We were walking side by side in comfortable silence. Sejoon’s fast asleep in him arms – tired from all the playing he had with his friends. I was the one that should be carrying him but he insisted on being carried by Kyungsoo-oppa until he ended up falling asleep. Quite amusing I must say on how he was already attached to Oppa even if they only met yesterday.

I threw them a side glance, cheeks burning and suddenly I felt hot even though the sun’s almost down, making the weather even colder. Sejoon’s head lied comfortably on his shoulder, arms around his neck and Kyungsoo-oppa’s carrying him effortlessly, the veins on his arms were suddenly visible but he doesn’t seem to mind my brother’s weight. Random thoughts rush quickly inside my mind, on how he would look like when he had kids on his own. Would he be like today, on how he patiently handled Sejoon and his playmates with that soft smile on his face and looking at them lovingly? Would he also carry his kid like this after being tired from playing?

“Is there something wrong Hye Joon-ah?” he asked me when he caught me staring at him. I was quick to turn my gaze and lowered my head so that he won’t see my blush. Why am I thinking about those things again?

“What are you doing here Oppa?” I asked him instead. He didn’t get a chance to answer me awhile ago since Sejoon dragged him to his friends even before a word came out of his mouth.

“Y-you don’t have to answer me if it is too personal.” I added quietly when I noticed that a few minutes had already past and he is still not answering me. He shifted up Sejoon first, adjusting his position to be more comfortable.

“I, ah, well my therapist, Mr. Lee, suggested that it would be nice if I would go on a relaxing trip. He did not say that I should go alone but I kind of want to have some alone time so I have actually been planning about this. I have been visiting him more often these days mostly during the finals period. It might have something to do with too much stress I guess, that I’m having panic and anxiety episodes again.” He answered, his voice suddenly getting softer at the end and he was frowning a little too.

“These days when I’m having those episodes it triggers the switch, and I don’t have any memories of what D.O’s doing when that happens. I have mentioned that usually when D.O’s out I know what he is doing right? So I felt really weird when I woke up yesterday at my hotel room near your place. All I know is that I was in our house when it happened. The next thing I knew I was in some place I can’t figured out so you can also imagine how I freaked out yesterday when I woke up. I didn’t even realized where I am really until I saw you today. D.O just left me a note that being here will help me but I don’t understand what he meant.” He added as we continued walking, much slower this time. Our house is just around the corner now but I suddenly have this urge to take a detour to have some more time talking to him. This was actually the first time he was opening up to me again after he told me about D.O.

“I don’t know what’s happening. They told me I’m getting better, I am mostly taking the wheel now while D.O’s watching at the side. He has no problem with that since I can feel that he really wants me to take over instead of him. The only thing that triggers the switch was when I am standing on stage, but that didn’t happen the last time we perform.” He said, stopping his tracks. I stopped also and looked around just to realize that we are now in front of our house. I reached out for Sejoon and he carefully transferred my still sleeping brother to my arms. He brushed his hair, adjusting Sejoon’s beanie in place. And he did all those with a loving gaze before he turned to look at me.

“I don’t know why I am here out of all places. But I’m glad to see someone familiar to me but mostly because it is you.” He said giving me his warm smile. His face was lighted by the warm orange the sunset is giving to its surrounding. His hair was down, covering his fringe and he wears his black eye glasses. He looked like this on normal days but somehow its like I’ve just saw him today. He looked softer and glowing right now that my lips parted in awe. I suddenly felt like melting.

“It’s getting colder, you should go inside now Hye Joon-ah. I’m heading back to my hotel room.” He said as he patted my head, snapping me out of my thoughts. I nodded in respond and bid him good bye. But then even before he take a step, I quickly stopped him.

“I-If you are still here tomorrow, do you want to come over oppa?” I asked him, unsure if he will accept my invitation. Because may it be my imagination again, but I can sense the loneliness in his voice when he was telling those things. His eyes only lit up when he was looking at Sejoon and yes, when he smiled at me too. And that makes my heart sting a bit.

He was frozen on his spot for seconds when he heard my question. His heart shaped lips were slightly parted like he didn’t expect to hear that from me. And his eyes widen in surprise.

“E-err, only if you like to. A-and of course when y-you won’t do anything tomorrow.” I quickly added, suddenly nervous because of his silence. He shook his head as he regain his composure and looked at me.

“I would love to.” He answered, slowly but finally giving me a full wide smile that makes his eyes smaller and cheeks rounder. I guess I could say that it makes my system went overdrive too again right? Ugh, foolish heart but I would do a