Things passed by quietly these days. Spring has begun and that means we only have a few weeks before our final exams set-off. It’s funny how fast seasons change these days. In a blink of an eye, summer will be around the corner and my 1st school year here will be finish.

My last class has ended for today. I was supposed to be spending my time waiting for Jongin-oppa’s class to end in the library. But today, I’ve decided to walk around the campus. I wanted to go the practice room instead like the usual but my feet won’t bring me there.

Kyungsoo-oppa and I – we still spend some time talking, sometimes he would still come with me and Minhee on lunch but that was all of it. I know I shouldn’t be expecting any thing since he had already explained to me his situation. But I just didn’t expect that things would really change so much. The spontaneous catching the sun rise trips were already gone, the sweet exchange of text messages were not that frequent unlike before and some more things that became normal to us before that incident were not our normal anymore. Sometimes, it felt like I’m left behind, still stuck inside our moments before with how fast things progress right now.

I understand Kyungsoo-oppa’s reasons, though it was hard to processed at first. But if that’s what he was asking from me then of course my heart would always give in – no questions asked. But isn’t that just me being stupidly in love with him? Because, I should have at least ask right, until when should I understand? But then again, what Kyungsoo-oppa wants Hye Joon always gives. Stupid me.

Right now, Kyungsoo-oppa mostly spend his time with his ex, Wendy, attending to her needs. He really doesn’t want to leave her alone without someone to look after her since she always attempts to do what she had done. I have seen some scratches on Kyungsoo-oppa’s arms once. He told me that Wendy attempted to hurt herself again and ended up scratching him when he stopped her. So he ended up deciding to stay with her and her nanny for the meantime. He was really that concerned about her and what she will do to herself and her unborn child.

When I’m with him, there would be times that he would call her at lunch time just to check on her. Sometimes he would also pick her up from her university when her nanny has some errands to do since she was not studying here. When those sometimes came, like today, I would not be inside the practice room because he would bring her there. And seeing him around her and attending to her, doesn’t really sits well with me. So I just choose not to go there.

I know I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I have no rights since what am I really to him? I don’t know. He told me that he already wants to be official, but he also doesn’t want to hold on to me. So I’m not really sure where to place myself right now. Those words he said that night, I wanted to put my trust on those. However, the question that always plays inside my mind whenever I’m all alone is – until when?

**

“Found you.” Baekhyun-oppa’s voice came out of nowhere, interrupting my line of thoughts. I turned my head to my right and found him making his way towards to the bench where I am sitting.

“This place is nice, I didn’t know we had this in our university.” He said as he sat down to the space beside me. He smiled at me so I smiled back at him in response.

“Found this while I’m walking around the campus a few days ago. It was quiet and peaceful here so I decided to spend my free time here. Jongin-oppa’s class won’t end until an hour too.” I told him. We were actually in the green part of the campus (the areas where there are trees planted everywhere), just a few walks away from the covered pathway the university has provided that connects all colleges building to each other.

And this area is between Baekhyun-oppa’s building and ours. I found this few days ago and saw that there’s some bench placed here. Not too much student knew this place because, I’ve been going here for 2 days straight and I have seen at least around 6 students going here, including myself.

“Well this is a peaceful place actually. You’re starting to sound like Kyungsoo wanting to breath from my loudness.” He joked as he looked around the place. I quickly looked away from him and lowered my gaze at that.

“By the way, what are you doing here Baekhyun-oppa?”

“My class just ended and I went to the practice room only to find no one. Why aren’t you there?” he said and gave me a small smile saying that he actually knows and understands why. I did not answer his question, instead I turned my gaze to the row of trees in front of us and just smile.

“We know the situation and we understand it too. But I’m just worried that you will feel alone at times like this. The maknaes are saying you are okay, but are you really? I know they don’t believe you. And I know they’re just giving you space to process everything but we are all worried.” he said solemnly. The mischievous tone in his voice that is always present was gone. I turned to him and met his gaze. He was looking at me with concern painted on his face.

“I know it is getting harder and the situation is confusing. I’m confused as hell what will be the end of this. But you don’t need to distance yourself to everyone. Stop by at the practice room once in a while again, we miss fooling around with you.” He continued and I can’t help but gave off a small laugh at that.

“More like bullying me oppa.” I said as I rolled my eyes at him. He laughed at my response and ruffled my hair before standing up.

“This place is too quiet for me, so I think I need to go. But don’t forget what I said, you’re welcome to visit the practice room Hye Joon-ah. You are, after all, EXO’s unofficial little sister already.” He said and winked at me before he turned his back to walk away. And I can’t help but smiled at that.

**

I smiled as I inputted the code of EXO’s practice room. Baekyun-oppa’s right, not that I purposely distance myself from them but I have did it without knowing. I felt sorry for making them worried so I decided to come here tod