday shift finishes just like that, and I still enjoy retelling myself that I was in one place from eleven in the morning to ten in the evening. It’s still fresh in my head and I get goosebumps every time I get reminded by it.

The feeling is probably like getting out of a toxic and unhappy marriage, which I obviously have never experienced and have zero plans of ever experiencing. If anything, what I went through with years of ion is most likely even more toxic than that.

I’d be lying if I said I have no lingering apprehension left inside of me. In fact, I still have tons of it.

It’s almost weird not defining myself as this pathetic who’d sell his body for money. I’ve desensitized myself in that category so much that it’s hard for me not to associate any kind of physical intimacy with that part of my past.

Which brings me to this new concern I’ve been dealing with—what if I now at ? What if the thought of doing it makes me all freaked out and ?

It’s just me, Byun Baekhyun, and nothing else now.

I’m not going to be this expert anymore. I inadvertently left and buried my ual confidence with my alter ego, Hyunbin. Now, I have no balls left in me when it comes to . I’m scared as and I don’t ing know what to do now.

Soobin and I are back together and right now, she’s in front of me enjoying her soggy as hell French fries from McDonald’s. But later, when we’re done here, we’re going straight to her place and she wants ramen.

Ramen equals .

She probably doesn’t mean that at all but that’s how I heard the invitation and come the on, I’ve missed her for so long and obviously, I’m so for her.

But I don’t trust my performance anymore now that it’s just going to be me. Byun Baekhyun, the bartender. Who the is he even? I don’t even know anymore.

Pre- Byun Baekhyun had one or two unofficial girlfriends back in high school while he secretly swooned over Choi Soobin but he didn’t go as far as pecks on the lips.

So, in my head, they really never counted as girlfriends and also, both unofficial girlfriends lasted for at most three weeks if I’m not mistaken and I only accepted their confessions because A, I was pressured by my friends because both girls were fans of our band and B, I was trying to get over my crush for Soobin.

I don’t even remember ever going on dates with them. I think we just met in class and both girls, not at the same time obviously, would just follow me around during lunch or band practices.

I made zero efforts in those times; I was kind of an to them now that I think about it. I don’t even remember the name of one of them. I think the other one was Hyerim? Or Hyesoo? I don’t ing know.

That didn’t work so I don’t talk about it anymore, my dad never even knew about those girls. It really was just a trial-and-error phase for me, I believe everyone, or most people, went through that at one point. It was an epic mothering failure and I’ve erased those awful memories in my head a long time ago.

Then college came, Borderline Byun Baekhyun went straight to uncommitted drunken hookups until he ultimately promoted himself to The of the Century after getting pimped.

, I’m so messed up, it’s not even funny.

“Are you okay?” Soobin’s gentle voice shakes me back to reality and I feel myself recoiling against the backrest of my chair. “You must be too tired from work. Maybe, we should have just done this some other time. Do you want me to drive you straight home after we eat?”

I chuckle before reaching across the table to squeeze her hand. “Are you kidding me? I’m never too tired for you. I just spaced out, sorry, that was rude of me.”

Soobin shrugs as she giggles shyly. “I was thinking may—maybe you’re sad about something. You haven’t really to—told me about all the things that happened, including how you got out of your other job?” Her voice is unsure, but she looks up at me with a curious gaze.

Oh, that. Ugh, where do I even ing start?

Since I talked to my father that night, we haven’t said a single word about it again. I didn’t dare start anything and neither did he.

I’ve been conflicted about it too. I don’t know if I want to ask Mooyeon about it. Do I want to hear her side? Is that going to change anything? Both she and Dad ed up their relationship and I shouldn’t have had to suffer the consequences.

But if she really cared about me to an extent, why did she have to go through all the trouble just to erase me officially in her life?

I would have been totally fine with just being a secret if it was for the sake of her reputation. I would have ing taken it, honestly.

“About that,” My chest expands as I reorganize the chaotic thoughts in my head. “I don’t even know where to start—let alone, how I feel about it yet.” I finally let myself go and show her my vulnerability as I look back at her.

To my surprise, Soobin nods. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready yet. Take your time.”

“No no no, I want to tell you, I’m just saying—” I grab her hand from across the table again, stopping her mid-shoving a piece of French fries into . With an adorable glare, she hesitantly tilts her head lower to catch the fry into like Pacman.

Oh, my ing god, this is not the right time to be so god damn cute, Choi Soobin. I can’t contain myself and I end up smiling again. Gosh, my priorities are all over the place at the moment.

“I’m just saying, it’s difficult to start the story. But I still want to tell you right now.” I gently set her hand down again so that she can continue eating. She nods eagerly while chewing, gesturing me to go on.

“Well, to start, Lee Mooyeon shut down Miss Wang's escorting business,” I made sure my voice is as quiet as I could be so I had to lean closer to the table. “She also bought the building and basically the whole thing is off. Miss Wang is gone, I don’t know where she went but from what I’ve heard, she eloped with the mob guy she used to see.” I anxiously wait for Soobin’s initial reaction, but she just nodded while staring at me.

Knowing her by now, that’s her reaction and it doesn’t mean anything bad. So I continue. “It seems like she’s been trying to locate where I worked so that she could shut it down. She said she did it to avoid problems for her in the future if the business ever got raided and my name gets involved. So, I was like, sure whatever. Nothing new, right?” I ask, quickly earning a pouty nod from my girlfriend.

Ugh, she’s my girlfriend again. I missed calling her my girlfriend. I thought I’d never call her my girlfriend again—oh my god, priorities, Byun Baekhyun.

Before I get distracted again, I proceed to speak. “But then, she goes on to tell me that her husband is sick and most probably dying soon and she told me that the contract that we had, including my allowance, might stop when it happens.”

Soobin finally shows a slight frown, seemingly confused. “Why?” She asks.

“The contract was the husband’s idea all along. The contract was signed by him including the cheques that I got every month; it was coming from his account.” I finally drop the bomb.

Soobin stretches in a thin line as she blinks tightly. “Did you not see the signature on the contracts and cheques?” She suddenly asks.

Mt face drops along with my shoulders. “Okay, focus, Soobin. That’s not the main issue—okay, fine, I didn’t check. I never cared to check because how am I supposed to know if that wasn’t Mooyeon’s real signature or not, right?”

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